#61
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I've been struggling a lot with my feelings about my appearance lately. I finally caved in and went to get my passport photo taken, so that I can send off for a provisional license and get going with the driving lessons I've been promising to sort for years. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind, I stubbornly maintained a wildly optimistic hope that it wouldn't come out as bad as I'd feared. I know most people say their passport photographs are shockingly bad, but mine always make me realise that my face is quite literally very unsymmetrical. I find myself feeling more and more self-conscious of this these days, as it really seems to be becoming more noticeable (I want to believe it's in my head, but it's actually really wonky - other people obviously see me as I am, and get used to it, but to me... who tries to avoid being pictured or looking into mirrors in less than flattering lighting, it's really quite a shock to be confronted with my 'true' self).
Another thing that upset me is that the conversation topic of my bad skin came up with my boyfriend this week. The relationship's at that stage now where I can't hide the various potions and creams I have to use in order to try to improve my issues (mainly quite extensive acne scarring, which I've undergone various treatments for), so I try to just make a joke out of it. Anyway, I guess in an attempt to make me feel better about it, he brought the issue back up just before we went to sleep and cycled through all the "you're fine the way you are" prep talk. Whilst I appreciate that he attempts to make me feel better, sometimes it really has the opposite effect. For instance, in response to me saying that in the past people have tried to deny my problems entirely, which I feel is unrealistic, he said that the scarring is noticeable "but not too bad". And that he understands how I feel because he thinks he'd feel self-conscious of it too, if it were him dealing with it. When he said these things, I knew he meant to console me, but it was a real kick to the guts because now I'm just mortified and feeling more 'exposed' than I ever was before around him. I suppose I'd wanted so badly to believe the people who told me they didn't really notice anything wrong with me (my ex boyfriend, for instance), that I was living in a fantasy, in some respects, going along with the idea that perhaps people don't necessarily notice anything wrong with my face. Some kind of unhealthily fragile coping mechanism (hence why I've deliberately not questioned him as to his opinion on my skin - ignorance is bliss, type deal, I figured). But his words kind of shattered that and I feel very inhibited now. The reality, my rational mind tells me, must be somewhere in between... people probably do notice my scarring, but acknowledge it in a much less powerful way than I do. Emotionally, though, my mind tells me that's not good enough. I don't want it acknowledged at all; which of course, is not realistic. I just want to feel 'free' of self-conscious thoughts about my own body (bar the usual little things I'm guessing most people experience) and not let them hinder me in this relationship. But it's proving so difficult. Does anyone else find themselves feeling ever more confused, because of people's differing comments to them? My ego is so fragile that I desperately want to believe the words that make me feel better, though deep down I feel as though they're just lies. On the other hand, if someone (like my boyfriend) seems to offer a more brutally honest opinion, I feel resentful toward them for attacking my clearly fictitious illusion of my problems being invisible to anyone but me. It's no-one's fault, I know, as put in their position I'd want to be honest yet perhaps could see myself telling white lies in order not to hurt somebody's feelings. Basically, to be able to have photographs taken of me, and to feel comfortable with that and with what I see and likewise, with what I see in the mirror, just feels like a million miles away... yet seems like such a normal thing to most other people. And this relationship has been amazingly fulfilling so far. It almost seems too good to be true, because there's this mountain of wacky issues inside/(outside?) of me. |
#62
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I've been counting the number of hairs I encounter on my hands during my shower, on my towel after drying my hair, on the shelf below the mirror after I've styled my hair and any other instance I happen to notice one. Today's count thus far: 26. I'd just about got to a point where I wasn't quite happy with my appearance but was mostly accepting of it (and that's quite the achievement for me), but the prospect of balding before thirty is really going to throw that one off. I wish I could be dignified and stoical about it but OMG LIFE IS SO UNFAIRRRRRRRRRRRR, TAKE WHAT YOU WANT BUT LEAVE MY HAIR. Ahem.
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#63
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
According to good ol' Google (and my hairdresser) you lose on average 50 to 100 head hairs per day. We have 100,000 head hairs apparently, so I'm sure you're not going bald
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#64
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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#65
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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#66
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Struggling today with ridiculous thoughts. I've spent an abnormal amount of time looking in the mirror and looking up nose job before and afters. Ugh. **** off BDD.
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#67
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
My old mans side all lose their hair young and have big brows, but my mother has really thick hair and a short brow, and I'm sort of stuck in the middle. lol
I've never been able to do anything with mine because it's alway's been too thin at the front and round my temples. I certainly wouldn't worry about losing your hair Appear. You'd look good with it short and some facial stubble to go with it. |
#68
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
^ Cheers, sir.
It's a mixed bag on both my parents' sides - in both there's one bald brother and one fully-haired one, so no obvious indication on how mine might progress. I've spied your clippered locks though, and it does suit you well, so maybe there's some hope for me having it shorter too. |
#69
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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#70
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
What is BDD?
Seeing Jabba the Hut when you look like Luke Skywalker, or obsessing over features etc that stand out a mile, stand out a bit, or are actually perfectly fine, or in fact look bloody good? Most people think it's looking like a 10 but seeing a 1 in the mirror because you're bonkers. All I know is that it annoys me. You can see in the video I posted recently that I have a big whacking gap in my teeth. This is real, but I got over the "What can fill Cairns gap, a Boost, a boost, a Cadburys boost", "Gappy Bastard/C***" jokes etc years ago. I actually think my teeth are quite good, apart from the gap now. I spent years covering my mouth etc and was obsessed over them, so is that BDD? A gap like mine is rare, and not bloody lucky either. It's something that wasn't in my head, is real, but I spent far too much time giving a shit about. Sometimes I look at myself and think I look quite good. Other times I think I look weird, like when I wet shave and cut my hair close to the bone. I've been called an "Ugly Bastard" in the past. I had this one girl who was very attractive, and I fancied her big time. 100% she fancied me as I spent the night with her, slept with her but didn't sleep with her because of insecurities etc. 100% I could have shagged her, and some other attrsctive women I avoided when younger, but when her BF got out of prison he said to her "What did you see in him, he looks like a rat" So it's hard to find out wtf I look like. I know everyone has different opinions and tastes, but it's still hard to get your head around when you've been called and ugly rat bastard etc, but had the chance to shag women that are definitely attractive. So, feck knows. |
#71
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
^ I feel much the same. I feel bad about my appearance mainly because I actually am quite funny looking (to put it mildly), rather than that 'imagined ugliness', so I'm not convinced BDD is to blame. I don't know though, maybe it applies even if you aren't conventionally good looking? Obsessing over your appearance, finding faults in every little detail, and expecting everyone to see them and judge you for it; no matter how you actually look, that isn't healthy thinking.
I suppose it's like, if someone has plenty of legitimate reasons to be unhappy, they can still be suffering from clinical depression. The severity of what they feel might be as much to do with an illness than a reasonable reaction to life events. |
#72
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Could do with some roids too, throw in some HGH and mother feckin, finger lickin fried chicken as well.
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#73
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I think it's HGH that change bone structure, not roids.
TRT should be subscribed more than it is, but it's cheaper to dish out anti d's instead that just mess you up and cause test lowering symptoms, without actually lower your levels. I'd definitely go private, get all the blood work done and get a prescription if I could afford to. |
#75
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
That's basically steroid bloating weight gain face.
Were talking more of an actual change in bone structure, usually seen in the forehead or cheeeen (Mexican for chin) |
#76
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
^^ Don't you dare!
^ ..... Shurrrrup. Nah, i dunno, just thought i'd come at it from what i knew. Doesn't testosterone injections do shit to your face too? |
#77
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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You can get acne Some steroids can actually stunt growth as well. |
#78
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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Won't be long until everything packs up so I hope he enjoys himself. |
#79
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
^^^Yeah, it's really not enough to have any noticeable adverse effects - not on me anyway. I remember telling someone who had a bit of experience working around medicines or some such and she told me about moon face.
I take enough to keep the snots at bay ^ No problem. Not sure it's what was being spoken of though |
#80
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I'm not very knowledgeable of medications - i'm very reluctant, so i'm pretty glad that i don't suffer any shit with the roids... apart from very crusty nostrils in the morning, it's all good.
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#81
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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#82
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Possibly related to BDD... I'm losing weight, and I'm the lightest I've been in years (still a bit to lose though) but I'm more self-conscious than ever about being fat. Objectively I know I'm thinner, clothes that were tight on me a year ago are now a little baggy, but still I'll stare at myself in the mirror, especially when I've bought new clothes, and despair at how huge I am. I'm 11 stone, I can fit comfortably into a medium size shirt, but somehow the inner cries of 'Bloated! Too wide! Flabby! Dumpy! Embarrassing! Shameful!' feel all the louder.
At least try to make sense, brain. |
#83
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I'm pretty sure that the James Gandolfini comparison wasn't meant in a negative/unpleasant way at all. I'm sorry you've perceived it to be negative but I genuinely think that wasn't the intention.
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#84
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
I don think people mean ill when they do this comparison thing,but If you have some issues it can hurt, unintentionally. I have an aunt who sez I look like joey ' **** my life ' styles...I'm sure people would say it's a compliment...all I hear is you look like a ****ing child. I know they don't mean it like that. It's my own batshit i guess.
Family eh? ...is it Harry? Lol dumb ass |
#85
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Comparisons like that aren't necessarily putting you on the same level of attractiveness as the other person, it might just mean you share some subtle, and fairly benign, features with them. Not saying you do, I'm not a good judge of that sort of thing, but it isn't necessarily intended as an insult (and I'm fairly sure in this case it wasn't meant as one)
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#86
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
How do people feel about acne on a person's face? My bdd is mainly based around bad skin and I know that people don't care if I'm good looking or not, but if it's skin blemishes then would that make you not want to speak to that person? I basically think the other will think I'm disgusting, a preoccupation carried over from my teenage years that strikes at my very core.
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#87
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Surely you do judge people on their looks, you do it when for your own safety without thinking much about it. Everyone does.
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#88
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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#89
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Is it a BDD related thing (or maybe OCD) to obsess over your clothes feeling 'right' on you? Partly how they look, and being convinced they're hanging lopsided, or bunching up strangely, like you're misshapen and Real People clothes can't fit you properly. But also this intense feeling of them being wrong somehow, like a mental itch you can't ignore. Whatever size t shirt I wear, the neck seems loose, and I struggle to take my mind off it. The feeling I get is completely disproportionate to the problem, like my mind is prioritising it and screaming 'SOMETHING MUST BE DONE ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW'. Also, the self-critical part of my brain is saying, 'Nice one Quasimodo, can't even wear a ****ing t shirt properly'.
In summary: Bleh. |
#90
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Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Sure you have a very attractive face biscuits
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