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  #1  
Old 6th July 2020, 15:35
Orwell20 Orwell20 is offline
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Default Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

This was biggest fear at school. It wasn't so much the fear of pain, more the fear of humiliation, of being made to look stupid in front of other kids, etc. In other words, my SA was so bad that embarrassment scared me more than physical pain.
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  #2  
Old 6th July 2020, 19:01
Toxic Toxic is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Once..and I made it worse by laughing at him once he hit me in the face (If your going to be the school bellend at least back it up with something )

It went exactly as I thought it would, he was determined to keep pushing me till I snapped back, he punched me in the face, I made some sort of sarcastic remark..he punched me a few more times..a teacher broke it up. I then spent 3 weeks off school with an illness that was 100% definitely nothing to do with what had just happened
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  #3  
Old 6th July 2020, 19:53
neilm neilm is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Punched a few times, been in a few fights and challenged to a fight many times when I was younger (under the age of 25). In all honesty it wasnt that unusual when I was growing up (in the 1970s 1980s). And when I started going to pubs and clubs in the 1980s, there were always drunken halfwits wanting to pick a fight with someone, or other. Sometimes the bouncers would pick fights with the customers as well!!

Away games, at Football matches then were interesting experiences too on occasion

Have no interest in nightclubs nowadays, (because Ime in my 50s) but are they really so different now? Maybe they are, but who knows....
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  #4  
Old 6th July 2020, 20:01
Moksha Moksha is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

No, thank god. It terrified me at school, not, like you, because I feared the pain, but because I feared the humiliation. I often listen to MMA podcasts, and it's interesting to note how many of the guys were bullied when young. Dan Hardy, for example, talks about being challenged to a fight after class and sitting there waiting for the bell, knowing what was coming. My ultimate horror was someone going for me in the playground, dragging me onto the ground and punching me while a huge crowd gathered round to watch. Ughh, thank god my schools daze are over.

Looking back, and considering what a twat I was, it's amazing I escaped. I was bullied, but never physically. Probably, it was due to my size - I was big for my age, with broad shoulders.

I was in awe of kids who could fight, and still am. I had a mate who was much smaller than me, but he took **** from no one. Once, another boy, about a foot taller, picked a fight with my friend. It was totally unprovoked and the guy was just out to impress his friends. But man did he pick on the wrong person! My friend told me he never hit anyone so hard or so clean in his life. The guy just collapsed on the ground in tears, and probably never lived it down. Years later, this friend of mine was in a club and bumped into the guy. That would have been three after leaving school, but he hadn't forgotten and tried to start something - which just shows you how these schoolboy fights stick in the memory.

I have also avoided it in adulthood - one of the upsides to being an SA recluse! The first time I ever got hit in the face was at a boxing club in my 30s. So yeah, I have been punched, but only ever with a padded glove. And that was bad enough thanks.
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  #5  
Old 6th July 2020, 22:34
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

As a child, being punched (and kicked and worse) was just part of everyday life; being challenged to a fight was a regular occurrence too - although as a dedicated pacifist, I have always refused to fight and managed to maintain that to this day.

As an adult, I have been threatened several times, but apart from one occasion (when I was jumped from behind whilst changing a keg in a pub cellar, by a customer whom I had barred but then allowed back in the following day when he came to apologise), the only violence I have suffered as an adult has been from the police and that was never punching, usually an "accidental" elbow to the ribs or over-tightening the handcuffs whilst I am "resisting arrest" (that's resisting arrest without moving a muscle, it's a very peaceful form of resistance).

Thankfully, I have never had neilm's experience of nightclubs (although I never entered a nightclub until I was in my 40s - unless it had a live band playing) and when it came to football matches, I would always make sure that I had a clear escape route in case of trouble (in fact, although I was at a quite a few matches where there were outbreaks of violence and on one occasion had to invade the pitch at Upton Park to avoid being crushed by hooligans rushing down the terraces intend on causing such a crush, one of my closest brushes with football hooliganism was at a schoolboy match, when we returned to our coaches after watching the school team win the ESFA Cup, only to be bombarded by rocks and have every window of every coach smashed - it was a very cold journey back to London from Stoke-on-Trent!).
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  #6  
Old 7th July 2020, 00:29
Content-Contentlessness Content-Contentlessness is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Interesting that I should come upon such a question after yesterday a man grabbed a pickaxe from the back of his ute with the intent to kill me. From an anxiety perspective and feeling of shame, I had defecated myself. Thankfully I was still able to find within myself the ability to talk him down.

There is a lot to learn from the incident mentioned above, but this space is not the best place for it.

Best I can say, as someone having been awarded compensation due to my experience in children's home that involved a LOT of psychical and sexual abuse, that my answer is not only YES, but I would add that sometimes the things we fear will always be present. I feel what matters is how we choose to live with those experiences.

No matter how bad things get in one moment, there is always another moment where we can to regain control. I guess it comes down to what we choose to focus on. It's not so much the thoughts we relive that disables, but how we hold them that makes or breaks us.

I understand this is on old post. I guess I just had to remind myself of what counts.
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  #7  
Old 7th July 2020, 17:30
Sisyphus Sisyphus is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert
As a child, being punched (and kicked and worse) was just part of everyday life;
This.

From start of primary school to mid A levels.

My passivity was not pacifism but more my upbringing and being able to make a couple of pipe-cleaners twisted together feel overweight.

It resolved itself in a most unsatisfactory but effective way by meeting violence with violence. It appeared that this was completely condoned by the teachers and I never got into trouble for it even when done in the hallowed halls. What a message to send out.

Since then I have never really suffered from physical violence and all bullying stopped when I entered higher education.

Since then I guess I have stopped giving off whatever messages I was and now give off a different one.
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  #8  
Old 7th July 2020, 20:48
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

I had a couple of people punch me at uni. Also threatened a number of times, including by a couple of road ragers, one of whom said he was going to effing kill me. When I lived in Germany a gang of Turkish youths hit me with no provocation at all as I was coming back from a rock club. It could have got nasty for me, but fortunately a big German bloke intervened and the gang quickly dispersed. Bloody kids!
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  #9  
Old 12th July 2020, 14:47
AnxiousExtrovert AnxiousExtrovert is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orwell20
This was biggest fear at school. It wasn't so much the fear of pain, more the fear of humiliation, of being made to look stupid in front of other kids, etc. In other words, my SA was so bad that embarrassment scared me more than physical pain.

Yes I've had the same fear a lot in my life. When I have had more confidence or stability I haven't cared about it so much because I think during those times I have felt accepted more, so winning or losing a fight hasnt been so important.

I have been hit before several times in my life where I wasn't expecting it at all and both times that spring to mind I didn't react more due to awkwardness than anything.

My biggest fear regarding fighting is not knowing how to react. I work hard to try and chill out and not feel so tense, so if I feel someone is trying to bully me or have an attitude with me my first emotion is awkwardness. Awkward because it seems so wrong to being having a fight over something so minor or petty. Being on the defence or offence all the time is unattractive in itself and not particularly mentally healthy, but I find it very hard to relax around certain environments because some people do find it completely acceptable to try and fight you either physically or verbally if you have upset them in some way.

I just wanted to add to this that there is a good reason why I emphasized on the awkwardness. There is certainly fear involved because of the reasons stated in humiliation from either losing or not giving a good acount of yourself. But the awkwardness is the biggest thing for me because it makes me indecisive of the correct way I should be dealing with it. I have had many occasions in my life where I have fancied my chances but I still feel very awkward after the encounter.
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  #10  
Old 12th July 2020, 21:54
scarlettgirl scarlettgirl is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Has it been mostly guys responding to this so far? I'm interested to know if any other girls have been punched, as I have hah.
It was back in my goth days in early 00's; went to a nightclub where a girl just randomly began pushing me. then I went to the toilet, came back out and she was waiting there for me. Just punched me straight in the face. I was too shocked at the time to even react, and her friends had to drag her away (i think she was just so drunk and I was an easy target maybe?), but I never forgot and honestly the event traumatised me when it comes to nightclubs ever since. Maybe I brought it on myself going to a 'mainstream' sort of nightclub when I was a bit alternative looking, but I don't think I ever looked threatening or was ever looking for a fight (honestly had anxiety about looking at anyone even back then!) But It messed me up some more anyway, since I never forgot it. I doubt the girl remembers.
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  #11  
Old 13th July 2020, 02:43
Chess&Junkfood Chess&Junkfood is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Fight? Never. Challenged to one? Yes. Punched? Plenty. But this was during my time at school. So I should write off those confrontational times like a bad debt. Mainly because it was a long time ago and life moves on. But I guess it was the after-effects of not defending myself for so long that surprised me the most. And by that, I mean how I would sometimes put myself in danger when someone would get confrontational with me. Especially during my Hulk phase and I was juiced to the eyeballs. Although I don't mean I was an angry Hulk. It was more about standing my ground, while also not fully appreciating just how unsteady that ground actually was during that time. So looking back, I was very fortunate that I wasn't involved in a fight during those times.

Anyway, the "Lonely Man" theme seems like a good way to end this post. Although I did have my heart set on dedicating this post to the "Agadoo" song. But a song that has dancing fruit in the video probably isn't relevant to this post. Which is a shame. Or maybe not. Who knows, it's late.


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  #12  
Old 13th July 2020, 14:35
Orwell20 Orwell20 is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnxiousExtrovert

I just wanted to add to this that there is a good reason why I emphasized on the awkwardness. There is certainly fear involved because of the reasons stated in humiliation from either losing or not giving a good acount of yourself. But the awkwardness is the biggest thing for me because it makes me indecisive of the correct way I should be dealing with it. I have had many occasions in my life where I have fancied my chances but I still feel very awkward after the encounter.
Shame plays a part as well. I guess it links back to toxic masculinity - the idea that a 'real man' isn't afraid of physical confrontation, can defend himself with his fists, never backs down, etc. Unfortunately, though we ridicule such ideas, most men (including me) kind of feel it's true. I can see the point about toxic masculinity. And I agree that it's ugly and dangerous. But, I do also admire men who stand up for themselves and fight back. I admired them at school. And part of me does kind of despise men who allow others to bully and intimidate them.
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  #13  
Old 13th July 2020, 15:52
Tembo Tembo is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Well at school, I wasn't challenged to a fight, but just attacked without being challenged. This happened a few times at my secondary school, including being pushed over, and punched in the arm (never in the face though thankfully). Some staff in the school took this seriously, but others gave the impression this was just part of growing up and you just have to put up with it. There was also an occasion I was stabbed in the leg with those really sharp protractors (stabbed sounds worse than it was, more like 'pricked', but still, it was scary).

In recent years in my town, there have been a few times now when local groups of youths (the ones who dress up like they aspire to be drug dealers) try to wind me up and start a fight, completely unprovoked. A couple of them once grabbed me and tried to push me into a river (I think they were completly high on something), and last week a couple of blokes barged into me in Tesco and tried to start a fight. Bizarre.
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  #14  
Old 13th July 2020, 23:01
gregarious_introvert gregarious_introvert is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orwell20
Shame plays a part as well. I guess it links back to toxic masculinity - the idea that a 'real man' isn't afraid of physical confrontation, can defend himself with his fists, never backs down, etc. Unfortunately, though we ridicule such ideas, most men (including me) kind of feel it's true. I can see the point about toxic masculinity. And I agree that it's ugly and dangerous. But, I do also admire men who stand up for themselves and fight back. I admired them at school. And part of me does kind of despise men who allow others to bully and intimidate them.
Not fighting back physically doesn't mean allowing others to bully, though; I could never reduce myself to that level (although I have restrained people on occasion, when necessary - not when they were attacking me, but to prevent them attacking others). I have no difficulty in asserting myself, but actually having to resort to violence? I would have lost from the start - and I couldn't respect anyone else who - as an adult - felt the need to do that either.

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  #15  
Old 18th July 2020, 20:52
AnxiousExtrovert AnxiousExtrovert is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been punched or challenged to a fight?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Orwell20
Shame plays a part as well. I guess it links back to toxic masculinity - the idea that a 'real man' isn't afraid of physical confrontation, can defend himself with his fists, never backs down, etc. Unfortunately, though we ridicule such ideas, most men (including me) kind of feel it's true. I can see the point about toxic masculinity. And I agree that it's ugly and dangerous. But, I do also admire men who stand up for themselves and fight back. I admired them at school. And part of me does kind of despise men who allow others to bully and intimidate them.
Hi Orwell,

I dont really think toxic masculinity means what you put although it can tie in.
The things you mention about never backing down and defend themselves I think most men like to believe about themselves if the need arises. For example in a life or death situation where you have no choice but to fight back or die or defend something. These situations should be rare in everyones life and avoidable most of the time. Thats where the toxic masculinity comes in.

I think toxic masculinity is when there is competitiveness and challenging going on when there isnt really a valid reason or circumstance. And when its happening it obviously evokes that pride in yourself but the situation is just "toxic". Its toxic because you get dragged down to a level that doesnt really have purpose or meaning besides egos clashing. And its not like its always a matter of fear why you wouldnt want to engage in it. There are consequences like jail or losing your job even if you successfully defend yourself or win. And it doesnt just stop there because if its normalized where disagreements or peoples own issues is acted upon in a certain way, where someone can just threaten someone else , then it creates a circle of behavior where everyone is on edge either offensively or defensively. The toxicity part is really about the intentions and mindset behind it all. Passive aggression is the same thing where someone might act shy and meek but their actions are deliberately undermining and trying to get one over on you. Its the same lack of morals and empathy in both but one is using physical intimidation and violence and the other isnt.

That toxic phrase is applied to lots of different things, Bad friends, Bad vibes in the workplace etc etc. And it all really comes to the same thing. I guess a way of describing it is that they aren't team players for human decency and fairness.

Now obviously the grey area is where some clearly toxic environments are downplayed by some, and sometimes maybe someone is calling something toxic when thats an exaggeration.
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