How is everyone feeling? (30) - Page 158

MLP James · #**4711** 27th September 2015, 21:34

^^^^ I disagree, the members mentioned there are mostly regular posters who have been here for some time. How are the newer members or people who don't post much supposed to feel? There are appropriate places and contexts to compliment other members, and I don't believe and entire thread dedicated to this is entirely appropriate for this forum.

I know you think I'm just being overreactive and emotional, but I'd like you to realistically consider my complaints as moderators.

Indigo_ · #**4712** 27th September 2015, 21:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z.

It's hard for those members not mentioned on the thread to feel positive

I wouldn't have thought that any members who haven't been mentioned (so far) are feeling negative based on that fact. I personally don't tend to seek validation from others mentioning me in threads.

Azi · #**4713** 27th September 2015, 21:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Z.

It's hard for those members not mentioned on the thread to feel positive

Really? You can only feel positive if someone has singled you out for praise? People being nice to each other is only valuable if they're equally nice to everyone at all times. Psht, this is why I hate commenting in this thread. If I don't go back and comment on every single post I feel like I'm being nasty and leaving people out. If I do comment on everything I feel I'm being disingenuous.

Z. · #**4714** 27th September 2015, 21:40

Nope. What I'm saying, which is what other people have been saying, if you have been reading what I, and others have said, is that the feelings of marginalisation may be intensified by being left out of the thread all the popular kids are posting in. It's easy for all the popular kids to not understand though and miss the whole point.

Unnecessarily Long Username_1 · #**4715** 27th September 2015, 21:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by MLP James

How are the newer members or people who don't post much supposed to feel?

They might think "oh, this place has a very nice atmosphere. Everyone seems to get along very well."

Indigo_ · #**4716** 27th September 2015, 21:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by MLP James

How are the newer members or people who don't post much supposed to feel?

As a new member, I don't think I would join, stumble across that thread, realise I'm not going to be mentioned because no one knows me (yet) and swiftly leave the forum or feel rubbish about myself. With regards to people who don't post much, yes, it is far more likely they are not going to get mentioned. But as I said in my last post, are you really trying to tell me that they're basing their entire view of themselves and others' perception of themselves on that one thread?

I'm disappointed that some people feel negatively about this thread when it was started with the best of intentions and has the potential to be very positive.

MLP James · #**4717** 27th September 2015, 21:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelloSunshine

As a new member, I don't think I would join, stumble across that thread, realise I'm not going to be mentioned because no one knows me (yet) and swiftly leave the forum or feel rubbish about myself. With regards to people who don't post much, yes, it is far more likely they are not going to get mentioned. But as I said in my last post, are you really trying to tell me that they're basing their entire view of themselves and others' perception of themselves on that one thread?

I'm disappointed that some people feel negatively about this thread when it was started with the best of intentions and has the potential to be very positive.

Yes, yes, absolutely. This is a forum for people with social anxiety, people who often feel ostracised and that they can't connect with other people due to their mental illness. It is simply a fact that feeling left out can be very hurtful to people with these issues, regardless of what the thread's original intention was. People will feel like crap because they don't get mentioned.

Z. · #**4718** 27th September 2015, 21:48

^ I'm popular with some members. Despised by most. Even if I was popular, it wouldn't change the fact that I don't really like the thread. One popular kid understands it at least.

I see it as a way of contradicting the supposed inclusive nature of the forum, whilst marginalising those who already feel marginalised.

At least people can't dismiss me as being "jealous" seen as though I've been mentioned on the thread.

Silent Ninja · #**4719** 27th September 2015, 21:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azi

Oh blimey, Ninja! You okay?

Quote:

Originally Posted by biscuits

^^^ Did everything turn out to be okay?

Quote:

Originally Posted by MLP James

Are you okay now?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luna.

Sounds scary, I hope you're ok

Thanks everyone.

I seem fine now and had a lot of tests with everything coming back normal, I've had panic attacks before so it looks like that's the most likely cause but it just seemed a bit "quicker" than other ones I've had and I haven't had one for about 10 years or something so it's a bit out of the blue but I'm going back for a second check on Wednesday as apparently I was completely unconscious for about 5 minutes.

Z. · #**4720** 27th September 2015, 21:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by MLP James

Yes, yes, absolutely. This is a forum for people with social anxiety, people who often feel ostracised and that they can't connect with other people due to their mental illness. It is simply a fact that feeling left out can be very hurtful to people with these issues, regardless of what the thread's original intention was. People will feel like crap because they don't get mentioned.

This.

umm · #**4721** 27th September 2015, 21:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark09

not a fan of the pick a saUker thread. I guess people need to celebrate their friendships on here, and maybe that's good for them.

Sure, I understand. I did want it to a. diffuse some negativity that I felt was building and b. give people a chance to kind of reach out to the less vocal members, give them a boost, sort of thing. If it causes upset though, maybe it should be deleted?

Indigo_ · #**4722** 27th September 2015, 21:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by MLP James

Yes, yes, absolutely. This is a forum for people with social anxiety, people who often feel ostracised and that they can't connect with other people due to their mental illness. It is simply a fact that feeling left out can be very hurtful to people with these issues, regardless of what the thread's original intention was. People will feel like crap because they don't get mentioned.

Then to re-iterate what Azi and Luna have already said, we cannot have this thread because it doesn't include everyone? By default then pretty much every single thread on this forum shouldn't be allowed because it has the potential to leave certain members out who feel like they can't join in/contribute. Any thread has the potential to leave a member feeling left out.

Z. · #**4723** 27th September 2015, 21:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelloSunshine

Then to re-iterate what Azi and Luna have already said, we cannot have this thread because it doesn't include everyone? By default then pretty much every single thread on this forum shouldn't be allowed because it has the potential to leave certain members out who feel like they can't join in/contribute. Any thread has the potential to leave a member feeling left out.

Except that thread is much more intent on marginalising those who are left out. It is in no way comparable to other threads.

Indigo_ · #**4724** 27th September 2015, 21:53

It's like this thread, the feelings thread. Many members post about how they are feeling. Does everyone get a reply? a hug? support? No, they don't, because it's impossible to reply to everyone at all times. Should we delete this thread too for marginalising members and leaving them out?

Rocket Spud · #**4725** 27th September 2015, 21:54

Gotta agree with those against that thread - it's poor taste - that's all that needs be said.

MLP James · #**4726** 27th September 2015, 21:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelloSunshine

Then to re-iterate what Azi and Luna have already said, we cannot have this thread because it doesn't include everyone? By default then pretty much every single thread on this forum shouldn't be allowed because it has the potential to leave certain members out who feel like they can't join in/contribute. Any thread has the potential to leave a member feeling left out.

Yes, but those threads generally don't encourage people to compliment specific members. Do you believe that people won't feel at all left out by that thread?

It's okay, biscuits. I don't mind people disagreeing, I just hope the moderators are actually thinking about what I'm saying as moderators.

Z. · #**4727** 27th September 2015, 21:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luna.

How is it contradicting the inclusive nature? Anyone is free to post positive things on there about any member.

And there is no evidence to suggest anyone despises you.

The whole nature of the thread necessitates the marginalisation of some members. It's inevitable that lots of people aren't mentioned. People may be free to post about anyone - but they aren't going to, and that's the point.

I honestly don't care if people despise me - I'm sure they do. I'm just demonstrating that the "popular" label doesn't apply to me, and shouldn't be levelled against me when I critique that particular thread.

Z. · #**4728** 27th September 2015, 21:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelloSunshine

It's like this thread, the feelings thread. Many members post about how they are feeling. Does everyone get a reply? a hug? support? No, they don't, because it's impossible to reply to everyone at all times. Should we delete this thread too for marginalising members and leaving them out?

This thread is designed to be supportive and inclusive. The other one isn't, whether that was intentional or not.

Indigo_ · #**4729** 27th September 2015, 21:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by MLP James

It's okay, biscuits. I don't mind people disagreeing, I just hope the moderators are actually thinking about what I'm saying as moderators.

I'm also thinking about what's being said as a person, who has SA, with their own feelings. Not a faceless robot with a badge under my name.

Caribou · #**4730** 27th September 2015, 21:58

Got workmen coming tomorrow to fit smart meters. Gonna be super anxious until they're gone. Electricity will be off so I can't even pretend I'm watching the telly.

umm · #**4731** 27th September 2015, 21:59

Okay, I've asked for the thread to be deleted. It was ill-thought out, though well-intended. Apologies for any upset caused.

Indigo_ · #**4732** 27th September 2015, 22:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by umm

Okay, I've asked for the thread to be deleted. It was ill-thought out, though well-intended. Apologies for any upset caused.

You don't need to apologise umm. I understand why you started the thread. It was lovely to bring a little positivity to this forum whilst it lasted

Olly. · #**4733** 27th September 2015, 22:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by umm

Okay, I've asked for the thread to be deleted. It was ill-thought out, though well-intended. Apologies for any upset caused.

You don't need to apologise at all, it was a lovely idea for a thread

Z. · #**4734** 27th September 2015, 22:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luna.

Nothing was levelled against you. I think you're being unreasonable in that respect. The popular label is a myth. We're all here for mostly the same reasons. Some people are more prominent and regular posters. Some get on with other posters. But nobody is "popular" and I think this accusation that keeps getting thrown around just because people try to include themselves can be just as damaging to people's self esteem as people who feel like they're marginalised.

I never intended "popular" to be an insult - merely a descriptive term. Same with "popular kids", which I used to emulate the situation one finds at schools - again, not meant to be used as an insult.

MLP James · #**4735** 27th September 2015, 22:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by HelloSunshine

I'm also thinking about what's being said as a person, who has SA, with their own feelings. Not a faceless robot with a badge under my name.

It's not my place to tell you what to do as a mod, but you seem to be taking things on a very personal level, which I didn't want. I wasn't looking for an argument, I was raising my concerns to moderators.

Quote:

Originally Posted by umm

Okay, I've asked for the thread to be deleted. It was ill-thought out, though well-intended. Apologies for any upset caused.

I know what you intended, and I don't have anything against you. It's good that you wanted to make people feel better, but I was just worried about those who would feel bad or excluded.

Unnecessarily Long Username_1 · #**4736** 27th September 2015, 22:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caribou

Got workmen coming tomorrow to fit smart meters. Gonna be super anxious until they're gone. Electricity will be off so I can't even pretend I'm watching the telly.

I usually just make casual conversation about football and tits.

"See the match yesterday? I don't know what Fergie was thinking, taking Cantona off during the mid-session interval. If it wasn't for Schmeichel, it would have been at least 2-0."

Then open The Sun on page 3...

"Check out them tits. Eh, lads, eh? I'd definitely have sex with her!"

Caribou · #**4737** 27th September 2015, 22:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Unnecessarily Long Username_1

I usually just make casual conversation about football and tits.

"See the match yesterday? I don't know what Fergie was thinking, taking Cantona off during the mid-session interval. If it wasn't for Schmeichel, it would have been at least 2-0."

Then open The Sun on page 3...

"Check out them tits. Eh, lads, eh? I'd definitely have sex with her!"

That should do it

Abigail Hobbs · #**4738** 27th September 2015, 22:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by either/or

This place lifts me up and then brings me crashing back down sometimes

+1

umm · #**4739** 27th September 2015, 22:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by MLP James

I know what you intended, and I don't have anything against you. It's good that you wanted to make people feel better, but I was just worried about those who would feel bad or excluded.

And you're absolutely bang on. I just wish there was some magic-wand way of addressing all this stuff. Ah well, back to the laboratory...

Indigo_ · #**4740** 27th September 2015, 22:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by MLP James

It's not my place to tell you what to do as a mod, but you seem to be taking things on a very personal level, which I didn't want. I wasn't looking for an argument, I was raising my concerns to moderators.

I am taking this on a personal level. I'm well aware that some people think I'm 'popular' on here or part of a clique or whatever. I feel like I'm being labelled and penalised for being able to interact online, for being able to make friends and to have jokes when other people can't do those things so easily or at all in some cases. I feel like I'm being made to feel bad for doing all of those things by people who can't.

I'm sorry but this is a support site which I use to build connections and socialise because I am incapable of doing any of those things offline. This is very personal to me.

I'm now bowing out of this because I'm so angry.