Speed dating...help

Silver · #1 25th July 2011, 13:23

I am going speed dating this wednesday and I am ABSOLUTELY terrified

It sounds stupid but this has to be one of the scariest things I have ever done. I am visualising me sitting there with nothing to say and huge long awkward silences and the men looking at me like I am stupid. I was planning on getting really drunk to get through it but now wonder if that is such a good idea. I guess I could write out a list of common questions and answers. Im going with a group of girls so cant really get out of it but going with people I know will make me feel a bit better at least. My confidence is really low atm which doesnt help too. Anyone got any advice on how to get through it without coming across as a total idiot?

kastra · #2 25th July 2011, 13:41

aww it does sound scary but you should be proud of yourself just for agreeing to go.

I agree getting really drunk is probably a bad idea; might make it easier on the night but by the morning you'll regret it. Having a list of questions just in case sounds good, and in general just try and focus on the people you are talking to rather than getting caught up in what they think of you and whatever else.

Tyke · #3 26th July 2011, 03:37

Well done for trying it Silver. Just remember us blokes are human too and we are just as terrified by such things but do our best to look cool. Just try and relax, be yourself and be a good listener if you can't think of much to say. A lot of us blokes love talking anyway (not me though) so you might not get chance to say that much! If you are just pleasant to be with the men will like you.

MrMr · #4 26th July 2011, 09:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tyke

Well done for trying it Silver. Just remember us blokes are human too and we are just as terrified by such things but do our best to look cool. Just try and relax, be yourself and be a good listener if you can't think of much to say. A lot of us blokes love talking anyway (not me though) so you might not get chance to say that much! If you are just pleasant to be with the men will like you.

This.

catlover · #5 26th July 2011, 14:28

Silver, I admire you for having the courage to try this, but personally, I've always thought that the practice of speed-dating encourages a way of looking at other people that is based more on appearance than on substance.

Since one can't really learn about the character of another person within a few minutes of conversation, all that one is left with is an unreliable first impression based on outward appearance -- i.e., physical "beauty" (as defined by mass media and enhanced by modern technology, i.e., makeup, hair styling, surgery) and feigned glibness that often hides what is truly inside the person.

socialanxietyjohn · #6 26th July 2011, 18:07

Good luck with the speed dating. I would love to try this. In theory you shouldn't be with the person long enough for a build up of anxiety to affect you.

Silver · #7 26th July 2011, 19:02

Thanks all. Im kind of panicking a bit now and wish I could get out of it. My confidence is so damn low I really dont want to go through with it. Im going for the 'fun' of it not cos I genuinely think Im gonna meet anyone....cos I wont. Just have to see how it goes I guess. Wish me a ton of luck

catlover · #8 27th July 2011, 00:02

I do wish you luck.

I admire your courage, because for me, speed-dating would be more difficult than a job interview.

Matt77 · #9 27th July 2011, 00:14

Yes a very courageous choice of social interaction, would scare the hell out of me as well. Carry it out if you can it would be an interesting experience. The only advice I can give is what you said in the post and memorize a list of questions and answers so you can feel as prepared as you can. Most non-SA people would feel nervous in this situation so try not to put too much pressure on yourself, Good luck!

Silver · #10 29th July 2011, 01:06

Thanks everyone. Well I went last night and it was incrediably nerve wracking at first. I was with about 7 other girls and we got there early so luckily only 2 guys there and the bar was VERY dark which helped a bit haha. I was so nervous I literally downed about 4 drinks beforehand. The first guy I spoke to must have thought I was a right idiot as I struggled to give him eye contact and didnt have a clue what to say but luckily it did get easier. I probably said the same thing to each guy (there were 11 in total) but there were a few I would have liked to have talk to more after the bell went. I went onto the site today and found out I got 2 ticks and 3 friends and 1 match which is pretty cool. I realised a lot of the guys were nervous too and actually a lot of them left straight afterwards. It must have been intimidating for them though with us group of girls all drunk, giggling and tallking about them. I guess thats what girls do though isnt it and perhaps guys take it slightly more seriously than girls do, I dunno

We went to a pub afterwards and there was one guy I really fancied but all I managed was a smile at him and even doing that made me feel so stupid. After all what he would ever see in me lol. I guess its a start tho even though I would never in a million years have the courage or guts to go up to a guy I fancy, no matter how drunk I was cos my fear of rejection/humilation/being laughed at is just too strong sadly

GhostOnMagneticTape · #11 29th July 2011, 01:10

Well done Silver for going, I admire your bravery along with the positive results!

Something I've thought about myself doing for years but always been a coward and feel no one will be attracted to or like me if I ever do speed dating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silver

Thanks a lot. I think your attractive from the few times I have met you, so I bet your wrong on that front

Edit - Maybe I'm OK looking to some but attraction is not just about looks, most women usually are disappointed or repelled after a conversation with me, I just never seem to have any spark/chemistry. Anyway, hope something develops for you!

Silver · #12 29th July 2011, 01:11

Thanks a lot. I think your attractive from the few times I have met you, so I bet your wrong on that front

Leif Erikson · #13 29th July 2011, 11:43

Well done for doing it - I may be doing it August myself

TonaldDrump · #14 29th July 2011, 15:38

What site did you organise this on, op? Im curiously interested.

Silver · #15 29th July 2011, 22:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leif Erikson

Well done for doing it - I may be doing it August myself

Ooh thats exciting keep me informed and let me know how it goes

It was organised through a site called speed dater

wlien · #16 30th July 2011, 09:58

I'm been speed dating once, I don't think I'd do it again, I'm glad you had a slightly positive experience though. Its possibly easier for a girl as its up to the man to try and impress more.

indiegirl1980 · #17 30th July 2011, 19:48

Glad you had a positive result- I know how it feels when you've convinced yourself that people don't/won't like you and end up being surprised that they do.

Wish I had the confidence to try it but that is way down my list of worries at the moment.