Workplace negativity and gossip

[Sunset]

In my current work place the team are constantly gossiping and bitching about each other throughout the day.

Ive been unhappy in my job there for a while but now its reached crisis point where I feel like In being bitched about as well and its making me extremely paranoid, its making my SA a thousand times worse.

Ive thought of handing in my notice (2 months) and going to do some agency work to get out of the toxic environment. Its almost reached epidemic proportions.

Some of my colleagues are also lovely people so its by no means everyone.

I'm arriving home in such a bad mood on work days and only feel normal on days when I'm not at work. This is making me spiral into low mood/depression which Is not a place I want to return to...

Ive tried to remain neutral when gossip is going on, but its increasingly nasty stuff and I'm starting to despise some of them. Like genuine hatred...

Has anyone else experienced this and handled it in a way which means they can stay on or is the best solution just to leave?

[Indigo_]

Unfortunately this is common in a lot of workplaces and I think you would be hard pressed to find a work environment, especially office based, that does not have its fair share of gossip.

Where I work there's not only gossip but a lot of two-faced bitching going on. Someone is nice to someone face to face and when they leave the room they start bitching about them behind their back. I agree it is not a good environment to work in and it does leave you wondering, "do they do that to me too?" I would much rather, as much as I hate confrontation, that someone speak to me about any issues they have with me rather than complaining about me behind my back.

I don't think there is any easy solution, as I said, this seems to be commonplace in a lot of working environments. I would try to stay out of the gossip as best as you can.

[Spectrelight]

This is one of the reasons that I***8217;m a lorry driver

[gregarious_introvert]

This does, as others have said, seem to happen everywhere; in most places I've worked (and this isn't just paranoia on my part), even if there wasn't an atmosphere of gossip, bitchiness and two-faced deceit (which people use as a method of bonding, mostly), there has been speculation about me ("the weird one").

My way of dealing with this has always been to dismiss it as banter - if I overhear anything said about a colleague, my response has always been to laugh and ask what that colleague might be saying about his/her accuser; if it's about me, I will offer a retort in kind and suggest that they don't know the half of it. Given the opportunity, I've also told stories about myself (some of which might be true, others which aren't), to see which come back to me, so I can tell who is more likely to keep a confidence.

Throughout my life, I've never been able to make friends or socialise with others, least of all in the workplace (I was the one never invited on works outings or to the office Christmas party), so the opinion of those who are not part of my life never really bothered me - I've always been able to do the job without having to make friends with colleagues (one of the reasons I prefer jobs where I interact with the public - such as bar work or customer service - is that I used to get the social contact but with people with whom I didn't have to build a relationship, whilst avoiding interaction with colleagues as much as possible), so in most jobs I've lasted until I'm told that I have to go as I'm not good for office morale.

Sunset, I agree with silenus; I'd be inclined not to quit as having some lovely colleagues is a bonus and you may not have that if you go elsewhere. I'd be more inclined to develop coping mechanisms for the negativity you do experience.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Sunset

In my current work place the team are constantly gossiping and bitching
Has anyone else experienced this and handled it in a way which means they can stay on or is the best solution just to leave?

the workplace is what you make it really,
it takes time for a decent swing to the positive,
but just start by giving a positive fact about someone for every negative that's brought up,
try not to be too obvious about it, act a little and bring in those facts in a relatable way,
slowly, bit by bit, people will sense the mood-swing and start towing the new line.

[Sunset]

Thanks for the reponses everyone. I don't know if Ive explained the situation properly, and probably that's difficult to do here.

Alongside the bitching I feel like Ive become a target for being ignored as I don't get involved and more and more no one speaks to me from the core clique of nasty individuals.

I could say so what, but I work in a team dynamic and its important to work and connect with colleagues.

I have given it much thought and have made the decision to leave.

[Mr. Nobody]

^
sad to hear that,
but at least let your boss know the reason is their workplace is basically a toxic bullying, bitching, back-biting environment and you're leaving for the sake of your mental health,
that should be a good wake-up call to the staff working there.

[Franz of Franzylvania]

^^ that must have been a hard decision but well done, and I hope you find somewhere better soon. It's their loss which could have been prevented, in an ideal world this would be a wake up call that something needs to be done. If it's possible I'd maybe try and mention it in any leaving interview type thing.

It bothers me too, a lot. I got lucky in my last workplace and found an island of lovely people in a sea of backstabbing. At my new job, though, not so lucky, and there's a real cliquey high school feeling. People getting talked about in a really obvious but indirect way etc, and over petty shit, people being excluded etc. One guy said of someone, "he needs a good bullying" and that seems to be the general attitude. I'm not really on the receiving end thankfully but when I see it happening it takes me right back to that sick feeling of school when I was. There's a mix up coming in the teams though which will separate some of the main offenders, so hopefully that will improve things.

[Messer]

I have experienced this as well, being left out of the gossipy, bitchy clique. It's so toxic, I think you're being very brave to leave, I wish I'd had the nerve to do that myself. I don't work there now, but it has definitely left it's mark on me. I really wish you all the best.

[Sunset]

^ yes they are indeed not worth it, and feeling like crap every day of my working life is not worth it either.

Of course it could be like that elsewhere but Ive worked in many different places and not experienced anything this bad before.

My mum says life is too short to be unhappy.

[Sunset]

Yes Jinny I feel that is part of the social retardation problem there. People have been there for years and its a village mentality.

An agency guy started 3 weeks ago from New Zealand and now he has become the target for mickey taking about his accent and various other petty things.

Even the students, no matter how good they are, are targets for bitching.

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by Lady Kvlt

Write out a letter to your boss on the computer of what is actually going on and explain how the situation is terrible without giving away who you are. Hand it in anonymously (they won't know your handwriting this way) and bam, people will get formally warned. Works for me every time, had many undesirables get sacked this way and I'm quite pleased with myself.

I'd be inclined to agree with this based on the additional information you have provided.

[Sunset]

I would never write a letter, because the boss lives in cloud cuckoo land. He thinks the whole department is full of wonderful people, and often talks about this in staff meetings. He is like this kind of falsely chirpy cheery kind of robot.

The irony is that he is constantly bitched about too. For some reason that makes me laugh...

[Indigo_]

^ Can you go above the boss? Does the boss have a boss so to speak?

[Sunset]

Yes but there is no point now as I'm leaving

[GoldFish]

Precisely the reason why I am looking for "introverted" job roles. Have enjoyed the experience of "craziness" that is the busy, confused mess of customer service/retail. The noise of it all has been far from boring and you learn a lot.

However, it's not an environment I can thrive in at all. It's not my kind of thing, but i've enjoyed the experience.

I know I'm better off being away from all that messiness of gossip and politics, hierarchal favouritism.

Good luck, i'm working at getting something new this year!! Hope you all can too!

Try to find a job that matches you and your strengths, go for it!

[GoldFish]

Originally Posted by Spectrelight

This is one of the reasons that I’m a lorry driver