Where are you in your recovery?

[heather]

Hey all!

Sometimes, when I'm having a bad day and reading this site, its easy to focus on all the posts about people who are struggling to get better and who are depressed, and I find that that then makes me feel worse and I end up feelin like I wana give up tryin. So, I was hopin tht people could fill out this poll and say how ther doin with their own recovery. Im hoping that this will give other people the chance to see that lots of people are actually gettin better and that it can be done.

Hope everys well,
Hev xx

[pboy]

Don't wana be a party pooper but personally I'm getting worse, just wana get it off my chest.

Since moving home and becoming quite isolated in a new area I've got incredibly depressed and find it hard coping by myself, and also have a lack of support from my doctor.

But, I make progress here and there so hopefully I can re-cast my vote at some point. I keep trying, it's just hard when you feel lonely and down.

[heather]

Ur not bein a party pooper at all! i think sometimes we all just need to let everythin off r chest so that we dont feel all overwhelmed by it. Im sorry to hear bout ur situation, and particularly that ur doctor is unsupportive!could u not find a new 1? Anyway, if you want to get anythin else off ur chest, or just hav a chat, feel free 2 pm me...I looooove to talk! lol

Hugs,
Hev xx

[kastra]

I would say I've made big progress over the last few months, but that's after many years of steadily getting worse & worse so I still think I have a way to go. My main problem is that I live on my own and don't have any established relationships to rely on, I am making a few new friends now but it takes time to get close to anyone.

I think the biggest change has just been in my attitude though, I'm starting to see that it doesn't do me any good to berate & punish myself and maybe I should give being nice to myself a try for once.

[heather]

i used 2 hav that problem wiv the heart rate...someone told me not 2 try and control it jst accept it, and accept that it cant hurt u (hard, i no!)...and eventually after enough exposure it controls itself and stops happenin. hope that helps! xx

[Lynchy]

Originally Posted by Lamb

I'm making slow progress but am determined to find a way to function as SA has cost me too much. My heart racing is the worst. When I was having tests a couple of months ago , my BP was so high that I was almost proscribed BP pills until I admitted I had just had a panic attack. It was embarrassing but slightly cathartic being able to say the words in public.
I try to ask myself "what is the worst that can happen?" which usually calms me down a bit ,I also have my music with me , just in case.

When having panic attacks you must slow down your breathing and breathe deeply on purpose as you cannot have a panic attack if you are not hyperventilating.

It has been proved to be an impossibilty to be in a state of full blown panic attack if hyperventilating is removed from the equation.

I have come to accept the fact more or less that I am a type who is suited to a solitary hermit type of life so I come on here more to be around others who are quiet and anxious in a crowd rather than with any great feeling that there is something wrong with me and everyone else is normal.

They the busybody one's can't do many of the things I can do and when folk need understanding or just a mind with some actual insight it is I that that they gravitate toward usually. To gain some clarity on their problems.

I get really annoyed with folk who mope and cry about their problems all the time, like take a look about and see how hard some poor Africans have it or the like. I'm rich by comparison.

Panic Attack / Hyperventilating: rapid shallow breathing usually with anxiety or a feeling that you are going to die.

Hence I have not voted on the poll as that would be an admittance that I am at fault in some way due to my disposition that God gave me for a purpose. I've yet to discover what that is !

[Winnie57]

Maybe making slow progress but over many years but probably more due to maturity than anything else. In some respects however I'm worse than when I was younger. Like I'm more scared to join anything now than when I was younger.

[threadbare]

the last time i experienced very acute SA was the last time i attended an SA meet. on the whole i don't experience SA to a significant degree anymore day-to-day. not like i used to anyway. my bigger issue now is how to make up for all the lost time i spent avoiding life and people due to SA, rather than any full-on soul-shrivelling fear of other human beings. it's the secondary fall-out rather than the 'SA' itself that's f*cking me up nowadays.

[Cheshire Cat]

Currently attending a group CBT course based on the Dr Richards tapes. The best way I can describe where I'm at right now is totally confused. I have felt worse over the last few weeks than ever before in my life. My SA hasn't been bad, but the coming to grips with the reality of my difficulties and faulty beliefs is very hard and painful. I try, but I continue to distance people and lose relationships because of my terror people don't like me.

So the odd answer is my SA seems to be under control even though my life is completely empty, lonely and joyless.

But then maybe it isn't under control at all then! Maybe my SA is as strong as ever, and I am even less likely to take risks because having done the course, my fear it will all go wrong for me in a social situation is even greater because I don't want that pain of realising things aren't any better. So I avoid, do rational thinking, avoid again and tell myself 'I'm getting better.'

If people can get over this thing, then surely I can too? But I'm frightened I'm just too negative.

[threadbare]

Originally Posted by ®@***947;***1638;***1638;***1638;

I'm pretty much the same. I wish I could pinpoint exactly why my anxiety has diminished so much over the last few years, but I'm unsure. I just seem to have gradually stopped caring so much about what other people think of me. I think going to college and being exposed to my fears on a daily basis (and also occasionally recognising some of those same fears in supposedly 'normal' people too) certainly helped me.

But having had SA for most of my life, I've found that while the Anxiety is gone, the Social 'Retardation' isn't. I've been 'out of practice' for so long that I don't know if it's even possible to regain that lost ground. I'm not afraid of other people now, but I still don't want to be around them. It's all too much of an effort.

perplexing isn't it? even though i don't experience the anxiety in the same way anymore either, i wonder at times whether continuing to seek refuge in avoidance must be some kind of evidence that the fear is still there, except that it's simply shape-shifted into another even more subtle and devious form.

maybe i'm totally deluded, but i reckon it's still possible even for me at my age to bluff my way back from the brink of social retardation, so i wouldn't write yourself off just yet. the problem is, exactly as you say, it's hard work. especially the bit of having to remind yourself what the payoff's meant to be. but - i AM very belatedly acquiring a taste for being around people, despite myself, so it can still happen, honest. persuading people to put up with having me around - that might yet prove to be the slightly trickier part.

Originally Posted by ®@***947;***1638;***1638;***1638;

I'm definitely a lot less dysfunctional than I once was. My mother is ill in hospital at the moment, and I've had to take on a lot of responsibilities (phoning her employer, dealing with health insurance stuff, keeping relatives informed, etc) that would, in the past, have caused me to shut-down and collapse into total panic to the point of incapacitation. Perhaps it's partly as a result of being preoccupied with worry or 'on autopilot', but I've been coping with the situation a whole lot better than I could ever have imagined.

ack, that's a horrible situation to find yourself in. being put in a position where you've no choice but to have to hold the fort can be quite a revelation, in SA terms, i know.

really hope your mum gets well again soon, Ray.

[sophie88]

I chose the 'pretty much cured' option, however there is a massive *I HOPE!* in brackets.. I've made massive progress since I was diagnosed with depression and SA last year. After a lot of thinking and inward-looking I feel I have come out all the better person for it and am actually happier now than I was before because it has enabled me to attack all my self-confidence issues head-on.

I have also realised that a lot of my problems were due to the situation I was in and how damaging some of the people around me were being to me in my situation. Having realised this, I am working on getting myself out of some of the situations I am not happy in and spending more time with people that do make me happy

I am planning on coming off my SSRIs in the next few months! I am very happy I have got this far but it doesnt stop me from being hugely scared one day I will be like that again.. But this time I think I will be more equipped to cope with it. Wish me luck...

[Undecided]

At the moment I'm doing a lot of the right things to overcome my anxiety- I'm getting out of the house more, trying to make friends online and offline, going to a support group and I'm being referred to a CPN. I still feel like I have a long way to go though so I chose the making slow progress option.

[indiegirl1980]

'3 Steps forward, 2 Steps back'

Feeling much happier in myself and am more able to talk to people than I used to be, but still have very little social life and am still reluctant to join in.

Less neurotic and hysterical than I was, and I'm sleeping much better too...

Thank you Heather for starting this thread, sometimes its too easy to sit and think about what you still have to do, rather than now far you've come. Sometimes I used to go for weeks without interacting with a soul, and now I can have conversations and even make jokes with people once I've become comfortable around them.

Did you use to post here under another name, as your style of writing looks familiar.

[heather]

Hey indiegirl1980 !

Nope, never been on here until a couple of months ago sorry. Glad u like the post.

Heather xx

ps I seemed 2 b makin so much progress, but over the past 2days hav gon back like 5 steps so i no how u feel! how annoyin! just tryin 2 remeber that im still 50 steps ahead of were i started from tho! lol xx

[Celine]

I have made big progress thanks to the CBT group I recently finished. I still have plenty of room to improve but it's amazing how much different and by different I mean better and more confident thaN I was at the start of this year.

[mayo1]

I'm with you Celine. Cbt is really good if you get in the habit of countering your thoughts in a TEA form all the time until you get a handle on those thoughts that are causing your problems.

[Celine]

Thanks for the encouraging words Mayo. I am doing my TEA forms more often than I was once my group ended and it has helped me make more progress thanks.

[Esme]

^ What's a TEA form? I'm doing CBT now, but haven't heard of these.

I think I'm making more progress now that I'm less preoccupied with myself. I was doing really well up until a few months ago, then slid back into me old ways. I'm all the way back to the beginning, and I worry that I'll never vanquish this thing, I'm really frightened.

[Celine]

Esme it takes time but if you stay on top of the exercises the relief will become longer and longer lasting. It took time for the bad habits to be developed so it makes sense that it will take time and effort to get new better habits into place.
The TEA form is the Thought-Error-Analysis CBT exercise. They work great when you do them a few minutes a day.

[Esme]

Thank you. I'll look into them.

[mayo1]

Originally Posted by Esme

^ What's a TEA form? I'm doing CBT now, but haven't heard of these.

I think I'm making more progress now that I'm less preoccupied with myself. I was doing really well up until a few months ago, then slid back into me old ways. I'm all the way back to the beginning, and I worry that I'll never vanquish this thing, I'm really frightened.

I think CBT is always a two step forward one step back process but if you are dilligently countering your thoughts in the TEA forms everyday you will experience a lot more steps forward than back over time Hang in there and work hard

[mayo1]

Originally Posted by Benzaiten

As I've posted before my BDD has played a massive part in my SA and my depression. I received a letter from my doctor this morning letting me know that I am on the waiting list for counselling - it is a long wait but I am looking forward it, hopefully it will help me to finally get my head straight.

What's BDD? Thx.

[loner1]

i start uni soon and am being more positive

[Celine]

Originally Posted by mayo1

I think CBT is always a two step forward one step back process but if you are dilligently countering your thoughts in the TEA forms everyday you will experience a lot more steps forward than back over time Hang in there and work hard

I think this is a good point and how progress with most everything is attained.

Love your positive attitude Loner Have fun in college.

[OllyAvoid]

I just wanted to say that I would like it if people were a bit careful when using the term "recovery", as in "Where are you in your recovery?". The word recovery implies that at one point in your past you were a socially "normal" person without any SA and its related problems like depression, that you then developed SA and any related problems, and that you are now working back towards being in your previous state of normality.

However for me, and I think for many people with SA, it has been a life-long thing. We have not known a "normal" life free from SA. For many, SA has been with us from as far as we can remember and got progressively worse as we got older.

So for those people its not about recovery as such, its more about forging a completely new life and new approach to their thoughts, perceptions, interpretations, behaviours etc

Anyway its a bit nit-picky I know, but one of the things that got me down a lot when I briefly attended group therapy was how all the other people were adamant that "I used to be fine, I used to be normal, I'm not like these nutcases who have been mental from childhood" - like they were trying to distance themselves from the likes of me who has had long-term difficulties. Then the counsellor says to me "well its going to be a lot harder for those who've had these problems all their lives, but there is a small chance you can make change" - which obviously had me leaving therapy with a grin on my face and a spring in my step Aaaanyway, I know I am being a bit over-sensitive to your choice of word, but I just wanted to share my feelings on the subject of the word "recovery".

And well done to you peeps who have made progress

[Celine]

Hey Rex I certainly know what you mean about some people wanting to act like SA is just a rash for them that comes and goes. For me my anxiety was with me as long as I can remember even before I knew what anxiety was, I thought I was just a nervous kid before I realized what anxiety is. Hang in there and I hope you find relief soon. I never thought I would be where I am right now and I still think I can make a lot more progress.

[lise173]

I voted for slow progress, even though at the moment I am personally having a setback - things that I haven't experienced for a couple of years and thought I had dealt with are coming back, and so that is disheartening. However I think I know the reason - I am in a situation similar to where I was 8 years ago, when my general anxiety started alongside social anxiety, in terms of having no plans for the immediate future (no more studying at uni, no job). That time 8 years ago was the worst of my life and I'm scared that having too much time on my hands will lead me to slip back into old ways. However if I'm logical, I don't think this is the case - I have more than I did back then (namely a good group of friends) and have made so many forward steps since then. It is just a question of facing new challenges...which are very scary!

I just need to keep focused on the things I want to achieve next - there's a few things I've done during this year that I doubt I would have been able to a year ago. These include going out of an evening time with friends, arranging a couple of things such as going to the theatre for my birthday (after getting so fed up of never doing anything to celebrate my birthday for so many years beforehand) and going out for a day to another city on the train with friends, when beforehand I could only ever go with parents - there was a period last year when I became near agoraphobic and found it an ordeal to get onto a bus, so going on a train and to somewhere where I couldn't easily get home in a matter of minutes was a massive thing. I aim to set myself gradual goals such as going to somewhere a little bit further from home for the day, then for the weekend (and maybe even a little longer, if I'm feeling particularly daring). These would be big, big steps for me.

I am aware though that a lot of the time, I tend to be all talk and no action, which is not good. I find it very easy to get stuck in my comfortable rut and retreat when things aren't going so well, or even when they are. When I feel good and not particularly anxious I also have the danger of becoming complacent about my anxiety, and thinking that I don't have to work at it particularly (this is where I think, if I did have serious attempts at CBT, I would fall down as as soon as I felt a bit better I would not keep at the exercises - and I know it is a long process to do so). I so identify with the whole '3 steps forward, 2 steps back' thing, I always feel like this is the case for me. I guess its just not seeing setbacks as the end of the world and all your progress - I read somewhere that knowing you've had a setback shows that you have made progress, as you can't possibly have had a setback if you haven't gotten anywhere in the first place (I'm not great at explaining things but I think you get my gist...!)

I just think slow and steady wins the race in the end...so am keeping in this mindset

[pboy]

Where I am in my recovery:

I'm in limbo-land. I'm waiting for Cipralex to stop messing with my head and it may take 6 months to a year. So I can't really do very much to combat SA at the moment.

Once I am better and able to function properly I plan to use MCT strategies (attention training, detatched mindfulness) to improve.

[loner1]

i am at uni. i spend lunch times on my own but try to remain positive and think nothing of it. i am ther to do a degree. anything else is a bonus, but i would love to bond with some of the girls because they are lovely and friendly and confident. there is an irish girl who is pretty and sexy and went to africa to work with children. maybe she wouldnt be to hard on me. (dreaming). she will probabley think i am to old for her. but thats not going to stop me treating her well and trying to make her feel special in a friendly way.

[mayo1]

Originally Posted by lise173

I just think slow and steady wins the race in the end...so am keeping in this mindset

This is what i think too
So far so good