Preferring your own company

[picapica]

Might be a silly question, but does anyone on here prefer their own company than with others?

This is something I've been wrestling with a lot recently. I've always had insular interests (making music / birdwatching, etc), that means I spend a lot of time by myself, so I'm very slowly starting to try and socialise more. But I've realised recently that I just prefer doing my own thing. I find it really hard to get motivated to go out, mainly because I don't particularly enjoy it and therefore I see it as a waste of time.

I'm not completely isolated, I see family often and have been working/volunteering for the last few years, but the concept of having friends to go out with has become an alien concept for me and I'm just so used to spending time alone.

The paradox here is that I've always liked the idea of having a girlfriend (30 years and still waiting for her to magically materialise) but realise that would involve a fair commitment of time to socialise! So even that I'm starting to doubt now for the first time in my life.

This is a very simplistic summary of my thoughts on all this, I can't seem to formulate a coherent way to express myself. I think I've been hypnotised by the dancing banana...

[Concept]

I get restless in my own company, so haven't perfected this art. Going out or interacting with people lessens the static inside my head as I have to contend with sensory information or be in the moment.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

I like both time and space on my own and also time around others. It's all about choice for me. I hate imposed isolation such as I've experienced when I was severely SA, though I am quite happy on my own when I choose to be so.

Funny enough, I don't identify as SA now. Well not SA at the level of a disorder anyway. And the less SA I have become the more content I am to do lots of things alone and really enjoy them. Again, this is because I've chosen to do that, and it's not been imposed on me.

I have a girlfriend, but she is similar to me in that she also likes her own time and space as well as also enjoying being around others when she chooses to be. So it's quite possible to enjoy both sides of the coin, really.

[OSCiLLATE]

I really prefer my own company, i'm a courier and spend most of the time on my own (only collect/deliver to business). With my SA i go out of my way to make sure i'm on my own, if i can avoid a situation where i'm with other people for any length of time ill do it

[next_exit]

I think I'm still confused by this. Growing up I convinced myself I preferred my own company. Now I feel like I was probably in denial. Whilst I am definitely more introverted, I hate how isolated I am and often wish I didn't HAVE to be alone.

[picapica]

This is what I'm worried about, whether my belief that I prefer my own company is just a long ingrained avoidance technique.

I think finding a balance in probably the best way. Imposed isolation is only going to lead me to loneliness so the more I try to slowly push myself to do more with others, the better it will be in the long run. I actually read something similar in a book called 'Quiet' by Susan Cain, that said 'you sometimes have to push yourself to do things you don't enjoy to get to a situation in which you are happy' albeit in a slightly more long-winded way.

Something to try for the new year perhaps because today is a 'me' day!

Thanks for your replies.

[clyde33]

Yup i much prefer my own company than socialising with others. I find being in company exhausting and it's got worse as i've got older.

As far as meeting someone, i met my other half through work and thinking back of previous relationships, none of them came about through socialising either.

[SpeedyWheels2319]

I prefer being by myself too. I kinda wish I could socialise more, but I just cant. I can just about handle 1-2-1, but that is only if I know the person well. I am hoping if I get put on medication that it will help and I can slowly build things up.

[umm]

Originally Posted by picapica

This is what I'm worried about, whether my belief that I prefer my own company is just a long ingrained avoidance technique.

I think finding a balance in probably the best way. Imposed isolation is only going to lead me to loneliness so the more I try to slowly push myself to do more with others, the better it will be in the long run. I actually read something similar in a book called 'Quiet' by Susan Cain, that said 'you sometimes have to push yourself to do things you don't enjoy to get to a situation in which you are happy' albeit in a slightly more long-winded way.

Something to try for the new year perhaps because today is a 'me' day!

Thanks for your replies.

I like my own company and can never quite figure out if that's just avoiding or if I genuinely think I am good fun to be around. But I like doing things by myself! No-one meddling, or saying "oh, what's that?" and "why aren't you doing it like this" and that old chestnut, "you're doing this because it will look good on your CV".No! I don't give a shit about my CV! I've been trading off its lies for years and have no intention of stopping now. Christ.

That all being said, I am finding that as I develop my own interests at my own pace, I feel an urge to sort of wheel them out in public more. Clearly I'm ill.

[Finlay]

I think on the whole I prefer being in my own company. I was like that even when I was a child. Having said that, like others have suggested in the thread, I don't know how much of it is me genuinely being happy on my own, and how much of it is me preferring to be on my own because it's easier. I often wonder if I was more comfortable in social settings, more self confident in myself and my opinions in general, then would I be more inclined to want to be in other's company? I dunno. I remember when I was at my most confident and outgoing (around age 19 to 20) I was more eager to go out. I still was quite a shut-in hermit by most folks' standards, but for me I felt more of an urge to get out of the house than I have ever done since.

I kind of feel similar to what next_exit describes, I think. I definitely am an introverted person, but I think some of it is denial, and I'm confused where introversion begins and fear of socialising ends.

[picapica]

Originally Posted by SpeedyWheels2319

I prefer being by myself too. I kinda wish I could socialise more, but I just cant. I can just about handle 1-2-1, but that is only if I know the person well. I am hoping if I get put on medication that it will help and I can slowly build things up.

I'm the same, I am fine 1-2-1 and can handle small groups if I know everyone but other than that I struggle. I actually regret not going to a Xmas social event recently for the volunteer agency I'm working for but there would have been 30-40 people there, nearly all of them I wouldn't have known. I just can't imagine enjoying that experience. I've been on Sertraline for three months now, and whilst I haven't done that much socially, they have really helped to stop me overthinking things and dwell on situations too much, so I do think medication can help.

Originally Posted by Umm

That all being said, I am finding that as I develop my own interests at my own pace, I feel an urge to sort of wheel them out in public more. Clearly I'm ill.

I can relate to this too, and I don't think engaging your interests with other people makes you ill. Surely if you have an interest in something it is is natural to find others who have similar interests/tastes. I could chat for ages about birds to someone, it just 99% of the other subjects I have a problem with!

Originally Posted by Finlay

I think on the whole I prefer being in my own company. I was like that even when I was a child. Having said that, like others have suggested in the thread, I don't know how much of it is me genuinely being happy on my own, and how much of it is me preferring to be on my own because it's easier. I often wonder if I was more comfortable in social settings, more self confident in myself and my opinions in general, then would I be more inclined to want to be in other's company? I dunno. I remember when I was at my most confident and outgoing (around age 19 to 20) I was more eager to go out. I still was quite a shut-in hermit by most folks' standards, but for me I felt more of an urge to get out of the house than I have ever done since.

I kind of feel similar to what next_exit describes, I think. I definitely am an introverted person, but I think some of it is denial, and I'm confused where introversion begins and fear of socialising ends.

I've always been introverted around people I don't know, but come out of my shell once I feel comfortable around someone. I am absolutely fascinated by people who can just open up to anyone even people they've just met. I'm volunteering at the local museum at the moment and got chatting to the manager. I asked her one question about the degree she did and she ended up telling me her life story! I've not opened up that much to people I've known for years.

The thing is I don't enjoy talking about myself. My life is fairly dull and apart from being passionate about a couple of hobbies, I don't really have much to chat about. I show an interest in other people and ask questions about their lives, but it seems that to get on and build relationships with people you need to be willing to open up yourself. I guess it shows a level of trust? I once read that you think more of someone if you do them a favour, which seems like reverse psychology to me but I suppose it shows that they trust you enough to help them. I wish they taught us this stuff in school rather than trigonometry!