Lack of confidence is a habit

[Cellardweller]

I've seen a lot of posts in this forum about confidence, so I decided to create this thread. Here, I'm sharing my opinion on why the lack of confidence in ourselves is nothing but a habit. Feel free to give your two cents.

Being confident is a habit that's developed over time. Confidence is created the same way that low self-esteem is created, by beliefs. If you take actions which lead to low self-esteem, then that's what you get. If you want to change your self-image, then you need to change your actions and beliefs. And the only way to gain confidence, is to condition yourself to be confident, one day at a time.

There's no quick fix for becoming confident. Just like there's no quick fix for losing weight, quitting smoking, attracting terrible relationships or mismanaging your money. Your thoughts, beliefs and habits dictate your life. If you think thoughts of "Oh I'll never be good at xxxx", you will NOT be good at it. Period. No matter how many books you read or podcasts you listen to, your life won't change...until YOU do. And that's why people who read loads of self-help books/blogs and who don't change, continue to complain that self-help is a scam. They think all they have to do is read a book and then boom! They're successful. I don't think so.

I suggest that if you want to be more confident, look at how your environment is reinforcing your low self-esteem and then do something about it. But don't stop there. Then do a little something everyday that your think your ideal self would do, even if it's dressing a little better or drinking more water to be healthy. Also you need to journal and ask yourself "Why do I feel I can't do xxx? Why do I lack confidence in this?" This way you can uncover where these limiting beliefs are orginating from, so you can develop new beliefs to replace the limiting beliefs.

Whenever, I hear myself say "I can't", I turn it around and say "I don't know how to do xxx, but if I really want this, I sure as hell can learn how!"

My words....

[kasper5]

I fear that this is something you have to learn your own way out of. But here are my thoughts. I agree with:

"Your thoughts, beliefs and habits dictate your life. If you think thoughts of "Oh I'll never be good at xxxx", you will NOT be good at it."

I have noticed how optimism has shown through when I smile more and seem to have direction. I am having more job hunting luck - though I haven't got proper work yet it my efforts will snowball. I had low confidence till some time ago. I got out of this because of turning 25. I wanted to achieve something at this age and set myself goals.
Setting goals - even if they seem slightly beyond capablity - will give you confidence even if you don't make all of them. I am due to teach in Spain this year. I planned to go to Iceland by 2008, now I'm ahead of my plans.

I would advise people to read only one or two self help books - or better still borrow one from the library and tailor it to your needs.
Some of the stuff in books is inane. Who goes into a WHSmith and starts talking to a stranger to be confident?

[Cellardweller]

I'm not really big on self-help books and the ones i've read all go along the same way. Your thoughts. We all know how powerfull negative thoughts are so why not think posative. It's like saying negative thoughts are powerfull (which we know thay are not) and posative thoughts are not. what the difference. Your thoughts process. I also ways look at my parents and the way i've been conditioned to think and what went on when i was a kid?

For the most part the subconcious is negative by default, thats it nature. That i guess is the conditioning from our parents, which as been conditioned into them and so on, and so fourth. Watching to much TV is programming you mind, why do you think it is called programms? Don't watch TV. Anyway i'm Rabbling, but back to the point, we are all conditition to think and feel the way we do so why not condition the way you think and feel right now and blank the past.