"friends" why bother. (Confused)

[E Dub]

Why should I have to be the one to make contact or send a friend request (fb and here) im not a bad person so why does no one care about me enough to keep in contact or get to know me. I dont have any mean friends and wouldn't try to start a friendship with one so thats why I dont get anyone telling me to get ****ed but thats what their thinking. They must think "oh no not him" whenever I try and contact them if they bother to reply its never anything that makes me think they're pleased to hear from me, i'll be glad if they even asked how I was or say we should get together again. Im just an inconvenience to them.

I want to get to know some new people but can't with my sa. Would be great to meet some people from here. Would love to be able to spend time with someone who I didn't have to try and hide my sa but can't get past the idea that they would only agree to meet me so they dont hurt my feelings and then blame sa when they don't want to meet again soon, if I did actually make a friend from here then would our mutual issues help or hinder a friendship growing?

Sorry for boring you with my rant but I might help to get it off my chest.

[!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH]

Originally Posted by E Dub

if I did actually make a friend from here then would our mutual issues help or hinder a friendship growing?

.

I think this wories a lot of people and puts people off.

Right now I'm so fed up I just want to get out of here, but its hard when everyone is so scattered and I want to meet somone/people who I can see all the time.

I wish I had the money to travel a lot.

[britman]

Originally Posted by E Dub

Why should I have to be the one to make contact or send a friend request (fb and here) im not a bad person so why does no one care about me enough to keep in contact or get to know me. I dont have any mean friends and wouldn't try to start a friendship with one so thats why I dont get anyone telling me to get ****ed but thats what their thinking. They must think "oh no not him" whenever I try and contact them if they bother to reply its never anything that makes me think they're pleased to hear from me, i'll be glad if they even asked how I was or say we should get together again. Im just an inconvenience to them.

I want to get to know some new people but can't with my sa. Would be great to meet some people from here. Would love to be able to spend time with someone who I didn't have to try and hide my sa but can't get past the idea that they would only agree to meet me so they dont hurt my feelings and then blame sa when they don't want to meet again soon, if I did actually make a friend from here then would our mutual issues help or hinder a friendship growing?

Sorry for boring you with my rant but I might help to get it off my chest.

I feel same in everything you say so not just you, all the best

[Dandelion10]

There are some people who interfere and try get you involved in stuff, usually people who know you well but have 'distance' like extended family or friends of the family.

I'd always be like 'No, I'm okay' when they literally begged me to go somewhere, anywhere with them. One even said 'I CAN help you get better if you let me'.

I appreciate their efforts but it's not always that simple, I mean-it's got to the point where I'm not comfortable around people at all so socializing is the last thing on my mind. All I care about is if I'm gonna embarrass myself or not.

On the other hand you get people who are scared of you, like you see an old school friend and they don't even let on

With friendship like any relationship between 2, 3, 4 people it should feel natural, there should be an affinity about it. There will be moments of awkwardness maybe but I know that people without SA get that too cos they've told me.

When the friendship does get a bit awkward it's prolly more to do with how you feel about yourself than the friendship.

I've seen posts like this on the other SA forum, dealing with friendships for us can feel alien or forced or 'am I doing/saying the right thing' etc.

Even though when you read other peoples comments you think 'thats exactly what I think' and it inspired you to want to make friends but somehow idk, if feels like for me-other people are BETTER than me, the can drive like you can, they have partners and their own place etc.

I find that I never get to really know people, even if I say hi to them everyday, an SA mind is preoccupied with many self-defeating thoughts that makes keeping a conversation going hard cos it calls for you to forget yourself and be curious so it's no wonder keeping a whole friendship going is a challenge.

Maybe you could change your attitude to friendships cos it's not the friendships thats the issue it's how you think 'friends' see you.

[Optimistic]

Not everyone wants to make new friends. Making and keeping friends takes effort. Even when I wanted to make new friends I didn't know how and I would have avoided the situations that do help due to my SA.

So why do you have to be the one to make the effort? Well you don't. But if its important to you, then that's why. Personally I'd try to be friends with people who also want more friends. Edit: Which is why, for me, I find it easier to meet people on here since I can relate to them in social situations and they also have the same aim of making friends.

[Taking That Shot]

People are selfish.

That said I agree with your post, whether it be here, FB, MSN, on the street...

[E Dub]

Originally Posted by Dandelion10

Maybe you could change your attitude to friendships cos it's not the friendships thats the issue it's how you think 'friends' see you.

You speak sense, what little bit of self help i've learnt would tell me its my thinking thats wrong but I had some close friends who I had a laugh with who I wouldn't of spoken to or seen since starting college if I hadn't contacted them, I can't help thinking I missed them more than they missed me. Even friends from before I had sa wouldn't send me FR's on FB, I eventually sent them one when drunk, (much like I did on here)

Originally Posted by Lilly

im sorry hun i did see your post yesterday and wondered about it, I should have responded at the time. i hope yr feeling alrite

thats cheered me up a bit.

I apologise about bitching about my issue's on your thread, I knew no one would of removed you out of malice on here but im sure you already knew that but I should of said so instead of moaning about my shit.

[E Dub]

Originally Posted by Optimistic

So why do you have to be the one to make the effort? Well you don't.

But if I didn't I would have zero contact with anyone. If even one person sent me one message I would know im not a horrible person.

I want to carry on being friends but I need to know its not all one way. Its like with one or two people I used to know who I would see out and chat to but didn't really like them, I cant help thinking all my friends see me that way, their too polite to tell me to **** off and just hope I go away

[SoftlySpoken1]

Originally Posted by E Dub

Its like with one or two people I used to know who I would see out and chat to but didn't really like them, I cant help thinking all my friends see me that way, their too polite to tell me to **** off and just hope I go away

This is really your social anxiety speaking! I know it sounds corny - but you have to like yourself - your opinion of yourself is the most important thing in the world. When you get to the point where you like and accept yourself for who you are - other people's opinions won't be so important. In reality - no one is universally liked. There will always be people who don't like you, but there will be people who do like you - if you can let them get to know you! Good Luck!!

[The Chosen One]

Story of my life i have only one friend now, but when i tried to get to know people (e.g. at uni ) it was always me making the effort or contact first. No one else did, i was never invited out anywhere! If i didnt talk to them first, they would not talk to me, and in the end it turned out that way