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  #1  
Old 5th July 2017, 02:49
Gomen Gomen is offline
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Default Any one here with nothing?

The only thing I do right now is work a sucky low paying job for video game money. I'm 19 and have no way of going to college, my mom is even very much against the idea and wouldn't let me if I could. I have no relatives that even talk to me, never the less would they even help in my situation.

I remember when I was younger in the back of my parents van driving back home one night and they thought I was asleep. My dad was talking about how much his mom didn't want him to sign my birth certificate.

If there is anyone else like this, maybe you don't even have the sucky low paying job like I didn't a couple of months ago, you aren't a religious person and stay home all day what keeps you going then?
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  #2  
Old 5th July 2017, 03:07
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

I wouldn't say that I have nothing, but I do have a low income, being reliant on the UK benefit system. However, I have managed to find a lifestyle which, if I am frugal in some areas, allows me to enjoy a reasonable social life and travel.

As for what keeps me going, it's that I am able to help others (by providing social opportunities through meetup) and in the process to meet a lot of lovely people; there are always things I want to do and although I know that I will probably never get to do all of them, I am trying to do as much as I can in the ever-decreasing time I have left on the planet.
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Old 5th July 2017, 03:14
Gomen Gomen is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

If I worked 18 hours a week like I've been doing I'd make $3000 a year so I can't even afford to drive a car.
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  #4  
Old 5th July 2017, 04:45
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

By my calculation, that means you're being paid $3ph, which is less than half the federal minimum wage?
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  #5  
Old 5th July 2017, 10:20
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

I've never had a job, I have no money, no friends, no car, no prospects, no faith, no courage or confidence.

Nobody has 'nothing' though. I try and remember that I still have more than literally millions of people on this planet. I don't live in a developing country or one that's ravaged by war or disease. I have a roof over my head, food to eat and clean water to drink, access to healthcare... So yeah, I try and remind myself of the things we all take for granted that so many people don't have.
That probably sounds a bit wanky but hey.

I'm very down on myself and my flaws (that's a psychological thing that I don't have a handle on), but not on my circumstances. Focusing too much on what you don't have instead of what you do tends to only lead to bitterness and a distorted view of the world, in my opinion. I'm not a victim of anything but my own issues.

OP, you're very young and the circumstances you're in now will change. This is just one tiny part of your life
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  #6  
Old 5th July 2017, 10:23
Hayman Hayman is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

I can relate to what's being said here…

I'm 32, remain at home with the parents (not through choice, I must stress), have a low-paying job and remain completely dateless. Having a car and a job are the grand total of the progressions I've made during the entire second half of my life to date. Nothing else has changed.

I only have one single 'friend'…and I use that term very loosely. We contact one another three or four times a year but that's about it really. He's heavily critical of me having made no lifetime progressions. Until he come back into my life around 18 months ago, I had no friends prior to that for ten years. Relatives? I have plenty of them but I only have a couple who bother to acknowledge me any more. This has been the case for some seven years, now… Once my grandfather (on my father's side) passed away, they basically didn’t bother contacting me any more. To this day, I'm still at a loss as to why. The only people outside my parents and bother who I speak to are work colleagues – and most of those are hyper-critical of me also.

One of the most irritating comments I come across are things such as "Well…just 'change' then". Aye… Don't they think I would if I could? Do they think I enjoy being in this situation? Don't they accept that sometimes your efforts don't always equal the same reward to you that others get? Sometimes there are external forces at play, often in the form of being stigmatised, which are beyond your control. Society is harsh on people who have been left behind. I know I'm a wizard, but unfortunately I've not been supplied with the magic wand or the ability to perform Jedi Mind Tricks on those who stigmatise/ridicule us!

Sadly, seeking help from my experience in the past involves strangers basically being heavily critical of you, usually dismissive of your valid points and are quick to point the finger of blame at you. Then (whether they're being obtuse or not is up for debate) they genuinely wonder why you have depression, lack confidence and self-esteem...! I accept my experiences of professionals are limited and I know others have had positive experiences from them – but based on my own experiences, I find them just as uncaring and as unwilling to listen as the general public. The only difference is that they've read a few textbooks on the subject of Social Anxiety/Depression and presume we all follow those books word for word when it comes to symptoms and treatment.
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  #7  
Old 5th July 2017, 10:36
Mo34 Mo34 is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

I suppose I have nothing. No family to rely on, no job, no real friends that I spend time with, no partner, no children. I spend most of my time alone and even when I'm with others I often feel I might as well be on my own. Where I live I'm allowed no pets for company either, which I would dearly love.
I do have a old small car but even that's problematic as I feel watched by neighbours as I'm on benefits.

I have no idea how I keep going, it's one of the reasons I've forced myself to do voluntary stuff and get in touch with places like MIND. So I don't go off my trolley completely. And I suppose to give me a semblance of hope that some things might change. The only way of changing things unfortunately is going out there and doing it.
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  #8  
Old 5th July 2017, 11:10
Coffee Coffee is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

The fact that you are starting with nothing will make it all the more profound when you start making progress in life and reflect back on what you have achieved.

It's not about worrying about what you haven't achieved yet, it's about thinking about where you want to be at 30 and chasing that come what may.

You are 19 which means without realising it you have an awful lot more energy at your disposal than you will always have, so use it, put your foot on the gas and change your life.

I'd suggest something along the lines of an apprenticeship in a practical trade. It requires little academic qualification to start, will get you out of the house and away from your parents for most of the working week, and before long you will be able to progress to doing it for yourself and earning decent money making things like your own place a reasonable goal to set your sights on.
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  #9  
Old 5th July 2017, 12:35
Aelwyn Aelwyn is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coffee
The fact that you are starting with nothing will make it all the more profound when you start making progress in life and reflect back on what you have achieved.

It's not about worrying about what you haven't achieved yet, it's about thinking about where you want to be at 30 and chasing that come what may.

You are 19 which means without realising it you have an awful lot more energy at your disposal than you will always have, so use it, put your foot on the gas and change your life.

I'd suggest something along the lines of an apprenticeship in a practical trade. It requires little academic qualification to start, will get you out of the house and away from your parents for most of the working week, and before long you will be able to progress to doing it for yourself and earning decent money making things like your own place a reasonable goal to set your sights on.
Yes I agree with all of this, would an apprenticeship be an option for you,Gomen? I know you live in a small place and transport can be a problem.
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  #10  
Old 5th July 2017, 14:12
Carbon(cycle)Fodder Carbon(cycle)Fodder is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

I can't help but feel that everyone has nothing really,.
I think possessions are a kind of impossibility,
whatever you think you have can be taken away from you,
whatever you think you have will inevitably weigh you down,
seems to me that it's a fundamental fact that no one can possess or own anything in reality,
death comes far too quickly and takes everything away,

we can certainly use things, but ownership seems like an illusion to be honest.

your house will belong to someone else one day,
your possessions will all belong to someone else one day,

we are all just passing through, it seems.
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  #11  
Old 5th July 2017, 14:48
Gomen Gomen is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

I wish I could do a apprentice trade. Unfortunately I live in small town with nothing like that here. My mom won't let me apply to any job that isn't here either. Plus I bet the people who are able to get something like that with no schooling have connections as in family members.
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  #12  
Old 5th July 2017, 14:55
Gomen Gomen is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert
By my calculation, that means you're being paid $3ph, which is less than half the federal minimum wage?
Well $7000. But the thing is it that the schedule is never the same from week to week. I've been getting 3 days a week to work but before that when I had just started, they gave me 3 one day weeks in a row. And they pay every two weeks so that was getting $64 a month.
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  #13  
Old 5th July 2017, 15:18
Omar Little Omar Little is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gomen
I wish I could do a apprentice trade. Unfortunately I live in small town with nothing like that here. My mom won't let me apply to any job that isn't here either. Plus I bet the people who are able to get something like that with no schooling have connections as in family members.
No, you don't have to know someone on the inside in order to learn a trade. Anyone can get on a course to do a trade here, I don't imagine it's much different there. What about community college or something like that?
The world will always have need of tradesmen. Get yourself a trade and you can go anywhere.
The kids I knew who got trades all ended up in other countries at some point. The carpenters I knew would go for months at a time to live in Amsterdam, where they'd get paid real good money. A few guys who trained as brickies ended up emigrating to Australia. I knew some other guys who got printing apprenticeships - they were loaded - who also ended up emigrating to Australia.

Brickies, plumbers, electricians, mechanics, carpenters - the world needs them, will always need them.

I wish I'd gotten a trade when I was young. No matter what else you might choose to do in life, or how your life pans out, you will always have that to fall back on.
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  #14  
Old 6th July 2017, 03:40
Oddity Oddity is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

How is your mother not letting you apply for jobs further afield? Does she threaten to kick you out?
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  #15  
Old 6th July 2017, 14:19
Gomen Gomen is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oddity
How is your mother not letting you apply for jobs further afield? Does she threaten to kick you out?
I live in a very poor town. There is nothing here. The city is 35 minutes away from where we live and I'd say the college is 45. She says she will not drive me there everyday.
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  #16  
Old 6th July 2017, 15:03
Oddity Oddity is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

Ah What's the public transport like to that city? Also, is there any way you can learn to drive?
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  #17  
Old 6th July 2017, 15:06
Gomen Gomen is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

There is no public transport and my mom won't let me drive. Even though I've had a driver's permit for 8 months.
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  #18  
Old 6th July 2017, 15:20
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

Gomen, I've read about your situation in this and other threads; it's difficult for most of us to understand completely, as things are very different in most parts of the UK (we do have some remote villages, but even then distances tend not to be so great). It seems to me that you are far too dependent on your mum and that, while she is refusing to take you into the city or let you use the family car, nothing is going to change (unless you can find better-paid work locally).

When I read biographies of US people who became successful in their field (whether it be entertainment, business or whatever) but grew up in remote parts of Texas, Kansas or wherever, it usually starts "I arrived in the city with $50 dollars in my pocket and nowhere to live..." or something similar (of course, that was usually back in the 1960s when $50 went a lot further!). Maybe you can supplement your income by cleaning cars, doing some gardening, washing windows or something - and then save a fund to give yourself a start if you move to the city?

Change requires action: my advice would be to think about what you need from life and then formulate a plan to work towards achieving it; you never know, if your mother can see the effort you're making, her attitude may soften and she'll be more amenable to helping you.
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  #19  
Old 6th July 2017, 15:21
Oddity Oddity is offline
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Default Re: Any one here with nothing?

I think have to get away from your mother's control (I know this maybe obvious and/or easier said than done).

What's the rules for learning to drive in your state? I recall reading some only need you to be able to move the car


Edit: GI said it better than me
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