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#1
27th December 2014, 16:12
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How did you spend xmas?
How old are you?
Male/ female? Where did you spend xmas? Who did you spend it with? i.e how many of you sat around the dinner table? Was it traditional (turkey etc)? How did it go? (were there arguments? tensions? was it lonely? or was it happy and fun?) I am just curious to see how the over 30s on here spent xmas. I am 37, male, spent xmas at the family home here in Colchester with my younger sister and aging mother. My brother in law works hospital shifts and turned up late evening (but he was tired and just wanted to go home). It was a traditional xmas, with me, my mother and sister sat around the table eating turkey- it was also fairly lonely and bleak and I am glad it is over. It wasn't stressful or tense, just a bit low key and sad. My dad died a few years ago and xmas upsets my mum. We tried playing a party game, but it doesn't work when there is only a depressed 68 year old woman and her two childless 30-something children. How about future xmases? Can you see yourself spending xmas all alone when you are in old age? I have no children and have a horrible feeling I am going to be one of those elderly people the neighbours feel they should ask over on xmas day. I can't imagine anything worse than being 75 and going to a complete stranger's house for xmas, sat around the table while the other guests wonder who the hell I am- watching strangers opening presents and knowing most of them wish I'd just leave. 
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#2
27th December 2014, 19:43
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
I'm 37 too. I spent the morning cooking a dinner for my parents (both in their 80s), which I took over to them. I had to feed my mum her dinner as she couldn't hold the spoon (some days she can, but most days, she can't), and helped her to open her presents. My dad was having one of his "Christmas is a waste of money" days (he's had several mini-strokes and is now reluctant to part with any money), so I gave him presents, but he gave me nothing, which I was already expecting. Due to my mum's level of dementia, she gave me no presents either because she's reliant on my dad for these things, but again, I was expecting it, so no real disappointment. My mum is convinced she is having a baby which is due at the same time as me, so conversation was a bit unusual to say the least. She was also making a number of statements which were inaccurate, but nothing would have been gained from correcting her, as she was content enough. My mum seemed to enjoy the few hours I was there. My dad was indifferent. His usual reaction to me! I find my mum is much easier to deal with even though her support needs are very high. My dad has become so difficult and argumentative that it's quite hurtful and frustrating to be in his company. If truth be told, I wasn't looking forward to christmas day, but I did what I had to do in order to give them a reasonable day. I can't see it getting easier in years to come, assuming that they both keep what health they have. However, the Bumpster will be here next year, which will make things a bit brighter. I'm looking forward to seeing him, and his reactions to presents and lights and trees, plus dressing him in the obligatory embarrassing baby santa suit.
I stayed at my parents' house for a few hours, then returned home and I felt a bit less pressured. I opened up 2 presents from Mr ILMB, and he opened up the presents from me (we're having a quiet and less extravagant christmas this year, as the Bumpster is due in 3 months and we need to save for him coming along). We then got a chinese takeaway for dinner, which isn't traditional, but we wanted to chill out. We then watched xmas telly (wasn't great this year, eh?  )On boxing day, I went first to collect a carpet steamer from Argos that I'd bought at stupid o'clock that morning cos I couldn't sleep and it seemed a good offer. We then went through to Mr ILMB's family. They are much warmer and more welcoming than my family, but I struggle with his mum, as she has her own issues and feels a need to keep the conversation flowing, which then makes it quite awkward. It was tricky as lots of people were laying hands on my bump, etc and getting all excited. I don't do visibly excited very well! We stayed longer than we normally do, but there was then a bit of drama, as Mr ILMB's gran's wee male friend who is 81 turned up in a taxi covered in blood as he'd fallen in his house and hit his face on a table. We couldn't stop the bleeding and he was refusing to go to hospital, but eventually we phoned NHS24, who told us to take him to the hospital. I was the only one who had a car and was sober to drive it, so I had to drive to find a hospital in a town I didn't know, but was accompanied by Mr ILMB's aunt, gran and obviously the poor wee man who was hurt. I was glad they were there to help me find my way, and Mr ILMB's aunt was needed to keep Mr ILMB's gran calm. I ended up going in with the wee man who was hurt. It was a bit awkward as I didn't know him well, but he used to come from Glasgow, so I asked him lots of questions to keep the conversation flowing and helped him to answer questions from nurses. I kinda slipped into 'work' mode, which got me through it. It took them a good few hours to check he was ok, get the bleeding to stop and patch him up. I then ran everyone back to Mr ILMB's gran's house, and Mr ILMB and I left at about 9.30pm for a 50 mile drive home. I was starving, but we managed to stop off and get chips which tasted amazing. Got home about 10.30pm, shattered, and went straight to bed! Been tired all day today too. I much prefer spending christmas with Mr ILMB's family, but I do have a sense of duty to my parents which I can't overlook. However, I also feel awkward being around people hugging each other and expecting to be hugged and including me in the hugging thang. I also struggle with keeping the conversation flowing and have an overwhelming need to try not to say anything which will offend people and to 'make' them like me, if that makes any sense. My decision making around christmas is about doing what I have to do, so that I can then chill out.
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#3
27th December 2014, 20:42
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
I'm 36 and female. Christmas was fairly non existent. Stayed at my dads as he is now 77 and housebound, he has lots of health problems though it's mostly he won't mix with other people as their apparently all 'boring pensioners'. He frequently misses the irony....
He expects me to stay and stay and stay, so i'm still here and going quietly insane with zero to do (except for some coursework that I can carry on doing on my laptop) .But Christmas day I got up (with a hangover as I was up till about 2am drinking vino & watching TV), had breakfast, surfed the internet and then began to prepare lunch of leg of lamb and the usual veggies, roast parsnips, potatoes etc.. Didn't take much doing. My father got up and as always plonked in front of TV watching news 24 or reality documentaries which drive me up the wall. He fell asleep (after just getting up!) for a few hours, so I was left with very little to do but watch stuff on my laptop in the other room. Had lunch (very nice). Then we pretty much ignored each other all afternoon! not with an atmosphere or anything just nothing to say. Again mostly in separate rooms. He won't watch anything Christmassy and he doesn't do films so I have to say i'd rather have been at home and curled up with food and xmas telly/dvd even if it meant being on my own. The evening watched TV together as he will watch comedy or corrie and other popular stuff. Then bedtime. Boring and dull and fairly miserable. No decorations, no presents. Thing is even if I had a family of my own he would still expect me to spend xmas with him doing basically bugger all. He was always the same. So all in all miserable, lonely and sad. Even worse is the knowledge that he is and has been in effect trapping me in the last few years which has led to isolation so I haven't much to look forward to in terms of future Christmases as I have lost contact with pretty much everyon. He is quite insidiously controlling and emotionally/psychologically abusive more so in the past when I was growing up but it amazes me how I psychologically revert. And I suppose am still unconsciously emotionally afraid of him. Hence why i'm still stuck here when I really just want to go home.  I just haven't got the courage to say/do it as he will make me feel guilty.I have no other immediate family so the burden lies fully on me. All my other family are in various parts of Scotland. The longer future in terms of what xmas might be like I have no idea. The idea of being isolated for the rest of my days is not an option. I did successfully overcome SA to a large extent much more than I ever thought possible but was brought back to square one through a series of major events brought about by (you guessed it) my father. I hope to get back to where I was but I do feel time is running out on me. Edit: lol writing that was strangely cathartic.
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#4
27th December 2014, 20:57
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
Sorry to hear that, Mo
 A lot of what you said really resonates with me. My dad has always been very controlling and quite abusive. However, now he's had his mini-strokes, all of the nasty traits he has seem to have become much more prevalent and intense. He's a very difficult person to be around. I remember living under their roof at christmas, feeling stifled and upset, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, and noone else to do anything with anyway. Like yourself, I also become very submissive when I'm around him, because any emotional guilt I'll feel later if he says something nasty will give me a major reason to beat myself up. I also try not to provoke him into saying anything hurtful, for the same reasons. A lot of the time, I just say nothing for a quiet life.Christmas Day for me is a routine to get through in order to come out the other side intact. I dunno if it might help, but the way I cope with going to my mum and dad's now is to think of every time I go to their house as doing a 'shift' (i.e. like I'm a Support Worker), and I have a job to do and then I leave. I dunno if it could help to see Christmas Day as just another day with duties to fulfil, and then mentally give yourself a different day as 'your' Christmas Day, where you get to do exactly what you want, when you want? I do think your dad is very selfish to expect you to accommodate him at every turn and put your own needs second, but then, I have my own stubborn old sod, doing exactly the same, so who am I to talk and offer advice?! Sounds like they are kindred spirits! Maybe they'd be interested in meeting up and moaning about the world together, before falling asleep in their chairs!
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#5
27th December 2014, 21:20
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
51
Female At home with my daughter, 2 of my sons and my mum Traditional turkey etc It was actually the best Christmas we've had for a few years, went to see my Grandsons for an hour in the morning, came back and waited for my daughter to get back from her boyfriend's before we had dinner then he came at 7 to spend the evening with us. I usually struggle with people in the house but I'd already had 2 days alone with him when he was decorating and we get on well so it was ok. He stayed till about 11pm and we embarrassed my daughter by bringing out the baby photos  The last few years I've dreaded Christmas but enjoyed it this year, I was glad to have Boxing Day alone while they went to their dad's though, 2 days would have been too much.
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#6
27th December 2014, 21:28
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
^^
Thanks ILMB.  Yes it's definitely a good idea about mentally giving myself another Christmas day. As for my dad being selfish he doesn't see it. Considering the things he put me through 4/5 years ago he doesn't realise how lucky he is I haven't disowned him. Ah parents lol 
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#7
28th December 2014, 10:15
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
I'm 40, female and I spent half xmas day at home with my son, and then dropped him off at my grandmother's before going off to work. The prospect of work was less anxiety-ridden than a day with family (son not included). The boy understood why I went to work and knows that we have lots of other days to spend together that aren't so emotionally loaded. I had dinner with 12 old folks, quiche and salad and cake
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#8
28th December 2014, 11:34
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
50
Male I don't do Xmas so I was working during the day and home alone in the evening. I had a cream cheese smoked salmon and cucumber bagel and a cup of tea at lunchtime and 2 small lamb shanks Cooked in my slow cooker) with spinach and cranberry mash potato and vegetables followed by cheesecake, on my own while watching a bit of telly. and did the same again on the 26th only I had chicken curry and rice, again from my slow cooker and I was alone (not lonely) both days.
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#9
28th December 2014, 12:13
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
36, male. I spent Christmas day with just my mum (68 next month). I suppose it was as traditional as my vegan diet allows - nut roast with the sprouts and spuds. We don't have a dining table as we rarely eat together, so we brought my big coffee table through and ate off that. Sounds weird, but it works - just! Have to say it didn't really feel very christmassy, but we both had a really pleasant time as we do get on well. No arguments or anything.
I daresay that as long as she has no-one too, I will spend christmas future with mum too. Certainly, I have no plans to spend it alone. I hope that at some point I will have another relationship. Or failing that, I will spend it with friends or anyone who'll have me
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#10
28th December 2014, 14:32
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
Quote:
I don't like being the odd one out (single) so feel pressure to find a relationship. And I do sometimes get scared that future xmases could be very lonely. My best Christmas was years ago when I spent it in the Lake District with a girlfriend. It snowed on the hills on xmas eve night and xmas day was beautiful and sunny. It was so romantic going out for a walk with snow on the hills, and then opening all our presents to each other back in the B&B. It's a belief that I'll do something like that again that keeps me going.
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#11
28th December 2014, 16:33
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
How old are you? 49
Male/ female? male Where did you spend xmas? sisters Who did you spend it with? i.e how many of you sat around the dinner table? sister, brother-in-law, niece, nephew and his girlfriend. Was it traditional (turkey etc)? yes How did it go? (were there arguments? tensions? was it lonely? or was it happy and fun?) no it was very nice and relaxed this year. 
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#12
28th December 2014, 19:32
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
On my own.In my flat.All day.Eating ham butties.My choice.Loved it.
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#14
30th December 2014, 15:50
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
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At home in my flat, stuffing myself with food and shrugging my shoulders at all the festive sillyness. Perfectly happy with that.
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#15
30th December 2014, 21:29
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
Quote:
Yes i'm pretty much the same esp re. wanting to fight. Though on some days my fighting spirit goes out the window. lol.
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#16
30th December 2014, 22:45
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
How old are you? 38
Male/ female? Male Where did you spend xmas? Xmas Eve church service with the girlfriend and her mum, mostly to earn brownie points with the mum. It worked. Boy, did it work! Xmas day having lunch with mum, dad, gran, sister, partner and 7 year old nephew, who is awesome. Evening with girlfriend opening presents and watching TV Who did you spend it with? i.e how many of you sat around the dinner table? 7 in total Was it traditional (turkey etc)? Yep pretty much How did it go? (were there arguments? tensions? was it lonely? or was it happy and fun?) Reasonably ok. I was sat with my gran during dinner and she's going a bit senile. Everything she talked about was from 30 years ago so I just had to humour her. Our family aren't really that social, so was good to make an exit a few hours later
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#17
30th December 2014, 23:21
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
I'm 47 now, male. Spent till mid afternoon alone, just another day. My parents are both gone now, so I spent the rest of the day till 00:30 at my sister's with my 2 brother in laws, and nephews. Nice Dinner, some cider and a few laughs - boxing day was fairly similar, but I've been alone since then and I've kind of gone down hill.
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#18
31st December 2014, 17:07
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Re: How did you spend xmas?
How old are you? 17
Male/ female? Male Where did you spend xmas? Home Who did you spend it with? Myself Was it traditional? Microwave turkey dinner (£2 co-op, erm not nice) How did it go? Alright, up at seven, lots of cake and coffee and set off 13 miles on bike at eight, bloody cold and arrived early so more coffee and cake sat at a bus shelter on empty dual-carriageway into the city. Ran a 5k race, 350 people there half dressed as santa etc, really enjoyed it and got a pb. Finished off me coffee and cakes and cycled back home, even colder and exhausted got home at 11:30. Had the microwave dinner and then jumped in bath for two hours, kept topping it up. On the internet for the afternoon, had tea then discovered nothing on the telly and started to crash so went to bed at eight.
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