Do You Maintain Eye Contact

[kalyfician]

Correct me if I am wrong, but do you think people treat you differently when you don't give them eye contact, it could be seen as passive behaviour, even rude, or that you are showing signs of weakness

For example I went into the shop today, the female cashier was talkative to the the lady in front, when it came to me she didn't even say hello or nothing...

Then as I walked away she greeted the next person a guy in the queue.

Now I took that personally, but when I thought about it, I tend to analyse everything to the nth degree.

I am now wondering because I didn't give the lady eye contact that is why she didn't greet me or speak to me.

What do you reckon. Do you find it hard to maintain eye contact, and do you think people treat us differently when we cannot give eye contact?

Thanks!

[Stotch]

Why not try opening the interaction with the cashier the next time you go in, as oppose to waiting for her to begin. Its most probably the case of you not coming across as approachable by avoiding eye contact. So to avoid any awkwardness by just staring at her while you wait for her to greet you, you could just say 'hi how are you' the next time.

[kalyfician]

I guess it because I am afraid that if I look at her she will look away or look at me as though she has trodden in something, I fear rejection, so that is why I avoid people's looks.

I have done this before, I have looked at the cashier and she grimaced at my ugly mug, by not looking at them I can't see the disgust in their faces.

[kalyfician]

Exactly and it's worse at the gym. I have learnt NOT TO MAINTAIN ANY eye contact at the gym.

If you look at a lady, she thinks you fancy her. And staring at another guy is a massive taboo!

[Stotch]

You're really over-complicating matters, just say 'hi' and 'thanks', you don't even need to make eye contact if you don't want to. Its harder for someone to ignore you, if you verbally speak to them.

Oh and you don't need to be staring to make eye contact.

[Custard_cream]

I don't maintain eye contact with anyone. I don't even look in the persons direction when I speak to them most of the time.

[diplodocus]

I veer between maintaining (what I think is) good eye contact, but it's often too intense and people start getting twitchy. I've been asked if I'm a police officer quite a few times, first time it was amusing but it grows old fast. Other times I reduce eye contact and people think I'm dodgy or rude or nervous. Tis a fine line.

[chicopada]

yes eye contact is fairly important for establishing relations. I really struggle with it, i used to look away during eye contact. Now i seem to have developed this odd glaring thing which makes people uncomfortable and they look away now. So now i keep it to a minimum cos the glare is involuntary.

[Focused]

I try, but its difficult and always has been. My therapist said at my last cbt session that my eye contact with her had improved massively from how it was when I first started cbt.

[kalyfician]

Thank you Boy, I will try that out for sure.