When Someone Says How Are You?

[Aruals]

Hi,
I find that if someone says "how are you?" I can't ask them the same question. It's like I think how do I have the right to ask them that normal question even though I know that is stupid.

Can anyone understand?

[Pandapop]

I don't like being asked how I am, I normally reply dude is this msn?

[ghost.of.an.englishman]

not really, but I often don't ask people it back. I'm a rude sod I know.

[tryinghard]

Are you maybe afraid that asking it back will open up a conversation? I know sometimes in the past I have ducked out of normal pleasantries to close down a conversation :-/

[Altumverum]

If someone asks me how I am I tend to give them the honest answer, which I have noticed is usually not what they are looking for.

[MissyP.]

If someone generally asks how are you I find that they aren't even interested in what you say, mostly they use it for conversation starters too. Its like when you walk past someone you know they might say "you alright" and you automatically reply yeah thanks. Its used as polite conversation talk, and they aren't really wanting a full conversation with you or to hear a whole rant of how dreadful your day might have been.

[Stotch]

^^ Somewhat true but not everyone is as fake or disingenuous as this. Often 'How are you' can be interpreted as 'Are we cool' or 'Is everything alright between us'. It doesn't mean they are not interested and assuming people aren't interested in your response is just a very cynical way to see people.

[WeiJingsheng]

I usually don't return the question.
Inane anyway as you're not supposed to reply with anything other than 'fine/good'.

[Tembo]

I usually do ask how someone is after they've asked me. However, I don't feel comfortable saying it for some reason.

On a related note, there are also awkward occasions when a conversation goes like this:

Me: "How are you?"
Person X: "Good thank you, yourself?"
Me: "Yes good thanks, you?"

[Silhouette]

It's just a routine social question, no one really cares how you feel. Just give the stock response of "I'm fine how are you" and try to ignore your soul slowly suffocating,

[les]

My answer is always I'm fine no matter how cr@p I really am feeling.

[newbs16]

I'm okay thanks, are you okay, how are you, something like that

[J Stabler]

Fine you? Every single time, I think people just know how am going to respond by now, hopefully one day I can respond with am f*cking fantastic am full of the joys of life how are you?

[Serephina]

I've never had a problem asking how someone was,usually it's past that point that I struggle,but I don't know what the point of that question is because people respond with "I'm fine"or " i'm well",they don't tend to say "well i'm feeling like shit,how are you?"

[Kam]

I say "yeah not to bad,how are you?"

then they say something similar along those lines and then based on how chatty they are I might become chatty but when I was working in the restaurant because I was allways in the forefront I used to make the effort to chat to people when there in the reception area cause that's where id usually be loitering,taking orders and being a host.
I don't know,once you get people chatting they seem to like it

[rachlou]

I really hate it when people say "hey, what's up?"
I never know what to say! Sooo awkward.
I'd rather someome say hey, how're you to be honest. Plus, it's polite

[Z.]

Nobody really cares when they say "how are you?". It's just a form of greeting without any real substance, so I just say "okay" back and leave it at that.

[Amy236]

They don,t really want to know....
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.

[Memory]

I used to really struggle with this but I'm better at it nowadays. Sometimes I forget to ask the same question back and by the time I've realised there's been too long a pause and it's too late.

[flumpsy]

Funny, I was thinking about this on friday at work. Because I lack confidence and I know they probably have something to say/ask I just say fine and get on as soon as possible.

It probably does seem rude but so is asking "how are you" when we know they dont want to know the answer. Caribou made that mistake earlier, and I actually told him how I am.. that wont happen again

[eMe]

Originally Posted by Amy236

They don,t really want to know....
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone.

I think a lot of people do though. The majority of people are interested to know about others around them or are interested in initiating a conversation or at least an attempt to be pleasant. I much prefer this to a world where no one asked the question.

[eMe]

Originally Posted by Geddalexneil

I was out for my evening walk today and someone said to me "how are you"; I replied "fine thanks, how you doing?", to which they responded "fine thanks - and you?".

It made me think of this thread.

of course you replied fine thanks, and you?

[Kam]

ive never met anyone answer that question in a exuberant way, after they say something like...yeah not too bad....I started mixing it up and saying things like...that's what everyone says...ha ha ha ....oh we laughed

[Caribou]

I usually say "Oh, mustn't grumble".

[purplerose]

If someone used to ask how I was I would always say" I'm ok thanks" and never ask the person if they were ok which seems rude but to me asking how they were just lengthened what I had to say and made me anxious! Nowadays if someone asks me if I'm ok I will say "yes thanks are you" Like most people I wouldn't admit to not being ok though iif someone asked

[Kam]

ive started telling people im tired and that tends to get a brief convo going about why im tired .
im pretty good at striking up conversations with randoms nowadays.
spread a little joy is what I like to call it

[eMe]

Originally Posted by Invisible Llama

I ask how are you a lot. It's basically a hello.

In response I say "I'm good thanks you?"

Unless I'm desperately suicidal then I say "not so bad thanks, you?" which secretly means "help me. I'm suffering. Please save me. Whyy? Whyy me? Does anybody understand?"

Yes exactly that. In fact I often just reply with a hello which works just fine.

Your not so bad is different from my not so bad, my not so bad at all means I am very well today. Funny that.

[Tom Morello]

I just say I'm good thanks or I'm ok thanks even when I feel dreadful. I'll only say I feel crap to people I know won't judge me for it.

[eMe]

Guess we all say fine or good when it may not be the case, but at the same time now and again someone can say something to you after the pleasantries that brightens up your day, something random. Seen an old guy walking his dog by the lake the other day, small little terrier, guy was balancing on a none too safe looking rock by the lakeside trying to coax the dog in to wash after what was a messy walk after all the rain. Dog was having none of it, and the old guy was leaning over more and more as the lead was too long and he couldn't pull the dog in, then he started telling me about the time he fell in flat on his face doing the same right in front of a glass fronted restaurant, and him about 80. Those sort of things make your day a bit better.

[neilm]

You could always do what my late father used to do,

When some asked him "How are you ?" his answer would be "Fecking awful" !!!

It tended to be a bit of a conversation killer mind........