How do you feel if someone disagrees with your opinion?

[Progress]

?

[girlinterrupted]

Depends who it is,my opinion of them and how they disagree. If it`s someone whose opinions I respect then the ruddy SA deep inside will still rear it`s head and feel a little hurt or crushed or rejected or silly,or even that I must be plain wrong. Even though I know that`s irrational and immature,it still happens,but only in a tiny way and momentarily. If it`s done politely and adultly,that doesn`t feel as bad either.

If it`s someone who I have no respect for generally and who doesn`t matter to me in any way,then I don`t care. In fact there are a lot of people in the world whose agreement I would be actually disturbed by,and make me wonder where I`ve gone wrong.

[Primal]

I'd usually just drop the subject and be quietly content that I was right. I'm always right

[RobbyBobson]

Originally Posted by Primal

I'd usually just drop the subject and be quietly content that I was right. I'm always right

You can't be that secure that your opinions are 'correct' (obviously in some things there is no undisputed right and wrong) if you aren't capable of defending them Just some food for thought.

[black_mamba]

When my self esteem was at its lowest, I'd have been crushed and hurt.

These days I'm not so bad. Something must have happened with my ego and its connection with wanting to appear right all the time but I find it hard to articulate exactly what. I guess I attached my identity too strongly with my opinions, assuming my opinions were unchangable and a reflection of me as a person.

Might have mentioned this article before but it extols the virtues of being wrong more often. Quite liberating! http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2010...ng-more-often/

i really don't give a toss it's when they start trying to change my opinion to match theirs that i go ape shit. you've got your opinion that's great now **** off and let me have mine.

[T]

Its there Opinion just gotta agree to disagree on what your talking about

[raskalnikov]

Are you saying my opinion is inferior?

[endo_endo]

punch them, punch everyone. it comes down to how they disagree with me if they are angry and scream and shout i repay them in kind if they are calm and listen to me then talk I'll do the same. I give everyone respect till they show me they don't deserve it.

[Poster]

Everyone has an opinion. If they can logically explain their side, then I'm willing to listen.

[Progress]

I can get a huge mixture of reactions depending on the person and how much I respect them and whether the opinions affect me personally.
It has affected my self esteem in the past, because it's as if I believe (believed) others opinions must be better than mine, so if they have a different view then it devalues me because it makes me doubt myself.
Sometimes it might upset and anger me if I feel their opinion seems to be making a value judgement about me - for example if they make a moral judgement about something I'm happy to do. I need to improve my self belief here.
It's also very frustrating when my opinions get quite forcibly thrown back at me (particularly if I'm just trying to help). Maybe I should learn not to get so angry and realise where I need to tread carefully.

[Medea]

It depends. If it's a political opinion or philosophical opinion then I'm fine with it, as long as they're not aggressive about it.

If it's a personal opinion on something I value deeply and the person is a friend or relation then I feel horrible and crushed.

[Serephina]

If I feel strongly about my opinion I stick with it,I don't ignore that the other person may disagree or may be coming at the issue from a different angle,I listen to what the other person has to say and often I learn from it.

[Mr_Bean]

offline is ok- you express yours, they express theirs. Online is a different matter. Creates all sorts of imaginary molehills. That being said- all depends on the forum too.

[BritishPeace]

I don't give 2 hoots. The loudest people are usually the most wrong.

[VO2]

Well I guess I feel I need to give them a voice, then think about it, sometimes I stop their pocket money though and that seems to aline their opinion with my own

[Sea]

To be honest, I crumble. It's pretty rubbish really, since I am actually an expert in my field but the second someone questions my expertise then I immediately doubt myself and worry I got it wrong. I know I didn't get it wrong and yet I have so little self-confidence that at the same time I think they must be right and I must have made an error. Yeah, I am pathetic really - I hate confrontation, I hate being questioned (though I know this is human nature) and I hate the feelings of self-doubt and hurt that I experience whenever someone disagrees with me. A lot of it boils down to the fear of being judged and publicly humiliated.

I need to get a grip, I really do. But this is how I have dealt with being questioned all my life, and I get worse not better at handling it...

[Kam]

i think im pretty logical and reasonable,if someone can explain to me why im wrong with there intelligence on that particular subject,i can take that in although maybe occasionally i will do my own research just to make sure :p

it all depends on the source really,theres some people im more willing to accept there views and opinions on why i might wrong but theres someone who talk alot of nonsense that i cant mentally take in what there saying over what im saying. 0_o

[misska]

It depends how they act when they disagree my dad drives me mad when he disagrees he wont listen and completly wipes off any other opinion and will stop listening as soon as he thinks hes right

[PussyRiot]

It depends. If they respect my opinion but tell me a few things that could change my opinion then that is good. I don't like to be ignorant. If after listening to logical and well expressed argument from the other side, but still have my original opinion that is fine, but if they then rather than inform me, just try to bully me into believing their opinion even when I don't then if we cannot amicably agree to differ, then I avoid that person. So many of my opinions have changed because a lot of people know more than me or can see things from a different side, but when people are basically saying 'you are wrong and I am right and I will always be right and so you are stupid' - then I am gone. I don't like bigots.

[iTz0kt0Bu]

I don't usually take it too well tbh. I think its cause, to admit, I like feeling like a know it all which I'm obviously not. Idrk why, I think it's cause I associate disagreement with negative things, which seem irrational, for example I have probably associated disagreement with personal dislike (i know it sounds extreme) or dissagreement as a sign I'm not smart.

But then I find it hard to express disagreement in real life, even with friends. I don't think that this is healthy as it makes me a closed person.

[Progress]

^ That is so like me. Or more accurately, how I used to be.

You are so self knowing, it's spooky. It took me years of therapy and painful experiences to learn all that about myself.

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by retep

Idrk why, I think it's cause I associate disagreement with negative things, which seem irrational, for example I have probably associated disagreement with personal dislike (i know it sounds extreme) or dissagreement as a sign I'm not smart.

Yep that's how I used to be. Like Progress it took me years to realise this about myself!!

[iTz0kt0Bu]

^^ Well the internet has probably helped me I think

[Progress]

^ That was the problem for me back then, I used to have to write things with a quill and send it by carrier pigeon

[Tom123]

With the amount of chutney I spout, there is a usually a very good reason for it.

[Spock]

Originally Posted by retep

I don't usually take it too well tbh. I think its cause, to admit, I like feeling like a know it all which I'm obviously not. Idrk why, I think it's cause I associate disagreement with negative things, which seem irrational, for example I have probably associated disagreement with personal dislike (i know it sounds extreme) or dissagreement as a sign I'm not smart.

But then I find it hard to express disagreement in real life, even with friends. I don't think that this is healthy as it makes me a closed person.

An honest answer

I had a number of problems at work because i refused to take any responsibility for any mistakes i made....i would always find a way to justify them and therefore i wasn't really wrong and hadn't really made a mistake (i actually got quite good at this and in some ways actually developed a good ability to argue my position very convincingly....even when i knew i was wrong.....though that's not really the point is it) i used to think it was because i took things very personally and it felt like i was being criticised but what you said about not being smart just struck a cord with me....i now realise that probably was a big part of it

I actually had a date on Saturday which was going really well then we started having a slight disagreement about psychiatry and medication and while 49% of my brain knew that i should shut up if i wanted to get anywhere with this girl, 51% of my brain said no!....she's trying to make herself look more intelligent than you and so you must crush her!!.....just an immediate sense of being belittled and so having to fight my corner....to be fair, she was a little patronising which only fueled the fire and i did notice that she tried to suggest that our difference of opinion was based on one of us knowing more than the other and not simply because we happened to think different things (that's when it becomes annoying....when they encourage you to think it's because you're not as smart as them) once she accepted what i was saying was valid, i also then felt more able to accept her position more readily

anyway, i'm rambling on....the point is....that whole thing about being seen as intelligent makes a lot of sense to me (and it isn't just about feeling like i'm being criticised)

[black_mamba]

Originally Posted by Progress

^ That was the problem for me back then, I used to have to write things with a quill and send it by carrier pigeon

Originally Posted by hux

I actually had a date on Saturday which was going really well then we started having a slight disagreement

Heh, reminds me of when I had a huge disagreement on a date with a bloke over the Daily Mail. I was probably a bit more into my "gotta prove everyone wrong" phase. Childish really.

[Criticalthinkingcoach]

This is the main issue I have with SA.

I am not saying this to boast, but to make a point, so please don't judge me negatively for it. I have a first class degree, I am well read, I am a member of Mensa, but the way I see the world is completely different to the average person in the street - therefore, I am always seen as being wrong. No one agrees with me! I find that lots of experts agree with me (or, rather, I take a lot of my viewpoints from a positivist perspective), but I am not an expert, so I don't mix in their company very often so they don't agree with me in person.

How do I feel? It took me about 14 years to realise that it had turned me into a nervous wreck and was mostly responsible for my feelings of panic.

Life, for me, is like being trapped in a van full of (insert which ever football team here) supporters who are all saying that their nearest rivals are scum. Here's me having to listen to it and thinking that they are 1, wrong and 2, biased and that the world is one messed up place. No matter how much philosophy, science or psychology I quoted, they wouldn't listen and they would just make me wrong for it.

It's OK to have a sophisticated world-view if you mix in circles which reinforce and share it, but where I come from it just alienates you. In fact, there has been a lot of research into the fact that people of high IQ have social problems due to them being able to see things that others can't, but I think it's more than just IQ. I think it's to do with an attitude towards the world. Having said that, Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela, Emmeline Pankhurst - they all had a different view to a lot of people, but they didn't have social anxiety (that I know of) so, as always, the genetic / environmental cocktail lottery has played its part with me and many others!

I really hope this is not taken as me being "Look how clever I am", I am just being as honest as I can be! I can't knock a nail in or play football if that helps redress the balance?

[black_mamba]

^That's a very interesting post. I can imagine how if you don't mix with people who think on your wavelength at the very least (not necessarily agree with you on everything), it can be harder to socialise. A little bit of friction and debate can be fun but not all the time.