Guest [UnRegist

Hello everyone

I wonder if anyone can help me. Where do I start. Well, at the end of last year my sister announced she was pregnant. I was pleased for her. I had never wanted children but after her announcement I started to think about them and think I might want a baby then I started to think about all the people I would have to meet if I had one and about birthday parties etc and I scared myself stupid. I am 35 years old, my husband is 46 so I don't have long to think about all of this. I don't know what to do. I am currently being treated for depression brought on by thinking about all of this. I always knew I was shy but my parents and then my husband have always sheltered me from having to talk to anyone when I found it hard. Because of this I have led a happy life but I realise now that I have no friends and no self-confidence in social situations. I've been married for ten years. I am so, so scared of having regrets when I'm older. Also, I feel like I will lose my Mum, Dad, other family and, eventually, my husband over the years and will be alone. I am scared.

I think you should go for it .....you'll regret it if you want children & let SA get in the way (Emote: smile)
I got pregnant & it wasn't planned...best way for me, If I had time to think I wouldn't have done it!
Yes it's hard & uncomfortable at times....but it's worth it...worth every minute (Emote: smile)

Hello guest.
I have exactly the same worries as you. I worry sick that when my parents die I will have no-one - which makes me want children - at least if you split up with a partner you would always have the kids as your family. I have the same fears as you about all the people I would have to talk to on behalf of my child. I want to experience all that life has to offer- and I think if I do not have kids then I will have somehow missed out. Tho all the girls at work do nowt but moan about their children and say how stressed and tired they are all the time - so maybe I will get a dog instead - kids sound like a nightmare. And anyway - I'll never find someone to have children with- this is a feeling i have.

Hi,

I have just posted this message under the same heading on the Social Anxiety forum! Maybe it's also relevant to your post here?? (Emote: smileyellow) BTW, I don't think you should let SA stand in your way if you really feel that you would like to have kids. It can be very tough, but being a mum also brings so many rewards!

"I have a child and because of my SA I am finding it quite tough (Emote: sad) Although I don't regret having my little boy for a second, if I had known exactly how tough it was going to be, I might have thought more than twice about having a child. But I guess it depends on an individuals circumstances more than anything. If you have a supportive network of people around you (i.e., friends and family) then I think that would make things a whole lot easier, but unfortunately I have very few people in my Life to share the responsibilities or burdens with. All the physical stuff, like changing nappies, cleaning up sick...that's fairly easy. You get used to it! It's the lack of emotional support that I miss. I often go all day, without seeing or speaking to anybody but my 16 month old. Just being able to chat with some other mums over a cup of tea would make the world of difference. I've tried going to mother and toddler groups, but they can be an SA persons worse nightmare. The mum's huddle together chatting and I sit alone finding it terribly difficult to join in. Still, I will continue putting myself through hell for the sake of my son. Being a parent is tough, but I definitely think being a parent with SA makes it even tougher.

On a positive note, a child has forced me to face situations that I would have previously avoided at all costs. When I feel that I can't do something, I tell myself that this is for my little boy, and I somehow find the strength to do it. Things that I would never have done for myself, I will do for my child. Also, when you are running around after a child all the time you don't get a lot of time to dwell on yourself. I also never realised it was possible to love someone so unconditionally until I had my son. He's given me a real purpose to my Life. It's a huge daunting responsibility to have another human being totally dependant on me, but it's also quite nice to be the centre of someone's universe And even on my most depressing days, my little boy always manages to make me smile with one of his cheeky grins.

I am extremely worried that my child may also go on to develop SA, but hopefully, I will be quick to spot any early signs and he will be straight off to have CBT! All any parent can really do is to give their child an abundance of love and encouragement so that they build up a healthy self-esteem, and then...... hope for the best!

Anonymous Laura... Like you, I had always dreamt of having children, but felt that it would never happen. When you have SA it seems impossible meeting a partner that you could possibly have a family with. But, just when I had accepted that it would never happen, I met and fell inlove with a fellow SA sufferer, and at the grand old age of 35, gave birth to our beautiful son" (Emote: smileyellow)

WELL U SEEM A MIXED UP LADY AND NOT A VERY HAPPY ONE.
SELF CONFIDENCE COMES EASY TO ANYONE IF YOU DO WHAT I DO. LOOK AT PEOPLE AND THINK THEY ALL CAME THE SAME WAY AS ME AND WILL ALL GO THE SAME WAY. THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME BODILY FUNCTIONS(EVEN THE QUEEN HAHA)THEY ALL HAVE THEIR FEARS. SO WHAT MAKES YOU ANY DIFFERENT. NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. AS FOR BABIES. WELL YOU HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU WANT THEM.REALLY WANT THEM. YOU MAY DECIDE NOT TO THEN REGRET IT THEN YOU MAY HAVE THEM AND REGRET IT. THE LATTER I DOUBT VERY MUCH. ONCE THAT SCREAMING SMELLY CREASED UP BUNDLE IS PUT IN YOUR ARMS NOTHING ELSE COMPARES. AS FOR MEETING OTHER MOTHERS AND EVERYTHING THAT GOES WITH HAVING KIDS YOU WILL FIND YOU HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH CONFIDENCE BECAUSE ITS YOU KIDDO WHO HAS MADE CARRIED AND HAD THE BABY. A MAN DOES HIS BIT I KNOW BUT MUMMY DOES MORE.ITS HARD WORK INCONVENEINT AT TIMES AND TIRING AND CHILD BIRTH ISNT SOMETHING I WOULD DO EVERY WEEK LOL. IT HURTS PLAIN AND SIMPLE. STOP GETTING YOURSELF IN A PANIC AND GOOD LUCK IN WHAT EVER YOU DECIDE.BE HAPPYAND DONT MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THINGS BECAUSE THIER IS NO BIG .