Hey guys!!

[hidden_away]

Well I thought I should say hello and give some background on my self.

I am 24 years of age and suffer from social anxiety disorder. I have suffered from this since I was a young child due to the way I was brought up.

I am on 10mg of escitrolpram a day and am currently seeing a mental health nurse.

I was never good at school and was disruptive because I craved attention and needed to vent my anger out. This lead me to not getting a proper education and getting no qualifications.

When I was 16 I eventually moved in with my grand parents, from there I got a job working in a supermarket where I met my partner and have 2 children with now.

I then went on to work with a plasterer where I was a laborer, This did not work out very well because I cannot take banter very well. Already due to my low self esteem and low confidence.

I left and then got another job working in a supermarket. This went ok but an opportunity arouse where I was offered a job laboring for a brick layer and offered a lot more money then I was on, at the time my gf was pregnant with my first son and the thought of having more money to support my family sounded great.

I started my job laboring and as you can guess it didn't work out again the same problems so I left.

My SA has since then escalated and it is the worst it has ever been. I have since had another child in the mean time with my partner.

That is just a basic outline of my life so far and believe me SA has stop me achieving and doing so many things with my life so far.

I have never had many friends because I don't like the thought of going out and being in social situations. I have only ever been in a pub twice in my life and clubbing once. The whole time I was panicking and going through all the symptoms anxiety brings.

I hardly go out anywhere and never have really done much, my SA has stopped me enjoying life, I never go out with my GF or my sons and they are missing out massively because of me.

I let people walk all over me because I am worried about confrontations.

I take things up and NEVER complete them. Having SA has made me because LAZY and UNATTRACTIVE person.

I have goals which I would love to achieve but I know realistically they will never happen.

1) Learn to control my SA so it is never a problem for me again
2)Get and education and learn all about business and how it runs
3) Own my own company, something like care homes or B&B's for people who need emergency accommodation
4) Own my own house
5) The most important is to be a real dad, To be there for my sons when they need me and to be a good role model.

I have been getting help now for a year and I feel like I am no further forward. I seem to have a good run and then slip straight back into my old ways a safety behavior.

I know all about CBT options and even have a book but can never bring myself to learn it. My daily pattern is awful. Get up late, go to bed late and sit on my pc all day.

My poor children and GF. I feel so sorry for them as they deserve better.

I wish there was a way for me to just pull myself out of this stupid rut I am in.

Ha sorry for rambling guys, any questions please feel free to ask.

Thanks
Edit/Delete Message

[ZeniX]

hi welcome to the forum I hope you stick around.

you've pretty much just described 90% of my life also. SA, the trade work, kids, gf, unable to go out much/think they deserve better etc.

[Mortigantoj]

Welcome to the site!

[am1000]

Hi hidden away

[hidden_away]

thanks for the replys, So how do you guys find this site? Does it help much?

zenix is sounds like we both share the same troubles. It really is a **** isnt it lol

[VeryQuietGuy]

Hello & Welcome to the site!

[ZeniX]

is your partner supportive?

thankfully my child is still young but when im already freaking out about parents nights in school or school plays etc. taking him to football etc.

as much as I would have liked a daughter I was glad it was a boy so I didn't have to give him away at a wedding.. how sad

[Shy Gem]

Hello

Welcome along to the site

Gem

[hidden_away]

Hey shy gem.

zenix my partner is supportive to a point, She has done things in the past she shouldnt of but I feel like I drove her to them to be honest.

My little boys are 3 and 7 months. y eldest had a blood test and I didn't go because I was to anxious about the drive down there and then the actual blood test.

I felt such a let down for a father. I am worried about all the things you said and more.

I'm to damn anxious to even take him to see Santa so it down to my GF.

I really want to change but I just cant seem to change my habit or my typical boring routine.

I need to give myself the push. I suppose I am looking for something to inspire me.

I am really at the end of my tether.

How about you? I'm glad I have found someone I can talk to already. Just a shame we are like this!

[T]

Hey hidden away

Welcome to SAUK

I hope you find this forum helpful and useful like i have done over the years some good advice and people here

good luck

[ZeniX]

Originally Posted by hidden_away

How about you? I'm glad I have found someone I can talk to already. Just a shame we are like this!

There's loads of us like this around so don't feel like you're the only one, its good to know there are others in the same boat and surviving.

I don't attend 95% of my sons hospital/doctors appointments either, infact its a miracle that I was there when he was born. He's not a great eater and isn't putting on much weight so he is under the care of a paediatrician and dietitian but I've never been to any of those appointments etc. sometimes the Mrs will give off saying its all left up to her but I do more than my fair share with him around the house, bathing, feeding, changing, entertaining, up during the night etc. so that makes me feel a bit useful. I'm a good dad indoors.. outdoors I just suck. She wants to take him to the beach tomorrow (why the heck in nov I dunno) but again its travelling etc. so I've put my foot down

When I met my gf online again (we previously dated in school) I wasn't able to leave the house hardly or go to shops much, she was patient and didnt push me but supported me and now I can do the tesco thing etc. sometimes I hate it but if shes theres its easier. I try to go into town once a week if I can because routine is good.

We are hoping to get married in june but not sure if that will work out or not yet lol im freaking out already. what about taking the kids to the park?

[yuffie]

Hello hidden away, welcome

[Winnie57]

Hi HiddenAway and welcome

[Deccy]

Hello HiddenAway

[Azi]

Hi Hidden Away - I've been there, feeling like a bad parent, feeling like you're letting them down. Hope you find the site helpful.