13 months after joining.... >.<

[phoenixx]

So umm... hi....

I just looked and I've been a member here for over a year, and still never got around to posting. >.<

I'm phoenixx, or nixx, or... whatever else you'd like to call me. I'm 26 and from the midlands. :D

I have been battling against SA for years now. At its worst I was near losing my home because I couldn't pay the rent.... I had the money, I had every intention of giving them the money.... but I had to pay it in-person directly, and i'd stand in front of that office every day willing myself to just press the buzzer and go in, and not managing it. Another time I was living in a flat with no light or heat because getting people in to fix this was too much. :/ ... I guess my anxiety has affected every area of my life, work, home, school, friends and relationships. At times I can be almost argrophobic.... and at other times I can be fine for ages... and sometimes i'll be fine with one area of my life but completely crippled by fear over certain 'easy' things.

I have been trying to push myself alot over the last year or so, and am back in employment part time and attending evening classes at college. But lately i've hit a wall.... when you withdraw from people they move on... and more and more i'm finding I really would like to regain some sort of social life, and people that understand me.... its kinda lonely. I'm tired of being alone.

Thats pretty much it.... i think

<--- this has no relivence at all, exept that I saw it and wanted to use it.

[bluegrey]

Hi pheonixx. I was drawn to that icon too

[Azi]

Hi Nixx, welcome aboard.

[-Simon-]

Hi Nixx, I can kind of relate to that business of having the wherewithall to pay your rent but not actually able to make yourself physically do it. I have got in trouble with bills and things because of not wanting to make a phone call or sometimes even not wanting to deal with something by post. In your case I guess the reluctance is more obviously SA as it was the prospect of personal interaction which made it difficult for you, I think it's more like depression in my case - not feeling up to dealing with things, but the end result is probably the same - feeling worse about yourself the longer you put it off and proving to yourself how useless you are etc. Sounds like you're in a better place now, as am I, long may it continue.

[Rane]

Welcome to the forum Well done for making your first post. Stick with it, it gets easier

[am1000]

hi Nixx

[ewilson]

Hello and welcome I know how it feels to be stood outside somewhere and not been able to go in, your not alone

[Belinda]

Hi Nixx! Welcome to the forum. I didn't make my first post till a year after joining either so I know how you feel.

[lemongirl]

hi i agree wiv u its very lonely havin SA! Thats great u workin and doin evenin classes,thats also putting yourself out there wiv people but yeah u eed people that can relate to SA