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  #121  
Old 23rd May 2016, 20:43
_Tink_ _Tink_ is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'm pretty sure that the James Gandolfini comparison wasn't meant in a negative/unpleasant way at all. I'm sorry you've perceived it to be negative but I genuinely think that wasn't the intention.
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  #122  
Old 23rd May 2016, 21:02
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I don think people mean ill when they do this comparison thing,but If you have some issues it can hurt, unintentionally. I have an aunt who sez I look like joey ' **** my life ' styles...I'm sure people would say it's a compliment...all I hear is you look like a ****ing child. I know they don't mean it like that. It's my own batshit i guess.

Family eh?

...is it Harry? Lol dumb ass
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  #123  
Old 24th May 2016, 18:27
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Comparisons like that aren't necessarily putting you on the same level of attractiveness as the other person, it might just mean you share some subtle, and fairly benign, features with them. Not saying you do, I'm not a good judge of that sort of thing, but it isn't necessarily intended as an insult (and I'm fairly sure in this case it wasn't meant as one)
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  #124  
Old 25th May 2016, 13:29
Chihiro Chihiro is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

How do people feel about acne on a person's face? My bdd is mainly based around bad skin and I know that people don't care if I'm good looking or not, but if it's skin blemishes then would that make you not want to speak to that person? I basically think the other will think I'm disgusting, a preoccupation carried over from my teenage years that strikes at my very core.
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  #125  
Old 25th May 2016, 17:06
meriko meriko is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Surely you do judge people on their looks, you do it when for your own safety without thinking much about it. Everyone does.
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  #126  
Old 25th May 2016, 19:00
meriko meriko is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ichigo
Not really. As I have gotten older I have learnt not to judge people just on how they look, I think its pretty closed minded and ignorant to look at someone and make a Snap decision just on their appearance
I didn't say solely nor say it's possible to make a complete decision. It is, however, human nature.
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  #127  
Old 26th May 2016, 21:31
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Is it a BDD related thing (or maybe OCD) to obsess over your clothes feeling 'right' on you? Partly how they look, and being convinced they're hanging lopsided, or bunching up strangely, like you're misshapen and Real People clothes can't fit you properly. But also this intense feeling of them being wrong somehow, like a mental itch you can't ignore. Whatever size t shirt I wear, the neck seems loose, and I struggle to take my mind off it. The feeling I get is completely disproportionate to the problem, like my mind is prioritising it and screaming 'SOMETHING MUST BE DONE ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW'. Also, the self-critical part of my brain is saying, 'Nice one Quasimodo, can't even wear a ****ing t shirt properly'.

In summary: Bleh.
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  #128  
Old 5th June 2016, 14:42
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I thought it might be a good idea to take my laptop into the garden to do some work. Well, I didn't think it was a good idea because I knew that I'd barely be able to see the screen.

I can see the screen and just about see what I'm typing, but what I can mainly see is the reflection of my face. UGH.
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  #129  
Old 5th June 2016, 18:05
BritishPeace BritishPeace is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Sure you have a very attractive face biscuits
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  #130  
Old 5th June 2016, 21:08
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Victoria Lucas
I genuinely can't understand why someone would look at you and think of James Gandolfini. You look as much like Wesley Snipes as you do James Gandolfini.
It was me who said that.

In that pic he posted he did remind me of Gandolfini.

It wasn't so much is actual features, it was just his look at time in that pic, and of course I said reminded.

I didn't mean he was the spit of James Gandolfini.

In another pic he posted I actually thought he looked a bit like Ben Affleck.

In his avatar pic, he looks like neither of them.

I wasn't being mean.

Someone else saw what I saw when I mentioned Gandolofini, and Affleck.

Wesley Snipes though, hell no lol

I wasn't being mean to ABC. ABC is better looking than me.

I think he's took what I've said and taken it that he's the spit of Gandolfini.

Someone said they thought he looked like Justin Timberlake but I can't see that.

We all look different at different angles, in different lighting conditions etc, and we all have different opinions.

I don't think there's anything wrong with Gandolfini btw and thought he was decent looking bloke.

I wouldn't mind being compared to him instead of Phil Mitchell.
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  #131  
Old 5th June 2016, 21:09
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Merritt
Comparisons like that aren't necessarily putting you on the same level of attractiveness as the other person, it might just mean you share some subtle, and fairly benign, features with them. Not saying you do, I'm not a good judge of that sort of thing, but it isn't necessarily intended as an insult (and I'm fairly sure in this case it wasn't meant as one)
This
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  #132  
Old 5th June 2016, 22:02
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Frederick Chilton
Christ knows who people would be comparing me to for top bantz if I posted a picture. Nosferatu most likely
Better than Phil Mitchell.

At least I was compared to pre pisshead Mitchell I suppose.

I don't find Mitchell ugly I just think he's really plain and boring, and I actually look worse than him, so yeah, bollocks!
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  #133  
Old 7th June 2016, 23:30
David K David K is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Now I'm imagining Number Johnny 5 screaming in terror as the crowd count down to New Year's Day.
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  #134  
Old 9th June 2016, 10:30
Hylian Hylian is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Frederick Chilton
you feel like a spectre oozing through life. Everybody gets on with it while you just. ..haunt various places, not really experiencing anything. I'm never going to learn how to be human.
This is how I feel. I glide through people like a 4-d being. Then when they miraculously try to interact with me:

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  #135  
Old 9th June 2016, 11:31
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

BDD is a nightmare.

I think I have the type where there ARE things that aren't attractive from head to toe and I just can't and never will get over them.

And being attracted to people you can't have is a complete and utter nightmare too.

It's not really SA or GAD that stops me from bothering with other people anymore it's depression and BDD.

I could be motivated to work for minimum wage and get my own place if I had a woman I wanted to devour everyday after work, have a good laugh with and enjoy the great outdoors with. And if she didn't moan when bouts of Cage fighting and fisticuffs were on and waited on me hand and foot between bouts and rounds, she'd be perfect.

I'm just stuck here with no motivation to do anything socially.

There's so many different types of women I see out and about that I find attractive and all of them are out of my league no matter what I do.

I'm not talking about Eva Longoria top 10 stunners either. I'm not one of them blokes who could only date the absolute finest women on earth and would rather have a wank than date Eva Longoria with pointy elbows or a mole, there's loads of women I find attractive who kook nothing like here, that some people would probably find a bit above average, that I'd be happy as a pig in poop dating, but it feels like I've got no chance with absolutely anyone I fancy.

I wish looks didn't matter.

I do see people out and about who aren't attractive, who genuinely do seem to love each other, enjoy each others company and fancy each other, but I can't do it.

It's no good BSing myself I couldn't be with someone I didn't want to bump uglies with no matter how much I got on with em.

I wish I could find a couple if mates to do man stuff with and get a dog and not have wonderful wenches on my mind anymore.

To have sewn my oats a bit and got women out of my system would be awesome.

As long as I've got testosterone flowing through me theres no rest, no peace though.
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  #136  
Old 9th June 2016, 11:31
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legion
This is how I feel. I glide through people like a 4-d being. Then when they miraculously try to interact with me:

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  #137  
Old 9th June 2016, 12:18
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Most the time I talk about body issues, it's about attracting people, but it goes further than that.

I can't go swimming because I don't want people seeing my body outside the water.

Can't do the gym, a bit of boxing, thai boxing or MMA.

I can't wear T shirts and vests in the summer.

I can't do jobs where I'm being observed.

Still like to eat with my back facing people, in a corner if I can.

To just be relaxed in my own skin at all times, would be amazing.

Ffs!
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  #138  
Old 9th June 2016, 12:43
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Maybe this is too honest but having a girlfriend will not solve your problems, it might improve them but being in a relationship doesn't fix you.

Sometimes I get the impression that you really would like a girlfriend and she is going to make everything better, this may sound cheesy but sometimes I think you need to work on yourself, exercise more, try and make friends, maybe lose some weight and try and socialise with men and not to try and be friends with girls because you want them to be your girlfriend.

You seem to manage really well with going out on trips, walking holidays etc. If you tried I'm sure things may improve for you.

Sent from my SM-G800F using Tapatalk
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  #139  
Old 9th June 2016, 13:21
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by newbie2013
^ Maybe this is too honest but having a girlfriend will not solve your problems, it might improve them but being in a relationship doesn't fix you.

Sometimes I get the impression that you really would like a girlfriend and she is going to make everything better, this may sound cheesy but sometimes I think you need to work on yourself, exercise more, try and make friends, maybe lose some weight and try and socialise with men and not to try and be friends with girls because you want them to be your girlfriend.

You seem to manage really well with going out on trips, walking holidays etc. If you tried I'm sure things may improve for you.

Sent from my SM-G800F using Tapatalk
I've had mates in the past.

I've been social.

I've held house parties and hung around with tonnes of folks.

I grew tired and bored of mates and they grew tired and bored of me.

They moved on with GF's etc.

When you're a young man finding a woman is what you want in the end.

You are driven by hormones and want to spend time with the opposite sex.

In the past I've had some great laughs with some male mates but that died and they can't give me what a woman could give, what a woman offers.

The ultimate thing for me would be to find a woman who doubles up as a lover and a friend.

If I had a lot of money I wouldn't think about that as much as tbh I'd probably be ordering women like pizza until I just settled for a sugar babe or two.

I don't look at women as problem solvers.

I just want a woman to have a laugh and a shag with.

I want one of my old mates with lady lumps basically.

I don't want anything too serious.

A **** buddy would be nice.

The idea of having kids etc is massively unappealing as I'd be a terrible, useless but fun father and I havn't lived anywhere near enough.

I want to selfishly enjoy my own life before I drop.

I'm not one of these people who wants to fall in love and build the American dream.

I have no real interest in making friends as at the end of the day I want a friend and a lover in one.

I've just lost the ability to enjoy male company and the desire to be around males, even though the best times of my life have been around males I had no anxiety around whatsoever and had amazing belly laughs with for days, has gone.

Oh and as for exercise, I worked out religiously for nearly three years without missing a single session, and felt healthier and more confident than I've ever been, but it did bugger all for my issues with the opposite sex.

I found women were more interested in me when I was a drug addled joke and streak of piss.

Thanks for your kind message me wench but I'm not looking for mates/friends and I'm not expecting a woman to solve my problems.
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  #140  
Old 9th June 2016, 13:26
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelica
I always feel like Frankenstein's monster when he is floating off on that huge bit of ice northwards.

What makes it worse is that if you do look different society will join in with the hatred.
I'll never be able to wear a t -shirt in public,learn how to swim and other normal things. Hope others here seek help if they've BDD or (as in my case) can't accept their body as it's a horrible way to live.

I've wasted my life hiding away.
Exactly the same.

I'm getting better at doing things my own but some things I'll never be able to do even on my own.

I'm hoping to wild swim though soon when the weather gets worse and no one is around.

I can swim but I havn't done it as an adult.

I'll have to anker myself to a rock and take a float in case I exhaust myself or I've forgot to swim lol
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  #141  
Old 9th June 2016, 13:32
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^^ what are you expecting then?

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  #142  
Old 9th June 2016, 13:37
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by newbie2013
^^ what are you expecting then?

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Nothing, I'm waiting for a lotto win so things are way easier to obtain. lol
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  #143  
Old 9th June 2016, 14:28
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelica
^^
It's cheesy but you can't underestimate the power that love and attention can have on a person. I know a relationship wouldn't cure me,i'm not even looking for one as those pangs have long gone and i'd no idea where to find someone,but i'd receive a boon having someone in my life .

It's all very well working on yourself but for how long? Life tends to carry on and doesn't wait for those of us with mental or physical issues to catch up. I wasted years telling myself "when I am better...", "Once I look a certain way.." but all it led to was wasting my teens and most of my twenties -the ages where you have the most freedom.

If you want companionship and adult intimacy then a friend just isn't enough so I can understand Cairn's frustration.
I've done the friends thing.

I've gone to work, worked out after my shift has finished then hit the pub or a club or both over and over again with mates, but I still had issues with the opposite sex.

Believe me I've had amazing laughs with a couple of my old mates but it's not enough, and now I wouldn't even know what to say to them, even if I actually had the desire to be around them.

I'd love nothing more than to be able to feel the way I used to and hook up with one old mate in particular and go backpackong with him, laughing ours tits off through the entire journey and not having women on my mind at all, but that's gone, completely gone.

And the idea of being around lads again, I just wouldn't get anything from it.

I'm middle aged, well I'm past that really because I'll be dead in 10-20 years I reckon, running out of time and my entire body is breaking down, hormone levels dropping and erection quality and sensation fading lol, so I wan't to spend time with a wench or 100 and have some fun bonding and enjoying stuff, and filth before everything completely seizes up. Once me knees, vision and wotists gone I've had it. lol

Impossible though when you hate your're body, you're mental and you're broke.
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  #144  
Old 9th June 2016, 14:47
Hylian Hylian is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

My life: a male peacock with no tail feathers.

I believe that's an accurate metaphor for the result of BDD?
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  #145  
Old 9th June 2016, 22:28
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Frederick Chilton
I 've managed to meet someone from here a good few times now and we have a grand old time. When we first met I walked towards them with my knees weak from fright, now we navigate crowds with relative ease and have gone to an event with raucous audience participation and there are truly times I forget having SA. It's possible to lose yourself in the moment enough to forget awkwardness and saying the wrong thing and just have fun. But it's not possible to forget you have a body and a face, and what they look like. Scopophobia's constant.
There's a lot of things I do by the very minute as misdirection, comfort behaviours and peek-a-boo games just to minimise that sensation when out & about, I really can't escape it.
I can empathise with this. Sometimes I think of things I've dared to do in the past, go to gigs, shows, even meet people from the internet, and I wonder how I did it, when my appearance (or the way I perceive it) dictates that they're Things I Cannot Mustn't Ever Do Ever Literally Impossible I Tell You. I look back and think, were they just all flukes, every last one? All times when by rights my hideousness should have gotten me tarred and feathered, or hounded in shame from every venue?

There's that small part of me that thinks, 'Well, maybe I'm no oil painting, but I never expect anyone to think I'm one, so why does it matter? And anyone who'd dislike me as a person due to how I look isn't someone who's worth a second thought, because there are billions or people out there and I only care about making a connection with a few nice ones.' I wish I knew how to listen to that voice more. I guess I worry that by doing so I'm somehow giving in to my ugliness, I'm embracing it as part of my character, and the other voice that tells me if only I fix this or that I'll be able to claw my way from irredeemable ugmo to kind of acceptable, they keep me strung along on that promise.

I don't know, maybe the key to not feeling so ugly is to accept that it doesn't really matter whether you are or not; the barriers between you and the things you want in life are mostly illusionary. We may not be attractive or even easy on the eye to most people (can only speak for myself, of course) but do the things we want from life actually require being so?

God, what I'd give for a therapist to do their mind tricks and brainwash me into not giving a shit about how I look (beyond basic hygiene and grooming) Because I've taken selfies a few times lately, but every time I've thought I couldn't show a picture of my face looking like that and not expect it incite laughter/nausea any more than I could by posting a close up of my balls.
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  #146  
Old 16th June 2016, 15:25
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder



This week, I 'ave been mostly obsessed with: aesthetic symmetry.
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  #147  
Old 16th June 2016, 17:19
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Don't make me laugh at your BDD, Merritt! Haha

My current obsession is with my eyes and whether or not they make me look old. Also the shiny-ness of my face.
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  #148  
Old 16th June 2016, 19:29
Cairn Cairn is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuits
Also the shiny-ness of my face.
To much butter in you, biscuits.

Maybe turning into a less buttery biscuit would help?

Just make sure you don't turn yourself into a bone dry, horrible, water biscuit, like a jacobs cracker.
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  #149  
Old 16th June 2016, 19:33
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

It's all about the buttery biscuit base.
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  #150  
Old 16th June 2016, 21:33
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Well, that's not going to leave my head all night. Not that I'm complaining.

Speaking of eyes, I kind of broke my glasses twisting them about because they seemed lopsided. But I think I realised my eyes are lopsided, or perhaps one ear is slightly higher than the other. I don't know why I've only just noticed all these things in the last few months, it's not like I woke up one day with a new head.
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