The 30+ how are you feeling thread - Page 20

CliffHanger · #**571** 22nd January 2016, 20:19

Awful.....

Sun Wukong · #**572** 22nd January 2016, 20:58

Sorry to hear, hope things improve for you soon

CliffHanger · #**573** 23rd January 2016, 22:35

Thanks Sun Wukong. That made me smile

mossystone · #**574** 11th February 2016, 20:38

just don't want to feel alone as much as I do

Rocket Spud · #**575** 13th February 2016, 16:34

Crappy.

Just been for a flat viewing with my Dad: he arranged it - bit out of the blue. Mum's not moving out of her place now, so, i guess the two of them have been talking about what to do with me. I went along with it because i didn't want to say no. I feel so inadequate and totally pathetic (why aren't i involved with these conversations about me).

I weren't especially bothered before the viewing, but at the time my feelings of inadequacy definitely came to the fore and i felt overwhelmed with it all. Moving back into my Mum's flat i can picture, though i know it won't be no picnic adjusting to things, but going into a completely new environment with a mortgage on my head would send me spiraling.

Mo34 · #**576** 13th February 2016, 16:51

^

Seems a bit rough them just forcing major decisions upon you. I thought your dad was alright with you living at his.

Rocket Spud · #**577** 13th February 2016, 17:16

Yeah, i dunno. I think they're trying to gauge where i'm at with regards to wellbeing without asking me. Mum, for the past few months, has been looking for another place to live with the idea that i'd rent her flat off of her when she moves out, and i've been pushing for that because moving back there would be the ideal. Now that she's not moving i suppose the question is whether i'd be willing to move elsewhere ... a question that hasn't been put to me.

Meh. I know not to give in to immediate feelings and impressions, but i felt it fairly strong. I don't think i could cope. Even financially - i'm finding my job ever more tedious, i want to do something else, but i wouldn't be able to interview. I'm just living day to day, going through the motions, shrinking into myself, struggling with .. society.

Rocket Spud · #**578** 13th February 2016, 17:44

Nah, i don't think i'd feel any different whether rented or not. I've not even considered anywhere but my Mum's flat.

newbs16 · #**579** 14th February 2016, 11:07

I'll be 30 at the end of the year, can't say I'm extremely excited about the idea!

Indigo_ · #**580** 14th February 2016, 12:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by newbie2013

I'll be 30 at the end of the year, can't say I'm extremely excited about the idea!

Me too. I've made more progress in a shorter space of time as I've become older though. I've felt more confident and made more progress in the last few years than I did the whole of my teens and early twenties.

Unicorns · #**581** 14th February 2016, 22:41

sorry to hear of you older folk feeling down (I can say older folk as I am one too

)
I go through mood swings of feeling completely useless and feeling depressed and then quite elated to have found this site and have the chance to share my thoughts and feelings with people who understand. I'm going to try and take a break from social media and negative friends and work on myself. I have realised in my 20s I often did pretty reckless things to try and deal with my pain which only caused more pain and often got me into trouble! I am thankful in my 30's that, although I still feel sad, anxious, nervous, frustrated, inadequate at times etc - I don't put myself in danger anymore and instead find relief in reading the forums and now joining in too. I would urge you to think of how far you have come in dealing with SA as I bet everyone has made exceptional progress over the years when you look back.

Mo34 · #**582** 8th March 2016, 11:50

Whenever I seem to start making progress and feel a small amount of hope, something else seems to come along to knock it (nearly always my family).
My dad is driving me nuts acting like a child that can't do anything for himself. Twice I've tried to get him help with Age UK for housework but he told the woman (rudely) he wasn't interested (this was because he had to get documents out to see how much savings etc... he had and he just rudely dismissed her saying I just want to pay someone cash in hand, none of this crap). He really needs a carer for things like dressing due to declining mobility but I have no idea how to access this and feel pretty sa around doing it (I had bad experiences with social services with my mothers dementia).

He's also very emotionally abusive at times - putting me down and doing things like chanting like a child in a stupid babyish voice (which you can see amuses him purely because it annoys the hell out of me). I mentioned in passing about getting a car and his response was 'oh no it's far to dangerous' I'm 37 f*****g years old

I'm pretty much sure it's actually about controlling me and keeping me trapped cause no one else would put up with him. Every week he moans about me going to an animal sanctuary to do voluntary work - which was hard enough without him telling me 'oh are you sure you want to go', oh your not going 'there' are you, laughing or insinuating it's a load of crap.

I used to try and see him only every other week but now his leg is better (he had cellulitis which needed a nurse to dress it) but still needs washing and creaming which the NHS has (without asking me) just left for me to do every week. Trapping me further. I AM NOT going to be his carer. I don't care how that makes me sound. Most ppl wouldn't even be talking to him after his behaviour in the past. I just find the situation escalating stress/avoidance and depression in me. He doesn't like me having counselling either not that I ever discuss it with him. I get comments like 'I think you've been telling tales' in reality I've actually been finally telling the truth (which I wish I had done when I was kid/teen). Although there is also often inconsistency in his views / opinions and he can be the total opposite, meaning you never know where your at.

He seems to want me to just be a housekeeper and sit with him 24/7 acting like his mother and having no life of my own. I think I'm beginning to understand why my mother had a drink problem tbh.

Not really sure why I'm posting this but just feel like a offloading rant! lol.
I may delete it later.

Martin74 · #**583** 8th March 2016, 19:54

Feeling pretty good all things considered right now. Was quite down at new year's but I seem to have recovered nicely. Just started posting again after a long hiatus which I am particularly pleased about as it gives me a minimal amount of social interaction. Other than that just looking for someone to talk to (as per usual).

I guess being content with life is kinda dull.

Oddity · #**584** 10th March 2016, 06:22

Ah right. I've never liked that whole reset thing, I much prefer a fresh install

anxiouslondoner · #**585** 10th March 2016, 09:18

Not so bad. Looking forward to going to Madrid on Saturday.

Rocket Spud · #**586** 16th May 2016, 16:28

Very tired.

Learnt that, as from today, both ours and the nearest courier depot are to close and merge together in a new location. They're getting rid of both depot managers and putting a new one in their place. We'll all be working from the new depot tomorrow.

They've pissed me about so much, chopping and changing my round as they please, i just felt like quitting when i heard the news. Only recently has my round changed again, this time they've lopped off an entire industrial estate! I'm appalled how they go about things, how they treat their couriers - it's a wonder they're still about.

I was also deeply conflicted about saying goodbye to the depot manager - i really, really struggle with goodbyes. I've taken time off work (from a previous employer) to avoid those moments. I got on really well with him too, he's a good person, and it's such a shame it's come to this ... i still couldn't say goodbye though, i sneaked away after packing my car and just drove off

That upset me most, cos although the new depot thing will be an extra pain in the arse, i will get used to it eventually, but i knew i wouldn't have the courage to say farewell and good luck. It reminds me how inept i am, not being able to perform a very basic, human thing like that... it's incredibly frustrating.

I'm so sick of being incapable.

I still haven't registered with a local doctors neither. I don't hold much faith in what can come of seeing a doctor, but the least i can do, to give myself a chance, is pester them to do something. I think just having a face-to-face with someone about this shit would do me some good, i can't remember the last time i spoke to someone about my issues.

Mo34 · #**587** 16th May 2016, 17:26

^

I'm the same - avoidant of anything that means I have to expose my feelings. Sometimes it's cause I can't and sometimes cause I don't know how in certain situations. Either way it's f'in frustrating.

Rocket Spud · #**588** 16th May 2016, 19:33

Thanks, Mo, you're a good'un

Yeah, for me it's the pressure to appear genuine and full of goodwill in parting ways that i get overwhelmed with, the anxiety it's just awful, and then i feel guilty for making it all about me..

Those sorts of occasion usually happen before a gathering of people too, and that's just a great big no-no for me - i don't know how people ever manage to leave work!

(I got fired from my last job

)

I could do with some counseling really.

laracroft · #**589** 30th May 2016, 13:52

^Isnt there a nerf gun that needs your attention? Eh?

laracroft · #**590** 30th May 2016, 13:56

low level anxiety. I know not why its there. I have a plan from my gp to wean of my meds but ive only just started!

laracroft · #**591** 2nd June 2016, 20:34

i wonder who i would have been without anxiety? Do you guys wonder that too? My alter ego works in London in the theatre doing costume or props or something.

Rocket Spud · #**592** 2nd June 2016, 20:36

My alter ego certainly wouldn't be thinking about me, so why should i him

laracroft · #**593** 2nd June 2016, 20:43

meh, good point

Rocket Spud · #**594** 2nd June 2016, 20:45

Hold on, i've made my alter ego sound like an arsehole

Shit.

David K · #**595** 2nd June 2016, 20:48

Spud minus anxiety equals arsehole!

I've thought about the alternate-universe me quite a bit. I reckon he was probably cavorting in a non-anxious way, tripped and fell under a train. What an arsehole he was.

Rocket Spud · #**596** 2nd June 2016, 20:57

I've finally revealed myself i think.. damn

At least your guy sounds alright; cavorting is a good thing. You were probably cavorting about, minding out the way of others when you tripped(?)

David K · #**597** 2nd June 2016, 21:01

Nah, he was at a BNP rally or something, pissed on Stella and shouting about muslims. Complete git. I'm glad he's dead, and quite grateful for my anxiety.

laracroft · #**598** 2nd June 2016, 21:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by David K

Spud minus anxiety equals arsehole!

I've thought about the alternate-universe me quite a bit. I reckon he was probably cavorting in a non-anxious way, tripped and fell under a train. What an arsehole he was.

my alter ego looks like Charize Theron. Bitch!

Dougella · #**599** 2nd June 2016, 21:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by laracroft

i wonder who i would have been without anxiety? Do you guys wonder that too? My alter ego works in London in the theatre doing costume or props or something.

My alter ego would have told quite a few people to f*** off, that's all I know for sure

David K · #**600** 2nd June 2016, 21:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dougella

My alter ego would have told quite a few people to f*** off, that's all I know for sure

Nah, they were at the BNP rally with mine. Total scumbag.