How is everyone feeling? (28)

[azura]

^ Yep, my patience is wearing thin. :/
Hello lovely you.

[Chimpy]

Originally Posted by girlinterrupted

Feel better Chimpster (I think this may make you sound a bit like a hamster but I thought I`d run with anyway ),of course you can post here when you`re feeling low,surely that`s when you should let stuff out the most and I think most people post non-SA related stuff at some point anyway. I post about OCD when I probably shouldn`t although I try to keep it to a minimum so I do get what you`re saying though. Glad the crying has helped a bit,I hope this appointment goes well and then buggers off so you can rest your head

I feel utterly shite,want to cry but can't and am also afraid I might not stop. Panic is ruddy awful and have just resorted to a diazepam but I dunno how much it's doing so far

Originally Posted by Smudge

Don't really know what to say chimpy, I don't think people would mind what you post if it helps you even for a few minutes

Thanks girlio and Smudge

The shrink turned out to be a well meaning but hapless young man who seemed a little out of his depth. He suggested increasing my citalopram, I said "no" (yay, assertiveness) and gave me some books on prescription about depression (he didn't have any for bereavement). Thank god for our wonderful mental health services, eh. I just managed to avoid asking whether he wanted me to stack the books under the duvet so I could pretend Em was still alive, see how nice I can be.

I did accept a brand new variety of sleeping tablets though which doubles as an antihistamine, which might reduce the blobs I get on my hand when Erik play fights with me. That said, reducing minor allergic reactions isn't really my priority right now.

Let the tears out girl - they will stop and you might feel a bit calmer. Worked for me today anyway. Sorry the panic is bad today chuck, hope the diazepam works soon

[Pandapop]

Originally Posted by Muggins

I wonder if Pandapops sister has had her baby yet?

[goldenjuniper]

i feel completely knackered, horrible day at work had a really hard job involving doing something really awkward in an unusual place, first reaction was **** this i'm not doing it then had a think about it came up with a solution and had another attempt, job got done but i wouldn't want to do anything like that ever again. dangerous would sum it up quite well. think i might give my boss a slap tomorrow and ask him where the risk assessment for the job is.

[ghost.of.an.englishman]

Originally Posted by azura

I seem to be dealing with major anger issues lately - which is strange because I'm not usually an angry person. In fact, my lack of anger has always been a problem and caused me to be walked over a bit. But, as I get older, I seem to become less and less tolerant of incompetence and stupidness. Makes me feel like a horrible person.

Today, I've found myself muttering death threats and curses at people.
Maybe I'm going to explode and go all Michael Douglas in "Falling Down".

well, I hope you don't take it out on convenience store workers and go rampaging with a shotgun! But try not to be too hard on yourself, I think loss of patience is a pretty common effect of anxiety...or is at least one I suffer from at times.



I'm feeling selfish, there's family stuff I should help out more with. But what little stability and functioning I have might be threatened by doing so, which would end up making me behave even more selfishly. what do

[azura]

Originally Posted by ghost.of.an.englishman

well, I hope you don't take it out on convenience store workers and go rampaging with a shotgun! But try not to be too hard on yourself, I think loss of patience is a pretty common effect of anxiety...or is at least one I suffer from at times.



I'm feeling selfish, there's family stuff I should help out more with. But what little stability and functioning I have might be threatened by doing so, which would end up making me behave even more selfishly. what do

Nah, that'll never happen - I don't go out.

You look after yourself first and foremost - then you're in a position to help out more in the future. Have you explained this to family?

[Mr_Bean]

bloody meeting tomorrow with about 80 people. Everyone will pinpoint- hey its that weirdo- he works in that branch.
Must think positively.

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by woof

I was walking down the street ,minding my own business when a van drove past me and some runt shouted at me 'SEXY!'

Was obv taking the piss , thanks for that you c***t

I'm sorry you were subjected to that Woof. The guy probably had less than two brain cells to rub together so I hope you didn't let it upset you too much. Hopefully the guys tyres went flat and his van conked out further up the street and a very long way from where he wanted to go

Originally Posted by azura

I seem to be dealing with major anger issues lately - which is strange because I'm not usually an angry person. In fact, my lack of anger has always been a problem and caused me to be walked over a bit. But, as I get older, I seem to become less and less tolerant of incompetence and stupidness. Makes me feel like a horrible person.

Today, I've found myself muttering death threats and curses at people.
Maybe I'm going to explode and go all Michael Douglas in "Falling Down".

Azura, I think girlinterrupted has hit the nail on the head when she says your less tolerant attitude could be due to the fact that as we get older we are not prepared to keep putting up with crap from people as life is far too short. Ive definitely gone from a placid 20 something who wouldn't say boo to a goose to quite a fiery 40 something if someone really riles me. I'll blame it on my age

Originally Posted by Chimpy

The shrink turned out to be a well meaning but hapless young man who seemed a little out of his depth. He suggested increasing my citalopram, I said "no" (yay, assertiveness) and gave me some books on prescription about depression (he didn't have any for bereavement). Thank god for our wonderful mental health services, eh. I just managed to avoid asking whether he wanted me to stack the books under the duvet so I could pretend Em was still alive, see how nice I can be.

I did accept a brand new variety of sleeping tablets though which doubles as an antihistamine, which might reduce the blobs I get on my hand when Erik play fights with me. That said, reducing minor allergic reactions isn't really my priority right now

You've got to love the good old NHS Like you say Chimpy he sounded a little out of his depth which is quite ridiculous really when his profession involves the brain and the way the human mind works. I would have expected him to have had some books on bereavement with him and perhaps have been able to put you in touch with a bereavement Counsellor or Cruse support. Ah well, you've got some anti histamines incase the cat fights you! Btw, Chimpy, I'm sure no one here minds in the slightest if you are sharing things that are not strictly SA related. I think many people bring all kinds of troubles here because it's a forum where they feel comfortable and have gotten to know familiar 'faces' through the regular posts.

Originally Posted by BFG

i feel completely knackered, horrible day at work had a really hard job involving doing something really awkward in an unusual place, first reaction was **** this i'm not doing it then had a think about it came up with a solution and had another attempt, job got done but i wouldn't want to do anything like that ever again. dangerous would sum it up quite well. think i might give my boss a slap tomorrow and ask him where the risk assessment for the job is.

BFG, it sounds like you took quite a big risk at work. Your Boss is way out of order if he expects you to do this. It's never worth putting yourself in any danger for anyone.

Originally Posted by ghost.of.an.englishman

I'm feeling selfish, there's family stuff I should help out more with. But what little stability and functioning I have might be threatened by doing so, which would end up making me behave even more selfishly. what do

Try not to feel guilty, as hard as that is for you, because sometimes even if something involves our families we still have to put ourselves first. Your mental health and continued stability is paramount and if you risk that you won't be of any help to anybody

Originally Posted by Mr_Bean

bloody meeting tomorrow with about 80 people. Everyone will pinpoint- hey its that weirdo- he works in that branch.
Must think positively.

Nobody will point at you because you are NOT a weirdo

[Progress]

Originally Posted by *Emu*

I got told in my observation that I need to make sure Im using standard English. Chips un greerrvyy like.

Really??
They should have a word with Matt Baker. They even allow funny northern types on prime time TV these days

[goldenjuniper]

Originally Posted by Muggins

BFG, it sounds like you took quite a big risk at work. Your Boss is way out of order if he expects you to do this. It's never worth putting yourself in any danger for anyone.

nope i don't take risks, i just observed others i was working with as a team carrying out things which would go against method statements, risk assessments and health and safety.

working in an all/mainly male working environment jobs can sometimes turn into a male bravardo type scenario where it's considered by those with a lesser iq that it must be wussy to decide to not do something because it's dangerous. this usually ends in jobs being done with brute force and ignorance instead of careful planning and minimal required effort.

i prefer working on my own most of the time because of that.

it can be very frustrating working with others unfortunately most of the time those who are in higher positions in control of company policies don't appear to have got to their jobs through having a higher intellect.

[Memory]

Kind of panicking about my new housemate. They're very social and chatty so I'm not looking forward to when they move in. I kept getting my words mixed up and wasn't being articulate at all and I was very very nervous and anxious around them. I may also be a little attracted to them. >.>

[Concept]

Awful. In bed, don't have any desire to move. Come to me sleep.

[Appear]

Seeriouzlay blah...

[Mr_Bean]

Originally Posted by Muggins

Nobody will point at you because you are NOT a weirdo

Hey thanks- you're nice.

[MLP James]

I'm so tired, I don't know if I should go to bed or... I'll just go to bed...

[MLP James]

I hate being awake at this time, I wish I didn't struggle so much with keeping to a sleeping schedule. :/

[Mental Elf]

Feel so tired and drained my mind won't switch off at night which resorts to me not sleeping I haven't had a proper nights sleep in weeks.

[azura]

Frustrated and tired.

Workman rang me back this morning, just to tell me everything I'd already told him yesterday - pointless. Nobody is forwarding on the certificate that says I don't need the bathroom earthing - so looks like my bathroom is going to be ripped up again.

Have been awake most of the night, stressing and thinking of imaginative ways to kill them all.

[Chimpy]

^

What was the best method of workman disposal you came up with?

[azura]

^ Using their own power tools to drill through their brains and then dismember them. Then cook them down a bit and feed their remains to my slugs.
Not that I've thought much about it, ahem.

[Chimpy]

^I like it! You'd get in all the papers. Worth considering if you wanted a change of lifestyle, all your housing problems would be sorted at a stroke if you were at Her Majesty's pleasure.

[azura]

^ I'd probably get more peace. :P

[Concept]

Pretty depressed. Feeling really isolated. Getting so queasy about the electrician coming that I think I'm going to leave the apartment so he can let himself in, but that weirds me out almost as much considering he has to go between rooms testing appliances out. Was going to go to a munch later tonight but my friend isn't going, and I know if I do go I'll be looked as the socially awkward one who can barely make a conversation there to save their life.

[Tom123]

^ Hope both go okay.

Argh.

I'm feeling pretty ****ed up. I got hardly any sleep last night which really hasn't helped matters but I just want to cry.

You only get so many chances with people in life and when you keep self-sabotaging when those opportunities present themselves you end up alone.

I've got so used to making excuses and years of avoidant behavior have meant that I automatically avoid suggesting and taking up on hints at socialising.

It's got nothing to do with self esteem anymore, I like myself and I'm quite confident in who I am but I'm stuck in this ****ing purgatory. I don't know how to casually suggest doing things without being incredibly awkward and when you've already declined an opportunity with someone the onus is very much on you.

I'm so angry with myself for wasting so much of my life and missing out on the key developmental stages of learning how to socialise. Forget the past blah, blah blah. I know the standard advice but when the very past is what handicapping you it's very difficult to do. Maybe I should learn from the past, right? Well there is nothing to learn from because I avoided all of the situations that would have acted as learning experiences.

I look at my facebook every now again and see the multitudes of people I've lost from my own lack of action and it really hurts. I've got the point where I am quite able to reach acquaintance level but for the people I like the most that simply isn't enough. I yearn to know and be known.

This all stems back to a crippling fear of rejection that I know I have to tackle in order to make friends and hopefully, one day, even a relationship work. Damn my cowardice and **** desperation. They are tumultuous mix that can really destroy inner peace but maybe that's not such a bad thing.

I need others to be happy, being alone just doesn't work for me and the clock is ticking before it's going to be too late. Fix up, look sharp, son. Pretending to yourself that filling your life with computer games and TV shows is in anyway fulfilling is only going to make you hate yourself.

But there is an obvious conclusion to all of this and that is simply to start putting oneself into situations where you do make mistakes and learn from them. Obviously pain and embarrassment may ensue but with the right attitude and a well placed smile those negatives can be somewhat mitigated. Don't run before you can walk.(At least attempt to) Calm the **** down, think and do. Obviously easier said than done but simple, logical progression is the only way. There are no magical spells.

I'm sure there is some 'inspirational' quote about pain proceeding true happiness. Yadi yada yada.

Fin.

Well that went on longer than expected.

[Mental Elf]

Meh

[Olly.]

^ Don't let go of that last bit of hope, you don't know for certain there's no light at the end of the tunnel, I know how you feel, feeling hopeless myself, but I think we've always got to try and cling onto hope, however small.

[Sunshine Recorder]

Painfully alone, and because I'm so used to it, anything else doesn't seem quite right.

[girlinterrupted]

Originally Posted by azura

Hello lovely you.

Hello yourself . That bathroom is turning into a saga that should be on one of those `Rogue Workmen` type programmes,or at the very least makes an outdoor privy with some newspaper hung on a nail look a viable option .

Originally Posted by Chimpy

Let the tears out girl - they will stop and you might feel a bit calmer. Worked for me today anyway. Sorry the panic is bad today chuck, hope the diazepam works soon

Still no tears,this is getting to feel like being back on antidepressants. I bet something stupid will happen like stubbing my toe or hearing a song on a stupid advert and then I`ll be sobbing on the floor in the foetal position for an hour with anyone else around thinking I`ve completely lost it. Still,it`d pass an hour I suppose *sighs*.

These fellas >> for all who need them,some days are just shit aren`t they.

[Olly.]

^^

^ Yep they are

[Mental Elf]

I'm scum of the earth I hate my self.