Outside of society

[zx123]

Hi,
I haven't posted for a while but I'm feeling down at the moment and I couldn't think of anywhere else too write.

I know its a shameful thing to admit to but I am 38 years old and I have never had a job. I have also never had a romantic relationship. How I became like this is a long story but because of this I sometimes feel like I am living my life outside on the fringes of society.

I know that to have never had a job or a relationship makes me very far outside of the confines of normality and many people will find it hard to understand or relate to.

I feel like I haven't done very much with my life and when I see other people achieving things, instead of feeling happy for them I feel jealous. I know it is wrong to feel like that but I can't deny how I feel.

I know that people with jobs will feel justifiably angry with people like me but, in all honesty I wouldn't choose to be like this.

I have been like this for a very long.
I just wondered if there was anyone else out there in a similar situation.

I know here are no easy answers, but I just wondered how anyone in a similar situation has coped.

[mossieman]

It is kinda hard for me to reply to this as i totally understand because it is where i am now but i got to it via a different route. I have a failed marriage behind me and i also managed to force myself out to work. The outcome of this was a total breakdown in 2008 and i have been agoraphobic ever since. Even in my worse state of mind i would worry what others might think of me not working, not pulling my weight in society but two years with my rethink support worker finally got me out of thinking like than.
Now i just concentrate on me, making the most out of what i have got and trying to slowly (my god is it slow though) get things better.

[Moksha]

Yes, I can completely relate to this feeling. All my life I have felt as if I was on the outside looking in- like I'm not fully alive/ rooted in the world. I often think of myself as a ghost tbh.

I am 37 and my CV consists of the following: 2 weeks work experience in the local newspaper offices when I was 15, which I hated.
A car washing round with 2 mates while at school.
Two summers spent delivering the Yellow Pages for a couple of weeks.

I live off of my mother and, because I've never really worked, I've never been able to leave home and get my own place. I also feel so ashamed and humiliated that I have kept everyone at arms length, with the result that I now have only one friend and have burned too many bridges with friends and family.