over-age crushes

THEQUIETONE125 · #1 6th August 2007, 18:28

Does anyone here find that because they cant have a real relationship,
they fantasise about having a relationship with somebody,
sort of like having a crush on somebody?

I find myself doing this quite a lot,but i try to stop myself,
because i know ultmately its not a very constructive thing to do.

But i do sometimes find myself thinking about somebody,
and fantasising about being in love and having a relationship with them.

But really it just makes me depressed,when i think that having a relationship
with somebody in reality is something that i could never have.

I know im too old to be feeling like this ,but its just sometimes i really wish i could have a relationship and be in love with somebody,but i know that could never happen.

Dannysbabe · #2 7th August 2007, 00:27

Why couldnt you have a real relationship? Is it just because you're quiet, because if so that shouldnt stop you from ever having a relationship, lots of quiet people do.

I think its more common than you think to have crushes on people, I quite often do and I'm 39. It really can happen at any age, nothing wrong with that.

THEQUIETONE125 · #3 7th August 2007, 00:48

Ive given up on the idea of having a real relationship long ago,
i just feel i have nothing to offer somebody,and im not getting any younger.

Its just that sometimes i see something,and i realise theres so much more to life that i know i cant experience,

Big John · #4 9th August 2007, 22:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by THEQUIETONE125

Ive given up on the idea of having a real relationship long ago,
i just feel i have nothing to offer somebody,and im not getting any younger.

Its just that sometimes i see something,and i realise theres so much more to life that i know i cant experience,

quietone, I agree totally. Same here.

Pal · #5 9th August 2007, 23:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by THEQUIETONE125

Ive given up on the idea of having a real relationship long ago,
i just feel i have nothing to offer somebody,and im not getting any younger.

Its just that sometimes i see something,and i realise theres so much more to life that i know i cant experience,

Rubbish, of course you have something to offer someone. You just need to work on your confidence, self esteem etc.

edwardnortonfan · #6 25th October 2007, 16:54

god yes ! I'm so glad it's not just me...Dylan Moran was a real big one and now it's Ed N. there used to be a tutor at college I got obsessed with...it makes me feel a bit silly, but it gives me somethinf to do. I get hold of everything they have have ever done and watch it all...makes me happy, so why not

sparklehorse · #7 13th November 2007, 10:09

I think your crushes sounds sweet, I've had to battle to get back to that level of normality from having really obsessive crushes on real people. But someone as someone else said they are quite common, a way of distracting yourself.

At the moment my current obsessions are John Simm and Mark Heap!!

Bluegent · #8 13th November 2007, 12:11

I have had a few over age crushes before. I used to fancy my boss at work. She was so fit and she used to laugh at my jokes even though they were terrible. I remember once she come to speak to me on the shop floor and we had to walk somewhere, anyway she was walking really fast so i said to her you would make a good powerwalker, no idea why she found that amusing but anyway. Probably the power thing as well i had never had an attractive boss before so that played a part. She used to wear really tight black trousers and suit jacket all the time and wore secretary type glasses which made her look very nice indeed.

Dannysbabe · #9 14th November 2007, 01:36

My current crush is Sam from the TV prog Supernatural. Never mind that he's 15 years younger than me :embarass: I guess for me having a crush is one way to alleviate the loneliness of always being alone. If I had a loving boyfriend/husband I'd not need a crush, I'm very faithful.

Angelfish · #10 24th September 2008, 17:39

I had a crush on a temp that I worked with. He was 12 years younger than me and very cute. I think he noticed my crush and sometimes he used to flirt with me which only made things worse. I was like a blushing gibbering wreck the whole time I worked with him. I'm in a relationship as well so shouldn't really be thinking those kind of thoughts. Sometimes I look at his myspace page and this makes me feel like a stalker.

-Simon- · #11 24th September 2008, 20:32

I've had a crush on someone for about 2yrs, I don't know much about her personality but it makes my day if she so much as smiles at me. Jeesh, I'm 43 FFS!

hardy · #12 25th September 2008, 22:14

fantasy about what you wud like to have but havent got is normal at any age.

quote

"Ive given up on the idea of having a real relationship long ago,
i just feel i have nothing to offer somebody,and im not getting any younger."

the thing is . Give it a try because somone else might see something in you that you don't see yourself. This genuinely does happen .

THE LONER · #13 31st October 2008, 13:43

I do that quite a lot. I have imaginary relationships with people in my head. I`m ashamed to admit it but I do. I`m not sure why I do. May be I`m incredibly lonely. I do find it comforting at times. Ive never had a proper relationship with anyone (even though I`d love to but i`m too scared) so having these imaginary relationships is the next best thing. What comforts me is that the other person loves me unconditionally and non judgementally and also in these fantasies I`m a winner and not like the loser i really am. The one draw back is that its depressing when you realise these day dreams will never happen in reality.

avoider · #14 20th November 2008, 13:48

I've been in love with someone at work for over a year..I can't tell them because they are married..It just hits you from nowhere and the intensity has not really subsided..whenever I,ve felt this way in the past I've always wanted it to stop as it was such torture..This person though is so special that I don't want the feeling to stop, so I cling to it as I couldn't bear not having the feeling of being in love with them.It's silly but it's a comfort blanket which helps to distract from the utter futility of it all.

hardy · #15 21st November 2008, 10:35

Its nothing to worry about . In fact i think it would be psychlogically unusual for somone NOT to have this type of fantasy if they are lacking a real relationship.

meg · #16 24th January 2009, 23:20

I used to post on here a few years back. Have not felt the need for a long time as I have made great strides in conquering my social anxiety - i am still shy, but a lot more confident and able to deal with social situations a lot more easily. The reason I am back, is that since I gave up drinking 10 years ago (I used alcohol to cope with social situations and it got out of hand), I have not started a relationship with anyone, as my previous relationships all came about through drinking. Now I have met someone I really like but can't tell if I am in with a chance, and I have become obsessed with it. I can't sleep and am constantly playing out fantasies (of conversations!) in my mind. Mentally I am all over the place, swinging from high hopes to tears of despair. Maybe I should have posted this somewhere else, it's a bit long for a hello, so I'll stop now. But I'd really like to hear from anyone else who has had to give up drinking and had problems with getting involved with people or not knowing if their hopes have any basis in reality! This is driving me mad!

SoftlySpoken1 · #17 8th February 2009, 14:00

I have been married for years and I've had crushes for years...to be honest I lived for a long time in my fantasy world, more than the real world...I see it as escapism which is really just a way of avoiding the anxiety...I feel differently now...real life is more...well...real...but ultimately we all make our own choices....

:rolleyes:Please don't give up on relationships if that is what you would like...they are worth it!