People treating you differently

[Selina Kyle]

Just wondered if anyone else ever experiences this kind of thing - was just at the shop getting couple of things and at the checkout the woman who was serving was chatting away animatedly to the other two people in front of me but when it got to me she kind of clammed up and didn't say anything at all. Don't know if there's just something about me, a vibe I give off, or my manner or something that makes people respond like this. The other two people weren't all that chatty either but she still blethered away to them. Maybe she just picked up on my awkwardness and that I didn't really want to talk or something. I don't know. Is little depressing, just emphasises even more how out of place I am. Anyone else experience this kind of thing?

[clyde33]

Could she maybe just have known them if they're regular customers?

I know what you mean though, i've been in situations like that before. I find people tend to speak to me if i make eye contact with them and give a little smile. I find it's often hard to do that though.

[Selina Kyle]

yeah guess she could have known them. used to get that one quite often, random folks telling me their life story etc. don't get it so much these days. guess my gtf body language acts as suitable deterrent. perhaps that's the problem. but then again I don't really want to talk to folk at till, unless I'm feeling especially chatty or happy, which happens not much these days. hence why I generally use the self serve things if possible. other than being a little demanding regarding not putting unexpected items in bagging area etc, they're infinitely more preferable than having to make small talk with a human being. so guess can't really complain when no-one talks to me, is obv vibe I'm giving off, think people do pick up on that.

thanks for replies

[Selina Kyle]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

Yes, I've experienced it, but in my case it was Asperger's controlling my body language and facial expressions, making me appear defensive and/or hostile; anxiety can give us negative body language too.

Of course, it is possible that the checkout lady knew the people in front of you, perhaps they are friends, neighbours or regular customers - or perhaps there was something in their shopping which prompted her to comment (once, I bought cabbage, carrots, onions and mayonnaise and the checkout operator started a conversation by asking me if I was making coleslaw). These days, being a little more outgoing than I have been in the past, I ask the till people how their day is going, which usually doesn't get past a brief exchange but sometimes leads to a short conversation.

Yeah think that's probably a big part of it. probably also, with me, my miserable, 'please don't talk to me' face, guess that also puts a lot of people off attempting to make conversation lol

[kirbycrackle]

Yes and no. I usually attract the ' crazies' so being left alone isn't all that bad. Sometimes I consciously give off the ' don't bother ' vibe, Being approachable isn't always a good thing.

[kirbycrackle]

^ it's not an impenetrable technique I'll grant you. Old people love a chat, even if you don't , and will just jabber on until you leave. Sometimes that doesn't stop them either lol

[Jason90]

I think I used to look very unapproachable and at time's I did feel like people treated me differently but now i'm more relaxed and smile a bit and look less like I want to hit someone people are more likely to try to speak to me. Having said that even before I always seemed to get let's say strange people come up to me and randomly start talking to me if I was at the train station or something.

[newbs16]

I've had this happen before, I'm happy to speak if they speak to me but I wouldn't go out of my way to start a conversation.