Body Dysmorphic Disorder

[Cognitive]

Originally Posted by abc

I genuinely think if I was better looking I wouldn't have any social problems. I wouldn't have been bullied due to the way I look, which meant I would never have developed an irrational fear of women that lasted till my mid-20s, and I would have been able to have had healthy friendships and relationships.

I'm trying to use a picture of myself as an avatar as an exposure exercise. I doubt it will last very long.

You look like a cool dude to me mate, and I'm a bloke! I also had the same with ladies but its pretty irrational, they're human beings.

[Cairn]

Originally Posted by abc

I genuinely think if I was better looking I wouldn't have any social problems. I wouldn't have been bullied due to the way I look, which meant I would never have developed an irrational fear of women that lasted till my mid-20s, and I would have been able to have had healthy friendships and relationships.

I'm trying to use a picture of myself as an avatar as an exposure exercise. I doubt it will last very long.

I feel the same way, that if I was better looking I wouldn't be where I am now.

Thing is, you're a good looking bloke and I'd rather look like you than me. lol

So if I looked like you I wouldn't be here, but you look like you but you're here.

We're mad, mate. lol

[purplerose]

Originally Posted by abc

Yes. It probably sounds strange but I genuinely have no idea what I actually look like.

Me too!!!

If someone took a picture of me right now and shown me it I feel when I look in the mirror it doesn't look like that picture if that makes sense ?!

[Cognitive]

Originally Posted by purplerose

Me too!!!

If someone took a picture of me right now and shown me it I feel when I look in the mirror it doesn't look like that picture if that makes sense ?!

Yes, its strange, a picture is a single moment. If you looked up images of an attractive celebrity, you'd probably find that there are some photos that you'd consider confirm this and others that do not. However, when we look at a single picture of ourselves or a mirror we believe that this is a true assessment of our appearance, that holds in all circumstances. This is when it becomes problematic. You get tunnel vision.

[newbs16]

What are you considering having done?

[atlantic]

Originally Posted by Legion

The most frustrating thing about BDD for me is people trying to convince you that xyz is all in your head (#bars), or even pretending that xyz is hot. Rofl.

Example scenario:
-I explain that I think I'm unlikely to ever be in a relationship because I'm a manlet and women like big men.
-Female friend tells me that's bs or w/e (I never talk to male friends about mental illness, I'm not that stupid).

Yet everyone knows women do prefer bigger men. Obviously I mean taller and not some sort of danny devito look..

I honestly don't understand how someone can just talk BS to your face, yet think it's the truth? Baffles me. I also think, 'why are they lying to me?' Mostly I just assume they are trying to make me feel better, but sometimes I wonder if they're just saying these things because they feel bad about the truth.

I find it quite hurtful and annoying when people try to convince me that what I see is wrong. They say my flaws are not there or not as bad as I imagine them to be. But sometimes they go beyong that and exaggarate and say im attractive. This is mostly family members and close friends but I get annoyed as its like they are lying to me to reassure me. All I want is the truth confirmed, I dont want to be lied to.

[Progress]

Originally Posted by Legion

I don't think anyone has suggested a link, to clarify.

It's just I will be having a bad day and post something related to my BDD.

Someone will start to read it, get to the 'women like xyz' part, and suddenly.. *TRIGGERED!* *Sirens*. 'This demon must be destroyed!'

I agree, to call you a misogynist for that (if it has happened) doesn't help you. But thinking like that in too black and white a fashion also doesn't help yourself either. To think more along the lines that all women are different would help yourself more (in more than one way)

[atlantic]

Originally Posted by Legion

I don't think anyone has suggested a link, to clarify.

It's just I will be having a bad day and post something related to my BDD.

Someone will start to read it, get to the 'women like xyz' part, and suddenly.. *TRIGGERED!* *Sirens*. 'This demon must be destroyed!'

Something like that.

I can understand why you might be accused of that. I have been accused of being shallow as I place too much emphasis on looks and accuse others or being looks focused when finding others attractive. But that is due to my inexperience and my BDD making me so focused on peoples appearance and ignoring other aspects of a person. Ive been told im a good, interesting person yet when it comes to relationships im severely lacking therefore I can only deduce that women are not interested in me as they see me and dont want to know and ignore other aspects of my personality. Like biscuits said people dont really get BDD so just ignore comments that accuse you of being misogynistic as thats not really what you are thinking.

[Finlay]

When I get ready in the morning I have one trusty mirror I look in before I go out. For some reason I look my best in it, facially and body-shape wise, and it helps set me up feeling at least slightly more body-confident before I go about my day. After that I try to avoid seeing myself in any other reflective surfaces because 90% of the time something usually shocks/disappoints/disturbs me in what I see. Whenever I see myself in other reflective surfaces or photos, I look like some weird lanky, bulbous-headed freak (or at least that's what my inner critic thinks). Sometimes I feel I look like a completely different person. I don't think I've had a good photograph of me since 2002.

I've had this since my teens, though. I used to punch my nose in an effort to stop it growing. I'd burn my face with overuse of multiple spot creams and lotions. I'd steam up with bathroom mirrors with the shower, just so I couldn't see myself before I went out. Then, magically, for a couple of years in my late teens I got confidence from somewhere and suddenly actually started liking what I saw in the mirror. Then hair loss kicked in around age 24 and thus started a new era of image obsession*.

Strange thing is, I can look back at photos of myself from my good years and still think to this day "Yup, I look pretty darned okay and healthy there". There's a glow about me back then. Yet photos from a year later I'm like a different person, all grey and sagging. I look like I've aged 20 years in a year. Surely I couldn't change physically that much in a year? It's weird.

I'm a bit more accepting of current self these days. I still wince when I see photos of myself, though, which is why I try to just look at myself in my trusty mirror to keep my spirits up through the day.

*God, I could write a book (okay, maybe not a book - perhaps a small pamphlet) about hair loss and how rubbish it is. Sure, it's not the worst thing in the world, but it does really suck to have a look foisted upon you that doesn't really suit you and that you really don't want.

[atlantic]

Originally Posted by jinny

I think I understand how you feel? But if I don't then ignore me..

Is it that in yourself you feel sure you are not attractive and that people trying to reassure you that you ARE attractive just undermines you?

What you really want is for people to accept you as you are?

Yes basically. I know im unattractive, evidence suggest it, never been called it but just because no one has said im 'ugly' doesnt mean I am not as people have ridiculed me for my flaws.

For me its basically I wanna know where I stand, how unattractive am I and I cant know as I dont know what I look like, I cant trust my eyes as I have BDD but just because you have BDD doesnt mean you are not ugly imo. So when people say im attractive it plays with my mind and confuses me. Hope that all makes sense lol.

Do you have BDD Jinny?

[Appear]

^^^^ I'm similar in wanting to talk to others about my BDD-esque concerns, but I'm always put off for that very reason. That and the other, almost opposing fear of having my concerns confirmed.

[blancmange]

I'm really struggling with BDD issues today. I'm fixated on my eyes being puffy in the mornings. I've spent pretty much all day staring in the mirror and tearing myself apart.

[MrsJones]

^ OR just buy the crappiest mirror you can find. I have one from Poundland and I swear, it makes me look like I've been airbrushed. Lol

[blancmange]

Originally Posted by MrsJones

^ OR just buy the crappiest mirror you can find. I have one from Poundland and I swear, it makes me look like I've been airbrushed. Lol

Originally Posted by Victoria Lucas

Or, never wash your mirror and apply your makeup in the dark.

I'm ****ing gorgeous.

Yay for foggy mirrors and dark rooms! Poundland here I come!

[MrsJones]

^^
Steer clear from Elizabeth Arden mirrors, folks....they'll make you sit there for hours picking at your skin.
^^^
I thought they used slimming mirrors in changing rooms?

x

[Concept]

My face is making me think I'm unpassable again lately. ><

[newbs16]

Originally Posted by Dimplesxo

Yay for foggy mirrors and dark rooms! Poundland here I come!

Dimples you're lovely please stop looking in the mirror esp if it upsets you x

[Cognitive]

I seem to get obsessed about skin colouration. Mine seems to change so quickly. One moment I'm pale, then I'm red, then pale again. I think its a feeling like I've no control.

Concept, wouldn't agree with that statement at all.

[atlantic]

This page has some useful info on getting help.

http://bddfoundation.org/helping-you...elp-in-the-uk/

[Cognitive]

From what I learnt, high doses of SSRI's have been shown to have a beneficial effect. Also, specialised CBT. Patients reported significant decrease of symptoms and thought far less about their appearance. Look up BDD foundation on YouTube. There are some cutting edge lectures regarding it.

[Cognitive]

It acts like a virus. You get over one thing and then it migrates to another part of your body.

[Cairn]

The bullying from your school years as messed you up and you can't see that you're no longer a spotty teenager, and have developed into a good looking bloke.

And I'm sure you don't look miserable and grumpy when you're talking to someone and they make you laugh.

[David K]

It sounds like you had a really terrible counsellor last time. What Cairn says is true, but I know it doesn't help being told that.

[Dandelion10]

I think I may have traits of this, but it's hard to tell what is vanity and the modern preoccupation with appearance and what is an actual disorder.

The moments it seems to border onto a disorder is when I feel compelled to keep looking closer and closer at my skin, searching imperfections and the general, rather sad belief that people are worth only how they look.

Sometimes I spend all day grooming but I am mostly in control of the actions.

[t1racyjacks]

I feel like I look terrible most of the time -- used to spend nights crying about how unattractive I was. I do get compliments though, but I have an inability to truly believe them myself? I've somehow processed it as "well, alright you (complimenter) think so, but that doesn't make it true ". And there are times where I do get over it, but I transfer insecurities about other things onto my looks because they are the most convenient thing to attack. Sadly it's preferable to think I'm ugly 'on the outside' than 'on the inside' which is my real fear. So if I'm feeling particularly stupid that day (not difficult), I'll feel ugly as well.

I had a terrible counsellor back home in Singapore. I went and told her I felt ugly, and she said (I kid you not) 'what, are you crazy?' my response was, of course, 'if I felt so sane, do you think I'd be talking to you right now?' and she was like 'O, that's such an english major response' (...............)

[Merritt]

I've been noticing more and more how my perception of my body goes absolutely insane whenever I'm outside or around people. I'll feel like my feet are sticking a metre out in front of me, that I'm bordering on looking like a hunchback if I slouch at all, my clothes are all lopsided and hanging awkwardly on me, I'm abnormally short in comparison to everyone else, I have a face like something from a fancy dress shop. My self-perception seems to turn into a funhouse mirror, and I'm constantly paranoid that that's how others are seeing me too.

If I'm alone and look in the mirror, I recognise I'm no oil painting to say the least, but I don't think I look quite so freakish and inhuman. My body seems more unremarkable, my clothes look fairly normal. But outside, where there are people... urgh. And somehow, even if I've just taken a bath, I'll feel dirty, and I'll believe other people think I'm dirty too. 'Dirty' how, exactly? I don't even know. Just dirty.

[newbs16]

I often walk around and couldn't even tell you what someone is wearing. Most people walk around in their own little world detracted by their phone, things they have to do, their own worries.

Occasionally I might notice if someone had funky trousers on or was wearing a top I liked but you sound pretty normal to me and I'm most people do not take any notice

[Laura84]

^ I am the same. If I do ever look at someone I don't know for longer than what is deemed a normal amount, it is because I've noticed something that I particularly like. Without actually saying it out loud though it's probably assumed negatively which is a sad thought.

From what I've read about BDD though, mainly on this site, no amount of positive encouragement from other people really helps, it's an inner belief about yourself which cannot so easily be shifted. I can't begin to imagine how it feels to be honest.

[newbs16]

^ some people are arseholes

[Concept]

Originally Posted by newbie2013

^ some people are arseholes

Yes, some people are.