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  #241  
Old 1st February 2017, 20:34
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

He was most definitely taking the Michael. You know when you can tell from someone's tone of voice? I'd had about 3 hours sleep and have a stonker of cold, so looked a right state. At least I hope his was taking the piss... because I gave him my best, "Say something else and I will bite you," glare.

Now I'm worried that I've dented someone's confidence by glaring at them. No. They were definitely saying it to be silly. I hope :/

Thanks for saying nice things about me. I worry that posting in this thread makes it seem like I'm fishing for compliments, but like others have said... compliments just roll off my back and keep on rolling for about 2343242432 km.

I'd actually not really thought about my appearance until yesterday. I'll add to my other list of worries
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  #242  
Old 1st February 2017, 21:25
cordyceps cordyceps is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ Half the time men have this exhausting hyper neurosis about every aspect of womens' appearances, and half the time you could look like a Scandinavian troll but so long as you have tits and lipstick on they cheer for you anyway. Every man seems to be 50% of each, oscillating all the time .

So I literally have no idea if the guy meant it to you or not

At school I had people constantly 'pretending' to be my friend or like me so even genuine compliments are wasted on me much of the time now.

Whenever people have expressed an interest in me sexually (happened about 4 times ever and I fancied none of them) I find it kind of distressing. For various reasons I feel scared and violated.
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  #243  
Old 1st February 2017, 21:47
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

People are strange and say strange things. A while back a group of young girls walked past me and told me I looked like the singer Drake. I am the pastiest white man in the world.

So, yeah, there are people out there that couldn't even get the colour of your skin right, let alone rate your attractiveness.
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  #244  
Old 4th February 2017, 00:30
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

It's ok if you're rather not answer, VL, but how do you cope with having a pic of yourself by your posts, while you're struggling with BDD issues? Not judging you at all, I just wonder how you manage to keep it up in spite of how you must feel about yourself? It's been years since I last put a picture of myself online and I still feel crawly about it
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  #245  
Old 4th February 2017, 21:29
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Thanks, VL I guess it can be good exposure therapy in a way. A big part of why I wouldn't use a real picture of myself is that I fear I'd be judged for how I look, but if you just do it and nothing negative happens it must count against that voice in your head that tells you the sky's going to fall if anyone catches sight of you. Like with being a mum, you can't afford to hide under a rock where these kind of thoughts thrive the most. I'm sure how I feel about my appearance is made ten times worse by how much I hide myself away.

I think I know what you mean about your sense of self too, I feel much the same.
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  #246  
Old 5th February 2017, 10:27
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

BDD doesn't make you judge others negatively on their appearance - well, no more than anyone else does. You find people attractive/unnatractive just the same as anyone else would. I can't speak for everyone else, but I don't judge people as harshly as I judge myself. Their appearance isn't terribly important to how I view them as a person. It's also not about thinking that other people are superficial. It makes no difference if someone tells you that you are attractive. It's not about seeking positive comments about your appearance. They don't fit your beliefs so you'll think people are just being nice and trying to make you feel better. It's about how you perceive yourself and I guess those worries make your worry that other people must notice it too. I seem to fixate on certain aspects of my appearance that bother me and that's all I'll see and obsess over. I don't think I'd ever obsess over someone else's specific features.

For me it comes and goes. At the moment I've not really been thinking/caring about how I look. Luckily, I also have a few other personality flaws that make me judge myself harshly as well. Haha. Other worries have taken over. Yay...
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  #247  
Old 5th February 2017, 10:28
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Sorry if that sounded aggressive. I wasn't trying to be
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  #248  
Old 5th February 2017, 10:36
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ It wasn't aggressive.
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  #249  
Old 5th February 2017, 10:37
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

The ultimate goal for me isn't to feel attractive. It's to not care about how I look, which seems to happen when I'm happy in life.
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  #250  
Old 5th February 2017, 11:42
cordyceps cordyceps is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by winter*
Good post clementine.

So people with BDD completley judge themselves on how they look?
Yes.
Quote:
So do people with BDD, judge others for the way they look?
Every single person who isn't blind who lives on this planet judges people for the way they look.
Everybody. No exceptions.

But I don't look at people and think they look like hideous monsters, yet I think that about myself.

Quote:
If you saw someone with a really disfigured face ,would you think he'/she's ugly? Would you not want to talk to them?
I'd feel sorry for them, but then I also feel sorry for myself. I wouldn't avoid them - it's very attractive people you have to watch out for.

Quote:
Why is the way you look so important anyway?
Because we live in a society where it matters a great deal.

Quote:
We all know people on tv/ films get a team of professionals on make up, wardrobe to make them look outstanding and it's not 'real life'.
And?
Quote:
People with BDD will prob agree with me here) that you seem to be living in some sort of bubble.
People with SA are also living in a kind of bubble, surely?

Quote:
If it's about the way you feel inside about yourself ,isn't that just a confidence thing? I can understand people that don't know what its like, calling it vanity.
I guess you never know until you've had it yourself. I know you may all laugh at me for being ignorant ,I don't mean any harm just really trying to understand it.
I don't think believing you're a hideous sea monster and never leaving the house would count as thinking too highly of yourself, which is what vanity is.
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  #251  
Old 5th February 2017, 11:47
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'd never judge how other people look the way I judge myself. That's not just because I think I shouldn't, I'm just incapable of it. If I saw someone who looked different from the norm in some way, I wouldn't be blind to it, but I'd just take it as a neutral part of their appearance. Even if someone has a deformity, my brain processes it as 'That's just how they look. So what?' (I don't mean this to sound like I treat everyone's appearances as equal, obviously there are things I'd find personally attractive and unattractive, it's just that I don't judge a person's worth by how they look)

The way I view myself though is that I'm not just low on the attractiveness scale, I'm not just a 2/10 or whatever, I feel like my body is just wrong. If I look at myself in the mirror, I see something like the Roswell autopsy alien; sort of vaguely human looking, but wrong in all the details. And it feels so true to me that I expect other people to see it too, and it causes massive amounts of paranoia and shame.

I don't really care about ever being good looking or attractive, I'd be satisfied with just seeing a human in the mirror.
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  #252  
Old 2nd March 2017, 13:01
cordyceps cordyceps is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

.
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  #253  
Old 2nd March 2017, 23:36
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I saw your post earlier, Cordy, but didn't know how to reply, because I wanted to say that things will work out for you and that the things you want aren't as unreachable as you might think... but I'm all too aware that being told stuff like that can be like having salt rubbed into your wounds, so feel free to disregard.

I suppose a slightly tasteless way of looking at it is that looks don't seem to stop the vast majority of people finding love and affection, so your appearance isn't quite the impossible hurdle it may feel like. I've got a face like a haunted prolapse and I managed to be with someone for a while (it's a mystery, but it happened)

As Clementine said, you really don't deserve to feel that down on yourself
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  #254  
Old 2nd March 2017, 23:39
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Hope you're okay, cordy
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  #255  
Old 9th April 2017, 03:39
cordyceps cordyceps is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

(Thank you Clementine, Biscuits and Merritt for replying to my last post, it was really good of you and I meant to say earlier but I hate thinking about it enough to revisit the thread sometimes ._. )



I haven't bothered doing anything with my appearance in..it must be over a decade (everything's rotting and collapsing like an old house, no use now) but I just in a moment of honesty threw out a pair of ridiculous trousers which I wore in that brief period where I truly believed things were going to be all right and that I could be a person like other people.

I've outgrown that style (they were ridiculous) and I will probably never again be able to access that part of humanity where you can maintain an outer identity, but it truly feels like giving up. In a way I live as a time capsule, just kinda lolling in the space of Things I Was Once Capable Of. The present is numb and thinking about the future is terrifying.

It hurts, getting rid of a piece of something that felt real.

Whining about trousers, wow.
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  #256  
Old 4th May 2017, 21:20
Finlay Finlay is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

EDIT: Ignore, was feeling a bit grumpy and sorry for myself. Sorry!
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  #257  
Old 19th May 2017, 23:38
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

When you have a little bit of confidence and then remember that you actually can't because of your face and everything about your appearance.
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  #258  
Old 20th May 2017, 01:13
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ I get that a lot. Sometimes I'll realise I'm doing something fairly difficult socially and handling myself well, and I'll feel halfway normal, then suddenly realise 'Oh yeah, my teeth and face and things. Oh well.'
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  #259  
Old 20th May 2017, 02:32
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Well, when I say 'doing something fairly difficult socially', I mean going into town and not feeling like a dog turd on legs.
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  #260  
Old 20th May 2017, 08:53
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

That is exactly what I mean! It's like you fill a balloon with some air of optimism and it lifts you up, but then reality pops it and you crash to the ground with a thud.

Sorry that this happens to you too, Mezza.
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  #261  
Old 28th May 2017, 14:18
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Ta, Biccies

Latest adventures in self-image: Bizarre, misshapen homunculus prowls the back streets for his next dinner of fish heads and pigeon juice.
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  #262  
Old 29th May 2017, 05:05
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I don't have bdd. I'm just no oil painting. Ha!

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  #263  
Old 29th May 2017, 17:36
Legion Legion is offline
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I'm an oil painting that has been roasted at gas mark 6
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  #264  
Old 1st June 2017, 23:17
biscuits biscuits is offline
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Suddenly my brain has decided that I look terrible without make up, but even worse with it on. What am I supposed to do?! I scrubbed it all off in the middle of the day because I couldn't bear it.

I have about 10 different tubes of different brands of BB creams and Foundations and three face powders. I keep having to buy new ones because they looked nice at one point and then I decided that they make me look awful. It's getting a bit ridiculous.

Bring on the day when adult face painting comes into fashion, so I can be spiderman or a cat.

How did I let it get this bad?

(please don't quote this. I'm embarrassed about the whole thing!)
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  #265  
Old 1st June 2017, 23:36
Miggs The Terrible Miggs The Terrible is offline
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^^

^ you're both lovely looking ladies , hope you feel better about things soon. X

Summer is a nightmare with my bdd. Going out at all is a real ****ing effort. Hurry up winter. Winter is safe.
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  #266  
Old 2nd June 2017, 12:18
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Pretty sure I have BDD, though I have not been officially diagnosed. I would say it is holding me back even more than SA, which is quite a statement.

In my teens and 20s I was anorexically thin and weedy (despite a normal appetite). I literally had no muscles. I looked much younger than my years and was bullied because of that. Doctors I went to have my testosterone checked with said helpful things like "yes, you have low muscle density" but my levels were apparently within the norm and nothing was done. I was miserable at uni and stayed in my room most of the time, while others were out having a ball.

Now, many years on, I have developed an acceptable, if unimpressive physique. I am no longer ridicuously weedy, though nor am I quite heavy-set like my father. I'm still regarded as looking generally younger than my years, which I suppose I ought to be pleased about. It helps that I still have a full head of hair, but it is starting to go noticeably grey in places. I've had to accept that I will never be very strong or have impressive muscles. Physically I have always been, and continue to be, extremely weak.

The issue fuelling my apparent BDD is no longer my body - that has matured. It's my head, something I can obviously do nothing about. I've been subject to comments about my head since at least age 10. Simply-said, it is abnormally large, and some people also apparently consider it seriously misshapen. My face, apparently, is generally considered perfectly reasonable looking, but it's ruined by my skull. Regarding looks, I've run the gamut of opinons of others from "gorgeous" to "ugly" - it really seems entirely based on personal subjectivity and taste. But I consider myself freakish - indeed on a date I once went on, the "nice" lady was overheard as referring to me as a "freak" within 30 seconds of meeting me. This macroencephaly has seen me been shouted at and threatened by complete strangers in the streets. Some people just get REALLY ANGRY. Barely a day goes by without someone commenting on it. I have yet to challenge one of these commenters, but one day, I think I will say something back. Just to see if they realise how unnacceptable their behaviour is. I remember once I gave some money to a young woman who was collecting for charity and I got a nasty, negative rant back from her, based, purely, it seems on how I looked. That's the kind of thing I'm up against. Even family members and my gf are known to bitch about it, so there's little escape. I can barely go anywhere or be seen by anyone without some abuse. I've only seen around half a dozen people with the same skull proportions in my lifetime, and I must have seen hundreds of thousands of people, so I have to consider my looks as indeed freakish and abnormal. What to do about it is the question - what can I actually do about it in practice? It's hard to change your attitudes when you are abused on an almost daily basis. Don't know how much things like CBT will help. My therapist has said I look "perfectly normal" but I don't believe her and the evidence tends to speak otherwise. I'm convinced I was planted here by aliens I don't look like anyone else in my family.

Have other minor issues, such as bad skin on my nose/cheeks, which means I still get spots and have blackheads, despite being many, many years out of my teens.

Anyway, I just wanted to get this all off my chest. Can anyone else relate?
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  #267  
Old 2nd June 2017, 12:51
Rebka Rebka is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ You got ranted at for your looks? If I was getting abused daily for my looks, or anything, I think I'd start punching those people in the face, ha! or uh... fantasise about it anyway. Ahem.

Sounds horrible, though. But hey, if you WERE placed here by aliens, that probably means you have some hidden power or ability or something. That you can use on anyone that gets in your face for no good reason. You just need to discover it. Hopefully you will. This is kind of a metaphor.
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  #268  
Old 3rd June 2017, 12:12
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebka
^ You got ranted at for your looks? If I was getting abused daily for my looks, or anything, I think I'd start punching those people in the face, ha!
Yes, I feel that way too some days

Perhaps not every single day, but most days. Depends on how much contact I have with people...
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  #269  
Old 5th June 2017, 10:01
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

I'm supposed to be going down to the surgery today to put my prescription request in but there's no way that's happening, I'm feeling like a freak again with my massive, stupid, gormless face and don't want anyone to see me.
All of these feelings had been put on the back burner while I was struggling so much with the breakdown stuff, I'd kind of hoped that they wouldn't come back but that was definitely wishful thinking.

These thoughts make me feel so guilty and vain and I hate myself and feel pathetic just for having them. I'm sick of getting caught up in this cycle.
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  #270  
Old 5th June 2017, 10:05
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Body Dysmorphic Disorder

^ hey you don't look gormless at all, no way do you look that!
Don't be feeling guilty or vain either, you're having negative thoughts about yourself but these thoughts are not true so don't listen to the thoughts try and let them pass.
Them thoughts are of no use to you.
You're a VERY pretty woman, remember this
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