Missing

[Reclue]

Not really sure if this is the right place for this, but I am feeling very anxious.

My teenage son has been missing since Sunday afternoon.

Not sleeping very well as a result and worried for him.

Don't know why I am even posting this - just feeling a bit lost I suppose.

[Excaliber]

Hi there. I'm not surprised you're not sleeping well, it must be a horrible time for you.

Is your son quite sociable? Is he likely to be around a particular friend or girlfriend's house? You've probably tried this already but if you haven't, I'd ring the parents of your son's friends. If he's not with them at the moment, he might have been at some point since Sunday or his friends might have known where he has been. I don't know about contacting his friends directly. He might have asked them to cover for him if you get in touch but if the friends' parents send them on a guilt trip, perhaps they might be more forthcoming with info?

I don't know if they could give you such information due to data protection but might it be worth contacting Facebook, explaining the situation and asking them if they can check when he last logged in?

Apologies for the rather obvious sounding advice but I wanted to post something to let you know that your thread has been read by somebody. Ultimately, you know your son best. Hopefully he just wants some space and/or make a point, and he'll get in touch soon.

[Azi]

Hope he returns soon, Reclue.

[Mr. Nobody]

wow!!..

you must be really worried Reclue,.

is this normal behaviour for him ?

has he done things like this before ?

seems to be a really long time to be missing,. hope you've contacted the police about this and contacted all his friends and his svhool / college tutors etc.

hope nothing serious has happened.

[Reclue]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I honestly don't know what he's thinking off.

Went out shopping, leaving him in the house, which is what normally happens.

He doesn't have his own keys, so came back home and found a window wide open and him and some of his stuff gone - but he's not got his phone.

No note or anything like that.

Lucky not to have been robbed blind

He's been acting up in the last week - refusing to do dishes 3 nights week (his only chore).

So at least I know he's went somewhere of his own free will.

I reckon he must be staying at a friends.

I've not contacted any of his friends or the police, I'm figuring that he needs his own space for some reason and it may be best to let him work through it.

[DragonWing]

That must be very worrying. I think phone around for your own peace of mind. Hope he is home soon

[Reclue]

Can't phone round his friends because I don't know any numbers or last names.

Although I do have his phone but I don't know the pin to get into it.

He had a twitter account that I knew about but he deleted that on Monday.

I sent him an email saying how worrying it all is and giving him space if that's what he needs, and he replied, so I know he's alive.

But it wasn't that reassuring as he just said he needed a change of scenery and he wasn't angry with anyone at home.

I sent a second email to try and start some kind of dialogue - but he ignored it.

So still can't understand where his head is at

[Mojow]

tell him you love him! come home when your ready.

[Caribou]

Hope he returns soon

[Reclue]

Well that another night gone by that he's not come home

I'm worried that the longer he stays away the harder it'll be for him to come home, if you know what I mean?

[monkeytastic]

Fingers crossed that he comes home soon, what a terrible thing to happen.

[ian_85]

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, Reclue. I can't say I know how it feels to go through your scenario but the fact that you know he's alive is something that you can be very happy for.

It sounds like he's going through a very tough time with something that's hard to discuss with you for whatever reason but I'm sure he'll be back soon enough; he must know how worried and scared you are but sometimes problems can easily cloud your better judgement.

You take good care of yourself, okay? I'll be so happy to read your post saying he's come back and that you've given each other a huge hug!

[DragonWing]

Maybe the suggestion to meet somewhere neutral might work? Or ask if he will come home for a meal then he can go back to wherever he currently is?

[Reclue]

Still not home.

I've e-mailed him twice today.

I know he should be at an event on Sunday, so I've asked him if he would be OK with me seeing him at that.

No reply yet.

I'm thinking if he doesn't reply then I should stay away and give him more time.

The thing is, I'm 100% sure he is staying with a friend, so he probably reasonably safe where he is and I don't want to risk spooking him and him maybe going to a worse situation.

Does that sound like the right approach?

[Omar Little]

It's hard to know what to say you should do without knowing more about your relationship with him and/or why he's he run away.
If he's just being an irresponsible youngster then turning up at wherever he's going to be might not be such a bad idea.
But if things are fractious between the two of you then it's probably not for the best to turn up at an event he will be at, but rather to do what the poster above said about arranging to meet at a cafe or something. Although, his lack of responses to you may not make that viable either.
Is he in contact with any other members of your family? Does he have a cousin or someone you could prod into talking to him, or at least sending him an email?

Can't be easy for you, i hope you get somewhere with him soon.

[Reclue]

I've always thought we had quite a good relationship.

There's been the usual teenage behaviour problems like him being lazy and untidy at times.

But we've always talked and he's asked my advice about things.

Although he has been getting increasingly secretive and dishonest.

But he's always told how much he's loved and cared for and that his welfare and happiness are important.

Maybe he just feels he needs more freedom - although he's always been able to go out with friends and spend nights away.

He's been around older teenager lately, that may be a factor.

He did very recently have a serious allergic reaction and had to go to A&E.

I don't know if he's maybe been spooked by that and the realisation that he's not invincible - like all teenagers think.

Or maybe its drugs or something.

But not knowing what the problem is means I don't know how to react and how to help him.

[Caribou]

Surely a lot depends on how old he is though? Teenager could mean anything from 13 to 19. What's his age?

[Excaliber]

Has he been attending school?

EDIT: Obviously you won't know for sure but have you rang the school to check? If he has, you could ask one of the teachers to have a word with one of your son's friends (or him directly). If the friend understands how much you're worried, he might be willing to try and convince your son to talk.

[Reclue]

He left school and went to college a year early, that's why he been mixing with teenagers a year or 2 older than himself.

He is just legally old enough to leave home without our permission or social services getting involved.

But he is quite immature.

If you saw the profile picture he had on his twitter account you would swear he was a 13 or 14 years old.

And his tweets are the mentality of a 14 year old.

He has a very part time job (a few hours a week) which he went to.

But it no less worrying given the way he left and not knowing his state of mind.

[Reclue]

I get what your saying Tabitha and thanks for the links.

From my understanding of what I have read, if I report it to the police and the police find him then because he is under 18 they have to return him home.

But I am worried about doing the wrong thing and worried about not doing the right thing and that is causing a lot of stress and anxiety.

I only told my parents about the situation last night and they are divided about the best approach, my Dad thinks I should confront him on Sunday and my Mum thinks I should give him more time.

I think if I confront him he'll just bolt and maybe go further away and stop his usual routine so that I can't confront him again.

If I get him home against his will then what's to stop him disappearing again and making it harder for me to find him next time.

At least at the moment I know he's alive. If he disappeared again I might not know anything.

I am now beginning to feel anger at him for causing this situation, but still more worried than anything else.

[Reclue]

Well still not home.

And as you can probably guess from the time of this post, still not sleeping well.

That's probably not helping my thought process.

Like I've said, I know where he'll be tomorrow - or a least where he should be.

But I still can't decide if I should go or not.

Realised today that some of my belongings have gone missing along with him.

[pjc]

Reclue I so feel for you in this most difficult and worrying situation. Only you can really decide what action, if any, you should take. Could you get a message to your son, and if you feel inclined, could it be a message that despite everything that you wish your son to return home and that what's happened wont be held against him........I'm not a Christian these days but I pray for reconciliation between yourself and your son.

[Excaliber]

Originally Posted by Reclue

Well still not home.

And as you can probably guess from the time of this post, still not sleeping well.

That's probably not helping my thought process.

Like I've said, I know where he'll be tomorrow - or a least where he should be.

But I still can't decide if I should go or not.

Realised today that some of my belongings have gone missing along with him.

If this is starting to affect your health, then I think it's fair that you begin to force the issue. I can understand your concerns about not wanting to push him away but you need to get to the bottom of this somehow. Good luck with whatever it is you decide to do.

[Reclue]

OK a little update.

I went to the event I knew he should be at and managed to speak to him briefly and give him his phone and epipens.

He said he'll be back for his little sisters birthday which is just over a week away.

It's not really clear if he just meant coming back for the day or for good, but I thought it better not to push the point.

I told him I didn't mind him staying over at his friends (and said a friends name) and that he should have just told me and not disappeared like that.

I could tell from his reaction that I was right about who he is staying with.

I think I handled it the right way, staying nice a calm and not getting into any discussion that might have caused any conflict.

A couple of hours after I spoke to him he got in touch with his nana asking to visit her on Wednesday.

So I guess I just wait now and see how it all plays out.

[newbs16]

What happened then?

[newbs16]

Hope you can sort things out

[JulesH]

Glad he's okay, I'm sure it'll work out for you and he'll be back in time for Christmas Just sounds like he needs some time to himself for a little while, but the Christmas spirit should bring him back.

[MrMr]

Have you considered ringing Childline for some expert advice? Their number is 0800 1111.

[Roo]

Hi
My heart goes out to you because I have a teenage son and I'd be in overdrive if I was in your situation, you must stay strong and keep reminding your self, sons can be selfish, only think of three things :friends, fashion and having a good time, once they walk out the front door they step into another world.
I am not going to tell you to stop worrying because I would hate that, but please be strong, he will return when he needs cash, feeding and a shower. When he does keep your anger inside, give him a cuddle and explain what he has put you through, it will go in more than shouting at him.
Thoughts are with you, pray he returns soon and stay strong.

[Reclue]

Thanks everyone.

Not sure how it's all going to work out, but at least he's safe.

I'm going to try and not worry about it too much and just hope that he does turn up for his little sisters birthday.