Does your SA effect other people

jimmi · #1 21st November 2005, 18:06

I was just thinking about this today. I had a meeting with my supervisor and a PhD student. Needless to say over the 1 1/2 hour meeting I got redder and redder :embarass:. However, I was able to keep it together mentally and probably talked more than anyone else in the meeting. Thing is I have noticed that when I blush that other people react awkwardly as well - so they either blush themselves or cover their faces/mouths with their hands. This is like compensatory embarrassment or something ... its wierd I can kind of cope but then others have difficulty. Has anyone else noticed this?

Innerspace · #2 21st November 2005, 18:31

This used to happen to me too.

When I was a community care worker I'd routinely blush and squirm in front of my clients families, doctors, speech therapist, neighbours etc...

Some people acted like they'd not noticed, although being hyper-sensitive to body language I knew they had.
Other people got embarrassed themselves by my awkwardness. I can see why though, I mean they must have been wondering just what it was about them that set off such an extreme reaction in me. Knowing you're making a person squirm is enough to make you feel awkward yourself. If they don't understand shyness, SA, facial blushers etc, they may think it was them who made us feel embarrassed and awkward, so they feel awkward themselves then.

#3 21st November 2005, 19:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimmi

I was just thinking about this today. I had a meeting with my supervisor and a PhD student. Needless to say over the 1 1/2 hour meeting I got redder and redder :embarass:. However, I was able to keep it together mentally and probably talked more than anyone else in the meeting. Thing is I have noticed that when I blush that other people react awkwardly as well - so they either blush themselves or cover their faces/mouths with their hands. This is like compensatory embarrassment or something ... its wierd I can kind of cope but then others have difficulty. Has anyone else noticed this?

Yea this has happened to me aswell now You mention it Jimmi, when i blush i notice that other ppl that i'm around get kind of embarrased aswell. Like Innerspace says its because you make them feel awkward, think of if the situation was reversed.

hardy · #4 22nd November 2005, 10:11

It does affect others , as you say.
Actually the fact youv'e noticed this is a GOOD sign. It means you are beginning to attend to others needs . Concentrate more on others automatically reduces your own self centred thoughts.

threadbare · #5 22nd November 2005, 11:18

i think it is also borne out of basic compassion. others see us feeling bad, then they react by feeling bad for us feeling bad, then we feel bad for them feeling bad that we're feeling bad, ad infinitum. but actually what it is often based on is an instinctive desire to put others at ease and mounting frustration and sense of personal inadequacy at the inability to do so. trouble is, often the more i want to put someone else at ease, and fail, the worse my embarassment gets. its a tricky loop to wriggle out of, i know that much.