#1
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Holding down a job
How on earth do you guys do it. So far Ive been through about 3/4 jobs since May.
I feel absolutely terrible at being at each one, GHet incredibly nervous starting off new jobs & feel unable to look people in the eye let alone make new friends. Ive recently been through 2 bars jobs since breaking up for university holiday. And just last week I started off a new job working in the stockroom of a well known retail store. The thing is though Im doing 20 hours a week (4hrs a day) just collecting stock to be put out. Pretty easy you would think. But every day has been incredibly nervious or anxious for me. I am surrounded by others who are a lot more confident that I am, and apart from speaking a few words here & there I feel incredibly paranoid im being spoken about for not talking more than I do. I have just finished from todays shift & an incident happened at the end where I thought maybe I could break the mould when 2 lads around my age were just hanging about near the exit door next to where I had to walk past. But the thing was when I was stood there and made eye contact I felt even more nervous & looked away Seemingly being 'ignorant'. I knew I missed a valuable oppourtunity as well. I feel im more uncomfrtable in this job and have been asked to go to another interivew for a reception job at a small travelinn. basically answering phones. Which I think if I get I will leave there. My family are wondering why I am constantly leaving job after job. They have no idea whats going on & would probably laugh or think its a balls excuse using SA, because im extremelly comfortable around people I know or at home. |
#2
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Re: Holding down a job
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I know exactly how you feel, buddy - in the same boat myself. I left pretty lucrative contract work a couple of weeks ago cos I couldn't handle the daily pressure of dealing with the people around me in the office. (I call it 'pressure', most people wouldn't think twice about the social aspect of work). I was good at the job, but chucked it in, cos having to go in everyday trying to interact with these (seemingly decent) people was literally driving me insane. Even had a phonecall today with an offer of more work but made an excuse as to why I 'wasn't available'. And like you, I can't bring myself to tell the people closest to me why exactly I'm turning down these offers of work. I can also relate to your worry that workmates may think of you as 'ignorant'. I've gone days sitting at desks without uttering a word to the people around me and come up with ridiculous excuses on a daily basis for why I can't go to lunch (or even a frickin 5 minute coffee break) with colleagues. Anything to avoid those situations. The imagination runs riot worrying about what they're thinking. Sorry that this post is of no practical help to you at all. Really wish I had words of wisdom to impart, (I'm searching for the answers myself!!!) but it might be some small comfort knowing you're not the only one, mate. |
#3
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Re: Holding down a job
I can't hold down a job either. The idea of being compelled to be in the company of others just terrifies me.
I have had jobs but they were short lived due to the intense anxiety and depression it caused me. The works canteen thing is one of the worst situations for me as I find it very difficult to eat in public. I would love to be able to have money and nice things but I know it's not going to happen. I know some people with SA are able to work and I think they are marvellous, but it affects people in different ways and I know for certain that my SA is too severe to even contemplate working. To even try would plunge me into severe depression, which would put me back on the mental ward again. |
#4
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Re: Holding down a job
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What do you do if you don't work? |
#5
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Re: Holding down a job
I know what you're saying jontyboyoh, but believe me there's no way I could do it.
Past attempts landed me on the psychiatric ward with nervous breakdowns. I'm not work shy or defeatist, far from it in fact. I simply can't relate to others without terrible fear and anxiety. I know of others on this site that are in a similar position and if forced to work would not be able to cope. |
#6
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Re: Holding down a job
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The thoughts of starting work again really puts the shits up me, but it's gonna have to happen soon. How are you taking it one step at a time? The way I see it, you're either there or you're not, and for me being at the last job was a hellish experience. |