Type what you're thinking about right now (11)

[Professor Willow]

What on earth am I going to have for my dinner.

[Amara 94]

Just watched Hype House on Netflix.

I'm 27, there are influencers that are my age but I feel this social media influencer stuff is bigger wit my sisters age group, she is 22. I still feel young but I guess that's the divide between millennials and Gen Z I notice. She grew up with more websites that were integrated with the real world than I did, I'm talking about when she was 7 compared to when I was. Social media was becoming big when I was a teen, it was already big when she was a teen and smartphones in the modern form were common whereas they became common when I was around 17.

But then if I think about it those in High School currently would see or have different types of influencers by the time they are 20 because I think now we have kind of reached the peak when it comes to social media influencers. I mean now, 5 years ago or so, I think social media influencers were still kind of a new, upcoming thing.

[Merritt]

It's taken me a while to realise, but I think I've figured out One Weird Trick re: sleep. If I'm still going to feel tired and want to go back to bed for a bit after a long night's sleep, I might as well have a shorter night's sleep and make up the difference during Merritt's big boy naptime.

[Amara 94]

The one friend I have that I contact on WhatsApp is not my friend again or has obviously moved on. I like to feel he just isn’t my friend and feel a bit angry about it but in all honesty part of it is the dynamic and my fault. It feels good to talk about my issues but yeah that must get annoying for the other person I’m speaking to.

He may contact again but I’ve noticed him using the excuse of why he didn’t respond to a WhatsApp message quite frequently recently.

[Amara 94]

I kinda see briefly how current family dynamics have resulted in me being a nice guy

[Consolida]

I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.

Can't cope, can't cope, CAN'T cope anymore

[Dougella]

^ What's happening Consolida? Are you still suffering a lot with the taper?
And have you been able to visit your Mum yet? The covid rules are changing tomorrow I think so maybe they will officially start to allow hospital visits again.

[Consolida]

^ No, it's isn't the taper although that isn't helping matters.

After a month in hospital my mum is suffering with some serious complications and is unable to fight off the infection. She's been transferred from one hospital to another and was dumped in A&E all night and day waiting for a bed. I pleaded with a Nurse over the phone to let me visit my mum but she said 'Visiting is against Hospital Policy'. I informed her that I'd eventually been allowed to visit my mum a few times when she was on a different ward and the Nurse then changes her tack and said 'Well, visiting is against hospital policy on this ward'. The Nurse had zero empathy.

I finally managed to talk to my mum on the hospital phone for a couple of minutes but she was so disoriented that she didn't know where she was or what was happening. She only said that she's had enough and can't hang on much longer. I told her to hang on but I don't know if she will be able to.
I lay awake at night fearful that the hospital might call to say that my beloved mum has gone and how I wasn't allowed to be there for her when she most needed me

[Azalea]

That's so sad and so wrong Consolida.

[Dougella]

^^^ Seriously, what are they thinking! The nurse should be able to see how important you visiting is to your Mum. I hope you can visit very soon.

[biscuits]

^^^ it is an incredibly cruel and sad to put families through this

Have you been able to speak to the ward manager, they might hopefully have more powers to allow you on the ward. If they're not accommodating then say you would like to know their complaints procedure, and also contact PALS. I'm so sorry that this process is incredibly stressful.

I really hope they allow you on the ward soon. Sending you lots of love, Consolida

[Chess&Junkfood]

I'm so sorry, Consolida. It's terrible how you and your Mum are being treated. No empathy at all. I hope you will be able to visit your Mum soon!

[Amara 94]

Adults are like children but more controlled and less impulsive.

[3stacks]

Sometimes I worry that I'm the only conscious person in the universe and everything is a figment of my imagination. Sounds silly but scares the life out of me

Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk

[Amara 94]

My granny has left. Observing some situations I actually feel my granny may have anxiety like me but has a different way of dealing with it. Maybe it’s her generation but it’s as if she follows what she sees her friends do. Rather than act shy like I do though she acts a bit more aggressive in public and tries to look like she can do more than she can. But maybe most old people, who are over 80 years old, try to act like they can do more than they can. Tbh, here I think old people in general are cared less for by there family in Nigeria family look after the old, but man the work felt like sacrifice a bit mentally. However here old people probably get given the tools they need for old age. For example my granny can still walk unassisted but not for long. Also she slouches after a while. She would qualify for a walking stick over here.

A part of me makes me feel like she is kind of naive or vulnerable in the sense that I suspect she is anxious and she seems to put her friends on a higher pedestal. Like she is nice, but too nice like me sometimes. I also see her passive aggressive side. My mum lied to her before she left as well in regards to something which adds to this thought.

In her house in Nigeria her son, my mums brothers, lives with her and apparently is mentally ill like my mum, idk how severe though. It might even be undiagnosed autism that through lack of awareness has gotten so bad it causes other mental illness or unhealthy habits. I feel there is codependency in the family. I like my granny but found it a bit suffocating when she was staying since I had to help her a lot, which isn’t a big deal. But I felt I couldn’t share my true opinions with her, which probably caused this feeling. Maybe that’s about me though.

Also from what I know of Nigerian culture and suspected from my granny, the elders are always right. She didn’t question me but told me what I should be doing in regards to life, job. She didn’t listen to me if she couldn’t understand something, but this is something my 14 year old cousin said is the issue with his parents/family, I now can understand this better. She puts my mums mental illness to be based on the devils work. But maybe if the issue was actually discussed it wouldn’t be as big as it is.

With my mum I think I have to start building boundaries and after seeing how my mum acted whilst granny was here I just feel much more certain about this. I feel she can do what she wants but if she does something that affects me I feel less tolerant to just allow her to continue with it now. I feel less guilt to say no it’s not alright, and even confront family members that don’t check up and the nhs who do nothing but just give her pills.

[Amara 94]

My granny has gone and my mum has slept most of the day. Maybe she does need a carer, her meds make her sleep all day, or most of the day. I do think I would feel differently though soon. I probably have to deal with my life better.

[Dougella]

^ Sounds like there is more mental illness like your Mum's in her family then. Maybe your Mum was als exhausted from your Granny's visit.
There are sometimes things people can do if their meds make them very sleepy, like take them in the evening rather than in the morning. But it does sound like your Mum is not getting the kind of support that she really needs.

[Mike.Kzov]

^^ That's interesting. I've had somewhat similar experiences with grand parents. I have a grand parent who also has some sort of anxiety condition, but struggles to think about it in the way we tend to now. One way she copes with it is hoarding. When challenged, they usually say it's down to having lived through the war, the blitz and rationing.

I guess it's easy to criticise. I imagine I'll find the ideas about mental illness that future generations might have very different and alien!

[Bored]

Next Tuesday the second day of the week it will be 2/2/22 then later in the month it will be
22/2/22 and when the time is 22:22 on that day...........

[Consolida]

Originally Posted by 3stacks

Sometimes I worry that I'm the only conscious person in the universe and everything is a figment of my imagination. Sounds silly but scares the life out of me

Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk

I sometimes think this too but there's no way of knowing if it's true or not. I mean, you and everyone on this forum might just be a figment of my imagination and I only exist in my head. I envy people who only ever ponder about what they are having for dinner that night!


@ nothing_special_2501 - that's an interesting and insightful post about your granny and the cultural differences here and in Nigeria. It seems that there is a far greater emphasis on family there and looking after the older members but perhaps less awareness when it comes to mental health. My next door neighbour is a lovely older Nigerian lady. She always asks after my mum and says she is praying for her although somehow I don't think her prayers are getting through! She has asked my husband and I to attend her daughters wedding although I've never met the daughter. Community and looking out for your neighbour is obviously a really big thing which is so nice, although not so good if you have SA and have difficulties socialising


@ Lee, Dougella, Azalea, Biscuits and Chess&Junkfood - Thank you for your kind thoughts x

I still think I'm having some sort of nervous breakdown. I stayed in bed yesterday and didn't bother showering. My husband and son had dinner on their own. I'm struggling to function at the most basic level. The hospital is still refusing to allow me to visit my mum although she's extremely confused, doesn't even know where she is. A nurse let me have a FaceTime call but it just made me feel even worse to be able to see how ill my mum looked but not be able to be with her. The consultant wants to see me on Monday so I should get to see my mum then but I know it's going to be about stopping the treatment and starting up palliative care so it's hardly something to look forward to although someone said it will give me something to focus on

[Dougella]

^ It's no wonder you are feeling like that, you are under a lot of stress and dealing with everything that is happening with your mum must be incredibly upsetting (the word upsetting doesn't cover it really). Good that you will hopefully be able to see your mum on Monday and I hope the consultant says you should carry on visiting her.

[Amara 94]

^^Sorry about your situation.

[biscuits]

@ Consolida there is so much for you to process and cope with and all these stressful and cruel rules. Have you been able to contact MacMillan for some support for yourself during this extremely difficult time? It might be something worth trying as they'll be able to support you.

[biscuits]

Originally Posted by Bored

Next Tuesday the second day of the week it will be 2/2/22 then later in the month it will be
22/2/22 and when the time is 22:22 on that day...........

You have no idea how much palindromic number facts please my mind

I wonder if someone will go for a number two on the number two bus at 22:22 on 2/2/22?

[Tembo]

I went up to London for a hospital appointment a few days ago. I always forget how much I love visiting the place. So much variety, lots to see, can walk for a minute and end up somewhere completely different. In terms of SA, I like it as I enjoy disappearing into a crowd, and no one is likely to recognise me.

I’ve always enjoyed visiting, but always thought I wouldn’t like to live there. However now I think I’m changing my mind on that. Although, realistically I’d need a very well paid job to even consider it, and I’d probably end up in a one-room apartment well out in the suburbs, which wouldn’t be much different to where I live in Kent.

Maybe I should just try and visit a bit more. Although it costs £25 return on the train with a railcard. Not too bad, but it will soon add up! There is also the option of the coach, however it’s not that much cheaper and it takes forever, and frequently gets stuck in traffic.

[Amara 94]

I've lived in an outer London suburb all my life. I don't think I would enjoy living in Central London, it feels like there is a lack of privacy although it also feels more individualistic than even London suburbs, for example people don't all dress the same in Central London. I feel like London is a great place to visit, to live I think it depends on your job and social circle. Me being in low wage jobs, having almost no social circle, London isn't really a great place to live, in fact depressing but London is big with lots of different areas and people. And then as there is a lot of opportunity I can improve my lifestyle more easily than other places I suppose.

[Amara 94]

Virtual music collaborations. I think it's here to stay and is really practical but I wonder how it influences the sound and vibe of music produced as I imagine, even if it's live, there is some form of detachment in the collaboration. Also seeing this I think, although my generation would disagree, it also probably makes the music less refined in some ways as the environment is perfectly optimised for making music like a studio would be.

If future musicians decide to collaborate more in the same place together but use a lot of technology still, how would that influence their music.

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CYvCate..._web_copy_link

[Amara 94]

Mainstream or more popular music feels fake in a way.

I am listening to a song that a producer I am into helped to produce, however the rap artist is getting so much respect for being so versatile when other unknown producers have actually helped make the track. It's like the popular person is the label but the track isn't really his. Idk it's confusing.

[Mellie]

Miss my friend who disappeared from Facebook cos of my mental health. Fml

[Amara 94]

I am weak.

I am going back to my old workplace tomorrow. I feel the fact that dirty looks intimidate me make me a weak person in a way.