Borderline Personality Disorder - Page 4

Rianne · #91 17th July 2017, 13:18

^

Mental Elf · #92 17th July 2017, 13:41

Clementine · #93 18th July 2017, 13:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lettie Hempstock

I wish I could help you. I haven't self-harmed in about a year, but all of my 'coping methods' are self-destructive in some way, to get myself from extremely low to very high in the quickest amount of time. I could never shoot for the middle.

It might seem dumb but I've always found a shower helps a tiny bit. Cleansed body, cleansed mind and all that. My head always feels clearer after one.

You could always do the rubber band thing, if you haven't already?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purplesnarf

^^ What Lettie said about getting a shower is a good tip, it lists it as a possible
coping tip on this website page link below.
There are other tips on there too, I hope you feel a bit better soon Clem x

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s.../#.WWyRMYjyvIW

Thank you both

Some of those things are offering some temporary relief.
The thing I'm mostly struggling with is feeling angry/frustrated, it's just doesn't feel like me and I hate it.

A Whimsical Stranger · #94 18th July 2017, 15:25

^

'You should stop letting things affect you so much'
'You need to just move on'

Is it just me or does this kind of advice frustrate anybody else?

Jam · #95 18th July 2017, 16:49

I'm starting my new job in a couple of months, and I know for certain this will happen:

- I will get attached to colleagues.
- For no reason I will feel rejected by them.
- I will end up hating with a passion the colleagues I was attached to.
- I will idolise them again.
- I will fall in love with someone.
- I will lust over someone with ever ounce of my high sex drive, and fantasize about them constantly.
- I will pick out flaws in my gf as I get more attached to a colleague, and torture myself about why my gf can't be like them, and how maybe she's not perfect enough for me anymore, and how I might have to leave her.
- All of the above will be the reasons I'd want to quit my job and find a new one.

I'm not looking forward to this sh*t storm....... But at the same time I really am. So f***ed up, really is.

Merritt · #96 18th July 2017, 19:12

^ I think that sort of thing is partly what's driven me to always be so isolated and separate from society. I get overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings when I'm around people, and given time they turn into extremes of thinking someone hates me, or falling in love with someone, or inexplicably disliking someone, etc. There are lots of elements of BPD that I don't relate to, but I think that might be just because I avoid most situations they could manifest in. Like not realising you're agoraphobic because you never leave the house.

Rianne · #97 18th July 2017, 19:19

^^^ No, it's not just you and yes, it's absolutely infuriating. If we could stop letting things affect us, and if we could just move on, don't people realise that we would do exactly that?!

Jam · #98 18th July 2017, 19:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merritt

^ I think that sort of thing is partly what's driven me to always be so isolated and separate from society. I get overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings when I'm around people, and given time they turn into extremes of thinking someone hates me, or falling in love with someone, or inexplicably disliking someone, etc. There are lots of elements of BPD that I don't relate to, but I think that might be just because I avoid most situations they could manifest in. Like not realising you're agoraphobic because you never leave the house.

Yeah same, it's also the reason why I find it difficult to have friends in general.

A Whimsical Stranger · #99 20th July 2017, 16:43

I've realised lately that I'm basically a child in a woman's body. A giant, pathetic woman-baby.

Clementine · #**100** 20th July 2017, 17:29

^ Join the club!

Merritt · #**101** 20th July 2017, 17:40

Hello. I too never mentally developed past the age of 13.

Merritt · #**102** 20th July 2017, 18:07

That sounds like I'm being shitty to you two. I meant, I feel like an overgrown child too.

I should be seen and not heard.

Clementine · #**103** 20th July 2017, 20:03

^ It does not!

Merritt · #**104** 20th July 2017, 23:21

^ Ah, phew

I always think of the worst possible way things I say could come across to people, and assume they do.

A Whimsical Stranger · #**105** 20th July 2017, 23:28

^ Me too. Although I am naturally blunt anyway so my worries aren't completely unfounded.

A Whimsical Stranger · #**106** 21st July 2017, 14:14

Can somebody slap me in the face please?

Consolida · #**107** 21st July 2017, 15:54

@ Lettie - I would never slap anyone in the face especially not a face as pretty as yours

Athough I have a 14 year old, I've never felt any older emotionally than when I was 14 myself. Sometimes I think I'm a middle aged woman trapped in a teenagers body while my son is a man in the body of a teenager

Rianne · #**108** 22nd July 2017, 15:26

^ but it is normal for some of us! And I guess if we felt that people understood that then we wouldn't seek the reassurance so much. If that makes sense? I'm having a weird day today where nothing is making much sense. I've wasted the whole day and now I'm annoyed with myself.

Mental Elf · #**109** 24th July 2017, 11:03

I've learnt to stay away from everyone now a days, its the only way other people can be safe from the shit I give them, sure it also hurts me but this isn't about me I can't have people in my life that I hurt over and over just for the sake of my stupid illness it's not fair on them, this is one time where my bpd isn't being selfish and thinking about other people for once. Its going to be a lonely old world but I am ready for the ride.

Merritt · #**110** 25th July 2017, 19:31

^ Tried to PM you, but can't. Bit paranoid I did or said something to make you feel that way. I really hope not, but I'm sorry if I did. Let me know? My brain has a field day when I've reason to feel guilty

Azalea · #**111** 25th July 2017, 19:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clementine

I don't choose to be this way and I hate that I am. It leads to more self loathing which just makes me even more desperate for recognition and reassurance. It really ****ing hurts

I was trying to explain to someone yesterday about the emotional dysregulation and that I can't stop it happening, by the end of the evening I just felt like it was all my fault and I'm expected to control it but it's not that easy.

Rianne · #**112** 28th July 2017, 17:47

^

A Whimsical Stranger · #**113** 9th September 2017, 17:14

I literally never learn.

wd40mk17.4 · #**114** 19th September 2017, 00:39

There was a song I heard in the late 90s/early 2000s by a semi-obscure nu-metal-hippy band called Boyhitscar that did a song called " man Without Skin" that seemed to be about BPD.
Well at least, having no skin is how I feel with it.

"You're like a man without skin.
Everything he touches seems to hurt him ."

Azalea · #**115** 19th September 2017, 19:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by wd40mk17.4

There was a song I heard in the late 90s/early 2000s by a semi-obscure nu-metal-hippy band called Boyhitscar that did a song called " man Without Skin" that seemed to be about BPD.
Well at least, having no skin is how I feel with it.

"You're like a man without skin.
Everything he touches seems to hurt him ."

Yes that's the way I feel too

wd40mk17.4 · #**116** 28th September 2017, 00:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boy

Guys, is BPD same or similar to Bipolar disorder?

Similar in some symptoms.

BPD people can have manic-ish episodes. Acting out ( externalising) and then sometimes it can internalise and seem like depressive phases.

BPD is highly variable in how it effects people - some may be diagnosed bipolar at other times.

I don't really have manic phases anymore, it's all internalised, self-hatred, pushing people away, isolation etc , self-destructive behaviours.

I keep fantasising about being hit by a car or being stabbed by a mugger or something, then I might have a rest, a pause, in hospital, a break from life.
And then that BPD voice in your head goes
" also it'll test to see if anyone really cares about you"
when in reality nobody would even know cos I've pushed them all away

wd40mk17.4 · #**117** 30th September 2017, 03:01

.

Clementine · #**118** 1st October 2017, 07:09

I'm feeling desperately alone and craving affection, but at the same time I can't cope with anything or anybody else because everything becomes drama in my world, nothing is simple and everything becomes intense and destructive. I don't deserve anything good so my instinct is to kill it before it can give me any false hope of happiness.

I'm so sick of feeling like I need to spend my life tucked away and hiding from the whole world.

Clementine · #**119** 2nd October 2017, 10:31

^ I’m borderline, I don’t know a lot about Bipolar Disorder but there seems to be a good bit of info on this site: www.bphope.com Hope that’s of some help to you.

Clementine · #**120** 2nd October 2017, 10:40

I’m so sick of the intensity, every negative emotion feels as if it might literally kill me. Other people seem to be able to feel sad and still function, I feel sadness like an actual knife in my chest and I can’t move without feeling like screaming, it’s an agony that I never know how to describe to anyone or cope with and I have to fight to not physically hurt myself instead in some ****ed up attempt at justifying the pain or something.