I'm a myspace failure.

Terence · #1 30th September 2010, 18:03

You've probably heard this lot's of times. Loads of people have posted on here complaining about how they don't feel so good at doing myspace and places like that as other people seem to be able to get out of it. Able to use it.

Well I'm exactly the same. Myspace, Bebo, Facebook etc. I've tried them all and found that I feel like an alien on every single one. In fact this is the only place I actually post because it's the only place a screwed up person like me feels he''s with other people he actually understands.

Even though a few of those people probably think I'm a complete dickhead for some of my behaviour on here. I don't blame them though as I deserve it as I know full well I've been a complete **** to a few people on here for no other reason than I was depressed and taking it out on somebody else. That's a bummer and I apolgise but I'm not able to say I'll never be like that again as I don't know when the hell I'm going to go off on one or find a cure to the ****ed up situation that exists inside my head. Know what I mean ?

Anyway this has all come about because I met a young guy on friday outside the library. He asked for a smoke and we spoke. He told me he was only going in to "look for p**sy for the weekend" his words not mine. But it brought it home to me how much of a dufus I am at dating sites and myspace.

I mean if a cat was on one of them places I couldn't even get a sniff at that. All the females on them places just ignore me like I'm some kind of leper. And I haven't been nasty on them places. Just tried my best to be nice.

The thing that really kinda hurt me though recently was when I went to the desk of the library a few days ago. The assistant who was serving me had a badge on. It was right in my face and so I just looked at it and thought I'll read that and at least i'll know one of their names. I mean I've been using this place for years and none of them hardly say a word to me.

But what happened was she put her hand over her damn badge. I don't know if it was subconcious but that is what she did. When I next looked she had covered her badge with her cardigan so I couldn't see her name.

I'm thinking what a bitch. I mean am i such a ****ing weirdo that the librarian woman whom i have never hurt or said a bad word to is too creeped out to let me see the name on her badge. I mean it wasn't as if I was hiding behind the books with binoculars trying to get a look.

I don't know what the answer is to my relationship problems but it's highly frustrating. I'm like an alien that isn't compatible with all the humans so they block me out and if truth be hold it hurts. It's all part of my big bad depression. Why I am depressed 365 days a year with just a handful depression free. Know what I mean.

I have no wish to negate the problems of people with Sa who have partners but I feel people like myself and other's who can't even seem to form a relationship with the next door neighbours dog are in a particular bracket were I can't understand you and you can't understand me.

To an extent I can but not fully because I am lacking in every sinlge area of socialisation including intimacy. Whereas you have this in your life and is it a problem or is it not. I don't know. Maybe you have a gf or bf but are just as miserable as I am. Who know's it a puzzle to me. Relating to you is something I find a puzzle ? The loners I find no bother at all. I'm not any more able to show them friendship than I am you but I understand them far more than people with SA who are able to have relationships.

The only thing I can think of is that your able to trust better than me. A lot of SA is caused by abuse I feel. That affects trust.

That's all I'm saying. Just airing my thought's. Respond if you will it'd be interesting to see what you make of what I just wrote ?

Blumoon · #2 30th September 2010, 18:32

well really you do seem very paranoid,.

Defiance · #3 30th September 2010, 18:32

i think it was strange she would cover her badge. are you sure her badge wasn't near her breasts and she thought you were looking at her breasts and thats why she covered herself up?

Craig75 · #4 30th September 2010, 18:37

maybe it was just cold in there? she might have just been adjusting her clothes.

I would stay clear of facebook and places like that if you are feeling insecure about yourself, because they can be very disheartening.

Terence · #5 30th September 2010, 18:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawty

well really you do seem very paranoid,.

Paranoid how ? For thinking the librarian was covering her badge then hiding it when that's what she did.

nessa456 · #6 30th September 2010, 18:51

I wouldn't worry about the librarian, she would probably have acted in exactly the same way whoever was looking at her name tag. I don't think people expect others to actually look at the name tag, it's just something they have to wear, so she probably felt generally uncomfortable being scrutinised as people don't tend to look at her name tag.

In life, other people will act as they want, it's up to us how we interpret it though.

When we don't communicate with many people the actions of people who generally aren't important in our lives (ie the librarian) become overly important; things take on a far greater significance than they should.

It happens to me a lot and I know it's because my brain isn't occupied enough, so it makes a meal out of whatever input there is.

I'm going to try and find some voluntary work next week to try and get me out of the house more and keep my brain occupied.

Blumoon · #7 30th September 2010, 18:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terence

Paranoid how ? For thinking the librarian was covering her badge then hiding it when that's what she did.

well i mean reading too much into it, it probably was just she was paranoid cos you were looking where her tits were lol

Terence · #8 1st October 2010, 14:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Defiance

i think it was strange she would cover her badge. are you sure her badge wasn't near her breasts and she thought you were looking at her breasts and thats why she covered herself up?

You know I think you hit the nail on the head. I wasn't looking at them though but I think maybe she thought I was. I notice women doing that all the time also. They pull their coats together if they think I'm looking at them too intently. Maybe they're shy I don't know ?

Terence · #9 1st October 2010, 14:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by nessa456

I wouldn't worry about the librarian, she would probably have acted in exactly the same way whoever was looking at her name tag. I don't think people expect others to actually look at the name tag, it's just something they have to wear, so she probably felt generally uncomfortable being scrutinised as people don't tend to look at her name tag.

In life, other people will act as they want, it's up to us how we interpret it though.

When we don't communicate with many people the actions of people who generally aren't important in our lives (ie the librarian) become overly important; things take on a far greater significance than they should.

It happens to me a lot and I know it's because my brain isn't occupied enough, so it makes a meal out of whatever input there is.

I'm going to try and find some voluntary work next week to try and get me out of the house more and keep my brain occupied.

Thanks Nessa, good advice as always. Good luck with the voluntary work I hope you find something interesting to do.

Terence · #10 1st October 2010, 14:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shawty

well i mean reading too much into it, it probably was just she was paranoid cos you were looking where her tits were lol

Maybe so.

Terence · #11 1st October 2010, 15:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ashmonkey

maybe it was just cold in there? she might have just been adjusting her clothes.

I would stay clear of facebook and places like that if you are feeling insecure about yourself, because they can be very disheartening.

I never go near the place but it bothers me that I can't.

I've got the same problem with my writing group and my mens group. At the writing group I get along fine as the conversation can be more intellectual based. At my mens group I feel insulted because average joes always take the piss out of me because they my way of thinking leaves them floundering for a thought to reply with. So they resort to cheap low grade humour when dealing with me. That's why I don't get on with 90 percent of the male population as it's the same old rubbish over and over. It's boring know what I mean ?

I'm not talking about anything you said to me as I found what you said interesting and slightly funny. About it being cold and her pulling her clothes tighter.

So many peoples humour though involves being personal to get a very cheap laugh. You know bamming somebody up or making a fool of them in front of others and I've been the brunt of a lot of that a lot of my life due to my shyness and my social anxiety and the fact that I've always came across as being a bit different.

Which is why I thouroughly dislike people making a fool of me anywhere. Especially on here. It smacks of bullying and a rubbish sense of wit. You know ?

Thanks for the advice. Sorry for putting you on the spot but I felt that point had to be made in some way.

Terence · #12 1st October 2010, 15:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cynic

I'm in a pretty similar place to you and I'm certain beyond doubt that the majority of human behaviour is subconscious. FWIW it sounds like she picked up on the fact that you're a loner and acted accordingly. I've faced the same sort of reactions from people and am kind of desensitised to it. I guess I subconsciously keep a distance with people these days too.

As others have said, mibbe she thought you were having a sneaky swatch at her baps. When I'm in coffee shops, I sometimes clock the names of staff that wear badges, just cause I'm a nosey bastard like that, lol. I just don't make it obvious - which is a skill in itself.

Cheers Cynic it's obvious you and me think alike in some ways. That's the problem with social anxiety though isn't it. Your locked in and you can't make contact. It's highly frustrating and not something you readily have a sense of humour about.

But maybe she did think I was looking at her baps as she is an attractive person. I can see the humour in that amigo. They all do look at me like I'm a weirdo loner though as I'm in here a lot. There is a certain group of us who use the library far too much I'm constantly self concious of that. But since they shut down so many other places you could go when you have a mild to moderate mental health problem there's nothing else for it. Except maybe the pub which would just get me into trouble I don't want or need again. So that's a bad idea.

Defiance · #13 1st October 2010, 15:23

Terence, sounds like you could do with a pair of dark sunglasses dude..

Terence · #14 1st October 2010, 15:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Defiance

Terence, sounds like you could do with a pair of dark sunglasses dude..

I don't get it ?

Defiance · #15 1st October 2010, 15:33

you seem very sensitive, i've made alot stronger jokes to people on here...

AxelFendersson · #16 1st October 2010, 15:44

I thought Defiance was joking fairly gently, really. He has a point; with dark glasses, nobody can see where you're looking (so they won't think you're staring at them). It wasn't particularly helpful, but it didn't seem out of order.

Defiance · #17 1st October 2010, 15:46

..well seeing as you admitted the reason why she covered up was likely because she thought you were looking at her boobs i would have thought it inevitable really (whatever forum you use) that someone would sooner or later make a little joke

don't take it so personally

Terence · #18 1st October 2010, 15:46

paranoia then I guess is my real problem.

maybe I analyse too much so sorry defiance for being like that it was uncalled for.

I'll try and get a SOH but I'm promising nothing.

Blumoon · #19 1st October 2010, 15:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terence

maybe so, so were do I go there is no website for serious people like me who have a phobia of people. That includes being the subject of a joke made by people that my phobic mind usually tellls me are laughing at me not with me.

Ties in to being afraid of what people think of me due to social anxiety. To do with social anxiety you know.

Sorry am I being a pain here ? A stick in the mud ?

no, this place is awfully insesitive, clearly, why this crap happens on a 'support forum' i will never know.

Terence · #20 1st October 2010, 16:00

Thanks Shawty, a young woman of rare judgement.

I often feel that a culture of respect is seriously lacking on a lot of internet websites. I have to say my sheet is not clean either in that respect. But this place is so enormous it's probably impossible to realise a place that truly caters to everyone's sense of what's right and what isn't. I appreciate your support though.

I'm signing off and I'm holding no ill will toward anybody and that means what it says on the tin.

I'll be back though don't worry about it.

Detox · #21 3rd October 2010, 04:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

This is the site i've attracted trouble on for some reason (one site I use is the bitch capital of the internet where people call each other c*** so you can imagine my confusion at being treated nicer there ) but I made the silly mistake ( subconsciously) of thinking people here would be better , more sensitive than elsewhere which was silly. Now I don't expect anything from people here other than a shared experience of anxiety related issues and find it a better site and like a couple of people who I keep in contact with most days . If I had a friend or partner , i'd probably leave.

Well atleast we don't call eachother c***s so thats got to be better right? (Well not all the time)!
Unlike those people you mention and yourself, I don't think I'd leave if I had a friend or partner due to the fact that most people on here I can get along with. Unlike other places on the internet.
But its just difference of opinion I suppose, always interesting to know other's.

Terence · #22 4th October 2010, 10:55

thanks cavegirl I appreciate, wish I could keep in contact with people on a daily basis but I'm not great at that sort of thing. I get too caught up in my own inner stuff being an introvert. If I could get over that and learn how to concentrate on somebody, just one person i'd be a lot better for it I know I would. What's the name of this other site by the way ?

Cheers.