On a scale of 1 to 10 how hard do you actually try to change yourself?

!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH · #1 28th July 2009, 03:39

I've set myself deadline, after deadline, after deadline to just go to absolute fecking WAR

with myself and sort out this mess I'm in once and for all, but when the deadline comes I alway's extend it. I alway's put it off due to fear.

I've spent years doing this and spent so much time dreaming and living in my head.

I have extreme AvPD.

So when the chips are down I actually put no effort in to changeing the way I am, even though I should kill my current lifestyle stone cold dead and spend every waking moment fighting until I drop dead.

I don't believe I can change but never even try to change when I should be challenging the beliefs that I have.

So, on a scale of 1-10 I end up putting ZERO effort in. :rolleyes:

How about you?

StarHaze · #2 28th July 2009, 03:57

0

AAAli · #3 28th July 2009, 04:18

Probably about a 7, I am always working on changing beliefs learning new self help stuff and trying to change. But I put off doing exposures more than I would like to.

Candyman · #4 28th July 2009, 04:35

Actually, when I was rock bottom I worked harder...now that I'm more content I put in less effort. I kind of miss that drive I use to have. Before I was an 8 and now I'm more of a 4.

Anyway, I progress at my own rate...I just need to do things on my own terms and stuff. From the outside it might look like I'm making slow progress, but I know myself and I'm mostly content with the rate I'm going at.

Nee · #5 28th July 2009, 09:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frustration!

I've set myself deadline, after deadline, after deadline to just go to absolute fecking WAR

with myself and sort out this mess I'm in once and for all, but when the deadline comes I alway's extend it. I alway's put it off due to fear.

I've spent years doing this and spent so much time dreaming and living in my head.

I have extreme AvPD.

So when the chips are down I actually put no effort in to changeing the way I am, even though I should kill my current lifestyle stone cold dead and spend every waking moment fighting until I drop dead.

I don't believe I can change but never even try to change when I should be challenging the beliefs that I have.

So, on a scale of 1-10 I end up putting ZERO effort in. :rolleyes:

How about you?

Im the same completely , Ive spent so long with my head in the sand and always taking the easy option the Im not even sure I have the strength of charactor these days to do anything about changing my circumstances.

My head says i want to change, my heart says im not strong enough

On a day when I thought Id made some effort to push myself, itd still only amount to a 2 or 3 at most

N

яemus · #6 28th July 2009, 09:06

over the last 10 years I'd give myself a 5, though some years I've made little effort and other years an awful lot

SoftlySpoken1 · #7 28th July 2009, 14:37

Right now - I'd give myself 8.5 - but in the past its been less...and I think I have in the past told myself I'm trying whilst not really trying...it is so much easier to avoid than face the anxiety!

cheesehoven · #8 28th July 2009, 14:51

I would guess at somewhere in the 5-7 range.

Sea · #9 28th July 2009, 15:56

Probably a 2.
I try meds and CBT and self-help guides, but I'm sick of the latter two (too patronising) and unconvinced the first is working.

Bottom line is that I am resigned to being this way for the rest of my days, so that's that really. I just got too good at avoiding stuff now, and I don't think that's going to change. I'm not even sure I want it to...

Left Of The Dial · #10 28th July 2009, 17:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by Candyman

Actually, when I was rock bottom I worked harder...now that I'm more content I put in less effort. I kind of miss that drive I use to have. Before I was an 8 and now I'm more of a 4.

Anyway, I progress at my own rate...I just need to do things on my own terms and stuff. From the outside it might look like I'm making slow progress, but I know myself and I'm mostly content with the rate I'm going at.

I'm the same as this. A few years ago when my SA was much worse i used to put in a lot of effort to try and change myself and make life easier, mostly with success. Now that i'm much more confident in myself, i tend to get lazy and don't try so hard anymore. Wish i could change this.

T · #11 28th July 2009, 17:34

I'll prob be about a 6 i think..

Holz · #12 28th July 2009, 21:07

Shamefully, probably only about a 4, 5 at most. I think I use SA as an excuse to not bother, like "I can't go clubbing because everything about it is everything I fear, and SA is a mental problem and so I can't change it". I know deep down that's not true but...

Chip · #13 28th July 2009, 21:11

5? I get all geared up to change, then after a day or two, it's back to square one.

Gattaca · #14 28th July 2009, 21:19

0 for me.

I occasionally get all positive and enthusiastic for literally seconds then it all just fades away leaving me feeling shitty.

I've tried exercising but I either get a muscle twinge and pain or just get bored of the repetition.

I'm secretly hoping I get swine flu and die and it's all taken out of my hands

Horizo · #15 28th July 2009, 21:32

Another 0 here. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow who I haven't seen for three weeks; have I even looked at the thought record she gave me to fill out? Have I ****

Tim Ed · #16 28th July 2009, 22:20

Like others, I've been up in the 8-9s, now I'm down nearer 3-4.
I've tried quite a lot to change. I've seen various therapists, one was good and I made a lot of progress, the others... I wonder if they were really trying; or else they just weren't trained to deal with me. So my efforts have been closely related to how well the therapist motivated me: did I feel it made sense?
A while ago I used to try to change on my own, but had no idea how to go about it, so that was real difficult.

Fructis · #17 28th July 2009, 23:23

I'd give myself a 3 atm. I've gotten pretty shit at the whole trying thing recently.

julie6672 · #18 29th July 2009, 01:56

1

i cant be bothered.

Paul Ll · #19 29th July 2009, 02:00

I'd say about 6 or 7 this month but often drops to about zero. Am trying very hard, just can't see how I can accept the way I look

Hackpen · #20 29th July 2009, 11:46

On a night out drinking id give myself a 10 for effort by necking a couple of cans of special brew, powww, instant confidence, very difficult to maintain though without descending into increasing nobhead!

ßazza · #21 29th July 2009, 16:48

9

hardy · #22 29th July 2009, 18:03

you make the most progress when you realise that you need to change yourself very little ! Just your perception of people and how you THINK they see you is the big nessesary change.

Stacey2009 · #23 29th July 2009, 22:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by hardy

you make the most progress when you realise that you need to change yourself very little ! Just your perception of people and how you THINK they see you is the big nessesary change.

Sorry but for me I totally disagree. I think you make the most progress when you realise that you have to change and identify the areas where this change needs to take place. Although I totally agree with 'perception of people and how you THINK they see you...' etc. For me, it's a very 50/50 process. You need to change a bit of both.

I'm feeling about 85% SA at at the moment, although my drinking has gone a bit titsup.

hardy · #24 30th July 2009, 16:24

well the point is .Much of your behaviour comes from the way you see yourself and your level of self esteem. not the other way round .so its almost impossible to just try to change how you act without working on your sel fbelief first . I know it sounds like the wrong way round.

raul · #25 1st August 2009, 17:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by hardy

well the point is .Much of your behaviour comes from the way you see yourself and your level of self esteem. not the other way round .so its almost impossible to just try to change how you act without working on your sel fbelief first . I know it sounds like the wrong way round.

I like this guy.Way to go Hardy.It has been years since i last visited this forum and guess what ? Hardy is still dispensing his infinite wisdom.Always a pleasure to have people like you on here as it makes a world of difference to mere mortals like me,hehe.

By the way,may the force be with you.Do you believe in the force ? Hope you do Mr.Hardy,or should i say Laurel ?

Anyway,thank you for everything

Wheelie Bin Bird · #26 1st August 2009, 18:41

0, I DON'T have to change, I just have to find who I am again.
99.99% of the way there

Holly · #27 1st August 2009, 18:58

Quote:

I DON'T have to change, I just have to find who I am again.

That's me too. And in order to do that I need to get to grips with the OCD that wants to attacks every relationship / interaction I have. That's the hard bit!!

hardy · #28 1st August 2009, 19:43

Thanks for the testimonial Raoul

. I think I.m still here because I found out a lot how to tackle SA and want to pass it on.
I still have some problems which I think are due to having some Asperger symptoms.