How many of you have absolutely 100% closed the door on the chance of a relationship?

[jontyboyoh]

This is one of those questions I like to ask-now-and-again; one of those questions whereby knowing the 'answer' will benefit no-one. But I have to ask them because this is the way my mind works.

So, who has come to the realisation that relationships are a big 'No-No' in view of their emotional problems and/or personality traits? (SA, APD, Hypersensitivity, GAD......I could go on, but won't).

No doubt this is a contentious one on such a site, for peeps are constantly re-affirming the opinion that one has to keep on going, keep on trying different things, and more than this, reiterating the famous line, 'Oh, there's someone out there for everyone'...... Another common one is: 'Well, I'm not looking at the moment because of my problems, but maybe in the future'......I would start a poll on this if I knew how to do it!

Its also one that relates to other threads started in the last couple of days across the boards regarding relationships.

In regards to my good self, I think I've about 84% given up due to my amazing sensitivity and past painful experiences.

Well then?

[Winnie57]

I have closed the door for the time being but time is running out so I hope to open it again before too long. I want to be in a position where I am able to be more choosy about a prospective date but as it is at the moment I haven't much to offer so would only be likely to attract the bottom of the heap brigade. Closing the door is the only option as I don't want a bottom of the heap relationship. At my time of life I would hope that any relationship I enter into would set me up for life

[Wheelie Bin Bird]

I'm in a relationship and have been for sometime. But if this ever ended then I can say with hand on heart that I could never do it again.
I could easily see myself becoming more of a recluse than I am now with the combined pain ect and SA, and general dislike of people.
Just hope I die first thats all I can say.

Closed for now Later, who knows.

[jontyboyoh]

Fanx 4 replies!

[fruitloop]

If I am honest, before I was in this relationship I had basically given up on ever meeting anyone, and I wasn't even looking, I didn't think that I was compatible with anyone.
The whole relationship thing took me by surprise, I know it's a cliche but don't give up, I think that the best attitude is to just keep on going without really 'looking' for a relationship, you never know what life is going to throw at you next.

Bugs :multi:

[jontyboyoh]

Originally Posted by Bugschivers

If I am honest, before I was in this relationship I had basically given up on ever meeting anyone, and I wasn't even looking, I didn't think that I was compatible with anyone.
The whole relationship thing took me by surprise, I know it's a cliche but don't give up, I think that the best attitude is to just keep on going without really 'looking' for a relationship, you never know what life is going to throw at you next.

Bugs :multi:

........And so we come to that age-old question that has had other men deemed fit for castration..........

ISN'T IT EASIER FOR WOMEN WITH SA, THOUGH?.......



[My Stanley knife or yours? ].

I've mostly closed the door on being able to make a relationship work or finding the 'right' person for me.

[jontyboyoh]

Originally Posted by markimark

"oh look. A can of worms! Think I'll open that" Said Jontyboyoh!

VACANCY: SENIOR CAN-OPENER £18,000-£22,000 (depending on exp.) per annum + Benefits.
Must be a self-starter with a specialism in worms.

[AL'S UP FOR IT]

Originally Posted by Bugschivers

If I am honest, before I was in this relationship I had basically given up on ever meeting anyone, and I wasn't even looking, I didn't think that I was compatible with anyone.
The whole relationship thing took me by surprise, I know it's a cliche but don't give up, I think that the best attitude is to just keep on going without really 'looking' for a relationship, you never know what life is going to throw at you next.

Bugs :multi:

I totally agree with what you say.

I am not planning on having a relationship at the mo.. partly because I don't want to be having to put a front on, just so the person spends enough time with me and get know me before they form their finial opinion. I really want it to feel as natural as possible, but if I feel the right person comes along then but at the same time in the back of my head I occasionally think how the hell am I going to have a situation again when i feel comfortable to flirt etc or enjoy the buzz of chatting to the opposite sex.

The fact is sa or not times do change and opportunities do arise. Also when you just enjoy the general environment, atmosphere or someones company with your main concern not being to meet a partner, things can and do happen.

[AL'S UP FOR IT]

Originally Posted by jontyboyoh

VACANCY: SENIOR CAN-OPENER £18,000-£22,000 (depending on exp.) per annum + Benefits.
Must be a self-starter with a specialism in worms.

great, where do I get an application form

[pjarnfield]

I've most certainly not given up on a relationship, in fact it is the one thing i want most out of life. I think in the past ive been going about it the wrong way and waiting for the perfect girl to come along, thought it happened last summer but was a false dawn. It gave me confidence though and now i realise i have to put myself out more. I suppose the fear of rejection is always there but at the end of the day if someone doesnt like you then they arent the right person for you. As the old saying goes, if you don't buy a ticket you wont win the raffle.

I wouldnt say it is that much easier for girls but i think there is a definate pressure being the male and feeling like you have to take the lead in a relationshi

[jontyboyoh]

Originally Posted by AL'S UP FOR IT

great, where do I get an application form

I'll send u one via email.

[knowing me, I'll prob waste another 6 hrs of my life drafting-up a mock application form now]


Plus: Cheers 4 that contribution, Phil......... I hope it works out for you.........As for me=

[statico]

In a word, yes.

[kgls13349]

i definatly aint going to loose the idea of a relationship, not that i can see it happening any time soon

[tghe-retford]

I have pretty much given up, for two reasons.

The first one is that I have a lot of problems in regards to SA, how I would handle a relationship (all the signs point to me being a "nice guy"). As a result, I would be very unattractive to any potential partner - any signs of desperation, clingyness, negativity, defeat and not being able to stand my ground. I would need to build my confidence and self-esteem before I could consider entering a relationship, two things I don't have a lot of at the moment. I have a lot of work to do and it could be years before I could even consider a relationship!

The second one is past experiences of being let down again and again, and the pain of being too - well - optimistic I suppose.

I'd say I would be at 95%, I've pretty much have a vow of chastity for the near future (for the next few years at least, and especially until my treatment is complete).

If anyone did ask me out, I'd consider it, but unless it was someone really, really special, I wouldn't consider a relationship.
__________________
jontyboyoh: If you want to set up a poll for this thread, click the Thread Tools drop down menu at the top of this page and select the create a poll option and follow the instructions from there.

[Ben1981]

For the time being Ive given up the idea of finding a partner. If the right sort of girl came along and showed a genuine interest in me then I may change my mind about this. But for now my main aim is to overcome my SA and build a social life.

[scarlet_diva]

Well I can understand the decision to stop actively seeking a partner temporarily but it's a pity to close yourself off completely to the idea of ever finding someone. There's a chance for each & every one of us to find a partner IMO, even if right now it seems an impossiblity. My ex's stepfather's just re-married and he's 70 ! lol. Not that I'm suggesting people might have to wait that long of course

And my ex thought he'd die a virgin until he got married in his 30's, You just never know who and what's going to come around the corner.!

[laura74]

I wouldn't try again, if thats what you mean.
I would be too scared to start again, i'd rather be alone if all ended.

But hope it does not come to that. x-x-x

[onone]

I don't like being around other people so I have no wish to be in a relationship. I don't think I ever will.
I am attracted to women, but I haven't really enjoyed my limited (although somewhat diverse) sexual experience because people freak me out.
It's not that I don't like other people..I just don't like being around them. That's the way I am. I have no love in me.

To the people who want a relationship but don't think it will happen, I would say never give up hope.
I don't believe in the saying 'there is someone for everyone' but there are all sorts of people out there. Its different when you're young and everyones trying to conform to how they think they should be acting but as people get older they become less judgemental. Plus some people become desperate.
I know of two virgins over forty years old who have found partners. I'm sure it's not uncommen, it's just something people don't brag about.

[scarlet_diva]

Sorry, just referring to jontyboyoh's post- I've been through a lot of suffering too with relationships but I can only say they made me grow and become stronger as a result for each successive r.ship that came along (God that sounds like a song by Christina Aguilera or something, but it's completely true).

It's unrealistic to think that r.ships are going to be 100% perfect; you really need to take the rough with the smooth and take a few risks or you're losing out on lots of moments of happiness;
If the smooth is sometimes euphoric and amazingly fantastic, then it's worth taking the rough at times too. If that makes any sense.
Edit -just deleted some of my loony-bin nonsense in case I scare anyone.

[paulthequiet]

In my case I would say the doors not completely closed off forever, but it is firmly shut and would need a hell of a lot of effort to budge it.
In my 24 years nothing has happened, not even close so it feels like that barring incredible good fortune nothing will ever happen. The idea of just making an attempt at finding someone feels like the biggest SA challenge of them all to me.

[Innervision]

I don't really see the value of closing the door on anything in life that we may desire and aspire to.

To be honest, I really don't think there is anyone alive who is totally incapable of having a relationship.

[EnJay]

I'm not a bad guy, i honestly now believe that i could have a relationship with someone. I just have to put myself out there more. I know thats the biggest struggle but i'm the only one who can make things happan and i believe in myself.

[pjarnfield]

i joined a dating site at start of the year, not had enough confidence to message anyone but i had a girl message me this week, we been e-mailing for a few days now and we seem to be getting on, just need to take it to the next stage, i asked if she wants to go out next weekend so i will wait and see what she says

I keep telling myself wots the worst that could happen, i go out with the girl and we dont click, so what, nothing lost, at least i get more experience, maybe my confidence will be knocked a bit but i'm not going to wake up one day and find its my wedding day until i try meeting people. at least i know the girl must like me coz it was her that contacted me and i aint lied or anything on my profile

and jon, about that other girl you know about, i still not heard anything back from her, ill txt you later this weekend coz we should meet up for a drink sometime next week and i can give you full story of my lovelife

[Pangolin]

In the past, I’ve gone through phases of shutting myself off from thinking I would ever find a relationship. I think that doing this was basically a form of avoidance; it allowed me to stop worrying about it and helped me avoid the bad feelings I was experiencing from having to cope with my own perceived failure. Ultimately, I don’t think that thinking this is very healthy, but I do think that it helped me through some rough times.

Since then, I’ve actually had my first relationship and no longer feel as though it’s impossible; in fact, I made it one of this year’s resolutions. I would be lying if I said I was wonderfully confident about the matter but do feel that it’s at least possible. Having hope is ultimately a good thing.

[Freespirit]

Blah blu blah.

[The Lone Stranger]

I don`t think the door was ever open in my case so 100% I think.

[statico]

Originally Posted by silvernlilac

I think im better off on my own. At least no one can hurt me that way

Yes, ultimately that is my stance too.

[Freespirit]

Originally Posted by silvernlilac

. I think im better off on my own. At least no one can hurt me that way

maybe that would just be hurting yourself?