top 100 things you should never say to someone with SA!

[Woo]

"Don't be silly everyone gets anxious".

Or from a doctor when I went to see him about my anxiety/depression:

"You just need to get some friends".

I tried to get some but the friend shop was shut every time I visited!

[Fructis]

Originally Posted by Woo

Or from a doctor when I went to see him about my anxiety/depression:

"You just need to get some friends".

I tried to get some but the friend shop was shut every time I visited!

ffs, that's unbelievable from a doctor.:rolleyes:

[b1814]

the old classic:

"its like talking to a brick wall!"

[Leah]

"You've got a fella haven't you?" someone from work today

Hows ur husband? kids? today on facebook

aaahh!!

[likeme]

Originally Posted by Woo

"Don't be silly everyone gets anxious".

Or from a doctor when I went to see him about my anxiety/depression:

"You just need to get some friends".

I tried to get some but the friend shop was shut every time I visited!

Argh!!!!! As if it should be easily resolvable. Those kinda comments make me angry.
makes me wanna say
It might be normal to get anxious but I'm telling you I can't live with what I feel and I want to change it, please don't question me on that, I don't say these things without having thought about them. I really don't!

(sorry this kinda took me back to something from counselling last night)

:scre ams:

[Henry the happy Hogar]

Originally Posted by Fructis

ffs, that's unbelievable from a doctor.:rolleyes:

The best ones I've had have been from the medical profession too.

Psychiatric team (to agoraphobic, socially anxious, alcoholic me): "We don't feel we can help you at the moment. Stop drinking and socially integrate yourself."

And off the SA topic:

Psychiatrist (to depressed me): "Sometimes I feel crappy in the morning too, but it doesn't stop me getting out of bed and going to work."

Psychologist (to depressed me): "Get used to feeling miserable."

[Louise Marie]

Originally Posted by Henry the happy Hogar

The best ones I've had have been from the medical profession too.

Psychiatric team (to agoraphobic, socially anxious, alcoholic me): "We don't feel we can help you at the moment. Stop drinking and socially integrate yourself."

And off the SA topic:

Psychiatrist (to depressed me): "Sometimes I feel crappy in the morning too, but it doesn't stop me getting out of bed and going to work."

Psychologist (to depressed me): "Get used to feeling miserable."

That is shocking!

[citizen_erased]

First time i tried to tell the doctor about my depression:

"You need to broaden your horizons."

[ShyDoll]

Stupid doctors!

The worst things the docs have said to me have been:

"If you dont get out more you will turn into a blob in society" hmm good thing to say to someone with depression who has a history of bursting into tears on the spot!

"You are here on the BMI chart..ah yes..Morbidly obese" - and the water works start again!

And most recently, said to me by a girl who must be about 18 and has been reading too many books: "Research has shown that people who havent worked for more than 6 months are more likely to die than find a job" - well done, thank you so much! I really feel like climbing out from under my duvet now!

[PurpleCloud]

Wow its surprising to see so many people experienced negative things said to them by the medical profession! But then again maybe not, they always have to state the obvious. I'm always hearing the old chesnut:

'You should really get out more'

Ya dont say!

[ShyDoll]

Originally Posted by PurpleCloud

Wow its surprising to see so many people experienced negative things said to them by the medical profession! But then again maybe not, they always have to state the obvious. I'm always hearing the old chesnut:

'You should really get out more'

Ya dont say!

Lol yep I've heard that one too many times. Its like ''wow really?! I did not know that! Thank you so much you are wonderful!!!"

[AAAli]

"You are here on the BMI chart..ah yes..Morbidly obese" - and the water works start again!

Sorry but that made me lol, I think its the way you told it, I don't mean any offence by it.

and to have bitten a student nurse on the neck.

I wonder how that happened

Psychiatric team (to agoraphobic, socially anxious, alcoholic me): "We don't feel we can help you at the moment. Stop drinking and socially integrate yourself."

oh that's what I was doing wrong:rolleyes:

[KIK]

I went to see a psychiatric nurse after I accidently knocked someone down on a crossing I was deeply upset.. depressed.. couldn't drive for fear of it happening again.. and he said the following during our time together:

"You have been seeing me now for a few weeks.. but what is it you actually want?" - errr what do you think I want!
"I see lots of people on a regular basis but I don't care about what they say to me!" - gee thanks whats the point in telling you my problems if you don't give a sh*t?

[mustafa]

Good idea for a thread this.. i've not read most of it so this might have already have been mentioned; So what you been up to??
Usually a fair bit but trying to make it sound interesting usually eludes me blah blah

M

[realitynut]

How is that insulting you in anyway? Obviously they didn't think it as an insult otherwise they wouldn't have said it (they are trying to sell after all). Also how is that ignorant? People are just trying to start a conversation with you and you get offended and probably ruin a part of your day.

What by saying "cheer up it might never happen"? it does insult me, sorry, thats just me, too sensitive probably, but it's usually when i feel quite upbeat and had an alright day, so it puts me in a crap mood and makes me paranoid that everyone thinks i'm a miserable so and so:rolleyes:

[AAAli]

Originally Posted by realitynut

What by saying "cheer up it might never happen"? it does insult me, sorry, thats just me, too sensitive probably, but it's usually when i feel quite upbeat and had an alright day, so it puts me in a crap mood and makes me paranoid that everyone thinks i'm a miserable so and so:rolleyes:

The person is not being ignorant or insulting, they are actually being rather friendly. I bet they don't even know they have 'insulted you'. Anyway people are just saying what they see, they are not lieing to make you feel bad. Sorry but imo its not the persons fault it yours for reacting like that to a common expression.

Imagine you got insulted everytime somebody said "hey" to you, you would miss out on going so many places and meeting great people.

By the way I'm not trying to insult you or make you feel bad, I'm just giving you my opinion on possible untrue thoughts caused by SA/nagative thinking.

[squarebiz]

Originally Posted by AAAli

yeah I know what you mean I really do but when people say that they don't mean it as an insult, more an attempt to communicate with you. They mean it in a good way to cheer you up or find out whats wrong, at least in my experience. When people tell me to cheer up I just smile back and say I'm tired that normally starts a conversation and the person is very friendly.

How is that insulting you in anyway? Obviously they didn't think it as an insult otherwise they wouldn't have said it (they are trying to sell after all). Also how is that ignorant? People are just trying to start a conversation with you and you get offended and probably ruin a part of your day.

I totally understand that they are not trying to insult me and i dont feel insulted by it, but I think it is pretty insensitive,
because there were times when i was really depressed and it did feel like the very worst had happened, and even if you dont have sa, and your just having a bad day and feeling low how is 'cheer up it might never happen' gonna cheer you up, and even when your having a good day, where you feel that your sa has been almost non existant and someone says it to me, i can smile it off now and not take it personal, but i do think its a stupid comment. i just think if the're being friendly why not just be friendly.

To me 'cheer up it might never happen' is just telling someone they look as miserable as sin 'gee! thanks now i feel so much better about myself', it doesnt make me want to talk to them, so how is it being friendly, if there being friendly, be friendly, maybe smile, maybe a 'hi how ya doin' or 'alright', have a joke and a laugh, theres loads of things you could say to be friendly, or to cheer someone up, but 'cheer up darling it might never happen' is not one of them for me.

I agree with what your saying though and it is just a comment, I know that they are probably trying to be friendly, and i dont think hes a bad person for saying it, but its just one of the things i thought was worth adding to '100 things you should never say to someone with sa' cos for me its one of the things that just makes me
...........sorry for the rant.

[Woo]

Originally Posted by Henry the happy Hogar

"Stop drinking and socially integrate yourself."

I don't think I've ever been able to have one without the other.

[wee man]

sorry ivé been chatting away like an idiot. you say something!

[onone]

"Team bonding session"

or, when I was at school:

"Get yourselves into groups"

[smany]

Originally Posted by Louise Marie

nice one you guys!

How bout this......

13. let's all go around the room and introduce ourselves
'

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Was just browsing this forum and thought I belong here after reading this comment.


It puts the fear of God in me when I hear it to.

First post, hi.

[Medea]

Originally Posted by HaveANiceDay

^ One I find really hard is the very similar "pick a partner for the next exercise" which can come up at SA support groups.

That is hell. I can remember so many times while being educated where I didn't have a partner or the teacher would tell me to "make a 3 with someone" when everyone else had partnered up, which would be equally as embarrassing as everyone would watch, looking at you to pick a couple to interject yourself into.

[Blumoon]

^Ayee.
I never know whether 2 go with the girls i always go with or the other group of girls in english.. i wouldn get much a say in either group
we had english last week we had an essay question and we were told to like answer qs together about a play we read..
we sometimes get put in groups in english anyway..
last tuesday we were in groups =[
ih was me, mark, this quiet girl and this other girl who was like 'uh why do i have to go wiv them?' and pure dragged herself over to the table and just sat lookin like 'uh' 'i'd rather sit wiv ma boyfrend' *he's in our class* ;[ yano i felt like slappin her
and we all just sat stared a wee bit n got on with it ourselves,
we just kept exchangin dirty looks the whole time and miss c came over n saw us but she didn't say nowt
i'll be RAGIN if she puts in ma report that am shxt at workin in groups ir am 2 quiet, it actually shouldn't matter this yr cos..well..um...aye.
it's the people in our skool, not the actual havin 2 work in groups..
buh then a dnt fit in2 any group cos am nt a ned (srsly like) am nt a goth and am not like a massive ****** so i just kindy sit there..
sometimes a wish i was stupider. < lol word exist much?
cos then i'd be like the dog's girlfriend in family guy..peeps wud probably feel sorry 4 me
anyway, the q, aye i hate gettin told 2 work in groups cos tbh it's scaryx

[silly-moo]

Blimey! i can sooo relate to loads of these. Excellent thread.

Ones i've had is when i went back to work after a week off i heard my boss say to someone 'Hey up she's back, i thought i could hear singing and dancing' and another one he's said 'Happy's back' this led me to tears

other i've had...
'You can talk, i don't bite'
'Your quiet, whats up?'
'For Gods sake let someone else talk'
'you've got a tongue in your head haven't you? so use it!'
'What was that again, i didn't hear you' said when i've said nothing.
sure plenty of others i've had too...

[trulyblue]

silly-moo 'Happy's back' this led me to tears

he sounds horrible! I'm not surprised it led u 2tears

'Your quiet, whats up?'

Arggghhh i just hate this one. Why is it wrong to be quiet????

[Nerrad]

Read all the posts on this and so many I have heard myself and they all make you feel worse.

Things that have been said to me include at 15 my headmaster asking me what I wanted to do, me: Join the RAF, Him: Doing what sweeping the runway? . I did apply at 16 passed the tests, joined the TA at 17.5, left 3 months later and so the RAF idea never took off.

At 17 my parents thought I was a potential serial killer, my turning into a "Goth" probably didn't help here! They did 'joke' about "putting locks on their bedroom door"....yeah funny, ouch my ribs hurt..hmmm

In one of my temp jobs I did in my early 20s I worked in a room with 3 women. One day a new guy started and they said "Oh he doesn't talk, he hates us!" Whaaa?? Hate them???

I once stayed at someone's house for a few weeks and couple of his friends came around after a while one of them quite aggressivly said "Doesn't he talk".... Hmmm I wonder why!

I hate the fact people associate quiet with sweetness and light, yes I am a nice person, but if I do say something 'nice', please don't talk about me as if you were talking about a puppy! "Oh isn't he sweet" yuck..embarressing! Or should I say something amusing please don't say "Oh that was funny for Darren"...how would you know what is funny for me?

I have to say I tend to avoid personal questions for example "what music do you like?" a normal question yes...but firstly I will most likley have to explain the music I like, which means more talking..or even worse we may have something in common . Which would possibly move me out of my comfort zone!

[Shanibandangle]

Originally Posted by silly-moo

other i've had...
'You can talk, i don't bite'
'Your quiet, whats up?'
'For Gods sake let someone else talk'
'you've got a tongue in your head haven't you? so use it!'
'What was that again, i didn't hear you' said when i've said nothing.
sure plenty of others i've had too...

To this I must add... "Shut up Shannon!"

A couple of guys used to say this to me all the time. And blame things on me such as nicking someone's stuff (In a joking way, of course, not accusing me of being a thief.)

[Nerrad]

Originally Posted by trulyblue

Arggghhh i just hate this one. Why is it wrong to be quiet????

People need you talk and prove you are normal like them, cough cough . You have to fit in or you get cast out and the worst thought about you...like you are unapproachable, unfriendly, anti-social etc, nobody ever thinks that it could be something else.

Also I've heard people describe people who are quiet as having "no personality"..why so? Just becuse we don't share ourselves with everyone two seconds after meeting them doesn't mean we don't have a personality..what ever happened to mystery eh?

[Medea]

Originally Posted by Nerrad

In one of my temp jobs I did in my early 20s I worked in a room with 3 women. One day a new guy started and they said "Oh he doesn't talk, he hates us!" Whaaa?? Hate them???

That's reminded me, I had the same thing happen to me! I was working with about 5 other women, all middle aged, and I didn't speak much. Some days I was too scared to even say hello in the morning :/ One day, at the bus stop, one of the part time women was waiting with me. We were not talking to each other (no surprise there) and she suddenly turned to me and said "Do you hate us?" meaning her and the other women I worked with. I was very taken aback and said "no, no, not at all" but had no idea what else to say. I started panicking and she said "do you hate the job?" and I was praying for the bus to turn up. I said no and could feel myself getting red and very uncomfortable. The bus arrived and I sat as far from her as I could. I don't think I went back to work for a few days, I was so scared of seeing her again and what they were saying about me

[Nerrad]

Originally Posted by AnonymousLaura

That's reminded me, I had the same thing happen to me! I was working with about 5 other women, all middle aged, and I didn't speak much. Some days I was too scared to even say hello in the morning :/ One day, at the bus stop, one of the part time women was waiting with me. We were not talking to each other (no surprise there) and she suddenly turned to me and said "Do you hate us?" meaning her and the other women I worked with. I was very taken aback and said "no, no, not at all" but had no idea what else to say. I started panicking and she said "do you hate the job?" and I was praying for the bus to turn up. I said no and could feel myself getting red and very uncomfortable. The bus arrived and I sat as far from her as I could. I don't think I went back to work for a few days, I was so scared of seeing her again and what they were saying about me

I'm not surprised you didn't go back for a few day's. I was moved to another section not long after and one day I simply couldn't walk through the gate's. Didn't work again for years.