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  #1  
Old 13th November 2017, 20:01
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Red face Personal space.

Is anyone else really funny about letting people get too (physically) close to them?

This is a major problem for me and wondered if anyone else was the same.
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  #2  
Old 13th November 2017, 21:02
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

Mainly with people I know for some reason. If Iím sitting on the sofa and family, or friends of family or in laws of family or just someone like that who I know or am familiar with comes and sits next to me I have to get up, even if theyíre not touching me, ha! If Iím in the car and thereís a bunch of us in the back then Iím just there squashing myself against the door and trying to put space between us. These are people I definitely canít hug or anything. On New Yearís Eve I hide away just so they donít hug and kiss me at midnight, ha! But strangers Iím not too bothered about.

But generally I do need spaaaaace, physical and otherwise, though I donít always respect othersí need for space. Like when my cats are sleeping but I wanna play so they scratch or swipe at me to make me go away. They sleep all the time! I just want them to wake for ten minutes, just ten minutes and then they can go back to sleep!

If I know thereís gonna be hugsies or something going on I try to avoid it all, I even avoided a wake once because I knew the whole family would wanna comfort and hug and stuff, and theyíd all be crying and it would all be so serious and personal and it makes me really uncomfortable. Poop, that makes me sound mean

But yeh, physical closeness isnít something Iím good at
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  #3  
Old 13th November 2017, 21:38
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

I'm not a touchy feely person

I freak out a bit inside even if someone just puts their hand on me for whatever reason

I don't really do hugging unless a female friend instigates it. I'd never actively go out of my way to make physical contact with anyone

I don't know if I just need someone to grab me and give me a cuddle..or what, maybe I'm just too set in my ways spending most my life with no real interaction
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  #4  
Old 13th November 2017, 22:24
Danica Danica is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

I'm not demonstrative - I find physical contact difficult partly because of my Aspergers, and my family have never been into hugging and overt displays of affection so keeping a reasonable distance has always been normal to me. I do semi-hug my mum on her birthday though! I dislike being in close proximity to touchy feely types because in addition to initiating physical contact, they tend to make lots of intense eye contact and ask too many personal questions. They really don't understand me and vice versa.

I hate public transport because I don't want to sit next to strangers or have them accidentally brushing up against me, and people walking too close behind me freaks me out.

I've never had a relationship so I don't know how I'd fare in that set up; l may be able to tolerate (or enjoy) some affection if I were attracted to someone.

I rarely express my feelings either which can lead to misunderstandings because people need input. They like to fill in the gaps but I don't think it's necessary. My mum will sometimes prompt me, which makes me understand that people want feedback.
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  #5  
Old 13th November 2017, 22:35
notanotherone02 notanotherone02 is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

It's really interesting to hear all of your experiences. For me it's mostly with people I don't know, or don't know very well. I'm not one for hugs - I avoid if at all possible. I've not been on public transport in a long time after an incident involving a far older man sitting (literally) right in my space!
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  #6  
Old 13th November 2017, 22:59
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

Quote:
Originally Posted by notanotherone02
Is anyone else really funny about letting people get too (physically) close to them?

This is a major problem for me and wondered if anyone else was the same.

Yes. But this is normal. I used to live in a dorm in a Scandanavian country. Half the dorm was people from Southern Europe. They used to always get on the nerves of the northern europeans as we all felt they were invading our personal space when they spoke to us.

I find the same with Africans, South Americans and Indians. They dont seem to get the concept of personal space. Even when you step away they then step forward. If i can smell your breath youíre too close. Argh

Its just my personnal observation that Northerners in general seem to require more personal space than those from less introverted cultures.
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  #7  
Old 14th November 2017, 14:37
MJC MJC is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

Personal space differs from person to person. My personal space is preferably a mile extending in all directions.

As for hugs...meh. I don't get how people find a hug comforting or why some people (my mum being one) constantly seem to require them. They're obviously getting something from it that I don't.
I came home from work one time and my ex partner was upset over something. Didn't really know what to say or do so I initiated a hug. She held on for what felt like an eternity and broke out in tears. Turned out she ran over a mouse in the car on her way home from work.
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  #8  
Old 14th November 2017, 18:36
Sphinx Sphinx is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

One thing that bugs me is when people stand too close to you in queues, I always feel like "accidentally" standing on their foot

I don't mind hugs, but I always find it a bit excruciating as to whether I should hug someone or not. When you say bye and then there's that awkward moment. I hugged an acquaintance bye once and she looked really uncomfortable.
Or if someones upset I never know if I should.

I hate the kissing on the cheek thing though, I just find it weird. Someone I knew used to kiss me on the top bit of my neck(!) sometimes and I never knew if it was accidental or not. Ick.
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  #9  
Old 14th November 2017, 22:28
vaxjo vaxjo is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sphinx
One thing that bugs me is when people stand too close to you in queues, I always feel like "accidentally" standing on their foot

I don't mind hugs, but I always find it a bit excruciating as to whether I should hug someone or not. When you say bye and then there's that awkward moment. I hugged an acquaintance bye once and she looked really uncomfortable.
Or if someones upset I never know if I should.

I hate the kissing on the cheek thing though, I just find it weird. Someone I knew used to kiss me on the top bit of my neck(!) sometimes and I never knew if it was accidental or not. Ick.
Cannot stand it when Im in a supermarket queue and I shuffle up to move away from the too close to me and then they move up. Arrrgh.

Dont get me started on physical contact. I cant bear anyone to be unfortunate enough to have to touch me. Creeps me out!
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  #10  
Old 18th November 2017, 13:56
clyde33 clyde33 is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

Yeah i don't like it. It's ok if i'm in a busy shop as i know i'm going to be near people and i'm prepared for that, but something happened yesterday for example that made me uncomfortable. I was waiting to cross the road at the traffic lights and it wasn't particularly busy with people and this woman just appeared right next to me, way too close, her jacket sleeve was touching mine, really really close to me. I just gave her a look and moved away but she didn't bat an eyelid. Very strange when there was a whole empty pavement. I don't like it either when people walk close behind me and don't pass me as i always think they're going to grab my handbag or kill me or something.
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  #11  
Old 18th November 2017, 17:33
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

Quote:
Originally Posted by notanotherone02
Is anyone else really funny about letting people get too (physically) close to them?

This is a major problem for me and wondered if anyone else was the same.
In answer to your question, it very much depends on who it is that is wanting to get physically close to me.
With people that I love and feel comfortable with I can be very affectionate and tactile. For instance, my husband and I hug all the time.

I also like to hug my son alot but I can see that itís not something he feels particularly comfortable with and puts up with it under sufferance. Interestingly, I remember you saying in a previous post that you are 14 (the same age as my son) and Iím thinking that I also felt particularly self conscious about people trying to get physically close to me at the same age so (without wishing to sound in any way patronising) it might be something that becomes a bit less of a problem for you in the future.

Because of their upbringings, my family was never very comfortable with showing physical affection so I received very few hugs or other physical displays of affection as a child.

When I met my husband i was surprised at how loving and tactile he and his family were with one another other. Itís lovely, but something I wasnít used to.

I still struggle to hide my embarrassment when my in-laws greet me with hugs and kisses and sometimes I even feel like running away. The kissing on the cheek thing I just canít do, and usually just put my cheek near their cheek as we lean in to hug.
But, hopefully in time I will get used to them wanting to show me affection because deep down it is quite a nice feeling to be embraced by a family
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  #12  
Old 18th November 2017, 17:48
Muggins Muggins is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

I should have added that I don’t like strangers standing too close to me but who does??
If I’m on very crowded public transport it can’t always be helped, but there’s nothing worse than having someone’s sweaty armpit in your face. And being hemmed in next to the window on a train or bus because a stranger has sat beside me is horrible. I don’t think it’s just the close proximity of the person that bothers me but also the fact that I can’t escape unless they move!

I also have this weird thing where I don’t really like sitting on a seat straight after a stranger has been sitting there - when the seat is still warm from their bottom! A bit weird I know and perhaps taking the lack of physical contact thing to a whole new level

As for standing in a queue, if someone behind me gets too close I feel very uncomfortable and agitated because there really is no reason for someone to invade my personal physical space to that extent.
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  #13  
Old 18th November 2017, 17:57
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
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Default Re: Personal space.

I don't think I'm too bad with physical contact/ proximity to a point. Though busy trains can be a right nightmare, especially if a group sits down next to you and are talking loudly etc right in your ear, that will definetly piss me off so I'd usually move.

Otherwise I can usually cope.
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