Who else is sick of being told 'you are quiet'

[toz]

I have tried to overcome SA but I am always getting this lame and unhelpful feedback from every department I work in. I get great comments about my work always overshadowed by that negativity. I don't know what people want from me. Not been on here fir years but getting so frustrated with this gave me the urge to post. Wonder if there is anyone here who can relate to this? How do you deal with it? Are you held back in the workplace because if SA?

[Mr. Nobody]

"you are quiet",.. in itself is simply an observation, it needn't be a negative,

but people in general seem to abhor silence,. which is kind of sad, and perhaps the main issue here, rather than your own personal take on it.
when a group is around a table and the conversation drifts away into silence, people can often feel very uncomfortable,. why is that? why do people fear silence?
silence can expose people, and that's what they fear,. words, talk, help to paper over those cracks, and keep them occupied,. whereas silence exposes you as you are.

if you are hiding from or ignoring something, it will inevitably bubble up in silence, so people possibly fear their own demons?
~ just a theory

[humphrey]

I don't get 'your quiet' as much as 'your antisocial'. I know that so why do they need to tell me.

[toz]

I don't know why people feel the need to keep pointing it out it's not helpful. Makes me feel even worse like I need to constantly think of stuff to say to fill every silence. I don't care if someone is quiet or loud. Unfortunately I find most people not very accepting. Just don't want it to hold me back at work seems unfair. My job title is not 'social butterfly'! I find it very hard to understand what people want from me

[Rollerball]

People point these things out in the hope that for some unknown reason your going to snap out of it. How wrong are they, it is in fact the most unhelpful thing to say to someone.

[clyde33]

Yup I've had this all my life and it still angers me to this day. I actually once had a cheeky guy ask me if I spoke English because I hadn't said anything ten minutes into a meeting. I felt like bringing a chair down over his head and walking out but I'd probably have lost my job.

I think it's such a rude thing to say to someone, telling them that they're quiet. You wouldn't tell someone you didn't know that they're fat or ugly or they have terrible teeth would you? I wish I could think of a rude reply to them.

[AutumnJesster]

This is sometimes my favourite or most hated characteristic, especially in the workplace. I like that if people think I'm quiet, I will have more time to just get the work done and leave. And at others, I might overhear a conversation and lack the confidence to join in, or I am asked a question unawares and find myself either too tongue tied to get the words out of have built up so much adrenaline that I say too much and not the way I'd normally say it if I were more relaxed - as well as realising afterwards that I've broken out in yet another sweat!

Plus it's mysterious, and sometimes better if your work colleagues don't know everything about you. Which is why I think people constantly reinforce how quiet you are. They want to know exactly who you are so they can respond. Too often 'quiet' is thought to be 'nice', and they can't do much with that. If I speak out more though, then they get a chance to think 'wow, I never thought she was capable of that' in either a good or bad way. They are just as insecure as anyone else, no matter how they act, so there's no way they are ever as genuine as they may seem either. So being loud and bubbly is a survival tactic for the most part - as our quietness is to us. But quietness can be more obvious, and so I feel like when I'm quiet, and so is everyone else, I am the main cause of it, because I'm normally never the one to break the silence.

Oppressive it can be, but to see something as negative is a mind-set. Embrace the strength of being quiet, and see if more as a compliment. It means they're still trying to figure you out, which they might never do, while you'll just be living your life the best you can!

[SociallyInadequate]

It makes it worse when people say 'you're quiet'. I already know I'm quiet. I can't help the way I am. My work colleagues have often asked things about my personal life (girlfriend, hobbies, etc), which I prefer not to talk about. They assume because I don't talk about myself that I have no life. Oh and I'm also a virgin (because I'm quiet, obviously. Who knew that virgins were quiet?)

[sillypenguin]

I'm quiet but chatty if that makes sense. I'll engage in conversation when necessary but tbh I try my best to avoid these situations so I don't need to think of stuff to keep a conversation going

[Raven.]

As a teacher, I have to be engaging and talkative in front of a class, but in the staff room, I'm extremely quiet. I feel that I have nothing to contribute to general conversation and, on more than one occasion, I've had colleagues say to me "say something", which makes me clam up even more.

I can 'talk the talk' in the class because I'm in charge of the lesson and I know what I need to get through within a certain time period, but put me in an 'unscripted' situation, then things deteriorate rapidly.

However: that's who I am and what I am.

[hollowone]

The reason a remark such as 'you're quiet' might get to you is because on some level you believe it=bad, they think badly. As has been mentioned above it's most certain the person commenting is making an observation.
*Most of the time when people comment you're quiet/don't say much/seem nervous etc, they're don't mean anything bad by it, they're curious why
*If people have never had trouble with social situations themselves, they may assume that what's true for them is true for you; again it's not your problem
*It's a bit of a social mistake in itself to comment on someone's social performance, after all you don't do that
@ vasco de gama

when a group is around a table and the conversation drifts away into silence, people can often feel very uncomfortable,. why is that? why do people fear silence?
silence can expose people, and that's what they fear,. words, talk, help to paper over those cracks, and keep them occupied,. whereas silence exposes you as you are.

What you might be on about is a different situation, that of white lies you've told someone previously coming through which is a different topic from what the OP is bringing up.
@Autumn Jesster

Plus it's mysterious, and sometimes better if your work colleagues don't know everything about you. Which is why I think people constantly reinforce how quiet you are. They want to know exactly who you are so they can respond.

Quietness can be a good thing for avoiding gossip in gossipy workplaces.

BOTTOM LINE
'You're quiet' does not mean; 'I think you're anti social and will never make any friends and will never find a lover'.

It's likely there's some unhelpful beliefs that have been picked up;
-quiet=people think boring, don't want to talk to you; not always the case, they maybe curious
-someone says you're quiet=they're criticizing you, don't like you STOP!; in reality they're curious, as mentioned they maybe used to those social settings you're not and might not understand why you're quiet
-quiet=those people who've given you a hard time must be 'right'; anyone who's genuinely nasty about this is a douchebag, is in the wrong & has overstepped the line of acceptable behaviour

[SADNinja]

People constantly make reference to how quiet I am and I hate it!

I really wish I wasn't so quiet and that I could contribute to conversations, etc., but I find it extremely difficult.