Big Night Out - Need Some Help

[vimster]

Next Sunday I'm off up to Derby to have a night out with a few people I know off the internet. It's a goth event at a club and I'm very very anxious. I've not met them in person, and I'm not a big clubber at all (this is the second night out I've had in the last 18 months or so).

I've told the people I'm going with that I'm a socially-anxious person, that I can hardly relax on nights out and that I am worried, they say it's alright, they'll look after me etc, but I never believe that.

It's all the small things that get me panicky: approaching the venue and seeing people at the door, having to deal with peopla at the door (tickets, etc), then once I'm in I simply cannot relax at all, constantly worrying about what people think I'm up to, where I should go, where the toilets are etc, and I find myself checking my watch ever 10 minutes.

It annoys me because everyone else just takes it in their stride. I'm amazed that people go out and enjoy themselves, they actually look forward to it! I wish I could, I really do. .

Can anyone suggest ways of coping with the anxiety of a big night out? How can I think more positively about the event, because right now all I can see are the downsides.

Thanks in advance .

Hi Vimster. :D

Easier said than done I know, but it could help to look at this night out for what it really is - just an evening out. It'll be over in the space of a few hours.

You'll be just one person out of hundreds there and social anxiety is more common than many people think!

The dark, noisy atmosphere of the nightclub will 'hide' you a bit, if you blush for example I doubt anyone would notice.

I don't know if you drink alcohol or are willing to but obviously that can help get you through the evening.

Also, you can buy something called Rescue Remedy from chemists. It's a natural remedy which eases anxiety and DOES work.

You can buy it off the shelf from Boots for a fiver.

Hope it goes ok.

[vimster]

Thank you . I know what you mean about it being over in a matter of hours, and thankfully the place is walking distance from where I'll be staying which helps a great deal.

I do drink and although I am careful not to let it be a crutch I will most definitley be having a few before I go out. It appears that more people do this than I previously thought, maybe this is where I've been going wrong.

It just feels like I'm diving in at the deep end here. The idea of the train ride home really appeals, and with any luck it'll be fine and I can build on it. It's just so frustrating sat here a week away, every moment worrying. Grrrrr.

Yes, the anticipation is often the worst bit. Sometimes I worry so much that I'm frazzled and then end up cancelling as I don't have any energy left.

I bet it won't be as bad as you imagine - these things rarely are.

[vimster]

Originally Posted by CaughtByTheFuzz

I bet it won't be as bad as you imagine - these things rarely are.

Ahhh this is the big problem for me: in my experience you're right, but then there's something in my brain that says "maybe, but there's always a first time", it's infuriating.

[vimster]

Originally Posted by robbied84

Whooooo I live in Derby! *random* I'm guessing you're going to a club that begins with 'Z'-- I live right by there. If not, then I'm wrong. Hope it goes well, you'll get there and things will be ok and you'll wonder why you ever worried about it!!

Yep, that's the one . What's the place like? Any info that'll help me handle that initial approach will be very very helpful.

[Corelone]

If it makes you feel better all the goths I've known have been a little insecure and messed up themselves. I think that's part of the appeal of the scene. No one is going to judge you there.

*yeah I know I'm stereotyping goths

[vimster]

Originally Posted by Corelone

If it makes you feel better all the goths I've known have been a little insecure and messed up themselves. I think that's part of the appeal of the scene. No one is going to judge you there.

*yeah I know I'm stereotyping goths

Well yes, it's wrong to say they're all like that, especially the type that get out to big events, they're the confident sort. I just hope they're not snobby or judgemental.

[Corelone]

Originally Posted by vimster

Well yes, it's wrong to say they're all like that, especially the type that get out to big events, they're the confident sort. I just hope they're not snobby or judgemental.

I dunno, I've been to goth events, and at first they seem confident, but when you get to know them better a lot of them are shy and reserved deep down. I noticed they were most confident at goth events because they were in their element. Also things like hanging back and not talking to anyone look more profound in that situation. But once they'r out of their safe zones, they can be a bit insecure.

Whatever, just my 2c. Just trying to take the pressure off you. They're just people too like you and me. Also, they're nice people too.

[vimster]

Originally Posted by Corelone

Whatever, just my 2c. Just trying to take the pressure off you. They're just people too like you and me. Also, they're nice people too.

Hey, it's very much appreciated . I hardly go to any events, let alone goth ones, this is my first. Maybe I've just heard some horror stories.

[vimster]

Had a severe panic attack thinking about this trip the other day. The big problem is potentially going to be fabulous, yet all the negative thoughts hang about . I'm trying so hard to just think on the positive side, but having a real struggle.