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  #1  
Old 23rd March 2024, 22:27
Shy_pretty_Angela Shy_pretty_Angela is offline
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Default Horrible mum

She is being so nasty to me now. I have cancer and she said she wants to throw me in the bin.
I asked for a sandwich the other day and she told me I never stop eating.
I am thinking of asking her to leave and go back to her home in Yorkshire. Its all coming to a head and Im going to do something I will later regret....
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  #2  
Old 24th March 2024, 10:12
Merry Merry is offline
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Default Re: Horrible mum


I'm so sorry you're going through this Angela
Does she get worse if you stand up for yourself?
My mum says horrible things all the time but if people stand up to her it just really escalates, so everyone tends to tread on eggshells, it makes a really unpleasant atmosphere all the time.
I don't really know why some people want to make the people around them unhappy, especially if it's family.
Sending hugs and strength
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  #3  
Old 24th March 2024, 10:18
Shy_pretty_Angela Shy_pretty_Angela is offline
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Default Re: Horrible mum

If I stand up to her she backs down but its not my nature to do so! Like she keeps challenging me because I like a bath everyday because of pain. She thinks I have an OCD. So I shouted really loud in the shop yesterday that I have cancer and she shut up immediately!
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  #4  
Old 24th March 2024, 14:38
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Horrible mum

I think it can be difficult living with a parent again when you're an adult. You both have ways of doing things that may not be the same but they can revert to feeling like they need to tell you what to do or how to do things similarly to when you were growing up.

It's ok to just say to your Mum "this is what I like to do" or "this is what works for me" or "it's ok if you think that, but this is what I want to do". Or failing that being really blunt like you were in the shop!
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  #5  
Old 24th March 2024, 15:58
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Horrible mum

Sounds like you need a lil break from each other
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  #6  
Old 24th March 2024, 17:11
horseblanket horseblanket is offline
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Default Re: Horrible mum

I'm sorry Angela, as biscuits said can you have a break from each other?
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  #7  
Old 24th March 2024, 20:07
Shy_pretty_Angela Shy_pretty_Angela is offline
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Default Re: Horrible mum

No we cant take a break because she lives in Yorkshire and Im having problems suggesting she goes home . She has been with me almost a year
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  #8  
Old 24th March 2024, 20:53
Hopeforme Hopeforme is offline
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Default Re: Horrible mum

It might not be in your nature but you said if you stand up to her it works, so you need to do that.

You have cancer, you need as little stress as possible, frankly it may sound harsh but I don't even know why you're putting up with her being there in the first place if this is what you get.

She can't change so right now the status quo will just continue. If you can ingore her and be calm then do that, otherwise I would send her packing.

I'm being more blunt and direct than normal, but this sort of home environment will screw up your mental health long-term which will impact your cancer healing.
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  #9  
Old 24th March 2024, 22:29
Shy_pretty_Angela Shy_pretty_Angela is offline
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Default Re: Horrible mum

She has had cancer too so lots of hospital appointments. Its coming to an end soon so I will get her to go home if I feel like I can cope alone with cooking etc.
One of the reasons I have let her stay is I have no other help and I dont want carers coming in as I hated that last time. They did nothing !
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  #10  
Old 25th March 2024, 15:48
Aelwyn Aelwyn is offline
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Default Re: Horrible mum

I think Dougella is right that parents often go on treating their adult children the same way they did when they were younger. I don't think it's necessarily malicious, it's usually just their habit. And it's hard to be assertive with them without it spilling over into aggression, but I think that's what you have to aim for. She's been helping you out for a long time, and even though you're probably both getting on one another's nerves, I imagine you don't want the relationship to break down completely.

I do understand how difficult this kind of dynamic is, I had a lot of trouble being assertive with my disabled mother over her need to get some help in the house.
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