How is everyone feeling? (31)

[Dougella]

^ That sounds tough. There are some socially distanced meets planned in the meetings room if you want to see if any are in your area. I've always quite liked the thought of Morris dancing

[Mellie]

thanks kooky_monster, have to ignore those negative thoughts! sorry your cat isn't well, shame about cancelling your college course. pets come first though don't they?

[Blackflies]

Miserable. A friend prone to suicidal tendencies sent me a suicide meme (man jumping). He uses humour to deflect so it’s a difficult one. But I found it a trigger. This morning spoke to a friend which perked me up but we somehow ended up in a light disagreement. He raised a point that if he asked to meet I’d say no. Perhaps it’s the honesty that triggered me. I feel really lonely this week and actually could do with meeting someone but he’s right whether it him or someone else I’ll likely just make an excuse and after years of practice, I’m still not sure why ‘yes’ is still my last choice.

[Merritt]

Didn't take my medication yesterday and on schedule slept for about 16 hours and had vivid dreams that needled me straight to my heart. Woke up kind of freaking out and I've been on and off ugly-crying since.

[Merritt]

God, I feel like such a ****ing loser it's unreal.

[twosocks]

[Pink*Lady]

Absolute rubbish.

[Mellie]

feeling tense and unmotivated

[Jen.]

I seem to have developed a fear of going into my nearest city, which is a little worrying since it hasn't happened before. I haven't been there for most of the year, and I'm able to look at it logically and realise that it's because of this and not knowing what the rules are (as in how people might be acting and how I might be expected to act). I often get anxiety with situations/places where I'm not too sure how I'm supposed to act or where I'm supposed to go, but I can usually feel brave enough to talk myself into it/use ACT to get through it. This time I've tried to get the tram twice now and felt so frozen with fear that I couldn't get on, so went back home.

It reminded me of during the first year of university when I was supposed to go to seminars of a small group of people, and I would be so anxious about walking into a room where I didn't know anyone or know what was expected of me (unlike lectures, for example) that I'd arrive and then just walk around the building a few times too scared to go in until I decided it would be better not to go at all than to be late, and then return home and send an email to the tutor making an excuse. It's that kind of feeling - anxiety and then the relief of avoidance.

I think it might be a fear of both using public transport and knowing that once I'm in the city, I'll have to go through the same thing again to get back home (getting a taxi doesn't feel safe right now, and I suppose I could always walk home if I needed to, but it's around six miles). Although I'm pretty sure that if I managed to get on the tram there I wouldn't have any problems coming back, it's just the first part that seems difficult. I guess it might be some kind of agoraphobia, though I have no trouble leaving my house, going out for long walks, going to other people's houses, or going into shops (actually I went to the post office recently and almost ran back out, but I think that's just because it was the first time I'd been in months - I'm sure I'd be okay going back there now).

[Amara 94]

Anxious about going to my local supermarket.

[endo_endo]

Ever feel like people don't notice when you aren't around then make it a big deal when you withdraw completely?

[Mo34]

Slightly apprehensive of the Mental health first aid course i'm starting tomorrow for work.
Just noticed there is a small amount of role play involved in session 2. There is nothing worse than role play - except for role play on zoom.

Hope I don't make a total tit of myself

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Merritt

Didn't take my medication yesterday and on schedule slept for about 16 hours and had vivid dreams that needled me straight to my heart. Woke up kind of freaking out and I've been on and off ugly-crying since.

man, that's rough,. seems such a fast, fierce reaction to missing a dose,
did you forget or just resent taking them?

Originally Posted by Merritt

God, I feel like such a ****ing loser it's unreal

no way dude,. it's just your mind playing tricks,... we all feel that way sometimes,
try and do something to shift your mind-set off that negative train of thought,

I find brisk exercise can help sometimes to just give the negative train of thought a shift,

hope you'll be back to your awesome self soon dude

[Rocket Spud]

[Mo34]

^

-------

I'm so so. MHFA course session 1 was ok. Only 3 of us turned up which is def. a plus for me! Was quite chilled which was a big help, might crank up later I guess :/
Can't tell if my neighbour has been spoken to/visited but the remains still left of his cannabis farm have suddenly disappeared from below his window. And so far it is quiet (might be speaking too soon) tho he might be out.

Anyhoo emailed the central office to ask about paperwork/info on a transfer and see what might be available and at what price. Might be nout but it's worth exploring. Bypassed local manager as he/she doesn't appear to be that helpful so far.

[Rocket Spud]

Ta, Mo

[Rocket Spud]

Awfully messy.

[Mellie]

feeling out of place here, everyone seems so smart... I'm just stupid.

[gregarious_introvert]

^^^ I'm sorry to read that you don't feel welcome here, Nanuq, I'm sure that isn't the case in reality (certainly not on my part anyway); in fact, I've never looked at this thread before, but saw that you'd posted and clicked into it straight away!

From what I have heard (purely anecdotally), people who have had and "recovered" from Covid-19, including those who wouldn't have considered themselves to have "underlying medical issues", are reporting reduced lung function long-term, regardless of whether or not they developed a PE. I'm sorry that your symptoms were overlooked for so long and you have every right to be angry and upset about the attitude of your GP - is there any chance you could switch to another practice, it sounds as if the one you have isn't fit for purpose?

I hope that they manage to treat your PE effectively and that your oxygen levels begin to move towards the normal range. Welcome back, by the way, although I would have preferred to see a post about how wonderful your life was (and maybe one day...).

@skittles, you're not stupid at all - and not everyone here is smart either! You're definitely not out of place.

[Jen.]

I managed to get over my fear and took the tram into the city yesterday (after three times of trying and failing to do it). I think I might be okay doing it by myself next time, although I'm not really sure if I'd want to. It was fine on the way there, the tram was quiet and there was space to sit (about two thirds of the seats were blocked so that everyone would keep apart). A few people were being annoying, but that's not unusual. When we got there we went into a shopping centre where masks were required to enter, but since there was only one staff member on the door and none inside, people were just taking them off once they got in. They were also walking wherever they wanted to despite one side of the building having big arrows on the floor going one way and the other way on the other side. I suppose since it's been open a few months already those who go there regularly are bored of sticking to the route they're told to walk on, like what happened in Tesco until the arrows were removed because all they were doing were making a small minority of people be angry with the large majority who were ignoring them.

On the way back we were sat on two seats in a section of four seats, and the other two seats had large red signs wrapped around them saying "Do not sit here". After the first stop, two teenage boys got on (I'm not sure why they weren't in school since they were maybe 14 or 15 years old) and sat in those two seats. They kept looking up at me like they wanted/expected a reaction. If I'd been alone I probably would have just anxiously stared out of the window until I had to get off, but my companion is very confident and told them to move. When they didn't, she got up and went to press the button to speak to the driver, but before she could do it they'd moved onto the opposite seats (in front of a man, who immediately got up and moved elsewhere). They took off their masks and started showing each other videos on their phones of beheadings and cat torture, laughing about it while turning the volumes up full. My companion then went and pressed the button to speak to the driver, and the tram stopped and the driver came to speak to the boys. He said he wouldn't be moving until they'd got off, and threatened to call the police. They shouted abuse at him as they left, then ran away after kicking the side of the tram and punching the windows. So that was pleasant.

I mostly wanted to be comfortable doing that so that I could go ice skating there after it opened again this week. I was anxious about how that would be too with all the new rules, but they put a video on their website showing exactly what people need to do now, walking through each step and the route you need to take through the building, which I found really helpful in feeling less anxious about it. I wish more places would do that, not just for distancing-related measures but so people can see what things are like before they go to them.

[limey123]

Originally Posted by Jen.

I wish more places would do that, not just for distancing-related measures but so people can see what things are like before they go to them.

Totally relate to this. For example, I have special anxieties about eating establishments and correct etiquette while eating/ordering alone, despite having been to many in my life. Other things I will not try, like going to the gym or swimming pool alone because I'm not sure how things are done there exactly.
You feel like you might possibly be missing out on stuff.

Those two boys sound revolting. Why weren't they in school, anyway??

[Pablo Huntsbach]

Originally Posted by Merritt

Didn't take my medication yesterday and on schedule slept for about 16 hours and had vivid dreams that needled me straight to my heart. Woke up kind of freaking out and I've been on and off ugly-crying since.

I often dream about perceived injustices from my past and wake up with the same wounded mindset about it that I had a decade ago, and sometimes take all morning to get back on track, so I think (hope) it’s normal.

I have to do one of those pre recorded video interviews for a job I applied for and I’m not feeling confident about it, been delaying it all morning. Last time I did one of these I got a face to face interview out of it but that’s as far as it got, and the salary was lower for that one so it seems a bit futile but still, I suppose if I don’t try I’ll be stuck where I am forever. Part of me suspects that a the point of these interviews is to weed out the people who aren’t serious enough’ about it and will chicken out of even recording it, so all you really have to do is complete it and act normal when you do it to be considered.

[Mo34]

Jesus just been listening to my neighbour (loudly) going on to his mother about a court order he had or has to keep away from someone who he apparently smashed their car up in a rage or something. (He was explaining the reason to his mate). No remorse, he was just laughing hysterically about it all.

He's gone out with his mum and left his mates behind, 1st playing music and now I think gaming. Guess the local manager hasn't bothered then.

Just wish the little piece of scum would be jailed.

[Azalea]

Skittles, you're definitely not stupid and people here and in the irc like you a lot

Nanuq, I hope you get the treatment you need soon, you have been let down very badly by the GP surgery
I often have a low oxygen level sometimes down to 92% so really hope I don't get it.

[Rocket Spud]

Sparkless. Getgogone. Sack'o'shite.

[Mo34]

@ Nanuq. Sorry I've only just seen your post, I just randomly posted earlier in the middle of something else. So am just catching up.

That's terrible, hope you managed to get some decent treatment. It's ridiculous some doctors don't seem to take people/things seriously.

[newbs16]

Wish I could give my head a big wobble, or maybe have someone else's brain who gets less anxious about life .

[Mellie]

I know people like me but still got that nagging feeling that no one wants to talk to me. My psychosis is back and I can’t cope with everything constantly going wrong . But could be worse. Have a roof over my head and a cat to keep me sane. And lovely people to talk to

[Mellie]

Nanuq , really sorry you are going through so much x

[Consolida]

@ Jen - Well done on confronting your fear and getting onto the tram
The boys on the journey sounded absolutely vile.

Until today, I thought people were meant to be socially distancing on the buses as well as wearing masks, but when my son came home from college he said the double decker bus was crammed with people. Every seat was taken and there were even people having to stand. This is all extremely worrying


@ Nanuq - It's lovely to see you back here posting although very sad to hear about your serious health issues. It's appalling how you have been treated over the months and that it's taken so long to find out why you haven't been recovering from the virus. I hope something can finally be done to get you feeling better again


@ Mo - I'm hating your obnoxious neighbour and I don't even live anywhere near to him!


@ Newbs - Oh wouldn't it be great to be able to swap an over anxious brain with one that is 'normal'


@ Pablo Huntsbach - Good luck with the video interview. It's natural to feel very apprehensive but I'm sure it will go better than you think


Rocket spud - Feel better soon


@ Skittles - It's nice to see you posting regularly as you are very much liked here


I am feeling very headachy so I've taken some painkillers and I don't care if they are something that is on my 'Histamine Intolerance' list of things to avoid.