1st Degree BA Honours in the School of Hard Knocks

[ShyShy]

hi, haven't posted in a while. Basically this is whats been going on. Im at uni in 3rd and final year i have about 6 months to go till im out. Doesn't seem like alot i know but when you add the fact that i hardly attend as it is, and i think im failing is it really worth carrying on. I mean yeah stick it out cos whats 6 months really and trully but at the same time if i take control of my life for once and make the decision to change my circumstances then surely it can't be a bad thing if i choose to leave... i need to get some power back into my life cos i dont feel i have any at uni. People there have the power to crush me withou even knowing it, just cos of the way i feel. I have managed to get my life sorted outside uni and have been really happy with my progress with my job and the people in my life...i've actually been enjoying myself....But thats only cos ive been in denial about uni, thinkin if i dont think about it it'll go away or sum bullshit. I havent been for the last two weeks and haven't looked at a single book or paper to do with it till today.

I mean I would love to stay and complete my course and finish with everyone else but im not gettin anywhere socially or academically in my eyes... First year everyone talked with everyone, I had my crew, was as comfortable socially as someone like me can be and had high hopes. By the end of frst year those hopes came crashing down and really and trully it was then that i should have made the decision to leave, not just cos of the social side but cos the uni wasnt for me or maybe uni full stop wasn't for me... But anyway i put that down to my sa tendencies and decided not to give up...shit can only get better and all that....Anyway so second year a whole heapp of shit happened in my personal life that kinda meant more times i was missin...when i showed up again everyone seemed to have got to a new level of friendship that i weren't part of i started feelin excluded and isolated... Also there was sum issues with one of my friends who i was meant to live with which has repeated in 3rd year...people can be so selfish! Anyway over summer i thought i was gonna give it one last try even though every bone in my body was tellin me to run as far and as fast away as i could from the place....so anyway here i am a 3rd year student....7.30pm sittin at the comp typin crap on a message board instead of doin my assignment that i havent started that is due in tommorw......anyone see a problem with that??? I need sum serious help right now...lost isnt even the word!! Like im real calm about it all, not calm cos im confident but calm like a serial killer who just dont giv a ****. i feel numb when it comes to uni..ive blocked it out like it dont exist, i havent been in, i dont have a clue how to even begin this essay, can't be bothered to try getting a clue i mean seriously what do i do?

Sorry for the long msg but.......... well u know. The only people i can talk to in my life dont wanna here this shit no more cos they've got their own problems so boy someone help me out?? Should i stay or should i go!

[superj]

What an absolutely cracking thread. I was engorged in all of it basically because I am in the exact same postition as you mate.

Im in my third year at the moment but basically living at home. at the beginning of my first/second years I felt I was missing out because I hadnt moved into halls or gone into student flats with other students. Something which I kind of wish I did but in someways am glad that I havnt because I have saved so much money living from home & I will have 0 debt apart from my overdraft when I graduate.

The fact I seem very ignorant towards other classmates even those who i have done group work with in the past doesnt really phase me but I do worry about it a lot which has contributed more and more to my anxiety.

The answer to your question is YES with 6 months to go. I believe you should and CAN stick it out. You will graduate Its going to be difficult but you will feel as though you have gone through more tourment & hard sweat just to complete the course which in itself will be like running a marathon for any SA's like us.

I think the fact you have stuck in there until the 3rd year like you have shows great balls. It isnt easy at all especially going through months & months of tourment & putting off pretending it isnt happening.

Hope my comments are of some help Ill keep a good eye on this thread and reply to any more as needed.

[mysterious]

ShyShy, please please you only have 6 months so stick it out. I am in my first year and I'm going crazy here. You have 6 months, and the way I see it is that you've done so well for yourself not to leave. I don't want to be here but I have to because I really really WANT this degree.

Tell me does two years fly?

Having already graduated a few years ago myself, I can assure you that missing deadlines and constant worry of underperforming provide you with more education than your degree itself!!

With 6 months left, clearly you should finish the course. Should your final results be somewhat poor, you should not over indulge yourself with perpetual thoughts of failure and uselessness. I want you to realise that a hugh proportion of outstandingly successful people fail in their studies and an even larger proportion of people who do get satisfactory results in their degrees do not use them in the long run anyway. You seriously need to realise that controling how you feel about what you're going through now is what it's really about. Just demonstate to yourself that you're in complete control, finish the course and don't be attached to the result!!

Best of luck!!

[Worker101]

ShyShy, Sorry to hear about the crap with a mate and housing. I think thats a common thread when you're at Uni - I know it happened to me. I would seriously advise you to stay on. The feeling you get when you finally get up on that platform and get your certificate to the applause of an entire hall more than makes up for the slog there.

Another piece of advice I would give you is to go and have a word with your selected dissertation tutor, and explain to him/her how you feel - SA etc, that you may not be in lectures or seminars becase you literally cant deal with it times, but that they can be sure that you will be reading and working at home. Also, get your dissertation started as soon as you can. The best advice I was given about my dissertation was to just sit at my computer and type.
I didnt seem logical, but write anything. Keep saving it, and sooner or later a recurrent theme of interest to yourself will start to run through it. Then you can speak to your tutor about what you really want to focus on..and if you are into the subject it makes writing 10-12,000 words all the easier. Dont give up - you are nearly there!
What are you studying by the way?

[ShyShy]

Hey thanx for your advice...I know sticking it out is the right thing to do cos the time to leave came and went a long time ago but i never had the guts....Guess i just needed to hear that it'd be worth it in the end regardless of my grades cos this deadline isn't happenin...

@ Aviator, you hit it on the head it is a battle to show im in control and i think i thought by taking myself out of a negative situation id be taking control just like i've done outside uni, generally im alot happier in myself but with uni its not the same if i leave im just runnin away from it cos i know for a fact I would see it thru if i felt i could also i wouldve been fine if my frend hadn't bumped me..sorry i need to get over that don't I!!

But yeah anyway I think i will have to speak to a lecturer but thats part of the problem, im stubborn and hate admiting to people that i can't cope. I'd rather people think i was lazy and couldnt be bothered to come in (which is what i think people think, though who knows) than for them to know i got serious issues... I especially haven't told anyone about my sa and really don't want to have to i don't really care what they think in terms of their false perceptions cos i can just claim they dont know me, but if i start talkin about sa and all that then they'll think im sum crazy chick who gets shook to talk.

But maybe its the only way to get the help i need to pass the course. But sometimes its not good to talk, there can be a temptation to tell any and everyone who'll listen of your problems in the hope one person will finally understand you and it'll be the break through u need to change. But sometimes people understanding why you are you isnt important and although i do still feel that need to be understood i kinda realised that its ok if they dont understand whats more important is them liking and getting to know you for who you are regardless baggage and all. cos even though i see myself changing i dont think it'll be quick enough to stop me missing out on all the people who are trying to get to know me now but cos ive been waitin to be perfect before i let them in or waitin for the perfect person that just understands me completly ive been losin out...the best feelin is to be liked by someone and known fully, just knowin u can be ur crazy self everyday of the week and it isnt gonna change what they think of u. Ive been focusing so hard on appearing 'normal' and hiding my sa at uni that i forgot to show people who i am and giv them a chance to like me regardless..guess i never knew it was possible till now.

I did go to see the uni councellor to discuss my options if i drop out...kinda skirted round the whole SA issue and only briefly mentioned that i was finding it hard stayin motivated to come in when there was nothing to come in for, it did feel better havin someone up there know everything isnt as it seems even tho im sure anyone with half a brain cell coulda figured that one out by seeing how i go on... My degree is sort of an arts management/business degree, it might be quite interesting but i wouldnt be able to tell you..the cousre is alright just its not taught in the most productive of ways or in a very motivational environment that isnt my sa talkin thats the general feelin by everyone but yeah i think i'll just have to accept that uni for me isnt gonna be about the grades, or about havin the time of my life its about provin to myself i can control how i feel and finish what ive started....so what Sayin that was like a fat person callin themselves big boned. Makes u feel a bit better about life but doesn't change the fact ur still fat...no what i mean?

On a serious note tho im definately going to see it thru...i'll just have to trust myself to handle whatever comes my way till im dun...maybe even try and squeeze a little enjoyment outta my last few months...:D

[jontyboyoh]

Originally Posted by ShyShy

But maybe its the only way to get the help i need to pass the course. But sometimes its not good to talk, there can be a temptation to tell any and everyone who'll listen of your problems in the hope one person will finally understand you and it'll be the break through u need to change. But sometimes people understanding why you are you isnt important and although i do still feel that need to be understood i kinda realised that its ok if they dont understand whats more important is them liking and getting to know you for who you are regardless baggage and all. cos even though i see myself changing i dont think it'll be quick enough to stop me missing out on all the people who are trying to get to know me now but cos ive been waitin to be perfect before i let them in or waitin for the perfect person that just understands me completly ive been losin out...the best feelin is to be liked by someone and known fully, just knowin u can be ur crazy self everyday of the week and it isnt gonna change what they think of u. Ive been focusing so hard on appearing 'normal' and hiding my sa at uni that i forgot to show people who i am and giv them a chance to like me regardless..guess i never knew it was possible till now.

That's a brill post, esp the above paragraph..... I could've written it myself.... I have the temptation to tell everyone about these things going on in my head, because I'm under the illusion that someone will be able to save me...... But of course it doesn't work like this: its OK to discuss it, but at the end of the day you have to pretty much suss it out for yourself and put your neck on the line (easier said than done, I know!)..... It is hard at uni though: I went through pretty similar experiences during my 3 years, and at the end was proud that I'd finished the course, but the emotional/personal stuff will be there for pretty much the rest of my life.......... I suppose its just about solving problems as quick as they arise (takes years- one could say a lifetime- of practice).

Good post all the same though...... IMO you should defo stick at the course! Good luck!

[mysterious]

Good luck! I'm sure this will be well worth it... Go for it! If you have some advice for me PM me

[shok]

ShyShy..your post remined me of so much what i felt while i was university..that was years ago. I found university so hard but i kept pushing myself and didn;t give up and wanted to prove to myself that i could do it . I knew from the begining thaat it was hard and i didn;t really enjoy alot of it..even the course ..but i thought that if i started another course or dropped out would be even harder!!..i did manage to finish the course ..although i didn't get the best grade ..i was proud myself . I think if you have made it to the final year then you have been through the hadest parts. When i did my degree at uni..i didn't even know what SA was ....i know i found things really hard and stressfull .

If you can find it in yourself to try and talk to a tutor or counsellor to let them know about that you suffer from SA then i think that will bebefit you..i know its really hard but try to think of it another way ..ii people have have dyslexia etc then schools/univesties help them in any way they can ..it is the same for us but for some reason we find it so hard tell people about SA. I'm sure a good counsellor/tutor will help you.

Sometimes finding a person who is understnding can be hard but they are about ..i'm sure there are many students at uni who suffer silently if only they could talk a bit more to each other. I realised this recenlty when i spoke to someone i use to be in the same class at school ..i found out that he was very nervous and shy but i never spoke to him at school becuse i thought he would judge me negatively.

waiting for the perfect undersatanding friend to come to you or waiting for yoursefl to be perfect before you can open to people is only gonna cause you more stress.

hope what i've written helps..

take care and keep posting.

- shaukat