Friendless, jobless, in no relationship, anyone like me :(

[Hellish]

Well i just started this topic just out of curiosity to see if anyone is like myself, in that they have absoluty no friends, havent been in a relationship in their whole lives and have never had a job, btw im now 20 turning 21 in october. I think i seem to be one of the worse people who suffers from SA, i just wana find out if im the only one.

[pob]

I am in this position at the moment at 29. I do have a handful of friends but i dont see them. I feel too ashamed of myself to be around them really.

It might help you to know that i was in the same position as you at your age. I was really fed up, and was breaking things in the house out of depression/anger/frustration. then, that september i enrolled at college and managed to get a job at a local supermarket. within a couple of weeks i was out drinking regularly with my new friends and after a couple of months i was in a relationship. actually i had a few relationships while working at the same place.

you are still young, things will come together for you.

[cavycrazy]

I was exactly the same until I was 27 when I found my partner (on this site) but I still have no other friends, or a job.

[Hellish]

Originally Posted by pob

I am in this position at the moment at 29. I do have a handful of friends but i dont see them. I feel too ashamed of myself to be around them really.

It might help you to know that i was in the same position as you at your age. I was really fed up, and was breaking things in the house out of depression/anger/frustration. then, that september i enrolled at college and managed to get a job at a local supermarket. within a couple of weeks i was out drinking regularly with my new friends and after a couple of months i was in a relationship. actually i had a few relationships while working at the same place.

you are still young, things will come together for you.

Thing is ive already been at college and had the chance to make friends but i was so defensive and even when they asked me to go out with them i just said no. I would really love to be in a relationship right now, next step would be to meet people at uni if i ever go, but atm im not well enough to meet loads of people and try and make friends.

hellish

I think i seem to be one of the worse people who suffers from SA, i just wana find out if im the only one

No you ain't the only one.I'm the same but 10 years older than you.

[pob]

Originally Posted by Hellish

Thing is ive already been at college and had the chance to make friends but i was so defensive and even when they asked me to go out with them i just said no. I would really love to be in a relationship right now, next step would be to meet people at uni if i ever go, but atm im not well enough to meet loads of people and try and make friends.

by the sounds of it, you actually managed to finish your course at college, which is more than i managed at 17/18. I think it is a lot harder when you are that age. its a lot more intimidating.

when i tried doing a-levels at that age i lasted about 2 months on three attempts. i was at the stage where i was even drinking just to survive lessons. in the end i just got a job in a shop.

when i turned 21 i did an access course. i found it a lot more relaxed and easy going. there where only about 10 people in the class, and they where all different ages from 21 to 55. i found that much easier on the anxiety and the people where easier to talk to. it was only a one year course and i managed to complete it.

perhaps you should try taking a night class at your local college. i think you will find it easier going, and easier to make friends, maybe even meet the girl of your dreams.

[Hellish]

Originally Posted by pob

by the sounds of it, you actually managed to finish your course at college, which is more than i managed at 17/18. I think it is a lot harder when you are that age. its a lot more intimidating.

when i tried doing a-levels at that age i lasted about 2 months on three attempts. i was at the stage where i was even drinking just to survive lessons. in the end i just got a job in a shop.

when i turned 21 i did an access course. i found it a lot more relaxed and easy going. there where only about 10 people in the class, and they where all different ages from 21 to 55. i found that much easier on the anxiety and the people where easier to talk to. it was only a one year course and i managed to complete it.

perhaps you should try taking a night class at your local college. i think you will find it easier going, and easier to make friends, maybe even meet the girl of your dreams.

Yes i did manage to finish my A levels, i only started them when i was 18, before i had been to two other colleges, they went tits up thanks to my SA, but this one was different, for one it was in the same town meaning i didnt have to wake up early to get the bus and also it was an IT course, so i could fall back to looking at monitor all day. Thing is about doing night classes, im afraid i will see the same teachers again, and i might even bump into a few fellow class peers, i would always be on edge expecting the whole class to walk straight in. Like the teachers dont really bother me but its the dread of them asking why arnt you at uni yet etc, and i did well enough in my a levels not to need any further qualifications execpt my degree.

If i do ever get slightly better i think im gona go into town where theres a gaming centre which is open 24/7, its mostly spotty teenagers and peeps around my age so theres chances i could make friends, BUT, some peeps from my old class go there so that has put me off that , basically im always in fear of my past, of peeps that i want to try and avoid. At least with the other colleges not being the same town, i could relax when i went home knowing i wouldnt bump into someone who went there.

[lonesomeboy]

Originally Posted by Hellish

Well i just started this topic just out of curiosity to see if anyone is like myself, in that they have absoluty no friends, havent been in a relationship in their whole lives and have never had a job, btw im now 20 turning 21 in october. I think i seem to be one of the worse people who suffers from SA, i just wana find out if im the only one.

got a job. no friends or relationships. iam 26. so thats even worse.

[Limbic_Rain]

Currently 20 turning 21 next July.
No job. Check.
No friends. Check.
No relationship. Check.

Why the hell else would I be online at four thirty in the morning on a wensday? So you're not the only one, not that it makes it any less pitiful,
Andy

[Ziggy]

I can tick those boxes as well, though I'm a fair bit older at 31.

Things are getting better though

[Sios]

Well i just started this topic just out of curiosity to see if anyone is like myself, in that they have absoluty no friends, havent been in a relationship in their whole lives and have never had a job, btw im now 20 turning 21 in october. I think i seem to be one of the worse people who suffers from SA

lol dude, it seems like you're in a better position than lots of others on here, at only 20 you're still quite young. I don't have any friends, never had a relationship and never had a full time job(although I'm about to get one) and I'm in my late 20s....Shit how did that happen.

Just make sure you start on the road to improvemet now and maybe by the time you're my age you'll be doing alright.

[hardy]

Thats half the problem . you get so isolated with SA that you feel youre almost the only one with it so bad ; but the point is quiet people are not shouting these things out (by definition) so you don't see how many there are like you. More than half of those who visit this site ,I would guess.
However don't forget that there are other people here ( and many whove left) who were just like you but have managed to beat it.

[Breezer]

I have a job, don't enjoy it much, no friends, no relationship and I'm 25.

The thing to remember is, your not alone, even though I've often felt I am, as this forum is a safe haven for us SA'ers and a place for a hug or two.

I'm 20 in a month. Have a menial job working with people (cashier) but often don't enjoy it or look forward to going to work. No friends and I do mean exactly zero. Had one real relationship so far which surprised me that that happened.
Though on the happy side of things I do truly feel that things will get significantly better for me as long as I make the effort to work on myself. I don't expect to ever be totally free of sa, but that's not what I'm aiming for. To improve at all is great.

[Boc11]

I know how you feel Hellish.


It's terrible being in such a bad situation. I do have a job but am in danger of losing it and there's no way I could apply for a new job in my current state but I have no real friends and have never so much as even kissed a girl

[SweetSA]

Originally Posted by kp85

I'm 20 in a month. Have a menial job working with people (cashier) but often don't enjoy it or look forward to going to work. No friends and I do mean exactly zero. Had one real relationship so far which surprised me that that happened

Exactly the same here apart from the age! (i'm 22)

[nik]

i have a job, but its my birthday today - 26.

trying not to think about it

Originally Posted by Hellish

some peeps from my old class go there so that has put me off that , basically im always in fear of my past, of peeps that i want to try and avoid. At least with the other colleges not being the same town, i could relax when i went home knowing i wouldnt bump into someone who went there.

I'm in fear of my past too. I think of it now in terms of my "old" life which was incredibly embarrassing and painfull at times, and my "new" life where I know what the problem is and am trying to sort things out. But if I see anyone from my "old" life t brings all the emotions and insecurities flooding back.

Originally Posted by nik

i have a job, but its my birthday today - 26.

trying not to think about it

Happy birthday.

[gSteve]

Up until I was 23 I had never had a job, no friends and no relationship. Now i've got a full time job but still no friends or relationship though i can see i've improved, im more confident than I used to be and a bit better communicating. I'm starting an evening college course next week so I can see things are improving, I have a bit more hope now.

[Limbic_Rain]

Friends will come when I'm ready to accept them
A job will come when I'm ready for it, and able to hold it down
A relationship may come, but I need to be ready to love, and accept love, as well as being a healthy/positive partner.

That's some good advice, TimB. I'm going to try to remind myself of them every so often.

[The Lone Stranger]

I`m the same as well but I`m 36. Had jobs before but not at the moment but no chance of the other two.

[talisman]

I'm 21.

No friends
No job...never had one
No relationship, had an internet one for a while, but that's long over now.

Ah well...life goes on...

I'm 25 just turned, got a job but looking for something better because i hate it. Never been in a serious relationship, and i have one friend who i rarely see.

[Hellish]

I am simply amazed at the response ive had from this thread, its hard to make friends when you have no friends in the first place. At least ive gained somthing today, knowing that i truly am not alone, even though this message board does somtimes give the impression that everyone has a few friends and are in a relationship, maybe thats because those people have that to talk about, its hardly fun saying to you have no friends or havent been in a relationship, so its kinda hidden under the surface even on this board.

[pdjkeelan]

Same position as you since i was 17 and i'm 21 at the moment. No relationship, no friends and totally unable to get a job due to SA.

Same situation, im 22. Never had a job, i went to college for about 2 days once before things went a bit wrong. And im the only person on the internet, who spends their life on it mostley, that has never met anyone. No relationship, neverbeen in one.

- Rob

[punisher82]

I can't relate to you too much at present, but when I was 20, I was practically the same as you Hellish. I was signed off work, had just gone through a torrid A-Levels, had a rough childhood, lost all my self confidence and friends and was literally bed-ridden with depression. But at this age, you still have opportunities available to you, and you have to find the resolve to keep looking for new doors to open. It's hard to pursue new things, i know, but you have a whole life ahead of you.

I got a phonecall with a job offer which I believe saved my life in a sense, in that it provided me with a catalyst to go and do something. It only takes a little spark, and it isn't too late to change things,a s a new job can lead to friends, prospects etc.

Maybe look to join a club or class of some kind, that will help you focus on something new and you can meet some people at the same time. Or even so, try and organise a meet with some guys from these boards.

Do your parents know about your state of mind? Try and talk to them , or at least a doctor. You're only young, and you can turn it around.

Can only say hope you feel better Hellish, and keep your chin up.

Dan

[Hellish]

Originally Posted by punisher82

I can't relate to you too much at present, but when I was 20, I was practically the same as you Hellish. I was signed off work, had just gone through a torrid A-Levels, had a rough childhood, lost all my self confidence and friends and was literally bed-ridden with depression. But at this age, you still have opportunities available to you, and you have to find the resolve to keep looking for new doors to open. It's hard to pursue new things, i know, but you have a whole life ahead of you.

I got a phonecall with a job offer which I believe saved my life in a sense, in that it provided me with a catalyst to go and do something. It only takes a little spark, and it isn't too late to change things,a s a new job can lead to friends, prospects etc.

Maybe look to join a club or class of some kind, that will help you focus on something new and you can meet some people at the same time. Or even so, try and organise a meet with some guys from these boards.

Do your parents know about your state of mind? Try and talk to them , or at least a doctor. You're only young, and you can turn it around.

Can only say hope you feel better Hellish, and keep your chin up.

Dan

Thanks for the advice punisher, i have been to the doctors and im meant to be having CBT, group theorpy somtime in september, they havent got back to me yet:/, as for meeting peeps i live in Northern Ireland, which makes me even more isolated from you guys, hardly anyone from these boards is from Northern Ireland, im from Coleraine a small town near the gaints causeway. I was born in england, and somtimes i wish my parents never moved back to northern ireland, but i meet someone special during college, just like me only the female version, only she doesnt have SA, though she sits on the internet all day just like me, and hardly goes out,but its like a 1 in a billion chance, anywaz thats not gona go anywhere due to my SA, but at least i know that special person is out there, they just have to be found. If i ever do get better i think i wana get a job even if it is just in tescos stacking shelves.

[Graham3232]

There seems to be a lot of people in this thread in their early 20s.

Well i'm 21 (painfully aware my youth is passing me by) and i'm in between jobs, technically unemployed but hopeful. But the longer you're out of work the harder it is to face it again with SA!

I actually have one friend but i'm hopefully going to work for him so he's more of a work college who chats to me cos he knows i've got no other friends

Relationship - erm, no never, nowhere near.
I'm sure my parents think i'm gay :embarass: