Work making me sick. I want to quit, but....

[Jam]

Hi

I am seeking your advise and thoughts on my situation.
I want to quit my job due to it increasing my depression and anxiety. I've been working at this place for 6 months now.

I work in a very busy, fast paced, buzzing enviroment. Although at times it can be brilliant to work in that enviroment, but the truth is that it is affecting me. Someone in my condition cannot handle it.

When it comes to my colleagues/social side of where I work, the only way I can describe it is 'toxic'. Alot of the staff talk and criticise about everyone behind their backs. They are incredibly judgemental. I've never been in an environment like this since I was at college.
For example, a new guy started last week, my colleague asked him what he was doing over the weekend, he said "What I love doing the most, walking around London, observing people, sit somewhere and draw". In my head I thought that was nice, but my colleague turned to me and gave me a funny look, basically she thought he was weird. When the new guy left the room, my colleague started laughing and said "What is he on? What a shit way to spend the weekend", then she was taking the piss out of him by impersonating him on what he said and the way he talks. Later when i spoke to the new guy, my colleagues said later "Is he your new best friend now? Are you going to go walking with him this weekend and look at people".
My work environment makes me anxious and I strongly believe it has brought out the worst in me.

I've also lost a bit of confidence in my performance at work. A combination of lack of training and a few big-ish mistakes I've made has made me feel I'm not capable of this job.
I don't enjoy any aspect of my job, infact its making me depressed, anxious, and it's slowly turning me into someone I don't want to be.
All of the above is why I want to quit my job.

But what do i do financially when I quit my job? I've got my gf and our daughter to support.
I've been discaplined at work (basically for a prank and other stuff of that nature. It wasn't a big deal, and I think I've been treated harshly), so it'll be on my file for six months. After six months it'll be removed from my file. This will obviously affect my job referece, if I get another job, they'd have to disclose my discaplinary file in the job reference. After six months it won't affect my job reference.
That's the problem.

Do I stay here for another six months? It'll be one of the most difficult 6 months of my life, and I'm not sure I can endure it.
Would going on benefits short term (for 4-6 months) be an option?
It's all making me ill. Im not sure what to do.

[Schmosby]

I think you will kick yourself if you go for a new job and get rejected due to the reference.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

judgemental people aren't fun, but are you paniccing on the way they treated the new person, do they have a positive side to them? The new guy could eventually find a way to integrate- always at first people will hold people afar with 'perceptions'. But also you might be able to find better environments. Maybe no harm in starting to look. I've been temping last few months- another possible, but agencies can also dump you and not contact you again.(buggers)

[anxiouslondoner]

I don't think references are allowed to contain anything negative. In fact a lot of companies will just say you worked there between this and this time. They are too afraid of being sued by either side if they say much else and it turns out to be wrong.

[Northern Natterer]

Sorry to hear this Jam, in my opinion some of those people sound like bullies, plain and simple and they should be the ones with notes on their files. One thing I can't stand is bullying after being a victim of it myself for many years. I would try and stick it out though until you can find something new, it's meant to be easier to get a job while in one than when out of one.

[Metal Goat]

Oh, Jam. This sounds awful. I'd find it very difficult to cope too. I hope you start feeling better soon. I've left jobs because they've affected my mental health before. In this situation I'd look for another job, with the idea that there's no harm in trying. Stick with this one until you find something else.

[newbs16]

They sound childish and very bitchy I can see why you are starting to dislike your job and want to leave, I would also want to leave too.

How easy do you think it would be to get another job, would your employer confirm that you've received a warning if they provide a reference?

[Finn2187]

Hey Jan, I think like most have said try and stick with it and find something else while you work.
If you are feeling depressed to and see you Gp, you could get signed off and you can CLAIM SPP. Also because you have a child you are allowed to take parental leave, you dont get paid but it's an option if you wanted a week off to get your head together. I'm pretty sure you have to take parental leave in a week block.

Work places are pretty much all the same when it comes to back stabbing and batching, just try and stick with it, just think of your gf and daughter to get you through the say. If ow it's hard but sometimes you just have to put up with the hardships for the sake of your loved ones. Take a picture of your family to work and when you get stressed just nip off for a breather and look at them, and think of how proud they must be of you for being their hero.
Take care Jam, I hope you can be strong to push through.

[Mr. Nobody]

to these people, Vincent van Gogh would have appeared a loser, and so many other true artists,
your first reaction was correct,. this guy was doing something really cool at the weekend,
sounds like this group of people's attitude is basically the problem and nothing else,

is there any way you can stick to your guns and perhaps distance yourself from this groups attitudes and cutting opinions?
the attitude in a workplace comes from the people in it, so perhaps you (and the new colleague) can help bring a positive influence into the workplace,....
most people are sheep and will simply follow the prevailing attitude until someone lese comes along and shines a light on some really shitty behaviour.

[Angelina]

An employer cannot give you a bad reference by law. Just know that you are entitled to a job just as much as that loser co worker you work with. Get in touch with ACAS or citizens
Advice and explain that you suffer anxiety. Don't let them push you out of your job,they don't matter or define you. Maybe start a convo with the newbie, you might just find a friend who's just like us don't give up

[Angelina]

My thoughts exacty and I'm not joking

[davidjonw]

Hi Jam!
Never met you before but Hi
These people are the worst...it's the sheep mentality. My workplace is riddled with it, I think most places are. The woman/girl you speak about isn't happy with her own life so she chooses to take the p*ss out of others to make herself feel better or accepted. A guy with your understanding of what is socially acceptable doesn't need acceptance nor approval from somebody as poisonous as this.
Try to hang in there if you can, I know this is hard to do because I've been there and I'm sure many others on the forum have too. As somebody said before, the guy sounds like a dude...enjoys people watching, probably passionate about drawing....I'd wanna be mates with him Good luck with whatever you choose to do. Please don't let the opinions of idiots influence your life though....it gives them some sort of power

[scarlettgirl]

Hi Jam!
yep, the prevalent sheep-mentality, especially when it comes to new workers, seems to exist in so many workplaces (at least in my experience). It really does feel like that old playground mentality brought back from a time you'd hope was long forgotten. For example, my supervisor is like one of those bullies henchmen, the type who snigger and laugh and agree with whatever head bully was talking about (in this case my boss).
The only thing I can advise (and has worked for me) is to NOT THINK on things like this too deeply. People can be shallow and self involved and are not going to dwell on you or the new person too long. Honestly, i think people bitch simply because they're bored and their own lives are so basic. I always try to remain impartial/neutral at work. Sometimes it is hard and sometimes you feel like you mght snap, but it's important to remind yourself who you are. I think it is easy to become as embittered as the toxic people in your environment sometimes, but I try to take a step back and remind myself that people are bored and work is just a job.
I know it's easy to say all this, but sometimes perspective is needed! I will say if it really is affecting you to a point you can't ignore, it probably is best to get out of there. Nothing is worse than feeling like you're becoming something you're not or being generally soul-sapped in the work place. It's really not worth that.
Good luck, whatever you do!

[Jam]

Wow thank you all for the overwhelming support.

Just to update y'all, you might be disappointed in me, but I handed my notice in. Various reasons has lead me to do this. I don't know what I'm going to do next, but I feel a lot clearer in my head, and so much happier and optimistic. Remember that scene in Shawshank Redmption where the guy crawls through the sewer of sh*t and comes out of the otherside a free man, I feel like that, but more hygienic.

[Jam]

^ Thank you very much, Biscuit.