Talking over Loud Music

[Chach]

I don't know if you all saw my previous message, so I'll just say again that I used to be active here years ago and am currently updating a book I wrote about SA that has a good chance of being published.

Here's something I don't remember being discussed before, but it's something that happens to me.

I feel as if I have more trouble than most people trying to understand others over loud music or other noise and wondered if it's an SA thing or just me. It could be that my hearing is deteriorating, but I think I've always had this problem. It could be because of having to talk another language - partly it is, but it also happens in English.

I think it's related to being bad at multi-tasking - because all those thoughts about what others are thinking take up part of my brain. So, maybe they make it hard to filter out the music and concentrate on what people are saying.

Anyway, does anyone else find it difficult to understand what people say over loud music?

[Aelwyn]

I don't think it's an SA thing - my husband doesn't have SA but does have this problem, and I don't have it.

It can be related to high frequency hearing loss or another hearing problem - you should probably talk to an audiologist.

[hellotiger]

I have this too but I think I just have bad hearing in general. I also get it in coffee shops where there is the noise of the machine and pretty much anywhere there are a lot of people talking. I frequently have to ask people to repeat themselves and then watch their mouth.
Anxiety does make it worse because it makes it difficult to focus on what people are saying if I'm feeling internalised or if there's a lot going on around me. Also there's the embarrassment aspect, I feel awkward getting people to repeat themselves.

[greenman]

I also have had this problem for many years. Pubs clubs etc have always been a problem. The best way to describe it is that I am unable to filter out the background music, chit chat from my circle of friends talking. I am inclined to think in my case that it is a perception disorder linked to anxiety. I have had this problem with phones at work in the past. Trying to tune out the office noise, chit chat from what the person on the phone is saying. I would be useless in a call centre. Interestingly I have worked with students with aspergers, who have similar perception issues. Another issue which adds to my problem is that my voice doesn't seem to project very well amid background noise, I guess I'm either quietly spoken or my voice pitch doesn't carry very well.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Hey, it's great to see you posting again, Chach. I remember you from first time around, although I had different usernames back then.

I've never thought of this topic as an SA thing. I do struggle to catch what people are saying when music is loud, though. Funny enough, the more I drink the less it seems to affect me. Maybe as people drink more and more they just shout louder though, and can be heard more easily?

[Mr. Nobody]

it's amazing how isolated you can feel in these situations,
I usually just give up and shrug to anyone who's expecting me to answer any questions or who's expecting me to join in on the chat,..
give me a quiet pub / club any day,...I really can't be bothered with noise,

I think I tend to censor my speech when in company too, if you're in a restaurant and your partner or friend(s) are chatting within earshot of other people, I'll tend to filter my conversation and make it relatively mainstream and dilute any SA or personal content,...
this fact alone tends to make conversation a bit difficult and stilted as it is.

I have always found it incredibly silly and annoying that pubs & clubs are expected to be places where people meet, mingle and chat, and yet they also play loud music,.. it seems incredibly stupid,.. one thing negates the other in my opinion.

[Chach]

Thanks everyone! Ajax Amsterdam: it's great to see you, too, whoever you are!

Carbon(cycle)Fodder: I agree. Sometimes it's a family celebration - you meet people you haven't seen for years and you can't talk to them.

My conclusion is that it might be an SA thing but not necessarily. The outcome - feeling embarrassed at having to ask them to repeat or nodding without really understanding - probably is an SA thing.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by Chach

Thanks everyone! Ajax Amsterdam: it's great to see you, too, whoever you are!.

I can't***8203; remember which username I had when I've spoken with you in the past. You may remember either Innerspace, Innervision, Malecon or Benfica.

[Chach]

Ah yes! I remember Innerspace and Innervision. Hi there (all five of you)!

[clyde33]

Yup i have this, and it actually happened again last night as i was at a really loud gig and couldn't hear a damn thing the person i was with was saying and it was embarrassing. I've got two ways to deal with this - i either nod in agreement and smile, or i put my ear down towards their mouth for them to repeat. Chances are though when they repeat, i still don't hear what they say. I have damaged my hearing from years of sitting in my bedroom listening to music full-blast, and i still listen to my iPod way too loud so i know i'm a bit deaf. My fear is of nodding and laughing at something that i haven't heard properly, only for it to turn out that the person is telling me about their dog or cat that died earlier that day. Ordering at a bar when it's noisy is a nightmare too. I've always got to repeat myself even when i feel i'm shouting so loud, and like last night, i get a random drink put down in front of me that i didn't ask for then i can't say that i didn't ask for it, end up paying for it then drinking something i don't like. Ugh, i just dread loud noisy places because i just cannot hear a word people are saying and my voice isn't loud enough to be heard over a racket so i don't say a single word, making people think i'm a weirdo.

[Mikei]

I have always had problems understanding anything in all but the quietest of environments, I don't seem to have the ability to selectively hear the things I need to hear and disregard the noise around me, when listening to a person speak I am all too aware of the other noises, even if it's birds singing, sometimes I fail or have a subconscious delay in processing words too, so even if I heard them, it can take me a while to realise this.

[clyde33]

I find myself getting pissed off when i can't hear as it's just such a stupid waste of time standing there for hours nodding and smiling over words you can't hear. I'd rather be at home where it's quiet.

[Chach]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. I did include this topic in my book, SOCIAL ANXIETY REVEALED, now available in paperbook and ebook at http://www.amazon.co.uk/Social-Anxie...dp/1974208540/

And here's my video about it: https://youtu.be/OEubaiBisss
(I don't know how to get the YouTube tags to work.)