Acceptance or giving in

[firemonkey]

At what point do you accept that due to past poor treatment the chances of things getting much better than they are for you are slim to non existent?
I am nearly 60. The damage has been done. It's not as though I can turn back time .

[tryinghard]

I've been essentially told I will always have a mental health problem. Admittedly, I'm half your age, and I understand it's a lot harder the older you get, but it was still a bitter pill to swallow.

I guess what I have tried to do is accept that this is the way it is for the moment. I will probably never be completely well, but that doesn't mean this exact way I feel right now will continue until the end. You still have decades left in you, perhaps it's a question of accepting how things are today without even presuming to be able to second guess how they will be tomorrow or next week or next year (I know that's hard when every year has been the same but I guess it's about suspending your disbelief a little because often we choose our own misery in a way and perhaps tomorrow we will choose differently...) My brother sent me a text today that just said "life is for living" and I guess perhaps that's the right perspective to try and take. How can you live today - what small moments of joy can you find? Perhaps accept whatever you think and feel in the moment without judging it or beating yourself up and also make a conscious and deliberate choice to look for the brightness in the every day.

I'm sorry if that sounds like an empty platitude, I know it's a really tough realisation. I hope it helps in any way it can.

[Olly.]

Acceptance doesn't have to mean giving in or resignation to the belief that nothing will ever change, to me acceptance is like how tryinghard puts it, accepting the way things are today and where you are today and I remind myself of this every day by writing the first thing in my journal 'I accept where I am today', repeating this to myself everyday has helped me over time come to terms with the state my life is in right now and stop trying to reject reality and wish things were different or could have been different in my life and basically drawing a line under my past and moving on.

You're right, you can't turn back time, what has happened in the past is done and now only exists in our head as a fantasy basically, but in that case, why dwell on what you can't change?

I was given a few handouts by my counsellor from a DBT book by Marsha Linehan, and this page in particular has been very helpful for me on acceptance (which doesn't mean resignation or giving in) and these points that it mentions are important:

Why Accept Reality?

-Rejecting reality does not change reality.

-Changing reality first requires accepting reality.

-Pain can't be avoided; it is nature's way of signaling that something is wrong.

-Rejecting reality turns pain into suffering.

- Refusing to accept reality can keep you stuck in unhappiness, bitterness, anger, sadness, shame, or other painful emotions.

- Acceptance may lead to sadness, but deep calmness usually follows.

- The path out of hell is through misery. By refusing to accept the misery that is part of climbing out of hell, you fall back into hell.

I realise some of those points may not be what you want to hear and are probably uncomfortable truths, but I strongly recommend you try and at least take into account and consider some of those points, it's so important for us to try and challenge the mindsets we often get ourselves into. The key point again is that this is not giving in so that you make no effort to change things, this is accepting the fact that you cannot change the reality of the present moment, you cannot change the past, but you can at least make an effort to change the reality of the next moment, today and maybe even the future. It's maybe worth making a pledge with yourself to try out what tryinghard suggests and going by a day to day basis, how will you find joy or happiness today and what can you do for that?

[firemonkey]

I have always been one of those people that feels negative emotions much more strongly than positive ones. One of the things being on a regular antipsychotic has done is tone down the intensity of the negative emotions, but has not improved the experience of positive emotions.

If I concentrate on the here and now rather than the past, or projecting to the future , I can feel reasonably content if not especially happy. I have no great ambition. Just give me the internet,food to eat and a tv to watch.
It's only when I think of things many others have and I do not such as job,friends/social circle that I feel discontentment and a certain anger and frustration.

I do think family/step family accept me for who I am and where I' m at, but I am always conscious of my limited functioning ie living independently but in a rather restricted way.