6 causes of awkward silences

[hollowone]

Ever ended up in one of those dreaded awkward silences in a one to one setting? I'm sharing this because I've identified 6 causes which might be helpful if this is a trouble spot for you.

So far identified

• Not listening; being distracted by anxiety and worried about what people around are thinking, missing out on talking points (anxiety-related hindrance)
• Not listening; planning what you’re gong to say next in your head (a safety behavior; attempt to avoid silence)
• Self-censorship; e.g. hmm, can’t say that it’s too boring, unoriginal, I’ll sound stupid etc. (a safety behaviour)
• Asking too many closed questions; the ‘interview trap’ (conversation skills related)
• Not giving much for the other person to work with (conversation skills-related)
• Mind going blank due to other sources of anxiety within the social situation*, (anxiety-related hindrance)

Bear in mind, the other person is a factor two since conversation takes two to tango.

It might be helpful to differentiate whether silences happen primarily as a result of anxiety-related hindrance, a conversation mistake, or as a result of a safety behaviour. I identified these causes of silences earlier in the year based on observations and research, having had one of those 'aha' moments. Notice the 'anxiety-related hindrance' reasons. These will be influenced by the level of comfort you feel in social situations & will vary depending on the social situation your in & how self-conscious you are. I did a recent poll to try and help identify the specific social stressors & anxiety sources that might hinder conversation. Anyway, for now, if awkward silences are a problem for you, I hope that this might be of help.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

that's a good list

[Hackpen]

Great list ! I had a moment at a security gate office this week. I was behind some other drivers waiting for their paperwork. I'd put on a particularly stoopid wooly hat, it wasn't cold but I felt less exposed with the hat on. One of the guards caught me off guard when he said does your gran know you've knicked her tea cosy lol I wasn't paying attention and went huhuhu ya got me :-/ I flushed a little but the moment passed. I'm dissecting each exchange less than I did but still indulge myself....wont be using that hat again tho

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[scarlettgirl]

That's a good list!
It's also a little comfort to know that you can't put all the pressure on yourself and maybe the other person has some responsibility for the silence too.