How is everyone feeling? (21)

[Pandapop]

Tired tired tireddddddddddddddddddd

I couldn't be bothered to go out tonight, wasn't in the mood for drinking so gonna do it tomorrow or sunday night instead.

[Saponara_Immobile]

Awful. I had such a nice day earlier but the evening has just left me feeling empty and hopeless again.

I'm supposed to meet someone at 9am tomorrow but I can't see me going as don't feel like facing anyone in this mood. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning.

[custom_fusion-lqx]

sad and disinterested

[Johnni]

Show off.

[Sleepless]

Decent-ish. Nearly got over a cold which is good. Have been in the house for 5 days though, don't see the point in going out apart from going the dole office.

[Toxic]

not bad..not bad, bit bored..but have numerous things that need to be watched so im good!

tired though..always so tired...im not sure if im actually tired or because years of having to use cream they have swollen my eyelids to the point i have to fight to keep them open...they feel fat and squidgy! when normal peoples..aint

i know somethings wrong with me though because stuff that should bother me..isnt at all

[Salusa87]

Originally Posted by Charlotte87

Glad that you had a good time with your friend, Salusa.
I am feeling contented...sat in front of open fire, lights off and candle on, dog lying across my feet, and a large glass of Merlot next to me. I love evenings. I always feel more relaxed in the evenings. I am not a day person.

Thanks, it doesnt happen too often. He said I should go out drinking with some people we know but I doubt id accept. Its nice to have the option though.

I'm jealous of anyone with a open fire, I miss our old one loads. I dont know why anyone would build a house without one.

[Tom123]

I have decided to make my friend a tank cake. Instead of happy birthday. I am going to put, Commander Kunt (There will be an unlaut about the U) He will love it.

I am slightly drunk.

[Laura Palmer]

Wow, it feels weird posting here after months and months and months.

Well, some things are up but overall, I could be better...

Things are not too rosy at the moment. I'm finding uni really hard...mostly due to one of my classes where the tutor has taken an instant dislike to me. It's hard enough to talk up in tutorials at the best of times. The people in my tutorial are...well, just as bad, really. We were working in a group of 3 and the other two were turning their backs away from me and whispering (literally, I mean, with the whole hand covering their mouths and everything How rude!) and also laughing and sniggering. I'm just finding it such a horrible atmosphere in that class I have already had an anxiety attack in class and couldn't escape - I had to sit there with my face and body burning like nuclear reactor; while sweating so much, my face, neck and chest were soaking wet and people were looking. It was just so humiliating I've already missed two classes and not allowed to miss anymore. I emailed tutor to explain I'm having difficulties due to a combination of some effects from my head injury, anxiety and low mood, and that the anxiety has been making it hard for me to speak up at times, and that I was unable to attend last week for these reasons. But she ignored everyting I had told her and all I got in reply was her correcting me (in a bitchy, abrupt tone) on some minor detail regarding extensions which she mentioned in week one. I thought it was a poor show of her correcting me in that cutting way, on such a tiny unimportant detail regarding asking for extensions, when i had just already explained to her that my concentration is poor, as do I have issues with memory recall/short term memory etc, therefore under the circumstances, was an easy mistake to make, which didn't even matter,really. And yet she completely failed to acknowledge anything I had written explaining why I am struggling and have been absent due to anxiety and to account for not talking up enough in class. I thought if I explained to her my issues then it would be easier for me to go back and to at least have her understanding and that she me cut me some slack and not think I'm just pissing about and don't care - but no - nothing, not even a "thanks for informing me of the reasons for your absence" at the very least! I now feel like I've opened up to her with all that personal stuff and now feel even more of a fool.

I actually hate the class, the course and have lost interest for these reasons and resent it. I want to change my honours to another subject I have also been taking the relevant modules in, though I still need the credit for this class. I've never fet so uncomfortable in such a horrible tutorial before at uni - it has such a horrible atmosphere with the tutor not liking me, and the other students being rude, ignoring me in group discussions, and literally turning their backs and whispering/laughing and so it being even harder to speak up. It's horrendous. I feel like I am 13 again, back in school, not 31!

This is so pathetic, at my age, it really is. When does it get easier? I need to get a grip.

Sorry, for self indulgent rant just needed to vent

[Dodgetimmy]

I'm in tears since my girlfriend just called me a dumb **** and that I suck and then just went to sleep. nice huh?

[Kevin Hodge]

LOL


dog rolled over to get his belly scratched and rolled off the bed xD

[Vanessa]

Originally Posted by nineofswords

really hungover

lol, fun times at the beer fest eh

[sparky10]

Hoping for an anxiety free night

[Salusa87]

Time to make some barbeque ribs =)

[Vanessa]

Originally Posted by nineofswords

heh yea once I got there I only had an hour so I decided to drink as much as I could I had some nice beers though and made notes of the ones I liked.

eeexcellent im glad you had the courage to go afterall

[Tom123]

Originally Posted by nineofswords

heh yea once I got there I only had an hour so I decided to drink as much as I could I had some nice beers though and made notes of the ones I liked.

Did you give the Rochefort 10 a go?

[Kitri]

Originally Posted by Laura Palmer

Wow, it feels weird posting here after months and months and months.

Well, some things are up but overall, I could be better...

Things are not too rosy at the moment. I'm finding uni really hard...mostly due to one of my classes where the tutor has taken an instant dislike to me. It's hard enough to talk up in tutorials at the best of times. The people in my tutorial are...well, just as bad, really. We were working in a group of 3 and the other two were turning their backs away from me and whispering (literally, I mean, with the whole hand covering their mouths and everything How rude!) and also laughing and sniggering. I'm just finding it such a horrible atmosphere in that class I have already had an anxiety attack in class and couldn't escape - I had to sit there with my face and body burning like nuclear reactor; while sweating so much, my face, neck and chest were soaking wet and people were looking. It was just so humiliating I've already missed two classes and not allowed to miss anymore. I emailed tutor to explain I'm having difficulties due to a combination of some effects from my head injury, anxiety and low mood, and that the anxiety has been making it hard for me to speak up at times, and that I was unable to attend last week for these reasons. But she ignored everyting I had told her and all I got in reply was her correcting me (in a bitchy, abrupt tone) on some minor detail regarding extensions which she mentioned in week one. I thought it was a poor show of her correcting me in that cutting way, on such a tiny unimportant detail regarding asking for extensions, when i had just already explained to her that my concentration is poor, as do I have issues with memory recall/short term memory etc, therefore under the circumstances, was an easy mistake to make, which didn't even matter,really. And yet she completely failed to acknowledge anything I had written explaining why I am struggling and have been absent due to anxiety and to account for not talking up enough in class. I thought if I explained to her my issues then it would be easier for me to go back and to at least have her understanding and that she me cut me some slack and not think I'm just pissing about and don't care - but no - nothing, not even a "thanks for informing me of the reasons for your absence" at the very least! I now feel like I've opened up to her with all that personal stuff and now feel even more of a fool.

I actually hate the class, the course and have lost interest for these reasons and resent it. I want to change my honours to another subject I have also been taking the relevant modules in, though I still need the credit for this class. I've never fet so uncomfortable in such a horrible tutorial before at uni - it has such a horrible atmosphere with the tutor not liking me, and the other students being rude, ignoring me in group discussions, and literally turning their backs and whispering/laughing and so it being even harder to speak up. It's horrendous. I feel like I am 13 again, back in school, not 31!

This is so pathetic, at my age, it really is. When does it get easier? I need to get a grip.

Sorry, for self indulgent rant just needed to vent

Nice to see you, Laura Palmer.

I'm sorry to hear things at uni are so crappy for you. I can't really think of anything to say that could help you other than just to try and keep focused on your goal and try to ignore all the rest as much as possible.

Originally Posted by Dodgetimmy

I'm in tears since my girlfriend just called me a dumb **** and that I suck and then just went to sleep. nice huh?

I hope she didn't mean it and was just upset about something though it's still is a very hurtful thing to say regardless of what might have caused it. Hope you're feeling a bit better at least.

[shysoph]

Happy

[Mr Ploppy]

I was just thinking back about my eldest niece. When she was a kid we were pals, in her teens she was horrible to me. She seemed really disgusted and spiteful about me for some reason. I think it was because she saw me as soft and not socially able.

She's in her 20s now, haven't seen her for 10 years

All these ****ing negative memories

[Laura Palmer]

Originally Posted by KidWithTheChemicals

^ It sounds like they are the ones who need to get a grip, not you! Unbelievable that class mates actually sat there whispering right in front of you. I noticed when I went to uni that is wasn't what I expected, and it did feel a lot like being in school again watching random people in their late teens/early twenties running around desks and bashing each other on the head with folders (this happened!). As for the tutor, that's pretty shitty of her to treat you like that after you made the effort to open up to her like you did. The fault is theirs not yours, though. I wonder if there's another tutor or uni councillor you can speak to? Surely someone there has to be more understanding than her! Hope you get it sorted out though, it sounds horrible.

Originally Posted by I Love My Cats

Nice to see you back, LP, but I'm sorry you've got all of that crappiness to deal with If there is a support tutor at your Uni, maybe get time to speak to them and explain how you aren't looking for an easy time of it and extensions on all of your assignments, but there are genuine reasons why things can be tough for you? That tutor can then go into battle on your behalf with your subject tutor, who is obviously just an idiot

I hope things get better for you

Originally Posted by Kitri

Nice to see you, Laura Palmer.

I'm sorry to hear things at uni are so crappy for you. I can't really think of anything to say that could help you other than just to try and keep focused on your goal and try to ignore all the rest as much as possible.

Awww, thanks guys. They let me back in by the skin of my teeth last september, to pick up a couple of needed credits after things already went pear-shaped due to anxiety/depression last year.

Will just have to get on with it I guess. I just find uni hard at the best of times due to anxiety/depression etc, being older and not knowing anyone at uni. But this class is awful; the tutor keeps making it clear she doesn't like me. She already knows everyone's names off by heart yet says "and you are?" and if I say something it gets ignored but if some other student says it a little later he tutor praises them with "well done,_______". The other students just think I'm stupid - and weird. Yeah, those I were meant to be working in a group with were downright ignorant bellends. The tutor gave us each a question to discuss within groups. I was finding it hard to take the question in due to how I was feeling and wasn't sure I understood it, really. But I had to say something in the discussion and so gave my best shot, to which the girl screwed up her face and said that no, that's not what they were talking about, then both her and the guy were whispering and smirking to each other and only discussing the answer with one another - both turning away like school kids. I just felt such an idiot - and couldn't say anymore. But the tutor was looking over at me not saying anything and them both chatting away to one another, making it look I wasn't contributing, when I couldn't even hear what they were saying anyway due to the noise from rest of class. However later on someone else in class pretty much said what I had said in the groups discussion which turned out to be correct and praised by the tutor - funny that!

I mean, of course I've had some tutors before I haven't been all that keen on or where people in class don't really speak or whatever - but that's gonna happen from time to time and is the way it is goes, but this atmosphere is just so horrible - on top of other stresses already and am also worrying about a presentation I have to give soon at uni in another class (i bottled it last term but can't do that again as it's a group one this time) I have never been in such a terrible class before with both tutor and students. I haven't been in such a constant and horrendous atmosphere since I was being bullied at work about 5 years ago. It's just draining away what little self esteem and confidence I had. Im not sure how I'll be able to go back next week but one way or another I'll HAVE to as its already my very last chance.

Yeah, perhaps I should look into uni counselling. I just feel like I'm two steps away from a break down half the time. But when I talked to a cbt counsellor (CPN) in the past, I just felt like I was wasting his time and he had patients with more pressing or real problems to deal with. But then I should be able to function better than this at my age, right? I just feel so lost and don't even know who I am anymore.

Aww, guys, thanks again for your replies. I just think I maybe need try to living again and not simply existing which is pretty much being a hermit in my flat then going to uni and night shifts as a bank nurse (not belonging to any ward) at the hospital - both where nobody even knows me, then just go back home to flat on own to live in hermit-ville, again, sometimes with no human contact for a while. No wonder I feel depressed!

[951thompson]

Nackered, been decorating all day, I'm pooped!

[Salusa87]

Feel quite good, almost a little hyper.

[Laura Palmer]

Originally Posted by Cynic

Sounds tough there Laura. I've been in similar situations to that. Once a tutor/boss/leader takes a dislike to you, the rest of the group will inevitablly follow - it's always the way. They all need someone at the bottom to gang up on for their own pleasure. Human beings suck.

Anyway, all the best with your studies. I, for one, wouldn't blame you if you walked out, but it be good if you whooped their asses by getting good marks at the end. Keep yer chin up.

Awww, thanks for the Cynic. Hope, all is well with you just now.

Originally Posted by I Love My Cats

Your 2 sentences contradict each other there - yes, there are people out there who are worse than you in the grand scheme of things, but if you find yourself to be struggling, you have to see someone to get a handle on this before the anxiety properly takes over and things get out of your control. It's not a measure of failure to get someone involved - it's a tactic to ensure you can keep going. I hope you manage to get some support sorted out.

Easier said than done, but don't let anyone on that course make you feel that you are not capable of doing the work and being a good employee at the end of it. You have far more substance about you than any of those whispering numpties. You have, by virtue of personal experiences (which, in fairness, you probably wouldn't have wanted to happen) the qualities of being understanding, empathic and insightful in a way that that lot cannot be. You will make a fantastic employee for anyone based on these facts - they are actually now strings to your bow, than things to be openly ashamed of. Please, do what you have to do to keep going and think of all the people who will be happy to work with you at the end of it. Those lil nobodies are nothing in the grand scheme of things, so don't let them get to you

Awwww, thanks for the great advice, ILMC I really appreciate it It even made me a wee bit teary while reading it Yeah, I just need to take positive steps to gain my confidence back, again, and to just think... "sod those plebs!"

Hope, things are going ok for you, too

[Alex_James]

Going to have to make a dreaded phone call to a dentist on Monday, my wisdom tooth pain is unbearable.

[Twoflower]

Annoyed, trying to sleep and my ears are screeching away at me

[Johnni]

Originally Posted by silver-lining

I know that is just the way you see the world Cynic, but perhaps it's not always helpful to try and convince others of it as well?

Don't bother dude lol.

[Lord Lucan]

Feel like i'm losing it and can't snap out of it. Need to make big changes.

[Toxic]

bugger

ive been alright recently

..but i strayed into a general discussion on a "normal folk" forum

people talking about moving out and buying their own houses at 22-23 with the girlfriends...and deciding whether to push for that promotion or just stick to their simple 20 grand a year jobs..


..anddd now i feel like a loser..

fml

[custom_fusion-lqx]

i not heard anyone buying a house at 22 lol who are all these people?

[Toxic]

people with jobs who dont waste time at uni

if your young and living with your parents and helping a bit towards rent i really dont see how more people cant afford their own

given that i only had a part time job last year id still saved 3 grand in just over 7 months..and i bought shiny gadgets..

do that for 3-4 years...mortgage, easy

i suppose people with social lifes and cars have it much harder..rather have my own place then piss money away on alcohol though..

/rant time, ruined my youth so much