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  #1  
Old 18th August 2016, 19:11
GhostOnMagneticTape GhostOnMagneticTape is offline
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Default Boarding School Trauma & Workshops

Boarding School Survivors website

Apologies for any grammatical errors and typos, I'm finding this hard to write but I wish to tell a bit of my story if it's a bit jumbled up.

Boarding School Trauma, it's not a widely known trauma, it's pretty much still unrecognised amongst therapists but is slowly gaining more recognition. Without wanting to drivel on, I'll try and be brief as possible.

Anyway, it came up during my initial psychotherapy sessions around 3 years ago that I went to boarding school, two of them actually and I eventually left at 14 years old to attend a local comprehensive due to the bullying I endured. Being sent away at a young age, left to to fend for myself and not knowing how to made me a very frightened and fragile boy between the age of 10 to 18 years old. My parents said to me "buckle up", "get over it" and "sticks and stones" which in hindsight was very ignorant and unhelpful, the school, the system and my parents neglected my emotional needs. I have a learning disability also, my speech was slow to develop, so I became a very easy target who was afraid and unable to fight back with the awareness of being expelled or suspended and being hounded by my parents (in hindsight, I wished I had physically fought back like hell).

I took my first suicide attempt at 14 years old, I was in the dormitory one night amongst others, feeling incredibly alone and frightened, I really didn't want to wake up and face another week of abuse and bullying, so I chucked a lot of OTC meds down myself. It was not enough to kill myself but I was sick, anyway my boarding school days were very isolating, destructive and traumatizing for me. I also suffered abuse at home from an older sibling, so I had no escape coming from an abusive home into two schools.

Fortunately, I'm now seeing a psychotherapist who is specialised in boarding school trauma and abandonment. It's been an incredibly hard year for me I have to say, talking about the abuse I endured at home and also at boarding school. I wrote a letter to my elderly parents also, not wanting to blame them (despite having some elements of anger), as they had no awareness and knowledge of mental health illness and developmental disorders whilst I was growing up. Still, I'm angry at them that they expected me to adopt a still upper lip attitude due the abuse I was receiving daily, it all became too overwhelming for me.

Back to the present day, I attended a workshop for boarding school survivors this year in London for men who went to boarding school and it had affected them in whatever way, small or large. We all had our own unique experiences, some men come from stable families and home life but yet were traumatized by being removed from a loving safe home into a boarding school, they had to adapt quickly to survive, two of the men I spoke to admitting they use to bully, they felt a lot of remorse and sadness for what they did to others but they did it in order to protect themselves which I fully understand now. Other men who appeared to be externally quite macho, successful in life and work, broke down in tears recalling their time at boarding schools.

One guy, who was in his 60s or 70s, told us of a harrowing story when he was 8 years old, he didn't want to go to boarding school, his father who was a doctor at the time, drugged and bundled him into the car and was left at boarding school. Imagine being 8 years, being drugged by your father and left at school, it made me so sad and furious. I admit because of my experiences at home and at school, I have a very anti conservative, cultural point of view nowadays.

If anyone who went to boarding school here and haven't thought much about it, feel free to message me.

Anyway, for anyone who maybe interested in finding out a bit more about Boarding School Trauma, I recommend visiting this website for starters. http://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk

They also offer workshops for both men and women based in London, which can be found here http://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.c...ool-survivors/

If one likes to read, I recommend two books.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Making-Them.../dp/0953790401



https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wounded-Lea...2DG27VKW31AC9C

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  #2  
Old 18th August 2016, 19:14
GhostOnMagneticTape GhostOnMagneticTape is offline
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Default Re: Boarding School Trauma & Workshops

For any therapists who wish to expand their knowledge on PTSD, CPTSD and other types. I recommend this book which only came out this year.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Trauma-Abandonment-Privilege-therapeutic-survivors/dp/1138788716/ref=pd_sim_14_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=638HZR2DG27VK W31AC9C

There is also a course for therapists run by the team at http://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.c...or-therapists/

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  #3  
Old 18th August 2016, 20:03
José Raúl Capablanca José Raúl Capablanca is offline
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Default Re: Boarding School Trauma & Workshops

Hi GOMT, fellow boarding school survivor here , Thanks for sharing , I left from boarding school at 13 and stayed for three years , when I left I was quite keen on the idea I am dyslexic and the school my mum worked very hard to get the government to fund me to attend was a school which specialised in learning difficulties,and the school itself was set in incredible grounds which included three fishing lakes , its own swimming pool , gym e.t.c for P.E we went dry slope sking and sailing. But it very quickly turned into a living nightmare where I was to suffer sexual, physical and psychological abuse , the latter two on a daily basis some experiences while there I have never discussed with friends, family nor in therapy. I have many unresolved issues from that time which have very strongly affected my adult life. At 15 after being gaffertaped to a staircase and beaten black and blue by some other students I drank a bottle of vodka and tried to hang myself in the house showers but was discovered by the house parent, This incident was never reported to my parents and in fact thier only responce was a half hearted conversation with a teacher woefully out of his depth and them 'gating' me for two weeks.
a few years back the school was closed down by government due to safeguarding issues and made the national papers under the headline 'lord of the flies school closed down'. I will look into the links you posted as perhaps it's time( I am now 35) I resolved some of this stuff
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  #4  
Old 18th August 2016, 20:31
GhostOnMagneticTape GhostOnMagneticTape is offline
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Default Re: Boarding School Trauma & Workshops

Hey NDF, good to hear from you and really sorry for your experiences at boarding school. I'm 41 now, it took me 3 years until this year to actually have psychotherapy catered around my boarding school experiences and also do the workshops in London. It's incredibly challenging and painful having to go back talk about what happened but a great release to be heard, acknowledge with empathy from others.

If I recall correctly, you are in Bristol? I'm presently seeing my psychotherapist in Clifton who supports clients with boarding school trauma (he also went to boarding school and suffered). I can message you his website and email if you like?
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  #5  
Old 20th August 2016, 04:15
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Boarding School Trauma & Workshops

Prep wasn't the best of experiences;I wet the bed almost daily for the first 3 years which I guess was an emotional stress reaction. However the shit really hit the fanbelt when I went to public school. I was subjected to bullying and ostracised from the very start. As a shy ,fairly timid,physically and socially awkward teenager I didn't fit the public school mould.
My time there has been the catalyst for a lifetime of low self esteem,insecurity, paranoia and general/social anxiety.

My father's job working for the Foreign office meant my going to boarding school was a foregone conclusion. I think my mother tried persuading him to switch to the Home office but he saw better career prospects where he was.
As it was my illness and my mother's antipathy to being a diplomatic wife probably hampered his career prospects anyway. Although he did quite well for a lower middle class lad from Birmingham.

My brother who didn't pass the common entrance went to a council run boarding school . He too was bullied ie chucked out of the first floor,darts thrown at him etc.
Both of us have ended up rather screwed up.
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Old 23rd August 2016, 19:37
GhostOnMagneticTape GhostOnMagneticTape is offline
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Default Re: Boarding School Trauma & Workshops

For anyone interested in attending. Right click on both picture sections and choose "save file/image" if you wish to print them off.

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  #7  
Old 20th February 2018, 01:58
GhostOnMagneticTape GhostOnMagneticTape is offline
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Default Re: Boarding School Trauma & Workshops

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/a...ec0b1934252e54

Fortunately I did not endure sexual abuse but had my suspicions of some teachers. Asides rare physical abuse, I did endure mostly verbal and psychological abuse (and neglect), which drained my self belief as an adolescent living with an undiagnosed mild disability at the time. I look back on my boarding school days with utmost sadness and hurt. The damage done still affects and scars me to this day (ie. hyper-vigilance, dissociation, feelings of guilt and shame).

It seems like now, men in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond are speaking more openly about how horrific their boarding school experiences were, pre and post WWII.

Got to love the cultural British stoicism, put up and shut up, real men (boys) don't cry, be a soldier and all that BS.
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Old 21st February 2018, 16:17
Kevin Hodge Kevin Hodge is offline
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Default Re: Boarding School Trauma & Workshops

Quote:
Originally Posted by GhostOnMagneticTape
Boarding School Survivors website

Apologies for any grammatical errors and typos, I'm finding this hard to write but I wish to tell a bit of my story if it's a bit jumbled up.

Boarding School Trauma, it's not a widely known trauma, it's pretty much still unrecognised amongst therapists but is slowly gaining more recognition. Without wanting to drivel on, I'll try and be brief as possible.

Anyway, it came up during my initial psychotherapy sessions around 3 years ago that I went to boarding school, two of them actually and I eventually left at 14 years old to attend a local comprehensive due to the bullying I endured. Being sent away at a young age, left to to fend for myself and not knowing how to made me a very frightened and fragile boy between the age of 10 to 18 years old. My parents said to me "buckle up", "get over it" and "sticks and stones" which in hindsight was very ignorant and unhelpful, the school, the system and my parents neglected my emotional needs. I have a learning disability also, my speech was slow to develop, so I became a very easy target who was afraid and unable to fight back with the awareness of being expelled or suspended and being hounded by my parents (in hindsight, I wished I had physically fought back like hell).

I took my first suicide attempt at 14 years old, I was in the dormitory one night amongst others, feeling incredibly alone and frightened, I really didn't want to wake up and face another week of abuse and bullying, so I chucked a lot of OTC meds down myself. It was not enough to kill myself but I was sick, anyway my boarding school days were very isolating, destructive and traumatizing for me. I also suffered abuse at home from an older sibling, so I had no escape coming from an abusive home into two schools.

Fortunately, I'm now seeing a psychotherapist who is specialised in boarding school trauma and abandonment. It's been an incredibly hard year for me I have to say, talking about the abuse I endured at home and also at boarding school. I wrote a letter to my elderly parents also, not wanting to blame them (despite having some elements of anger), as they had no awareness and knowledge of mental health illness and developmental disorders whilst I was growing up. Still, I'm angry at them that they expected me to adopt a still upper lip attitude due the abuse I was receiving daily, it all became too overwhelming for me.

Back to the present day, I attended a workshop for boarding school survivors this year in London for men who went to boarding school and it had affected them in whatever way, small or large. We all had our own unique experiences, some men come from stable families and home life but yet were traumatized by being removed from a loving safe home into a boarding school, they had to adapt quickly to survive, two of the men I spoke to admitting they use to bully, they felt a lot of remorse and sadness for what they did to others but they did it in order to protect themselves which I fully understand now. Other men who appeared to be externally quite macho, successful in life and work, broke down in tears recalling their time at boarding schools.

One guy, who was in his 60s or 70s, told us of a harrowing story when he was 8 years old, he didn't want to go to boarding school, his father who was a doctor at the time, drugged and bundled him into the car and was left at boarding school. Imagine being 8 years, being drugged by your father and left at school, it made me so sad and furious. I admit because of my experiences at home and at school, I have a very anti conservative, cultural point of view nowadays.

If anyone who went to boarding school here and haven't thought much about it, feel free to message me.

Anyway, for anyone who maybe interested in finding out a bit more about Boarding School Trauma, I recommend visiting this website for starters. http://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk

They also offer workshops for both men and women based in London, which can be found here http://www.boardingschoolsurvivors.c...ool-survivors/

If one likes to read, I recommend two books.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Making-Them.../dp/0953790401



https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wounded-Lea...2DG27VKW31AC9C



interesting stuff thanks for sharing, being sent off to boarding school seems unfathomable to me and no wonder it affected you like it did

i did a dig around myself and there is a "the making of them" documentary too on youtube, i'm watching it just now -





there is an account in the video of someone who had to be drugged into a coma to attend boarding school, just like you said
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  #9  
Old 22nd February 2018, 11:05
Copernicium Copernicium is offline
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Default Re: Boarding School Trauma & Workshops

... so in general, most people's experience wasn't anything like Hogwarts?
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