How do you see your future?

[ShyShy]

Yes its saturday night and yeah i am here.... I was just thinking about the future, how do you see yours? I mean we all kinda know how we got to this point, we all kinda know where we are and what stage we're at, what degree of s.a. we have etc... but what about tommorow. How do you see yourself in 5yrs time or even next year. How do you think things will change, do you think things wills change? Me personally I don't know how seeing as im very depressed and can't see things changing or a way out but I haven't got a clue why underneath it all I seem to have an ever optimistic slightly smug view of my fututre. I imagine myself completely free of s.a, problemless and rubbing it in everyone who ever doubted me's face. But how dellusional is that. I see myself succeding against all odds and coming out on top. The thing is i really do see this and beieve it but I just can't make it happen. And every year it doesn;t happen i just get even more disheartened and depressed.

[lonesomeboy]

my future is bleak. I cannot see myself improving or overcoming my SA. I want to be a better person, but I fallen into being comfortable alone, and when you become like this I do not think there is a way out. Its too late for me, I've been like this for too many years.

[punisher82]

It's taken me a long time to feel settled and positive again, and at the moment, I truly feel like I'm on an upward curve again. In 5 years, I want to be settled in a relationship, and happy in my career. Winning the approval of society isn't on my agenda anymore, I think I have a close enough network of friends now. I'm on course to get that, I hope.

I have a long way to go to achieve that aim, but I've been through the mire personally for the last 4-5 years,and I think I'm better for it. I have to work on the anxiety side of it, particularly the physical symptons but my thinking has readjusted to my own needs, as opposed to what everyone else thinks of me.

I know how you guys feel for sure, it is tough. I dread doing the small things like talk on the phone, or starting conversations still. But I'm personally delving into the social underworld gradually, and the practice is certainly helping.

The future is a bit daunting at the moment.At 32 still cannot imagine myself married with a house yet.I'm not gonna give up though,Ive been through the worst.Deep down ,I know i'm a good person and love a lot of things in life.It's just gonna be a hard struggle to change
back into normal everyday life.
Once I start going out more and being a bit happier,the little problems which i've made soooo big will soom begin to dissapear

Nah Tim.Don't call your self a loser.I know there is a good person in their somewhere.It's just bad things unfortunately happen to good people.Once you and (I) can face the fears that have been holding us back for all these years we can become better citizens than anyone
because we've been thorugh

"the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well."

[english-ice]

I see myself on a supersonic ride into the future.

You can all join me,tickets are free.....

[Lainey]

I feel positive about my future and only want simple things from it - to be more at peace with myself, to find another partner, to see my daughter grow up and be happy within herself, to enjoy my work and to travel a bit more. I am working very hard on my SA at the moment although it's not easy as it's like trying to undo a lifetime's bad habits. I really think CBT is the answer because it focuses on the here and now rather than analysing your past which we could all do til the cows come home.

To Tim - I know you will feel better and you cannot possibly be as bad as you think you are. Just give it some time. Have you been to the doctor ?

[Scottidog]

How I'm feeling at the moment, my future looks bleak. I can't imagine feeling anything but depressed, angry and bitter, and I've almost forgotten what it feels like not to have a heavy heart and the weight of the world on my shoulders. These feelings of hopelessness seldom leave me, although I desperately (but unsuccessfully) try to hide it behind a happier facade. I sometimes have thoughts of suicide, an escape from these intolerable feelings that corrode the very soul, but I know I would never put such thoughts into action now that I have my beloved son. He gives me a reason to get up every day, and I'll always be there for him no matter how bad things might get. I used to fantasise of a future where I'd have a fulfilling job, a vocation even, meet a kind and loving man to grow old with, have 2.5 children, a dog and a cat... but, as with most fantasies, it was obviously not meant to be. In some ways, thanks to the dreaded SA, I feel like my life ended before it really had a chance to begin. If someone could wave a magic wand tomorrow and my SA was gone, I feel that I'm now too old to make much of my life. I've well and truly missed the boat...not that the boat ever really sailed into the harbour. Whereas the hopes and dreams that I once had for myself lay long broken on the floor, I cling to the hope that some miracle occurs and my child grows up to be nothing like his mother. I hope and pray, (not that I'm religious), that my child becomes a happy and confident adult and will be surrounded by people that show him genuine and unconditional love. I can't imagine that people like that really exist, but I can live in hope can't I............?


Like I said, at the moment my future looks bleak to me. Although I won't hold my breath, perhaps tomorrow things will look different...?

[threadbare]

for Scottidog and Pango. sorry to hear you guys are feeling low right now.

[veracocha]

I see my future as being very positive. I had a bit of a slip up earlier which knocked me back last month but I thought to myself I have two options.

#1 sit at home worrying about what happened for months on end.

#2 pick myself up off my backside, dust myself down and get on with it no matter how awful I feel.

I picked number two. Next week I'm going to make a couple of phonecalls to the local universities for next years admission. Fot the first time in a decade I have a plan for the rest of my life, I have direction. I cannot say cast in stone that it will work out but I will give it my best shot.

[Boc11]

The future? Very bleak indeed. I am at probably the lowest point in my life so far and nothing is going right. I stand to lose everything I never had. I just can't see myself going back to work. It takes so much effort to do everything, even simple stuff like making a cup of tea. I just can't see anything changing. Everything I've tried has failed miserably. People say "only you can change yourself", well it's all very well for them to preach such glib statements from their comfortable existences but I honestly cannot see any way out of this crock of s**t that I'm in at the moment. If it was the case that I have to change myself, do they really think I'd still be here now? Of course not, what an utter load of rot.

Sorry, I am more bitter and cynical than ever and I almost have multiple personalities. My true self, brimming with bitterness, envy and self-pity and my public self, wearing a plastic smile and trying to paper over the cracks but something's going to blow sooner or later. I just cannot see the future being any better at all. There's no way I'll ever make any friends or find a girl that doesn't find the idea of going out with me abolutely laughable.

[ozy123]

I just wanted to say a lil sumthin about depression coz i think quite a lot of ppl with social anxiety suffer depression as well and its sumthin I ignored for quite a while but now tht I've worked on it I've made gud progress.

I know we all need to predict what may or may not happen to us in the future but its been proven that whilst your depressed you will make negative predictions and when your not the world is a much cheerier and happier place.
In my own personal experience when I have bouts of depression the world completely changes, everything is gloomy, I compare myself with everybody, I'm overwhelemd with anxiety, my mind focuses on past memories that are painful and drive me deeper into depression, I discount all the positive things about myself, I make generalized statements about myself - that I'm ugly, stupid, I discount all the evidence that suggests otherwise, I'm extremely rigid in my thinking.

These are all classic symptoms of depression that apply to almost all depressed people. Therefore that says to me the depression is the problem... Ie depressed people are likely to say they are ugly/fat/stupid regardless of the evidence against it as opposed to non depressed people who actually may or may not be fat/stupid/ugly ie their esteem doesnt neccessarily come from bein thin/beautiful/intelligent there are lots of gorgeous, intelligent, thin people who hate themselves and lots of the opposite who love themselves. Tht therefore suggests to me that depression and low self esteem is the problem.

The problem is tht most of us have been depressed for so long/had a negative way of seein the world tht we dont really know what the world would look like thru the eyes of sumbody who isn't depressed. But now tht I'm recovering I can see how different it is. Sum of the things tht helped me were (in combination not as a single solution which is wht many of us look for) :

Mood management thru exercise, healthy eating, positive activities
Also challenging negative thoughts, changing behaviours
Increasing esteem- keeping a record of positive things I did and how they relate to me, gradually overcoming anxiety by trying out new situations (starting form the bottom) and getting used to being in them.

I used a few books to guide me through getting better and I found them quite helpful. I also used medication temporarily to boost my serotonin levels so I could function well enough to help myself. The books I used were:
Overcoming depression by Paul Gilbert
Overcoming Social anxiety by Gillian Butler
Overcoming low self esteem by melanie fennel

Hope this helps someone. Some people can help themselves other people need some encouragement and guidance and professional help. Don't feel bad either way jus do what you need to to get yourself better .

[ShyShy]

The thing is with me is although i consider myself depressed ive always had this idea that one day things will change and life will be different. It the only hope that keeps me going. If i didn't have that i wouldn't have anything. When i was in school i was like, its gonna be ok, things'll change when i get to college, withi college i was like, wait till uni, at uni now im a little bit worried cos i have nothing else to pin my hopes for my life on but the rest of my life which is scary but in a way has forced me to seriously pull my finger out and start making changes cos its kinda now or never, do or die.

For a depressed person i see myself in quite a positive and objective view. I know my strengths and my weaknesses its the fact that i can't seem to actualise these things. I know im not ugly, dumb or a bad person. I go through periods where i may think i am and whatever but deep down i can firmly confirm that im an nice individual and that people find me attractive and intriguing and a whole bunch of nice. Too many people have told me this to ignore it. Dont get me wrong it took me forever to accept compliments but now i suck them up like medicene cos its something i find hard to give myself. Also this is like an at first glance view. Once they start getting to know me their views can change depending on whether the see the terrified screaming child trying to fake it as a secure adult or if they see an aloof, stuck up, reserved and dull person who keeps to themselves. But this change in response can;t really be helped by them due to how i react once the inital hi how are yous are done. This is what i have to work on.

Somehow even with dpression i have still come to the conclusion that this just can't be it. I mean we could not have been simply put on the planet to live to breathe air. We were put here to live life, interact, form relationships, advance the world, procreate and pass on knowledge from our experiences there is no way im going out at this level otherwise i might aswell have been born a bug, or a fish.. Waking up in the morning, hiding away from the world, fearing tommorow..thats not living. Its an existence. Bacteria exists..i want more than that. Interaction is part of daily life, its fundamental to living and we all just have to find a way of doing it and making it work for us. Everything that happens in life is for a reason, even all this negativity we're going through. Its to teach us something or help us teach others something. Its still hard though.

[The Lone Stranger]

My future looks pretty bleak as well , 36 now , skint with no job , no girlfriends so far or ever likely to be , live with my mum whos got bad arthritis so even in the unlikely event I met anyone I wouldnt be able to go out much and holidays are out of the question so who could put up with that? I do worry that one day I`ll be old and on my own and what will happen if I get ill or something. So life effectively over really.

this thread is very depressing reading about people twice my age who r still in the same situation as me it means there is no hope for any of us mite as well end it all now

[ozy123]

If you examined each persons situation and problems I'm very sure that every person could be helped.
We all have the potential to feel happy/sad/rage/grief. If you took a really happy person subject him/her to critical abuse and social isolation chances are he's/she's going to get depressed (if you've ever played the sims you can imagine it like that. meetin your needs or u start cryin nd feel hopeless). But thats exactly what most of are being subjected to ourselves, we criticise ourselves, devalue ourselves, avoid socialising and become inhibited because we feel safer that way and some of us have learnt to be like that (via our parents/bullies/racism etc). We could go down to the pub by ourselves and strike up a conversation with a random person but chances are it would evoke powerful feelings of inadequacy, shame and fear. Its our brains way of tryin to keep us safe even when there may not be a need to. If we can teach our brain steadily that its ok (that we ourselves are ok as people) and that we don't need to feel threatened (much like you do with a child when it starts attending nursery school) we can stop our brain from automatically switchin the fear/shame/inadequacy/anxiety feelings on when in those situations. It will be different for each individual but a lot of the methods used are successful but they require you to try them. Therapy of which there are many kinds - the most popular one for this problem being CBT, medication, self help books, general self-care - good diet, hygiene, enough sleep. Its usually a combination of all those things that helps. You shouldn't look for a single cure. Most of us look to find a dream partner who can take us away from it all and make us feel loved, wanted and valued. It cud happen, but makin it happen for yourself puts you in a much better place.

Anyho I got better and I'm 22. I started off at 18 movin away from home purely coz it was hell at home even tho i was terrified of movin out. So I ended up livin in student halls with absolutely no friends (and everyone around me was partyin and havin fun), never havin a bf ever(whilst everyone else was havin sex and fallin in love), not bein able to attend lectures, go to the supermarket or even walk down the street without feelin weird. I now live with 2 good friends, 4 other girls who I havent gotten to know yet (only jus moved in) I've had one long term relationship, quite a few flings, a few sexual partners, two other close friends a few not so close but still nice friends and loads of casual social contacts - ie people I met at work who I see out and about. I couldnt dream of bein able to get a job around people but I now work behind a bar which provokes anxiety but I manage it and am beginning to find it easier and easier to do. It really is amazing how natural it begins to feel once you teach your brain. Just like learnin to play the piano, it takes time and persistence.

[Lainey]

Fantastically wise words from Ozzy123. I'm really impressed that you are only 22. I think you've got this condition beaten.

[pdjkeelan]

I'm not sure how i see my future. My hope is that i will get better and get some friends in the real world. But the more likely future is that i will remain the way i am now alone.

[LucyLou]

i try not to think too much about the future. As i suffer from anxiety i can only imagine what i fear most. This will give me yet another thing to be anxious about. Im taking things one day at a time. If i have a bad day im keeping positive by thinking that the next day will be better.
Thinking about the future is too scarey for me. I think what is most important is the here and now and what we are doing in the present to get better.