Avoiding all social media because unable to deal with others success

[MissKatie]

I don't remember if I've mentioned this before but I'm transgender, I'm coming up to two and a half years medically transitioning and I just about make do. On a good day I only get stared at by 70% of people.
So when I join a site that is meant to be a site for positive for trans people and affirming, all I see is people who are doing so well.

It's natural of course that those pretty, fully passing people are going to get the most likes and attention and thus always be at the top of the pile whereas posts like mine, from someone who isn't doing as well, instantly either drop into obscurity or told to "get over themselves"

Please tell me this isn't just me (not the trans thing specifically, just in general)

[anewyear]

Originally Posted by MissKatie

I don't remember if I've mentioned this before but I'm transgender, I'm coming up to two and a half years medically transitioning and I just about make do. On a good day I only get stared at by 70% of people.

If you feel that you get stared at as part of your daily life then big credit to you for using a photo on here as part of your profile. That strikes me as strength in the face of adversity which is a huge success in itself.

[anewyear]

Originally Posted by MissKatie

It's natural of course that those pretty, fully passing people are going to get the most likes and attention and thus always be at the top of the pile whereas posts like mine, from someone who isn't doing as well, instantly either drop into obscurity or told to "get over themselves"

Please tell me this isn't just me (not the trans thing specifically, just in general)

Unfortunately that's the way social media is As you say, it's not a transgender thing, it's the way the platforms operate in general and also probably the way that most users perceive themselves. Even those posting about their "successes" are probably straining to have something to post about for the next "success".

I'd say be content in celebrating your own successes, not worrying about keeping up others. Easier said than done I know.

[firemonkey]

Originally Posted by MissKatie

I don't remember if I've mentioned this before but I'm transgender, I'm coming up to two and a half years medically transitioning and I just about make do. On a good day I only get stared at by 70% of people.
So when I join a site that is meant to be a site for positive for trans people and affirming, all I see is people who are doing so well.

It's natural of course that those pretty, fully passing people are going to get the most likes and attention and thus always be at the top of the pile whereas posts like mine, from someone who isn't doing as well, instantly either drop into obscurity or told to "get over themselves"

Please tell me this isn't just me (not the trans thing specifically, just in general)

At one point in the early 1980's I had a dx of schizophrenia with disorder of gender identity. I was adamant I wanted SRS. I looked far worse than you do. Imagine Les Dawson in drag. I never got to the transitioning stage. Schizophrenia destroyed any hope of that.

In the end,around the time I met my future wife in psych hospital, I came to terms with that. As it was I didn't have the skills needed to avoid the high possibility of being beaten up by a transphobic thug. I was a rather inadequate man who would've just become an inadequate woman.

I wish you the best and hope you don't have to wait too long for SRS.

[gregarious_introvert]

Firstly, remember that not all staring is negative - they could be admiring you. I've just looked at your picture properly for the first time and it isn't obvious to me that you're TG, perhaps those staring simply find you attractive? People do stare (often without realising that they're doing it) for a variety of reasons - but for those of us who don't enjoy any sort of attention, it's unwelcome.

One thing we can't control is the reactions of others, so all you need to be (here's the easier said than done bit) is happy and confident in yourself; I hope and believe that time will bring you more confidence and perhaps you'll notice less staring when you aren't looking for it subconsciously - I know from my own experience that, when my anxiety was at its peak, everyone seemed to be focusing on me, but these days, even if they are, I don't care because I'm living my life the way I want.

As anewyear says, it's the nature of social media that people tend to show only the positive side of their lives; often, you'll find that this is to hide inadequacies. I don't have social media (mostly because I have no friends!) because when I'm busy doing the things I enjoy, I have no time to post and when I have time to post, it's because there's nothing worth posting! Ask yourself why people need to show everyone how good their life is, instead of enjoying life and just being in the moment.

All we can ever be is true to ourselves; if we do that and live as we want, then (as long as we're not breaking laws or hurting others) the opinion of others is insignificant. Only you know what it has taken to get where you are and if the people around you can't support you, find others who will.

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[MissKatie]

Thanks for the replies everyone

I think a major part of this is that I've always been real online. Real photos, really me, all the lows as well as the highs.

I just do see the point of creating a character online of someone I'm not. Partly because if I ever did meet someone (friend or otherwise) then they'd have higher expectations of me but mostly because I'd feel like I was cheating someone.

I find it frustrating when someone who posts a million heavily filtered photos then post a "normal" one (which is still filtered, just less so) and get wonderful feedback about how brave they are. Bleugh.

Firemonkey; I'm so sorry to hear that you felt you'd make a poor woman. I used to feel the same, thinking how I would never be able to blend in.
I hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Gregarious; thank you for mentioning it's not obvious I'm trans I mean it is a good photo but I'm also over two years medically transitioned now, so I'd hope there would be some changes lol

[firemonkey]

Originally Posted by MissKatie

Firemonkey; I'm so sorry to hear that you felt you'd make a poor woman. I used to feel the same, thinking how I would never be able to blend in.
I hope you're feeling a bit better now.

Thanks. I think there is a lot more involved with transitioning than just an overwhelming desire to do so. There are practical issues. The lack of ability re those practical issues can cause problems further down the line. I'm certain I'm not the only person who's been in such a situation. It's just something that doesn't get discussed much.