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  #1  
Old 20th April 2018, 16:24
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Coping with people.

Had to turn down invite to a barbecue from my stepdaughter as there would be a dozen or so people there . It would be too much for me to cope with. A lot of it is being self conscious as to how I'm going to present to other people.
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  #2  
Old 20th April 2018, 17:25
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.




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  #3  
Old 20th April 2018, 18:34
snoo snoo is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

Assuming you want to be comfortable with these situations, then it might be better to go and see what happens.

I sympathise because I have got a similar event to go to tomorrow and I am dreading it. And for the very same reason as you, being self-conscious about presenting myself as a fake, a phoney.
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Old 20th April 2018, 20:12
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

My stepdaughter has said I should go. That she and my granddaughters are there to help and support me. One of the hardest bits would be conversation and not being seen as rude/standoffish because I really struggle to initiate conversation.
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Old 20th April 2018, 21:46
biscuits biscuits is online now
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Default Re: Coping with people.

relatable.

Try being a vegetarian at the bbq!
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  #6  
Old 20th April 2018, 22:00
snoo snoo is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by firemonkey
My stepdaughter has said I should go. That she and my granddaughters are there to help and support me. One of the hardest bits would be conversation and not being seen as rude/standoffish because I really struggle to initiate conversation.
Yeh, same for me, aside from the boring pleasantries. Maintaining a convo, I find difficult, especially with people with different interests.

But practice makes perfect and all that, think of it as an opportunity.

Tommorow is some dinner with some friends of my GF, many of whom have really good jobs. I'm not exactly unintelligent but massive inferiority complex kicks in, and I dislike it.
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Old 20th April 2018, 22:19
clyde33 clyde33 is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

I'd also have turned the invite down. I never know what to say to people and I'm very self-conscious. I don't really have much conversation about me and don't do anything exciting that would give me something to talk about.
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  #8  
Old 21st April 2018, 00:59
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by snoo
Tommorow is some dinner with some friends of my GF, many of whom have really good jobs. I'm not exactly unintelligent but massive inferiority complex kicks in, and I dislike it.
For me it's also the dread of "What do you do?" . How do you get away with " I've been a mental patient for over 40 years and never worked " without being treated with utter disdain?
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Old 21st April 2018, 14:57
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

Your step daughter and step grand daughters would probably be really pleased if you went, for those kinds of family members it's just nice to see you and include you in things. I guess the question is who the other people there will be. It's easy to say that anyone who judges you for your mental health issues isn't worth bothering about (which really I think they're not) but I know it's hard to just brush it off if it happens.

You can always just say "I haven't been able to work for health reasons" if anyone asks those types of questions. Maybe steer the conversation towards how you're liking that area since you've moved there, how it compares to where you used to live, any places that you particularly like etc. And ask people where they live. Not the most sparklingly interesting conversation but it keeps things moving!
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  #10  
Old 21st April 2018, 15:41
snoo snoo is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by firemonkey
For me it's also the dread of "What do you do?" . How do you get away with " I've been a mental patient for over 40 years and never worked " without being treated with utter disdain?
Snap! I fricking hate that question... always makes me feel a bit of a shit that I either I ain't grinding it out like everyone else, or am not a successful power guy.

We need to have more practice at not caring what people think. I would guess that a good chunk of people are in crap jobs they don't enjoy, or successful or earn lots of money, but people never present this side.

I feel I am the opposite to a lot, who don't seem to mind talking things up, I hate boasting and probably would belittle myself in these situations.
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  #11  
Old 21st April 2018, 18:29
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

I've said I'm willing to be there . @snoo you're right it is about caring too much about what others think ,but how do you stop that ?
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  #12  
Old 22nd April 2018, 18:08
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

It was ok, The people I didn't know were ok. I didn't say much and when I did the response wasn't great. I'm not the world's best conversationalist .
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  #13  
Old 23rd April 2018, 10:07
snoo snoo is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

I am glad you went, firemonkey.

Don't think it could have gotten worse than my event, basically sitting in a loud restaurant where it was really difficult to hear anyone, and I knew hardly anyone. Thankfully a guy came over and opened conversation for a bit which was handy. But I remember the distinct feeling of rather being at home, which I had to fight.

Its all practice isn't it. Perhaps we aren't good at conversation yet, but in future who can tell.
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  #14  
Old 30th April 2018, 14:36
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Coping with people.

I am so pleased to read that you went, firemonkey; I think being able to say "yes" to invitations, however daunting, is a positive thing. You have been isolated for so many years that, of course, you are not going to be a great conversationalist but there is only one way to improve that and that's with practice (it also gives us "fuel" for future conversations by being able to relate those conversations to others); to be able to have that experience with the support of family members is a fortunate thing.

On the subject of how people might react to your never having been able to work, there is always a minority who will resent that, but that is their failing and not yours; others will be more understanding and sympathetic, so ignore those who react negatively to you and concentrate on those who react more positively.
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